


Commanders need love too right?

by Elodiethemelody



Series: Commander's Need Love Too, Right? [1]
Category: mass effect Garrus/Femshep
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-05-20 19:36:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 35
Words: 128,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6022272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elodiethemelody/pseuds/Elodiethemelody
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hard ass, Butcher of Torfan learns friendship and partnership aren't so different. Her best friend will take her on the ride of her life. This story will take place developing the friendship between the strong, independent Commander Shepard and Garrus Vakarian in mass effect 1. Yea she will take to bed a romance but it's Liara not Garrus I want to hold true to some continuity of the games, also I found Liara's comments when you leave her in the game pretty funny. I wanted to develop that. Maybe I'm just rude. The romance will develop in the second game, but I wanted to make sure the friendship in my head cannon was fleshed out. That's what I found to be super important in their relationship so why not explore it?</p><p>Currently spans from mass effect 1 to mass effect three. Planning on taking the story past mass effect 3</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Home-coming

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, this will be my first mass effect fan fiction that I've allowed go public. I really hope you enjoy it, and I'm having a blast writing it. I hope to post once a week, although if I get more posts in great. Welcome to the life of Anne Rue Shepard. By the war all characters are owned by bioware.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting the Spectre before Eden prime. I took the liberty of changing the interaction to flesh out Nihlus a little bit more. Mostly just So Shepard has more of a reason to be pissed.

_The SSV Normandy_ eh? The warm water rushed over her as she showered. She was preparing for her first steps onto the _Normandy_. There was something to check out on Eden prime and she had been promoted to xo of that ship. She would be serving under Captain Anderson, a long time friend and the person she has looked up to since becoming N7. Also he was one of the few people who didn’t looked repulsed when she entered the room. Because of her stint on Torfan soldiers didn't exactly want to end up under her command. Sure soldiers signed up knowing they could die, but there was enough controversy over her actions on Torfan to establish a reputation. She was on a new assignment now and all she knew is there was going to be a Spectre on board named Nihlus Kryik. This was going to be interesting. She ran soap through her hair, which was the color of fall leaves just as the wind was harboring a chill. Sometimes she enjoyed the idea that her hotheaded nature was apparent in her image. After a minute of messaging her scalp, she rinsed and stepped out wrapping a tall around her petite body. She was small, only standing around 5 feet tall, which was a clear advantage in her line of work as an infiltrator. She was thin enough to fit into a lot of spaces people wouldn’t expect to find an adult hiding, but she wasn't scrawny and bony like she was when she first signed up. The alliance had almost turned her away telling her she had to wait until she gained weight, but once she explained her circumstance they took her in, got her into regulation health then allowed her to enjoy her first weeks at basic training. 

She turned to the mirror in her bathroom to blow-dry her hair, brush her teeth, and make herself appear like she hadn’t just gotten off of a very, hot shore leave. A smile crossed her lips. Shore leave, a time to forget everything hammering down the drinks and enjoying in the faceless promiscuity only shore leave could offer. Of course she was at least responsible enough to go to bed early last night. Didn’t want to show up on the Normandy hung over. She played loose with rules but not that loose. She took a good look at herself in the mirror making sure all the grime was free from her face. 

Her eyes were an eerie color that was uniquely hers. An orange-ish color that was not common and they pretty much almost matched her hair. Freckles sprinkled across her face and a scar ran jagged on the left side of her face. It was faded, but it was left over from her childhood. A knife had made that cut along her cheek. She had gotten into a fight with an older boy in a gang, it was also the last time she spent the night alone. She had managed to get herself out of a bad situation, although arguable into a worse situation. Who knows, what's done is done and at least she had managed to break free of that life before she ended up behind bars. The nagging thought of where she come from occasionally would enter her mind though. She had been childhood on Earth with nowhere to go running the streets of Vancouver. She was a nobody. One of the unseen. As she brushed her hair and teeth her mind continued to wonder. Look at her now, she was a ruthless, calculating commander of the Alliance Navy. People were afraid of her.

Once her hair was dry she quickly began pressing her dress blues. The steam coming out of her steamer was a warm welcome against her pail skin. She had washed her clothes but she had put off pressing them. Of course she would make sure she made it to the ship wrinkle free, everything exactly where it belonged. Regardless of her reputation she was a good soldier, by the book when it came her dress attire and most regulations. There were a few she let slip but of course never huge ones. 

She packed her BDU’s boots and weapons into her duffle bag along with the few other clothes she owned ready to get out of this rented room and into her new home for the next tour of duty. She closed her eyes hating the feel of her dress shoes that went with her dress blues. She’d rather be in the combat boots but that’s not how you present yourself for a new assignment. She knew better. She did a quick scan of the room to make sure she had everything in her bag, including the toiletries and then walked out of the door. She headed out to the taxi that was waiting patiently to take her to the space port. 

Her breath caught when she saw the _Normandy_. So far it was a very beautiful ship, and from what she had read about this tour it was a ship made of human and turian design. _Mmmm. That’s a good idea._ She thought wryly. She wondered what else could be of human and turian design. She certainly wasn't a xenophobe but she had no qualms with changing up her sleeping partners. She thought it was silly that people should care who she went to bed with when there was an entire sintient race of aliens whose whole goal was to find an alien and get into their bed. She did wonder what it would feel like to be pressed against something so... well for lack of a better term alien. Turians fuck asari, so if they find asari attractive she figured she might be able to find one deviant enough for her. Or hell, she could go easy and fuck an asari. Definitely on her bucket list. 

She allowed her mind to fantasize until the cab pulled up to the docking bay. Standing up she had the duffel bag slung over her shoulder. She did a quick once over to make sure everything was in place, exactly where it belonged. She tucked her hair behind her ears and started towards the familiar face standing next to the turian who she figured was the Spectre. Hmmmm. Nah he wouldn’t. She thought deviously. She couldn’t get the shit eating grin off her face from her internal potential conquests so she made do by allowing it to serve as her greeting to Anderson. 

“Commander Shepard reporting for duty, Sir.” She used her left hand to support the strap on her shoulder as she saluted. The grin still plastered on her face.

“Sir? Just because you’re my XO doesn’t mean I gave you permission to go all formal on me.” Anderson smirked. 

“Alright, Anderson, here I am, now can you tell me where to drop my bag off? Or you gonna make a girl stand here all day looking pretty?” her laugh made Anderson smile. He’d been there since she joined the N7 program. In fact he has been somewhat of a father figure for her since she met him. He had a way with his recruits, he was professional, but laid back. 

“First, Shepard, this is Nihlus Kryik, special tactics and recon.” As Anderson introduced him he bowed his head slightly in greeting. 

“Shepard,” She stuck her hand out to shake. He didn’t even hesitate before grabbing her hand and briskly shaking. 

He showed her to the locker she would have right next to the med bay. She put the duffel in her locker then cross her arms and looked at Anderson. “Are you telling me something here? Right next to the med bay, really?” 

“You do have a history,” he winked.

“Oh, for the love of GOD you know I hate everything medicinal.” Shepard through her hands in the air shaking her head glad to be serving under Anderson. His sense of humor aside. 

"But you enjoy getting shot at enough." Anderson retorted.

"Enjoy, or get paid to." Shepard allowed herself to get comfortable with the idea of serving under Anderson.

Nihlus was exceedingly quiet and Shepard wasn’t sure whether to be nervous about it or ecstatic. As far as she knew this guy was just here to see how the ship was ran that sort of thing. Why they sent a Spectre for it she wasn’t sure but hey, can’t argue. He wasn’t acting like a complete ass so he was okay in her book. They went on a tour of the ship after she dropped off her bag and when they were in the docking bay of the ship Shepard made sure to make a snide comment about the lovely empty lockers just laying around waiting for her to take over, besides they were just across from the Mako anyhow. It was all in fun though she didn’t really care where her locker was and Anderson knew it. Shepard just couldn’t stop grinning. 

Once the introduction of the crew were finished Nihlus took the moment to sit down with her in the mess hall as she found some much needed food. “So, the records of you said you were a biotic.” He stated almost like a question. 

Shepard swallowed what was in her mouth before nodding. “Yea but those are sub-par. I’m a L3 implant, but honestly I’m a one trick pony in that regards. I just kinda throw shit around. Mostly I’m known for my infiltration, commando skill set. Also I piss people off so sorry in advance.” She followed her statement up with a mouthful of MRE. 

“So it would seem. Your record was quite, colorful, as your people would call it.” Shepard wasn’t sure what to make of his comment.

“Eh, I get the job done I suppose. They bitch and moan about the how and why right up until it’s time to go public.” She shrugged. A piece of hair had fallen in front of her face she just left if there. She leaned back in her chair, crossing her ankles as she took her last bite of the sub-par sandwich she was ingesting. 

“You’ve got a couple years of your records sealed I couldn’t access and was wondering what you were up too during that time frame.” Nihlus was getting pretty comfortable with his questions. 

Shepard sat thoughtful for a moment before answering. “Well, put it this way, I get the job done. If you didn’t have access to those records then I’m not sure I can talk about it.” She knew exactly what he was talking about. After Torfan she had been promoted to Corsair status, and pretty much worked black ops until she was called for the Normandy.  
“Mmm. Fair enough, although I’m just trying to get the feel for what you’re capable of. I understand you are quite capable and my goal here is to get to know the crew.” He half explained his quizzing.

“I see. Well as I said before my specialty lies in sneaking around, getting shit done, with the occasional blowing shit up.” She winked at him. If he was going to be this interested in her she could at least have fun with it. 

“You seem to have an eye twitch.” Was all he said. 

She couldn’t stifle the chuckle that erupted from her chest. “Naw it’s a wink. It’s like passing on a message that there’s something in what I’m saying you should be picking up.” 

“Ahh. Still trying to, figure you humans out.” He said evenly. 

“So how long are you here?” Shepard asked curiously.

“The minimum is one mission, the max probably 6-7 missions.” He stated flatly. 

Shepard stood walking over to get some coffee. She was going to need it for the 20 questions game they were playing back and forth. “So what do you think of the ship, you know from the turian perspective. I know what we think you guys think of us, but I’m curious about what you think of us.” Shepard’s question must’ve caught him off guard but he seemed to answer relatively quickly enough.

“I think the ship was a good idea. I think your species has potential.” His answers continued to remain shot and sweet. Shepard’s cup was now filled with to the brim with the black and bitter essence of her life so she carefully sat down once more in front of the Spectre. 

“So what I’m hearing is we aren’t cool enough yet but we could be.” She grinned taking a sip of her coffee. Yea she was shamelessly playing his own game. Twenty questions for her and twenty questions for him.

“Your species seems to, possess a resilience that is quite intimidating. On one hand it’s what makes you strong, on the other it makes you look brash and unhinged.” He explained with a flicker of his mandibles. 

“Well, I believe we will get along fantastically because most would say I fit brash and unhinged quite well. Although it only becomes a problem when you end up on the wrong side of the line. I doubt that is your stance or you probably would have passed this job up.” She hesitated trying to read his express, or lack thereof. “So a couple questions, what is your angle and while we are in the getting to know you stage, what expression was that you just tried to convey? I find it much easier to work together if we get the basics ‘this is my happy face, this is my pissed off face’ so we know what page we are on. Also, I hope none of that came off as totally offensive because I mean it in the politest and sincere way.” Shepard was not great with charm, but she hoped this turian could look past that. 

Nihlus chuckled. “It wasn’t really an emotion, more thoughtfulness but trust me you will know it if I’m angry. My angle is, I think the galaxy would be mistaken to underestimate humanity, especially what they can offer us. Sure there’s tension, but humanity would make a great ally.” 

“Honestly, I think that’s great. I may not be a politician, but I’m certainly not a racist, although people would like you to believe I am based on my, erm… service record. Sure Torfan’s the biggest thing on me, but I had a mission. I have an explicit ‘treat people how they treat me policy’. As I’ve said, I piss people off.” Shepard folded her hands in front of her on the table. “What’s your skillset, I’m curious.”

“Infiltration. I work best on my own.” His answer was one Shepard could get behind. 

“Neat. Well I’m really looking forward to working with you, but as a fellow infiltration specialist I’ll stay out of your way.” Shepard let the grin spread across her face as she finished the remaining coffee. She stood up placing her MRE remains in the trash and dropped her mug in the sink. She didn’t have to worry about him and that’s all she needed to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did Edit this chapter I found that I put the wrong name in a couple times. I've been working on two Garrus stories at the same time. T_T This is the only one I'm posting for now. The next one will probably be up in a few hours or by tomorrow night. It's written it just needs to be edited. :) Cheers! Elodie


	2. The Gang's All Here.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a massive failure on Eden Prime Shepard wakes from her beacon induced sleep. time to visit the Citadel. Everyone knows how thrilled Ashley will be at the end of this, More ALIENS on the ship. :o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I don't own le characters they are just my play things. That's biowares. :o I do hope you guys enjoy my little head cannon of renegade Shep. Another thing I wanted to address this fanfic will contain mature content, and I will put a warning in this section. With the understanding that in every story there is a high chance of shepard killing something at some point. You know because that's what she does. I'm trying to run a fine line between staying true to how I felt the character's were portrayed and my head cannon of them. I hope you enjoy Cheers -Elodie

Shepard is grabbing her gear from the locker outside the med bay. She woke up feeling like shit, her head pounding after dreaming about crazy AI’s murdering everything in its wake, and on top of everything else the Spectre who was supposed to be evaluating her is now dead. Today was shaping up to be a world of wonders. The beacon was destroyed. She realized this all meant the mission was a complete failure and it was completely out of her hands. Hopefully the testimony of the dock worker would be enough to put Saren on watch because there was no way in hell the council was going to listen to her dream from the beacon. It was crazy, even by her standards. 

The ship docked and Kaiden and Ashley followed her onto the citadel. Shepard pretty much ignored the small talk the two of them made before meeting up with the Ambassador. It was decided they were going to have a meeting with the council, one Udina was none too thrilled about of course. What did he know? 

As they were walking down the Presidium Ashley made a comment about Aliens and Zoo animals and Shepard was over it. “Can we, oh, I don’t know, remember that we are guests here and that what you say does make you look like an idiot? I mean I’m not exactly a diplomat but I know when a comment could cause a diplomatic incident. Let’s not do that right before we have to meet with the council. Keep it to yourself.” 

“Sorry Commander.” She kept awkwardly staring at the different species as we walked by. 

The awkward elevator ride passed without incident. She didn’t really believe in God, but she was silently praying the council would listen. As far as she knew the galaxy as a whole was at stake if they didn’t. The elevator beeped and announced their arrival. Shepard adjusted the guns on her back trying to make herself comfortable before she walked into the council tower level. She needed to make sure she could stand with her back straight head high for this discussion. She was military at heart and wouldn't let what anyone said in this meeting take that edge away from her. Commander Shepard mask initiated. She needed to council on her side. They needed to accept Saren was bad news. He killed a council Spectre. That had to account for something right? Just as they were getting ready to make it up their stairs she caught wind of the conversation the two turians in front of her were having.

“Saren’s hiding something give me more time! Stall them.” The turian seemed very adamant. Well at least he sounded like he was on their side. 

“Stall the council? Don’t be ridiculous. Your investigation is over Garrus.” The other turian walked away. 

“Commander Shepard, Garrus Vakarian.” Shepard was a little startled by the recognition. How the hell did he know who she is? “I was the officer in charge of the C-Sec investigation into Saren.” 

“Come across anything I should know about?” Shepard asked hopefully.

The turian crossed his arms defensively. “Saren’s a Spectre most of his activities are classified. I couldn’t find anything solid, but I know he’s up to something. Like you humans say, I feel it in my gut.” Shepard gave him a weak smile almost as if to say nice try.

“I think the councils ready for us Commander.” Kaiden announced when he realized there wasn’t going to be anything useful out of this conversation.

“Good luck Shepard. Maybe they’ll listen to you.” He didn’t sound like he believed in that statement for a second.

“Yea, sure.” With that Shepard headed up the steps to the council Chambers. 

The council was a pain in the ass. Not only was Saren found innocent but they completely dismissed the dockworker’s testimony. If it weren’t for the gloves on her hands Shepard was pretty sure she would have tiny little indents where her fingernails would have dug permanent holes into her hands. Other than that though she spoke with harsh words not allowing anything other than pure determination show on her face. The best part of all she needed to get into contact with more people on the citadel before she could move her investigation further. The heavy sigh escaped her and she found herself looking for Garrus Vakarian. The turian she had literally just seen outside the council chambers had run off. If only he had stayed outside to maybe here the verdict life would have been so much easier. She could guess he was investigating even though he was pulled from it. What he would find here on the citadel she had no clue but now it was time to find him. 

Shepard found herself standing in front Harkin, who seemed to only give a shit that she was a piece of meat. Udina had suggested she find him and ask him about Officer Vakarian so here she was. “Hey there sweetheart, looking for some fun? ‘Cuz I gotta say that soldier get-up looks real good on that bod of yours. Why don’t you sit your sweat little ass down beside old Harkin? Have a drink. See where this goes.” Yea he was disgusting. 

“I’d rather drink a cup of acid after chewing on a razor blade. Now I have a few questions and you can answer them or eat a bullet.” She pulled her gun out looking at it. 

“You trying to hurt my feelings? You gotta do better than that. After working 20 years at C-Sec I’ve been called every name in the book princess.” His words had a slight slur to him.

Shepard rolled her eyes grabbed him by the collar and put the gun in his face. “Don’t fucking call me that. Where’s Garrus Vakarian?” 

“Garrus?” A chuckle came out of his mouth as he pushed the gun away. Yea this guy was drunk. “You must be one of Anderson’s crew. Poor bastard’s still trying to take Saren down. I know where Garrus is, but you gotta tell me something first. Did the Captain let you in on his big secret?”

“I just need to know where Garrus is, now before I lose my temper and you eat a bullet not after.” Shepard sneered.

“Commander, maybe you should put that gun away…” Kaiden warned.

“Captain used to be a Spectre.” Harken blurted out. “First human to be given that honor and he blew it!”

“I will not have you disrespecting Captain Anderson with lies now tell me where the fuck Garrus is.” Shepard could smell the alcohol on his breath. “Just tell me where the turian went.”

“Garrus was sniffing around Dr. Micheal’s office.” Before he could say anything else Shepard was leaving. 

She sighed realizing this could easily go sideways. She figured that when she ran into mercs on the way to Chora’s Den. Why would things suddenly be easier when she met the Doctor? I mean why wouldn’t it? These past few days have gone perfectly. She kept her gun at the ready all the way to the medical station. 

She arrived opening the door seeing armed guys and of course one takes the doctor hostage. She also noted the turian who was scurrying a wall around unseen by the mercs. He passed a look back at her before Shepard raised her gun to the armed men. In a flash a bullet hit square in the center of the thugs head. The doctor dodged to safety as guns started firing. She had to admit the shot he took was risky but damn it was a good one. This turian could definitely pull his weight. 

She walked out of that Office with, not only a new crewmember, but also the promise of yet another. Over all, so far it had been a productive visit to the citadel. She just needed to get in touch with the turian and that would require a visit to Chora’s Den, yet again.

Shepard sent Ashley back to the ship, partly as a punishment for her outrageous comments earlier, partly because she didn’t need a fourth person in her ever growing party. Three was perfect, four was just awkward to maneuver if a fight broke out again. Hell, this is the Citadel, also the wards of course a fight broke out again. Right in the middle of the markets as she did Challic’s job. It was at this point that we was profusely apologizing to the turian for his employment. On the other hand she would gladly take him on her ship if he so chose. 

Their visit to Chora’s den this time however was not the usual visit, grab a drink, fuck some guy, or beat the shit out of a pervert. Although there were gun shots fired. She marveled at the precision of the turians shots. Damn. He was good, maybe even better than herself. She wasn’t sure. They made it to the back room which, she figured would lead them to Fist. She took one look at the terrified guards before putting bullets in both their heads. She didn’t have time for them. The next room was Fist. The little bitch was on the ground pleading. “Wait, don’t kill me I surrender!” 

“Tell me where the quarian is and I won’t have to shoot you in the knee caps.” The gun happily aiming at one of his knee caps. 

“She’s not here, I don’t know here she is, that’s the truth!” When the words left his mouth a shot fired and his screams could be heard all the way to the next ward. “Wait, wait I don’t know where the quarian is but I know where you can find her.” With that the bitch sang. Then she found herself putting a bullet in his head for good measure. They saved the quarian, handed over the information and finally the council listened. Although frankly she wasn’t sure if it was enough but she was now the first human Spectre. Also on their way back to the ship they found the promised krogen who agreed to fight with them to take down Saren. On top of everything else Anderson stepped down, or rather, was forced out of the captain position for the ship. Now it was time to go give a fucking rousing speech. Shepard was pissed, she hadn’t realized how much she needed Anderson here. One day Udina would pay for his crappy actions.

……………..

“Alright Garrus, I plan to take you on my mission tomorrow. So first things first I need to teach you the hand signals I use. As an infiltrator I value the use of gestures and signals over vocal cues, although in the middle of a firefight I will be vocal.” Shepard wanted to make sure her newest member of the crew was ready. “Of course, Commander,” Garrus nodded. “I’d like to think I’m a fast learner.”

“We will find out tomorrow.” Shepard nodded.

She spent the lunch period where they sat by the mako eating while she taught him the signals she would use. She then quizzed him several times until he had them down pat. It’s not like she had a billion Silent communication is invaluable and she was just glad he felt the same.

“I really appreciate you taking the time to run through these with me. I’ve worked with humans in C-sec, but there aren’t a bunch of them yet. None of them are in commanding positions either so I’m not exactly familiar with your hand gestures.” Garrus admitted.

“Well you are doing great. I feel like you are ready for tomorrow how do you feel?” Shepard asked.

“I think so.” Garrus agreed.

“Alright well thank you for spending lunch time working I have to go catch up with our other newcomer.” Shepard flashed a smile as she strolled to the engines.

Garrus felt welcomed. He also couldn’t get over the fact that this human’s eyes were such an odd color. He’d never seen it before. They were almost the same shade of her hair. It wasn’t like he had a human fetish or found them attractive that certainly wasn’t the case. He just had never seen eyes that had a brownish orange-ish tint to them. It was kind of cool; like admiring the scales on a lizard. It’s different so it’s cool. They were also daunting. Not only that but this human had a commanding tone and feel about her that was just as intimidating as the generals from his military time. Her presence demanded respect. He'd never felt like that around a human before, but he was going to take every advantage he could to learn from her. _Spirits, please let this be a successful mission. Saren needs to be stopped and I'd really like to do well for the Commander._ His thoughts were interrupted by some strange looks he was getting from the human who spent time across from him. Her eyes matched her hair but he’d seen that color combination a dozen times. Not very interesting.

It wasn’t long before Shepard was strolling back into the loading area. She walked right up to the female human called Ash and she started a conversation with her. He wasn’t paying much attention until he heard the last part, the part that was specifically turian related.

“-You tell me to kiss a turian, I’ll ask which cheek.” That comment earned a chuckle from the commander.

“I don’t think kissing turians will be necessary.” Shepard was smiling.

“You never know, Commander.” It was clear Ashley was trying to butter the commander up after making an ass of herself.

“Dismissed Chief.” The commander then exchanged some words with Wrex.

The commander gave Garrus a wave before taking the elevator back to her post. She had to plot the course so they could go find an Asari. He wasn't sure how he felt about her, being Matriarch Benezia's daughter but either she would be in trouble, or she would be trouble. simple as that they just had to figure out which one it was.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I didn't want to go through the mundane details of rescuing Liara. As a warning she will be the romantic interest for the story line which cover's the time period of the first game play. I'm starting this chapter at the debriefing after finding the Asari. :) Cheers!

"Too close Commander. Ten more seconds and we would have been swimming in molten sulfur. The _Normandy_ isn't equipped to land in exploding Volcanoes. They tend to fry our sensors and melt our hull." Shepard smiled hearing Joker's remarks. "Just for future reference."

"We almost died out there and your pilot is making jokes?" Liara's confusion was plain on her face.

"Joker pulled our asses out of there. I think he's earned the right to a few bad jokes." Shepard smirked. If Joker kept this attitude up she knew they would get along fabulously. Entertainment value of course was key.

"I see... It must be a human thing. I don't have a lot of experience dealing with your species, Commander. But I am grateful to you. you saved my life back there, and not just from the volcano. Those geth would have killed me or dragged me off to Saren." Liara's features remained calm even as she admitted her unfortunate setback.

"what did Saren want with you did you know something about the Conduit?" Alenko's unease drew Shepard's attention. She crossed her arms at the statement waiting for a moment grace him with her stern look. 

"Only that is was somehow connected to the prothian extinction. That is my real area of expertise. I have spent the past 50 years trying to figure out what happened to them." At this admittance Shepard realized just how strange it was that this asari in front of her could be two to three times her age. She certainly didn't look it. 

"how old are you exactly?" Shepard asked curiously. 

"I hate to admit it but I am only 106." Liara sighed. 

"Damn. I hope I look that good when I'm you age." Ashley quipped. Shepard chuckled in responce. 

Liara went on to explain the life span difference. Shepard caught her up to speed on what they knew about the reapers, which admittedly wasn't much. The debriefing wasn't a total disaster and both of her human alliance soldiers didn't say much else on her connection to the Matriarch. Shepard wouldn't let her guard down but she was pretty sure that Liara was on their side. Especially when she asked to remain aboard the ship for safety. At the end of the conversation a very hungry and very tired Liara was sent to go see Doctor Chakwas and a call to the council was made. This call of course did not last long before the council said something that pissed her off and she disconnected from them. She could hear joker laughing over the comm. At least he found it entertaining. She found it to be a pain in her ass.

First on her list of priorities were nourishment. Once she had a meal in her stomach she would need to check on all the crew members, starting with Joker of course. She always started with Joker. He was one of the best Pilots she'd seen and today was proof of that. Of course she needed to go put his ego in check, he didn't need to know she approved of his work too fondly. His head was already big enough she certainly didn't want to have to duck when she entered the cock pit. Sitting down she had a row of not so appetizing Protein bars laid out in front of her. She kicked her feet up ignoring the glasses from Kaiden. He seemed uneasy about something but she wouldn't ruin her already shitty meal with talk about the newest crew member. Not until she got the chance to talk to Liara herself. With that she took a bite of the overly dry and flaky protein bar. Her biotics sucked, and it was unfortunate that she found herself having crappy biotics with the appetite of a hippo.

She realized her meal was going to get interrupted anyway as the male biotic finally walked over and sat down across from her. She acknowledged his presence with a slight tilt of her head. She kept her mouth full of awful military protein bar to avoid voicing anything.

"Shepard. I wanted to apologize." Kaiden sighed.

"Permission to speak freely." Shepard responded finishing off her second Protein bar. 

"I wanted you to know that although I have thought some of your decisions weren't the best, I've come to agree with them. I haven't completely voiced them, but I also wanted you to know that I understand this is a multi-lateral mission. I also don't hate aliens because I realize the are people too, good and bad and all colors in between. My distrust for Liara wasn't her species it was her connection to the matriarch. If you think shes trustworthy then I'd bet my life on it." He sighed.

"Good, because that's what you are paid for." Shepard responded evenly.

A smile spread on his face. "I knew you were a hard ass coming into this mission."

"And that, my friend, is what they pay me for." Shepard allowed a smirk to morph onto her face.

As they continued to eat their Protein bars Kaiden talked to Shepard about Jump Zero, and brain camp. She listened intently knowing that if anything a good ear could be the difference between a tense soldier and a relaxed one. He talked about the other kids at jump zero and of course Shepard had to make a comment about how teenagers spend their time. 

"I'm not the sort who does that kind of thing... Not lightly anyway." Kaiden admitted with a flush of red to his cheeks.

"That's a shame Alenko." Shepard removed her feet from the table and she sat upright in her chair.

"Did you have something in mind, Commander?" He seemed taken aback.

"No, you misunderstood." Shepard chose her words carefully not wanting him to think where his mind was headed. "I don't see why people are so serious about something like that. Sure you can have sex with life partners, but a romp in the sheets that doesn't mean anything still finds you relief and eases stress. In some situations, although that might be a female side of it, you can get what you want by using it. Inherently it is a tool. Much like your gun or your hammer, for me it can be used to get the job done. The way I see it, you are just keeping yourself pent up and full of tension for nothing. I digress, sorry Alenko but we are here to do a job, if I mislead you I apologize."

"No, you are fine. I suppose that sort of attitude about it isn't surprising." Alenko nodded in a neutral manor.

"Is that supposed to mean something Alenko?" Shepard raised her eyebrows.

His face flushed red again when he realized how he sounded. "Not at all, Commander. I was just saying given your cold and calculating reputation the fact that you don't associate emotions with... uh... those activities isn't surprising. Nothing negative mean by it, Commander. I was just an observation."

Shepard let a smile play on her lips before eating the last bites of her third protein bar. "I'll see you around Alenko. I need to catch up with some of the other crew before I plot a course for our next mission. It should be a few days before we get there."

She could visibly see his shoulders relax when she left. She had to admit he was the loyal type, but he though things through thoroughly before acting. She could definitely respect that. If she needed feedback from the head of her group he was her go-to guy. The puzzle pieces would slowly come together and soon she would know exactly where to place everyone. It was still early so she was still fleshing everyone out.

.......

"What do you know about the asari?" Shepard was leaning against the MAKO. She finished her rounds which included a reminder to joker that you had to actually go above and beyond your job to get a metal. Not just do your job. It also included Shepard getting completely weirded out by becoming some science project for the asari.

"They are blue." Garrus answered matter-of-factly.

"Good lay?" Shepard quizzed.

"uh... Shepard, I don't think asari are my type. Why don't you ask any of the male crew on this ship I hear human males are fascinated with them." Garrus chuckled at her question. "I like my women a little more... well, not squishy."

"Ba *cough* ha *cough* hahaha... *cough*" Shepard had been taking a swig of her water at that comment and she suddenly choked on her laugh sending water spraying out of her mouth and nose. "Squishy huh?"

"Are you okay, Commander? Garrus what the hell did you just say?" Ashley walked over watching the commander choking back a few more laughs.

"Asari are squishy. honestly the only thing that came to mind was squid when he said that." Shepard was covering her mouth with her hand as she kept trying to not laugh.

"weren't you literally just giving me the diplomatic incident remark about what I said on the presidium? Here you are doing the exact same thing." Ashley was crossing her arms.

"Context Chief. It's all about context. I was asking him if asari were good lays. He said they weren't his type because they were squishy. God what a comment." Shepard was punching the turian in the arm who was just standing there wondering if he'd said something wrong.

"Commander? Are you considering... You're not... You're not gay are you?" Williams eyes widened.

"Only when I'm drunk Chief. There's a lot of things I'll do when I'm drunk. Not on this ship though." Shepard gave Williams a flirtatious wink. "Though does it count when you leave the species? I mean technically asari are mono-gendered. So wouldn't that just end up making said person a xenophile? Huh... That is a curious thought. Try not to tease Liara about it though. She seems a little, uh... Sheltered? I don't think she would handle that sort of teasing very well."

"Sure thing, Skipper." Ashley smiled. "So uh, are you at least intrigued by her?"

"I mean it's on my bucket list but, I couldn't tell if she was propositioning me for sex or a science experiment, So whenever I check that off my bucket list it most likely will not be Liara." Shepard took another swig of water, trying to ease the roughness from her choking fit. "You have to admit there is some sort of... appeal to them though."

"I think I need to see this list. Especially if it includes bedding aliens. Shit, Skipper, next thing I know you'll want to bed a Batarian." Ash almost instantly regretted her words when she saw the hardness creep back into Shepard's face.

Shepards eyes narrow with intimidation as she watched her Chief Gunnery Officer go pale. The turian just looked back and fourth at the two ladies completely unsure what had transpired but he knew it wasn't anything good. He could feel it in the air. He could smell the sudden fear radiating from Ashley as well. She continued to watch Ashley until Ashley walked back over to her post without a word. She knew she had crossed a line.

"I'm sorry what was that about?" Garrus asked unsure why things had suddenly gone so tense.

"Is it story time already?" Shepard asked dryly. "Ever hear the Butcher of Torfan?"

"I didn't know much about you past my investigation into Saren. I was pressed for time in that investigation." Garrus admitted looking down.

"Sent three quarters of my men to die so every Batarian Bastard on Torfan would die." Her voice was cold. Her face revealed nothing. "It was a brutal fight. That moon gave me my reputation. The losses sent CO off the deep end and he went AWOL. Haven't seen hide nor tail of him in quite a while. I was neck deep in the battle that shoved their asses out of Citadel space." Her eyes seemed distant as if she was no longer sitting in the loading area leaning against the MAKO. Garrus knew she was gone. Her story stopped. She sat their still as stone for several minutes before she finally pushed herself away from the MAKO, and without a word or glance to anyone in the room she left.

Ashley walked over as if on cue her face unreadable. Garrus was familiar with a few of the human expressions but not the one on her face currently. "I... I didn't mean to say that. I'm really sorry for ruining your conversation."

"Its... okay. I just hope she's alright." Garrus found his gaze looking back at the elevator.

"I think she's fine. She didn't get her nickname because she felt bad about it." 

"I don't know... she said she lost a third of her men. Her CO went AWOL." Garrus kept watching. Wondering what had happened.

"The stories... She was... pretty brutal. you haven't worked with her very long, and honestly neither have I. I don't think we've seen that part of her yet. The mission hasn't gotten rocky enough to see that side of her. A lot of the people here are afraid to be working with her. They all know we are just numbers in her head. She has no problem throwing us at the enemy. Not a huge problem for me my blood runs Alliance blue to the core. Some of these guys though... Scuttlebutt is some of them wanted to transfer when they heard she was taking over the ship." Ashley sighed. "Of course they didn't get it."

"It's what they signed up for when they joined the alliance. That's probably pretty turian of me to say, but a soldier knows the score. His life is on the line the second he enters the military." Garrus shrugged.

"Yea but some, CO's actually attempt to get people home safely. Human's want to save everyone. It's on our nature." Ashley admitted. "Guess she's lost some of that humanity. Makes sense given her background."

"what do you mean?" Garrus asked.

"She grew up on Earth. Vancouver actually. She was involved in gangs up until she joined the military. Rumor has it, she had to join the military or go to jail. Course I don't know that for sure. That's just the rumors. Given she's one hell of a hard ass it's believable." Ashley shrugged.

Garrus was definitely intrigued. How did one go from being a criminal, which he found unsettling, to a commanding officer in the military? He wondered if he'd ever know, but he certainly wasn't going to press the issue. Clearly she had earned her place. ...... 

_Her form was pressed up against the grate as she looked down into the facility. Her job was simple, get in, get the locks open and let the men on the other side in. It was going to be a blood bath she knew it. They had home field advantage. These under ground facilities were difficult for the type of work they were doing. there were two guards on duty by the doorway. They yapped away at each other in their deep baritone voices. She let a sigh escape as she began unscrewing the bolts that held the grate. She had to work quick. She had to take out the two guards before they could alert the place and send it on warning. There were at least ten different facilities and after this one was raided their surprise attack won't work everywhere else. This was going to be the easiest facility. The 9 others, those were going to be the real bloodbaths. This was only the beginning. She had her crew in charge. Her orders had been simple. "Make sure every single fucker is dead. Remember Skillian Blitz? This is for them. We give as good as we get and their payment will be in blood."_

_She remembered how good it felt when she dropped down silently, Slithered up behind them and cracked both of their necks before they could even respond. The adrenaline surged through her as she saw the four eyed Batarians drop to their death. A smile of satisfactory played on her lips. She checked the bodies for omni-tool codes to get into the other facilities. Both of them had them. Fantastic. She unlocked the door seeing Alliance soldiers lined up and ready to go. She gave the command Allowing her squad to begin the bloodbath. Fuck Batarians. The fight lasted two weeks. Before they had taken all of the facilities over. Not a single Batarian was left breathing when she was finished. She relished in the knowledge that many died by her own hands. Her favorite ones were the ones she killed with her hands. Those were more personal. Reminded her of her days back on earth._

Shepard walked into the mess hall to get some Coffee. She was going to need it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, tell me what you think but I was thinking about fleshing out some of the side quests for this fanfic because they offer a lot of interesting interactions. Tell me what you think. Some specific ones i was thinking about the renegade mission you get from Hackett, also the Bomb you have to disable later in the game those kinds of things. The only choice in all three games that I'm torn over what Shepard will do on Virmire. So we shall see what happens there, otherwise I have an outline spanning all the way to midway of the second game. :) Pretty excited. Also, oddly enough I really hate Liara's cold nature the game portrays during the shadow broker dlc. I actually was writing a lot of that yesterday. I have a very strange way of writing, as I feel inspired to write a portion I do, there's a lot of jumping around but I think it will definitely help tie in different sections. Also, I plan on skimming the main missions like feros and such. As much as I love this Shepard it is interesting to see her make choices that I as a player never can make though. When actually playing the game I run a huge renegon, but frankly I want this Shepard pretty cold and calculating for at least the first game. Of course that is to say, she won't only be making renegade choices. One of my thoughts on Morality that is pretty much faulty until mass effect 3, is you can make a choice that is inherently "good" or "paragon" for the wrong reasons. I thought the third game did a fantastic job of fixing the fact that a paragon character can still make bad decisions and vice versa. You will see some of that with this character but my hope is that it's clear her intentions are purely renegade.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before this Chapter takes place Shepard went to Feros. She ordered Joker to fire on the colonists if necessary but when they went in to fight their way to the Thorian creature, she went ahead and took the chance to save the colonists, not because she particularly cared about their well being but she had a lot of grenades stored up she hadn't used anyway. She also let Shiala go, with a threat on her life if she stepped out of line. Shepard has the Cipher, she got what she needed mission done. I think that covers the important decisions made. before you bunker into this chapter. :)

"Commander? You look... pale. Are you suffering any ill side effects from the cipher?" Liara's asked a hint of concern was in her voice. Liara was right, although Shepard was not dark in complexion and was normally pale her skin held a sickly pale look to it instead of her natural pink tint.

"I just need some time to let this cipher do its... uh... cipher thing." Shepard responded assuming things might progress as it had with the beacon. She was not looking forward to more freaky dreams though. The ones the beacon gave her were strange enough.

"i might be able to help you. I am an expert on the Protheans. If I join my consciousnesses to yours Maybe we can make some sense of it." Liara offered.

Shepard thought for a moment. If it would clear the splitting headache she currently had maybe it would be worth a try. "Do it." She stood up, now facing the asari who had also stood.

"Relax, Commander. Embrace eternity!" Liara's eyes opened and they were pitch black. Shepard felt the world around her haze as the information from the Prothean beacon began running through her mind once more. Shepard closed her eyes focusing on the images. Trying to make sense of anything but failing.

"That was incredible! All this time. all my research. Yet I never dreamed... I'm sorry. The images were so vivid. I never imagined the experience would be so... intense." Liara's gaze was low as she spoke. "you are remarkably strong-willed, Commander. What you've been through, what you've seen, would have destroyed a lessor mind. " Liara finally looked Shepard in the eyes.

"Get to the point, what did you see?" Kaiden asked.

"The beacon on Eden Prime must have been badly damaged. Large parts of the vision are missing. The data transferred into the Commander's mind is incomplete." Liara explained.

Shepard sighed. "You sure you didn't come across any kind of clue or hint? something we might've missed?" Shepard did note the headache was edging away. At the very least it wasn't a total loss.

"Everything I saw you already know. you were right about the Reapers. The Protheans were destroyed by a race of sentient machines." Liara confirmed. "I think it's obvious there a connection between the Reapers, the Prothean extinction, and the Conduit. But I didn't see anything that would help us find it." 

Regardless of the relief Shepard was feeling between her temples she felt a wave of disappointment wash over her. "So what's our next move." Shepard crossed her arms over her chest as she asked.

"I was able to interpret the data relayed through your vision. What was there, at least. But something was mission. Saren must have the mission information. Maybe he found another beacon. If we can find the missing data from your vision I can- Woah" Liara stopped her hand reached up to her head as she stumbled a bit. "I am sorry. The joining is... exhausting. I should go to the med bay and lie down for a moment."

"Dismissed." Shepard watched the crew leave.

It wasn't long before Joker was patching her through to the council. Within moments of starting the conversation she disconnected. the council, of course was being a pain in her ass and She could feel the headache creeping back. Just great. coffee time for sure.

The warm cup in her hand was filled to the brim with bitter black coffee. She didn't bother with sugar or creamer because she already knew no amount of that stuff would make the coffee taste any better, but the caffeine addiction was nice. She also grabbed a bottled water to take with her on her rounds. First up, joker of course. Water bottle tucked under her arm and coffee in hand she made her way to the cock pit ready to talk to her pilot. He had a nice way of making her feel better with jokes so she loved visiting him and humoring him with snarky remarks.

"Hey, Commander!" he greeted with a little to much cheer as he swiveled his char around. "Uh, Maybe next time we touch down lets try not to park the ship in a colony of mutant zombies. Just thinkin' out loud here." His comment cracked a smile on Shepard's face as she took a long drink of her coffee.

"No promises joker, you know I love all the action. It's equally fun when you get to take down a talking plant and mutant zombies all in one go." Shepard quipped.

"Do you think your next comm with the council will actually be productive?" He asked raising an eyebrow in her direction.

"Hell I might just call them to hand up on them at this rate. It's getting pretty tempting. On the other hand we have an assignment to go on Vermire, but I'm going to pull up some shore leave for a day to take care of business on the Citadel before we decide where to go next. I'll let you know but I'm thinking about going to Noveria first just to spite them." Shepard grinned.

"Sounds good to me, Commander." Joker grinned. 

"I should go. Need to check up on Liara."

"alright." and with that Shepard ducked out of the cock pit headed for the medbay.

Shepard found Liara sitting in front of a computer looking alright. "I get the feeling you want to ask me something" She asked.

"Maybe we could pick up where we left off. You were telling me about your interest in the Protheans." Shepard was carefully looking the asari over for any signs of exhaustion, finding none.

"Actually, I think I was talking about my interest in you, and making a fool of myself in the process. As I said I am not used to dealing with people, especially humans. I did not really know much about your species when we first met, Shepard. I found it hard to take humanity seriously. Your kind always seems so rushed and high strung." Liara confirmed her suspicions of proposition from their last conversation.

"We don't have the luxury of time. An asari can live for a 1000 years, we're lucky if we hit 150." Shepard chuckled. She'd heard a lot of this before, and she was actually reminded of the conversation she had with Nihlus at the tables in the other room.

"That is true. At first I thought that was a weakness of your species. After spending time with you and your crew however, I think it actually may be an advantage. you humans are creatures of action. you pursue your goals with an almost indomitable determination. It is an admiral trait, but also an intimidating one." Liara confessed.

To tease her a little Shepard cocked an eyebrow at her. "Intimidating huh." Of course Shepard knew that, but she wanted to hear it from Liara so she played a long. "you're scared of us?"

"Unfortunately the rest of the galaxy see's humanity as something of a bully. you run over anything in your path to get what you want. It is up to people like you to change their minds Shepard." Liara had a very interesting idea of what Shepard's goals were.

"That Liara, is not my job, nor my problem." Shepard crossed her arms at this statement. "I'm no diplomat. I'm a tool. A sentient one, but a tool nonetheless."

"But Shepard, you represent the best of humanity. The council chose you to be a spectre for that. I looked into your history. I know what you did on Torfan. I cannot even imagine how horrible that must have been, but you did what had to be done." Liara seemed very adamant. 

Shepard's free hand found itself resting on her forehead. "you didn't need to go behind my back Liara, you could have asked and I would have told you anything you wanted to know." Shepard sighed. It seemed everywhere she went someone had to rub it into her nose.

"I apologize, commander. After our last conversation I was afraid I would say something stupid again. I wanted to know more about you. To understand what made you into the woman you are. There's something compelling about you, Shepard." Liara admitted.

"Are you sure your interested in me? Or is it my visions of the Protheans?" Shepard wasn't exactly looking for an emotional investment.

"I admit, your connection to the Protheans had something to do with my initial interest, but it has grown beyond that. you intrigue me Shepard, but I was not sure it was appropriate to act on my feelings. I thought there might already be a relationship between you the Lieutenant Alenko." Liara looked a bit bashful as she said that.

Shepard raised her eyesbrows at that. "Kaiden? Hahaha...hahahaha... no. he's nice, but uh... he's not what I'm looking for." shepard shook her head at the assumption.

"Is there some attraction between us, Shepard?" Liara asked.

Shepard thought for a moment. Liara was definitely not bad on the eyes, but on an emotional level Shepard didn't make a habit of allowing herself to get attached to people. Shepard had to admit there was a physical attraction though. She chose her words carefully for the duration of the conversation. "you're right. there is something between us."

"I knew it! And I knew you felt it too. But... does this seem rather strange? Why do I feel so close to you? We have only known each other a short time. We are from two different species. we have almost nothing in common. this makes no sense!" Liara was rambling. Nervous maybe? Did she not realize that most human males at least fantasize about getting into bed with asari? Shepard found herself chuckling.

"These things never make sense. they just happen, and we get swept up in the storm."

"you make it sound so... Chaotic... So dangerous." Liara's eyes were doe eyed.

"A little danger makes things exciting" Shepard found herself flirting. Yea she's made up her mind she was definitely interested.

"this is all a bit overwhelming. I am not used to this... you. I need some time." Liara's nerves were getting the better of her. It almost agitated Shepard.

"Wait a second, you are the one that brought all of this up..." Shepard eyed her.

"I know, Shepard. Let's... let's ust talk about something else for now." Liara pleaded.

"I should go. I need to refill my coffee and I have to go file a report for Shore leave time when we get to the Citadel." Shepard nodded her head before leaving.

Shepard found herself telling Kaiden he was going to need to meet with her and Garrus when they dropped at the Citadel. She refilled her coffee before making her way to the elevator. When the elevator finally opened up, shepard grinned when she realized for once no one was occupying the loading bay. Shepard clicked the music from her omni-tool to some heavy band she’d recently found some old vids of. The first song to play on her playlist was Famous last words- The Show Must Go On. She wrapped her hands and went for the punching bag. She needed to work on her upper body strength and her punches. She wasn’t great at hand to hand. She worked with her advantages, being short, fast, flexible, and the balance of a flamingo she could take a fair amount of the crew, but she was no where near wrestling krogens or turians.

...........

“What the hell is that noise?” She heard a familiar “Absolutely nothing is coming over the translator.”

She giggled pressing pause but continuing with her work out. “That’s because screaming barely constitutes as words, and damn Vakarian I liked it better when you and the crew down here were MIA. I could exercise in peace.” She said over her punches.

“What that supposed to be music or torture?” He actually sounded serious.

“Mmm My music, your torture. I seriously came down her to play screammo music just to torture you.” She quipped.

“You win, whatever information you were looking for is yours.” The turian put a clawed hand to his face.

She pressed play again ignoring his protests and actually started saying the lyrics so he could actually hear what they were supposed to be. As the song rounded to a close the turian was looking at her astounded.

“Shepard, that’s absolutely terrifying.” His face twitched a little.

“Mmm yes I said it was torture.” The next song that came on she didn’t quite know as well so she couldn’t talk at him while it played. She had moved on to push-ups at this point. 

“What the hell was it about?” He asked not entirely catching all the idioms and imagery. 

“Some kid falling in love with his neighbor… finding out shes taken… so he kills her significant other… She freaks out… so he kills her than kills himself… oh and he’s insane… voice in his head deal… why he killed the… boyfriend.” She explained in between push-ups. “I don’t listen… for its quality entertainment… I listen… for the adrenalin…” she was breathing hard at this point. 

“Or maybe you’re a psychopath killer.” Garrus joked. “Would explain your taste in music.”

“Well I am the Butcher of Torfan…” Garrus wasn’t sure if she was serious or joking. Her face wasn’t revealing the expressions of her words, more the excess of her workout so he was thrown off. “That was a joke…”

Garrus cocked his head, “I don’t think it was. You really enjoy geth shooting.” He went along with the joke, but he distinctly remember the Commander getting pissed at Ashley for a comment related to her work on Torfan. He didn't even want to try to guess what made her joke any better.

“Geth aren’t people.” She simply stated. “They are hardware, hardly worth crying over. Although you do enough killing and it gets easier.” She admitted. “I mean hey, that’s what the alliance trained all the soldiers on this ship. We are living breathing weapons.” She had switched to sit ups which required a lot less breath. She could do these forever. She switched the music off and just continued to do her sit ups without the grace of her music. She didn’t actually intend to torture the poor alien. Most humans didn’t even like what she was listening too. She actually was excited to see Ashley pop out of the elevator next. 

“Ash, wanna dance?” She asked standing up and putting up her wrapped fists. 

“Um… Skipper… I’ve seen you dance. I don’t think anyone was impressed.” Though she was walking over to wrap her own hands and wrists as she spoke. 

“Don’t worry I’m counting on you beating me. I’ve been here for an hour already.” Shepard winked at her gunnery chief. 

“Or you just suck at hand to hand.” The smile was growing on Ashley’s face. 

“Mmm, I have a better skill set, I’m just itching to do something other than punch a punching bag while we are waiting to dock at the citadel.” Shepard admitted. They were now facing each other circling each other waiting for the first move. “First rule, no head shots.” 

“I can work with that.” Ashley smirked. She made the first move going for Shepard’s side, Shepard launched herself to the side blocking and sticking her fist into the opposite side of Ashley. 

“Shepard-1 Ahsley-0” Shepard teased.

“Shepard, your form was awful. You really do suck at hand to hand.” Ashley laughed as she managed to stick a punch in Shepard’s stomach. 

“Second rule, don’t laugh at my form. Who needs form anyway, so long as I'm not stupid about landing my punches and hurting my wrists then I'm doing it right.” Shepard warned. 

“Damn, Skipper, you can do better than that.” As Shepard almost missed another block. “Gotta admit though you’re nimble as fuck.” 

“Scariest runt you’ll never see.” Shepard managed to squeeze a jab that connected on Ahsley’s kidney. 

“Oh Fuck, okay I need a break.” Ash was holding herself. 

“Sorry,” Shepard was gasping for breath. 

“Well give yourself credit skipper you know your strengths and play to them. Gonna call a rain check on account of kidney shots suck.” Ashley sighed. They both sat down on the bench catching some air and much needed water. Thank god you’re the best sniper I know though. 

“Wouldn’t go that far, Garrus has me beat. Remember?” Shepard winked. “I’m just sneakier and stealthier than him.” She shot a glance over at Garrus. “Ahh you should’ve seen me in basic. I was awful.” Shepard sighed. 

“Wait, there was a time when you were actually awful?” Ash laughed. “You wouldn’t know how you run your missions now.” 

“Hell, Ash I didn’t even make marksmen. I was the scrawny girl, barley and meat on her bones who knew how to do one thing. But, my aptitude scores were pretty high for someone who was self taught. How I ended up on ships instead of a ground person. Although I still kind of am if you think about it,” Shepard chuckled. 

“Who won, Shepard I bet right?” They heard the gruff voice of Wrex as he left the elevator. 

“Not quite. We called it a draw, kidney shots are apparently not fair.” Shepard teased elbowing Ahsley in the side. “On the other hand Wrex you greatly over estimate my hand to hand.”

“I stand by my theories, Kaiden is too much of a pussy to beat you in a fight.” Wrex chuckled as he walked over to his station. 

“He does have a nice ass, but yea he is kind of…” her voice trailed of as she went in thought trying to describe him. 

“Pansy-like?” Shepard offered. “An intense, mysterious 32 year old who thinks maturity is sitting by the wayside letting life pass you buy, and not using all the tools given to you? Yea, strong feelings are held to him but an admiration of his backside is the last on the list.” Shepard cocked an eyebrow at Ash. 

“I think I missed something somewhere…” Ash had a confused look on her face. 

“He’s very… old fashioned I think is the best way to describe it. Not to mention he seems like the settling down type. I’m married to my job. I don’t get involved with people like that. They get too attracted and it just causes trouble. Guess that’s why the fraternization rules exist, but it’s not like no one breaks them,” Shepard admitted. “Although you won’t see a write up from me if you took advantage of dat ass.” Shepard was tactically making up for thinking so poorly of Kaiden. That and she wasn't too concerned about those two. At the end of the day she was calling the shots so they shouldn't have to worry about chain of command. Most of the time she only got involved in soldiers breaking frat regs if she absolutely needed to. 

“You sure about that skipper? I know he was sweet on you.” Ash pointed out. 

“Did you miss my entire explanation about why I have zero interest in him?” Shepard chuckled. “Honestly someone more interesting has been barking up my tree.”

“Skipper, am I engaging in girl-talk with my commander.” Ashley asked.

“If you could call it that.” Shepard chuckled. 

“So is the scuttlebutt true then?” Ashley raised an eyebrow inquisitively. 

“Depends on what it says.” Shepard took a swig of water looking back at her. 

“The asari has an interest in the Commander.” 

“The Commander may have a bucket list, but she seems too naïve. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t considered it. It's just as it was the last time I was down here talking about it. up in the air.” Shepard grinned.

“I don’t think they have-” Ashley was cut off from a laugh erupting from Shepard.

“Hahahaha… Ash you must not be very creative… Sometime I forget not everyone grew up without clearly defined guidelines. Not every nail needs a hammer to get the job done.” Shepard was grinning. 

“I didn’t realize you uh, were into that… Commander are you sure you aren’t a boy? You certainly act like one.” Shepard rolled her eyes.

“Actually I think you and Alenko are perfect together.” Shepard stood up as she spoke. 

“Uh… what’s that supposed to mean?” Ash almost didn’t want to know. 

“Dismissed chief.” Shepard grinned nodding her head allowing Ash to stew on her thoughts. 

She could hear Wrex laughing as the door to the elevator closed and Shepard evacuated the area. “That, Ash, is why you’ll never win in a fight.” 

Ashley was thankful that it seemed the Commander had gotten over her comment she had previously made. That was good. The last thing she needed was the Commander pissed at her for being insensitive. Then she remembered Wrex had insulted her.

“What’s that supposed to mean Wrex?” Ash looked stumped.

“Even in simple conversation she has you right where she wants you. That is a Warrior worth fighting with.” Wrex had a strange looking smile on his face. 

“What do you mean, right where she wanted me? What exactly did she gain from that?” Ash was concerned for a minute. 

That was when Garrus spoke up. “She’s just feeling you out Ash. She does it to all of us. She’s reading you, finding what makes you tick. Although, I don’t think she means any harm by it, she’s trying to sort out our weaknesses. A good leader knows her crews strengths and weaknesses in all facilities.”

“What exactly is she looking for though?” Ash questioned. 

“Well, if I’m reading correctly, you have a tendency to be close minded. That in itself can be a strength and a weakness. So I’m not insulting you by it, just stating a fact. That means in a situation she wants someone on her side that won’t bend or change her mind, you’re her go to girl. If she needs someone with more ingenuity for that mission then she might not chose you for that one. It’s all about tactics. Plus I think she can trust you more than she can trust Alenko, so don’t worry.” Garrus was getting all of this from his own military training. “One the one hand I wasn’t 100% certain where all your conversations went because I didn’t understand all the idioms, but I think I got most of it.”

“We were talking about Shepard’s prospects in regards of her fucking the asari. I told her she was secretly a guy because all guys think about is sex.” She laughed. “Not sure if that is the same cross species but human males are pretty immature about it. Of course human males also find the asari pretty exotic so when she said she had a bucket list-”

“What’s a bucket list?” Garrus interrupted 

“Oh uh… It’s basically a list of things you want to do before you die. Fucking an Asari is on Shepard’s, but she not sold on Liara.” Ash explained awkwardly. Normally she wouldn’t be into giving all this delicate information out, but since she had run missions with these two she figured they were good enough people to find humor in their conversation.

“What is the significance of calling Kaiden a Pansy?” Garrus asked. 

“Oh… uh… Pansy? It’s because he’s delicate. Like a flower. It’s an insult to his mental faculties as well as his strength. Also it’s a kinder alternative to calling him a pussy which is an insult resulting from years of sexism against women… which oddly enough I found myself doing the same thing when I called the commander a guy. Interesting. That’s really interesting Garrus I think you were right… I think she was calling me out on being sexist without saying as much. Shit. I didn’t even think about it.” Ash was astounded at her realization.“Guess Shepard’s a closet feminist.”

“I don’t think so, chief. I think she’s just very secure about herself.” He sensed this was the truth. She had a very strong character. If she were a turian is would place her high in society fast. That kind of attitude was noteworthy. 

………….


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger Warning: A scene might get uncomfortable for some in this chapter. Skip this one if you aren't comfortable with questionable consent in sexual acts.**
> 
> I want to give a mention that yes some would consider what takes place in Chora's Den Rape, other's may not the Character does not. I don't know how I feel about it to be honest but I wanted to go ahead and put the warning for those who wish to skip that. It's a small part of the story but I didn't want to leave it out for those who wanted to read it. 
> 
> No missions have taken place between this chapter and the last chapter. 
> 
> Cheers, Elodie

Shepard was about to have a blast from the past. She saw the clothing he was wearing and her breath hitched. It takes a lot to shake her but what the hell was a Red doing on the Citadel? She looked at the turian and human behind her, wondering she she should dismiss them to take care of this problem. Anderson knew what life was like before she joined the military. She grew up on Earth in Vancouver and she had been involved in gang activity. She learned early on that it didn't matter how small she was a gun was an equalizer. She wasn't the best shot in those days but you hardly had to be good to run in with the gangs. You just had to get lucky. Her entire childhood was based on luck.

"Shepard, are you okay?" Kaiden asked.

"Uh... Yea I'm fine Kaiden... I uh... might need to take care of this. Although, if I'm lucky there won't be anything but you never know." A frown fell on her lips. 

"Well hello Shepard." The man in red leaning against the wall greeting.

"Uh... do I know you?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

"No, but I'm sure you remember Curt Weisman. The reds could sure use you right now." The guy stood patiently waiting for the name to register.

Curt had been the one who found her, recruited her, and also convinced her to leave. She left the gang, partially because a life of gang banging just didn't get her anywhere in life, but also because Curt had been something of a brother to her. He took her under his wing and when she was successful he wanted to see her make it in life. Of course, she dragged her feet about it, not wanting to leave the life she knew, but once her birthday came she realized it was the right choice. She couldn't keep living on nothing which, as a small gang that's what they all did. She was ten years old when she joined. They offered protection, which was better than what she'd had so far. Since she wasn't afraid to use a gun she didn't have to end up whoring herself out. She learned to use whatever means necessary, though.

When Shepard didn't answer Finch brought it upon himself to sweeten the deal. "Although if you don't help, I'm sure the galaxy would love to know about the first human Spectre's activities in The Tenth Street Reds. The anti-alien agenda would look lovely for you given your position don't you think?"

Shepard didn't even flinch. "What do you need?"

"Curt found himself in a bit of trouble. You know petty red sand crime, but he was in turian controlled space so if you could talk to the turian officer over there in the bar and get him out on your spectre status, you won't see us again." He flashed a cheeky grin.

"I could put a bullet in your head." Shepard offered as she looked at her pistol. "But, I owe him a personal debt. If I catch you on the Citadel again you won't see the light of day."

Shepard walked into the club wishing she had dismissed Garrus and Kaiden. They did not need to know her past affiliations.

Her thoughts were interrupted bu Kaiden. "Tell me he's not lying."

"Not everyone has the same advantages in life Kaiden, you know like a mom or a dad to go home to. I lived on the streets so naturally I ended up in a gang. I owe it to Curt to get him out, since he's the reason I got out of that life. A life for a life, in this case I need to repay my debt." She holstered her gun needing to look as passive as possible when she approached the officer.

"Release Curt Weisman." Shepard requested.

"I can't do that." He answered flatly.

Shepard knew it would be mad to pull the Spectre card on the turian officer. She needed to find a better way to resolve this. On the other hand, he was in Chora’s den… maybe she had something right up his ally to persuade him. “If you release him, I’ll make it worth your while…” She let the thought sit on him as she let her hand graze his hip. She stepped closer to the officer in an effort to cement the offer.

“I hadn’t considered that an… option Commander.” He responded, letting her know he knew exactly who she was.Shepard knew it would be mad to pull the Spectre card on the Turian officer.

“Oh, it’s an option.” Shepard was pressed against him and she could feel the turian tense.

“Alright, um… let me make the call and I’ll take you with me.” He nodded. 

Shepard backed off going to get herself a drink from the bar. 

“Commander… are you sure that’s wise?” She could hear the unease in Alenko’s voice. 

“Sex is a tool, Alenko. When you figure that out life gets much simpler for you.” Shepard took a swig of the vodka passed her way. Garrus was watching Shepard very closely as she sipped the alcoholic beverage. 

“But what if… what if you get hurt?” Alenko was a lot less sure about her decision than she was.

“You think the Butcher of Torfan is going to let one turian hurt her so bad she can’t do her damned job?” Shepard gulped the last of the alcohol setting the glass down and signaled for another. “Going to need more than that for this assignment. Besides, I’ve had my allergy testing so that’s not going to be an issue" Several shots of Vodka were sitting in front of her. 

She took them and downed them wincing at the burn but standing up. She felt the effects of the strong liqueur and smiled. Yea that was enough lubrication for now. She could see Alenko almost paled with fear at her sway. “You two are free to uh, do whatever it is you do. Don’t worry about me I’m a professional.” She sent a wink at them just as she felt the sharpness of three talons graze against her lower back. “That’s my cue, see you back on the ship.” 

The two men just looked at each other as Shepard swayed off with the turian. “That was… unexpected.” Garrus said. 

“That the Commander is downright crazy or the turian agreed to her insane idea?” Alenko asked.

“Little bit of both. Didn’t ever think that would be a compatible uh, partnership short or long term. You humans are rather squishy.” They were still just standing there in shock.

“I mean I guess I understood when she's considering bedding the Asari, I mean they don’t have sharp claws and teeth of death.” Alenko found his hand on the back of his neck rubbing the tension out. “Maybe we should at least stay close, just in case." 

“Maybe…” Garrus’s voice trailed off. They watched the two very different people walk into one of the back rooms. “I can’t figure your commander out. She’s not a typical human.”

“I didn’t even know she had ties to a gang. I mean Commander Shepard? Gang ties? If I weren’t so concerned for her safety I think I’d take a drink but I need to be ready.” Alenko sat down on a stool and Garrus followed suite. 

“Maybe this isn’t her first rodeo, as you human’s say.” Garrus wasn’t letting his mind wonder too far. He wasn’t really interested in bedding humans. The squishy factor was a turn off for him. 

“She doesn’t lack for confidence in her, uh… abilities.” Alenko coughed out. 

“Alenko… do you like the Commander?” Garrus asked looking at him curiously. 

“At this point I don’t know. I thought I did but, uh… I don’t see eye to eye on her ideals on intimacy. That’s kind of a deal breaker for me.” He sighed. “Other than the fact that she’s wearing an alliance uniform she was perfect. I’m a little too… Maybe I just have too much integrity for those lines of thought.” 

“Mmm. Human’s are… interesting. In a good way I think. Your hard lines are just as defined as a turians but in all kinds of different places.” Garrus sat forward. “So I assume Commander Shepard’s actions are not the general actions other humans would take.”

Kaiden shook his head. “There are people like her, but uh… at the same time not really. She’s smart, I’ll give her that. She can mod like no one’s business, crack coding, sneak up on you when you least expect it. She’s hard to read though. This is not what I expected out of her at all. I mean she is mission first through and through but I never thought she degraded herself like that… uh and before you say anything I don’t mean because she’s sleeping with a turian, I mean because she thinks that intimacy like that is a tool and not something to savor with people she cares about. Says a lot about a human, I’m not sure what other species think about actions on that topic but for human’s people who act like that lack a bit of something. Most would say self-respect, but I’m not sure that’s what it is. Maybe she just lacks the ability to connect with others. If she weren’t so hot-headed I’d wonder if she was a socio-path. Clearly she feels anger, anger is an emotion so that’s off the list of explaining her.” 

“Well, turians are a lot more frank about stuff like that. We don’t see casual hook ups as a negative defining characteristic. In fact, we don’t spend a lot of time riding other turians about their actions if they don’t affect the lives of other.” Garrus shrugged. “Still though, it’s interesting to see another turian who doesn’t hold the animosity a lot of my species holds against humans.” Garrus may have been far from wrong. 

…

Shepard took control as soon as the door was closed, she push the turian into the wall and began search for ways to get his clothes off. She fumbled as dizziness set in but found the buttons. She quickly pulled her own shirt over her head and unclasped her bra. She let the turian deal with his own pants not wanting to accidently hurt him trying to fumble around his spurs. Her own pants quickly pooled around her ankles. As soon as they were both naked the turian growled a low hum grabbing the small human and pushing her face down into the carpeted floor. Her earlier actions had caught him off guard but he was not going to let a runt of a human dominate him. 

His senses picked up the stench of alcohol and something salty and sweeter as he descended over her body. His talons took hold at the bonier place of her hips sinking into the flesh, not bothering to accommodate for her softer more pliable skin. He dragged her body closer to his midsection causing a whimper to erupt from her when her skin was dragged across the carpet. His legs straddled her keeping her still as he pushed himself into her mound. He felt her body tense when he felt himself as far as he could reach. He began pumping enjoying the way she squirmed every time he was about to hit the back of her tunnel. Her body would tense which felt amazing against his member. Her core would squeeze almost as if trying to stop him. Shepard was annoyed. Each thrust resulting an explosion of pain as he rammed against her cervix. His talons were scratching at the bones against her hips. This was in no way pleasurable for her so she finally just let her mind wonder hoping he would finish soon. 

She let herself think about the battlefield. Sniping enemies left and right, not thinking twice about the lives on the other side of the rifle. She thought about the competition she had with Garrus but she stopped herself, now was not the time to be thinking about him. She only wanted pleasant memories in regards to her crew. Her thoughts were brought back as she felt piercing needles in her shoulder. She stifled a cry of pain not letting him hear it. She might let him do it how he wants but she was not giving him the pleasure of hearing her pain anymore. 

He could feel himself getting to the wonderful arch of pleasure. He had to bite her again to get her walls the clench again around him. She’d stopped responding to the pounding he was giving her but she had responded to that bite. He moved his mouth to the other should and waited just for the right moment, biting down just as he was about to finish growling into her skin as he jerked with release. His last bite dragged a bit with his jerks making her shoulder look pretty vicious and angry. He scanned over his work as he pulled out of her core, noting the redness his harsh plates had left on her back. Some of his plates had scratched her skin raw; yellow patches had to started to form in some areas where part os her skin had practically been rubbed off. He could see the scratches on her sides his talons had made when his hands left her hips. They were pretty deep he wondered if tonight’s adventures would leave scars. He stood up grabbing his clothes putting them back on. As Shepard did the same he was the marks of carpet burn all over the front of her body. She even had a small patch on her cheek which had been on the ground. 

Shepard threw on her BDU’s thankful he wasn’t asking for a second round. She was headed straight for the bar. Hopefully she could drink away this nightmare and restart her objectives tomorrow. She felt the ache in her midriff from their joining wondering how many days she was going to pay for this. Running her fingers through her hair putting it back into a respectable order she left the room and the turian who was still getting dressed and went straight for the bar. She was surprised and almost annoyed to see her two teammates still sitting chatting together on bar stools. She allowed her inner commander to take over, as she strut over and sat down next to them. She wouldn’t let on to the pain she was in. She signaled for another drink and took a deep breath of the fumes before downing the shot and shaking her head to alleviate the burn. 

Garrus could smell that familiar scent of blood wafting from her. He didn’t say anything but he knew the turian officer could have been a lot easier on her. Maybe she liked it rough. He wasn’t sure but he felt kind of bad for her. 

“Well you look worse for wear, commander,” Alenko stated evenly. The idiom would have been lost on the turian if context weren’t so blatantly obvious.

“Mmm” Shepard responded ordering yet another drink. “Figured you guys would have left by now.” 

“Well someone’s going to have to haul your ass back to the ship when you’re finished downing all those drinks.” Garrus quipped. 

“Point taken,” Shepard nodded as she downed one last shot before standing up. “Let’s get out of here” She almost tripped over her own feet as she took her first step but caught herself on Kaiden. “One sec.” She got her balance then took point like nothing was a miss. 

Kaiden and Garrus shared a look, “Told you.” Was all Kaiden said as the exited the bar. 

“Told me what?” Shepard asked. 

“Your idea was bad.” Kaiden was quick as he dropped his eye contact with Garrus. 

“Mmmmm, actually, I now know what my plans for next shore leave are.” Shepard forced a smile onto her face giving the men behind her a devious look. 

“Shepard you look like you were mauled by a bear.” Kaiden couldn’t help but chuckle awkwardly. 

“Indeed. Maybe I enjoy a mauling every once in a while.” She was not going to let this snippy Staff Lieutenant win. 

“Okay, Commander.” He responded. 

They made their way back to the ship and Shepard quickly jumped into the shower. The let the hot water run down her body for a bit of time watching the red blood mix with the clear liquid before disappearing down the drain. She winced anytime the water touched the sores on her back. Chafing, she should have figured that would happen. Hell, humans own skin could cause that in the right circumstances, something harder like plates should have been a no brainer. She toweled off being careful not to aggravate the wounds on her body. She contemplated going to the med-bay for some medi-gel but decided against it. She really didn’t want to hear it from Dr. Chakwas. Luckily she had some extra in her duffle bag. She hadn’t put it up in her locker so it was sitting next to the work bench where Ash usually hung around. Taking her chances hoping Ash was in bed by now Shepard slipped into a sports bra, some shorts and a tank for easy application of the medi-gel she put on zip up hoodie to hide any injuries she incurred on her mission before taking the elevator down to the loading area. 

She sighed a happy sigh when the only one down there was Garrus. He looked up at her when she walked in a little bit of something in his look she couldn’t read. She made an effort to walk normally ignoring the pain as she went over to her duffel bag. She watched Garrus walk over to her inspecting her. 

“You’re walking funny.” He stated. 

“I’m also drunk.” Shepard confirmed. 

“That’s not a drunk walk. Well part of it is but… was he rough on you?” Garrus inquired. 

“Mmmm, doesn’t matter he got his jollies off and the guy is free. Mission accomplished.” Shepard unzipped her hoodie taking it off than began carefully applying medi-gel to her torso and hips and the bites that were now visible on her shoulders. 

Garrus watched her, his mandibles tight against his mouth. This wasn’t getting his jollies off this was a hate fuck and he knew it. He grabbed some medi-gel and went to help get her back. At least he could help her out. As soon as his hand touched her she flinched. He watched the tension in her shoulders go from zero to sixty in less than a second. 

“I uh, just wanted to help. It looks like it hurts.” He offered. 

She sighed. Taking off her tank top and turning her back to him. The majority of her back had been rubbed raw. There were scratches of varying lengths and depth scattered where the plates of the other turian had sunken in to her flesh. “Honestly, I know what I’m not doing next shore leave, but that stays between me and you.”

He was caught off guard by her admittance. She was normally straightforward with everyone. Why did she hide the fact that her experience had been bad from the lieutenant? “Well, probably a good idea, although I don’t think it’s fair to judge that experience on all of the turians. But, you are squishy so again, probably a good idea.” 

“It’s not always that…. Uh, harsh?” She asked.

“Do you think an asari would get in bed with a turian if it were?” his answer left an odd look on her face. She groaned holding her hand to her stomach leaning forward. “Are you okay?”

“Yea, it just hurts. Uh, not sure if it’s the same for turian women but human women have a very sensitive spot and in a lot of women it actually hurts to be fucked that hard.” She let out a chuckle. “He had potential, he just sucked.”

Garrus had finished applying the medi-gel and he watched her just sit there. She had also stopped applying medi-gel. Shepard finally moved but it was to lean back into Garrus her head falling into his lap. She looked up at him watching him look down at her. 

“Well, this was an interesting day I supposed.” He saw parts of the deep wound on her hips that were setting in the medi-gel. He also noticed the peculiar red splotches that were a little different from the one on her back. He noticed she hadn’t even bothered with medi-gel on that. “Are you more allergic than you thought?” He asked remember that redness was an allergic reaction sign in humans. 

“Naw, that’s the carpet burn.” Her voice was surprisingly mellow. Probably from the alcohol. “Why aren’t you asleep?” She quizzed.

Carpet burn? That was a new concept for him. Carpets had never aggrivated his skin. Or course that was probably due in part that he wasn't as squishy as a jellyfish.

“I’m not tired. We didn’t do much today. Well, I mean I didn’t do much today.” He corrected. 

“Oh really?” Shepard raised her eyebrows. 

“Just taking care of drunk Shepard I guess.” A chuckled escaped from his mouth as he shook his head.

“Well then you should be tired. I’m a handful.” Her eyelids looked heavy. 

“Can you make it back to your room?” Garrus asked concerned. 

“Mmmm I don’t think so.” She wiggled into a more comfortable position. 

“I don’t sleep sitting up.” Garrus warned. 

“Fine, kill joy. I’m so tired.” She was gathering the black tank top and the zip-up sweatshirt she had brought down. 

“You can sleep on my cot if you want.” Garrus offered. 

“Oh sh-” Shepard was interrupted as she sat up and spewed all over the floor. Garrus stepped back unsure what to do. 

“Are you sure you all right?” there was an alarming pitch to his subharmonics. 

“Just… drank too much… puking good. Means I won’t die.” Shepard was breathing heavy. She found a towel and began cleaning up her mess before dumping the towel into the cleaning bin labeled hazardous waste. She may be drunk but she didn’t forget protocol. “I’m just going to sleep right here on this bench I think. In case I get sick again I don’t want to wake up with my face in it. At least it will end up on the floor.”

The smells that were entering Garrus’s nose were some of the worst he had smelled near a human. Alcohol and stomach contents were definitely awful. Reminded him of his c-sec days when he had to put up with drunk humans from the clubs. Commander Shepard, one of the drunk humans he would have to put up with in his line of work; he never would have thought. He looked back over at her and she was passed out, cheek pressed against the bench, one arm under her head, the other hand on the floor. For a drunk person she cleaned up pretty well. He decided to keep an eye on her for a bit before falling asleep in his cot. She was going to have one hell of a wake up. 

………

Garrus woke up first, no surprise he wasn’t drunk off of his ass last night. He looked over to the sleeping form laying in the same position as the night previously. Most of her stats were normal, she would be okay. Hung over and probably cranky as hell but okay. There also, surprisingly, was no extra puke to account for. He walked over to get a better look at her and almost, as if on cue, her eyes fluttered open as he walked up to her. 

Shepard squinted as the lights were blocked and a familiar face loomed over her. “Oh fuck… uh Vakarian, hi. Oh hell.” Her hand fell to her head and she blindly reached into the duffel bag for her pain meds. “Just need a pick me up Aspirin and I’ll be good to go.” She assured the turian. 

“Shepard, you didn’t want to… erm… talk about anything did you?” Vakarian had a look she could only guess was pity on his face. 

“Hell no.” she said popping some Aspirin into her mouth. “I’m sore, but I’m fine. We have a system to visit today.” She sat up knowing she looked like shit. 

“You sure you’re good to go commander?” Vakarian’s concerned look only enhanced her need to be on the battle field somewhere showing everyone what’s what. 

“Mmm definitely. No better treatment for a hangover than shooting the hell out of crazed Ai’s. Speaking of, you’re on ground team today. Tell Ash to get her ass in gear when she’s down here too. She’s on rotation. We leave in 2 hours. Plenty of time for me to be in top shape as if nothing happened. Get my drift?” She raised one eyebrow in his direction.

“Yes Commander.” Vakarian nodded. “I’m on your 6.” 

Not enough Alcohol was had yesterday and she could still feel the pain from horrible inter-species copulating. Well, guess that’s off her bucket list. Curiosity definitely killed the cat on that one. At least now she knows. She grabbed a bottle of water from the kitchenette, drinking it faster than she could say the alphabet. She needed to get hydrated and about a bottle of water every 45 minutes between now and take off was on her list of things to do. 

Shepard ran into Kaiden on her way to her locker to throw her duffel bag where it belonged. “You’re up early,” she noted. 

“You’re rather perky for last night’s events.” Kaiden shot back. 

“I got laid what exactly do you expect.” She winked. May have been bad horrible inter-species sex but a lay was a lay was a lay. “Besides, I’ve got my two best friends with me Aspirin and water.” 

“Alright-y then.” Kaiden went back to whatever it was he did over in his corner. Hell if Shepard knew. 

……….

Garrus realized as Shepard entered the elevator that maybe Kaiden was right. She went out of her way to do whatever it took for everyone else, that along the way Shepard kept everyone at arm’s length. Guess that made some sort of sense because how else could you sacrifice people to get the job done. He also realized that if this was all the case, he needed to make sure absolutely nothing got in her way. If anyone was going to find and take down Saren it would be her. No one else mattered. She had the galaxy on her shoulders and frankly he realized she might be the only person in the galaxy with enough drive and enough courage to deal with the situation. That was something he could respect. Kaiden was wrong about one thing, however she spent her time it wasn’t ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’, she just had a very numeric idea of the galaxy. He just hoped she wouldn’t have to exploit that side of her too much. That was truly something that would be hard to live with. Easing tension without a care in the world, he wasn’t concerned about that. Kaiden was wrong to be concerned about that. He did however hope that Shepard knew what she was fighting for. Without a reason to fight, the fight can and will be beaten out of her. He knew that without a doubt. 

On the dot the elevator had opened and Shepard came down suited up with a cranky looking Ash next to her running to grab her gear. “Sorry commander! Didn’t realize it was my turn in rotations.” 

“Next time I’m taking the krogen. Don’t be late Chief.” Shepard threatened. 

“Yea, yea, left behind attention to detail, the list goes on for the sing song saying you could give me here commander.” She was just putting on her helmet when she stated that sarcastically. 

“I can still take the krogen. Hell I was piss ass drunk last night and slept on your bench and I’m still ready on time.” Shepard was grinning even as she gave Ashley an ass chewing.

“Sorry ma’am. Ready!” she was walking over to the MAKO ready to go. 

Garrus noticed the ever so slight awkwardness in Shepard’s walk. She normally had a specific gate he was used to seeing but she was still walking slightly like last night. He shook his head and got into the back of the MAKO listening to the girls chirp at each other violently. 

“Alright Ash, attention to detail. For your lack of attention we are going to play a game today.” Shepard was just being a dick now he could feel it. “For every Geth I get the kill shot on you get ten push-ups, and Garrus is keeping track too.” 

“Damn, that’s harsh.” Ashley protested. “You pretty much always snipe ‘em.”

“Mmm, if Garrus feels bad enough he’ll snipe em away from me won’t you Garrus.” Shepard glanced back at the turian. 

“I was going to do that anyway Shepard, you know I’m the better sniper.” Garrus responded.

“Yea but Ya know, I’m human so my shots count as at least a shot and a tenth, you know to make up for the lack of vision I have in comparison.” Shepard winked. 

“Is that why you can’t drive? You’re blind? Note to self never stand anywhere near Shepard while she’s holding a gun.” Garrus teased. 

“You know what, as long as I’m not ordered to kiss the turian I’ll be just fine doing the sit-ups when Shepard kicks your ass.” Ahsley grinned. 

“I’m game for this, although if I win what do I get?” Garrus asked. 

“You are already winning if Shepard wins, I mean come on the sight of me doing push-ups for at least an hour?” 

"You get an entire day of telling the crew you out-sniped Commander fucking Shepard." Shepard shot Garrus a grin. "That should be plenty reward." 


	6. Fucking Alliance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Post Benezia, Shepard gets a call from Hackett. Oh by the way theres a nuke. Go get it.

Shepard found herself wondering down to the MAKO hoping to catch Garrus. She wanted to know if there were any good juicy stories from his C-sec days. She found all three squad mates were at their stations when she came down. She strolled over the turian who was reading a data pad. 

“Hey Vakarian. Got any good stories from your C-sec days? I’m sure you saw a fair amount of action policing the Citadel.” She inquired.

“Hmm… Sure I saw things, although, not as much as you of course.” He rubbed the back of his neck with a gloved hand thoughtfully. Then a look in his eye changed and he told Shepard about Dr. Saleon. Shepard saw the frustration as he told her how C-Sec handled it. 

“We are taking this guy down. Send me the coordinates.” Shepard would get the guy. 

Garrus grabbed his gun before speaking. “I’m going to make sure my rifle is fresh and polished for this.” Shepard raised one eyebrow and felt her lips curve upward. She didn’t think he intended to be so, uh… dirty with his words but it happened. His face froze when he saw her smirk. “That metaphor… I didn’t mean…”

“Alright Vakarian. This is why we keep you around. I need your imagery to keep myself entertained.” Her smile turned into a cheerful chuckle. “I think you and I are going to get along very nicely. Not that we haven’t already, just, you are cool.”

“Uh… Thanks.” Garrus muttered rather embarrassed. He knew exactly where that metaphor went and he had not even thought about it before it had passed his teeth. Thankfully, the Commander was pretty lax about it and had a sense of humor. 

“Alright now Garrus, time for some serious talk again.” Shepard “Hey Ash get over here we are about to go on a discrete mission.” 

Ash walked over arms crossed over her chest. “By discrete do you mean council discrete or Alliance discrete?” Shepard already knew where this was going. 

“Dumb asses didn’t clean up after first contact discrete.” Shepard sighed running her hand through her cropped read hair. 

“No offense Skipper, but why are we debriefing with the turian member of the crew if it’s Alliance discrete. I mean he’s cool and all but that sounds pretty ominous and big.” Ashley had a concerned look on her face. 

“As a council Spectre I’m leaving it up to Garrus whether other people need to know about it after the situation is… well to put it point blank diffused. I trust his instincts and the reason we need to do this is because we don’t want the wrong people finding out about it until it’s handled.” Shepard explained. “Regardless, apparently when the war started the Alliance sent out probes since we didn’t know what we were up against. Of course not wanting our tech to fall into the hands of the enemy the Alliance decided it was a good idea to employ a Hiroshima sized nuke on it in the event it fell into the wrong hands, then followed it up by forgetting about them until the next generation of scrubs could deal with them as per usual. I figure as a show of good faith we could take Garrus with us to diffuse the bomb. You know because diplomacy, we have a turian on our crew, makes sense. Shit I don’t know. I highly doubt Garrus would do anything to disrupt our primary mission though.”

“Hmmmm. It was smart, minus the forgetting about the probes part. I mean I don’t know how big that bomb is, but I’m sure it sounds big.” Garrus looked at Shepard. 

“WWII era tactic… uh sort of… Long story short our second world war was ended with one of the biggest countries dropping a bomb on, actually a very small country. It was a bad time though. Lots of people died, and the world decided nukes were nice in theory but only to be used as a threat and not a tactic that could ruin our ecosystem. Guess we don’t care about other people’s ecosystem though. Guess that was the point.” Shepard didn’t seemed fazed much. “At any rate we are on course now and I want you two as my ground team yadda, yadda be ready. Apparently the alliance just really likes interrupting our mission to finding Saren because that’s all they’ve done so far. Fucking idiots.” Shepard through her hands up in the air as she walked over to the armory. “Oh and uh, Garus, I got you something while we were on the Citadel. You too Ash. So come over here.”  
Shepard was arms deep into her weapon’s duffel when the two walked over. She pulled out two gun cases that looked out of place to both of the recipients. “These were spectre grade weapons and since you are on my crew you get the best. I’ve got one for everyone, but I’m giving them out as we go ground side. Helps me keep track of my rotation.” She handed a sniper rifle case to Garrus and an assult rifle case to Ashley. 

“I’m pretty sure that is how the commander says she loves us. I love you too skipper.” Ashley pulled Shepard into an awkward one-sided hug. 

Garrus was speechless looking at the rifle in his hands. He just kept looking at Shepard Mandibles slightly flared out in what she could only guess was shock. He had seen one of these before, but he had never touched an HMWSR Master Sniper Rifle. 

“You guys can thank me by just shooting the shit out of geth with them instead of trying to break my bones. *cough* that’s you Ashley *cough*” Shepard awkwardly pat Ashely on the back. 

“I’m assuming once this tour is over we will have to give them back?” Garrus asked.

“Nah, once the tours over we’ll all be damned hero’s I’m sure they will overlook a couple military operatives running around with Spectre level gear, so long as they aren’t causing trouble with it. I’m just giving each one of my ground team operatives one.” Shepard sat down on the bench once Ashley finally let go. 

“Did you get yourself one?” He asked. 

“Of course Garrus we match. Now there are no excuses when I kick your ass at sniping because we have the same grade weapon are we clear?” Shepard teased.

“If I may recall Shepard, I’m always beating you.” Garrus said smuggle. 

“More like fifty percent of the time if we want to be realistic. It feels like every other mission I’m coming out ahead, and that’s saying something since my eyesight isn’t amazing like yours. I really hate it when they send us on those dark and spookey missions. Garrus always beats me on those.” Shepard huffed. 

…….

“A mineshaft… that’s where the signals coming from.” Ashley’s sounded uncertain.

“Right, your probe didn’t land here, it was moved.” Garrus continued everyone’s thought.

“Your grasp of the obvious is inspiring, Garrus, but there’s still a nuke down there. Everyone, keep your eyes peeled.” Shepard ordered. 

“Uh, Commander?” Garrus felt like he was missing something. 

“You know like a… oh never mind, sorry, keep your eyes open Garrus. Check corner's and watch your back." Shepard sighed. 

Shepard led point into the mine. She felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up, as any good soldier would. Not necessarily in fear but in anticipation. She knew something was going down and it excited her. She followed the path gun in position ready for anything. Boxes littered the rooms they pass through until they found the very last room. With the Nuke visible she walked up to it. 

“That was a detonator! Someone just screwed us!” Ashley yelled. 

“Shepard at last,” the illuminated figure before her greeted. (Note: I'm ambiguous because I think it's supposed to be a batarian, but the game shows a human? This mission is kind of confusing. so I'll let you guys decide)

“Have we met?” Shepard raised an eyebrow defiantly. 

“My name is Elanos Haliat who do you think runs the Terminous Clans, Shepard? Hm? Thousands of pirates, slavers, criminals of every stripe?” 

“you assume I give a damn. That’s cute.”

“The strongest leads. The one who kills the most men, siezes the most ships and pillages the most colonies. Three years ago I was the strongest. I used my influence to assemble a fleet. We would drive your kind out of the verge." He seemed so proud. 

“You attack Elysium. Too bad we kicked your ass back into Terminous huh."

“I was the motivator, the instigator. The one promised glory and riches for sacking the larges human colony in the cluster. The one blamed when it failed.” Shepard just crossed her arms. 

“You’ll see me again Haliat. Count on it.” Shepard let a smile play on her lips. She wasn't too concerned. 

“Haha I rather doubt that.” The figure chuckled. 

“Orders Commander?” Garrus asked. 

“We’ll find a way out. Someone up there needs my boot up his ass. See if there’s anything in here we can use, and thank god I’m not a stupid grunt.” Shepard leaned down to put her infiltrator knowledge to use. She quickly disabled the three key points on the nuke then motioned towards the door. 

She led them to the back exit, knowing they might be able to ambush the guys if they showed up at the Mako. She was thankful she took the backway because she saw the Mako parked down at the camp they had combed through previously. Having superior ground she traded her pistol for her sniper and her and Garrus began picking them off one by one. It didn’t take long before they were all taken out and she heard the crackle of her com re-linking with the Normandy. 

“Hope he enjoyed that foot up his ass as much as I did. Let’s get off this god forsaken rock.” Shepard said as she was climbing into the MAKO.

“Agreed Commander” Ashley complied.

“Fucking probe space with nukes, how could this possibly ever fucking go wrong.” Shepard’s patients was wearing thin. 

“Commander, I’m guessing you need to just go to the citadel, and get yourself some tail before the next mission because you are getting really bitchy.” She laughed.

“I think I’m just going to tell Hackett to fucking shove it next time.” She sighed. “Although, Valid point. We should probably get to the citadel for some shore leave. Maybe not before next mission but we will make time. Drinks on me.” Shepard stretched her shoulders feeling both give a relieving crack and started up the MAKO. 

...........

They decided on Flux, more like Shepard said she would murder anyone who ever suggested Chora’s Den. She had announced a 24 hour shore leave so the crew disbanded as soon as it docked the Citadel. Frankly she really did not want to run into that Officer she fucked in the back room of Chora’s Den but she was not about to announce that. Instead she said she was classier than Chora’s Den. No one seemed to mind the club choice. 

She found that her, Garrus, Ashley and Kaiden were in the group who went to flux. “Vakarian you’re going to be my wing man right?” She nudged him in the side with her elbow as she said it. 

“Are you making fun of me?” He asked kind of confused.

“Never…” She giggled realizing how that must have sounded to someone who didn’t understand human idioms. “Wing men are responsible for helping their friend find someone at a bar. Well normally it’s another guy but we’ll make it work,” she grinned.

“You could always take up kissing turians,” Ashley teased. 

“Been there done that wasn’t my thing,” She winked at Garrus as they strolled into Flux. 

Garrus was pretty god at rolling with the punches. Being the only turian in the group half the things they said went over his head. The other half he was familiar enough with human culture from his time at C-sec that it was easier to understand. They were all sitting at a table together laughing and having a good time.

“You know Skipper you have that red headed persona down pat.” Ashley laughed when she said it. “You are pissed off about 99% of the time. I’m pretty sure you lack the required components of a soul, and to top it all off I’m pretty sure you’ve been feeding off ours since this mission got together.” 

“Bahahaha, Just the souls of my enemies Chief you are in the clear.” She took a shot of the Vodka she’d ordered an entire bottle of. “So Kaiden, you are from Vancouver?” 

“Yes ma’am,” He nodded as he took a sip of his drink. 

“Small galaxy.” Another shot down the hatch. “And drop the Ma’am. Thirty years old is hardly old enough for that while on shore leave.”

“Yes m- uh, Shepard.” He finally settled on her last name uncomfortable. 

Garrus was happily watching the scene play out before him as he sipped from his drink. It wasn’t long until he saw the Asari, Liara, walk into the club and make her way over to their table. 

“Mmm, Liara, sit over here?” Shepard grinned her eyes looking over the asari. 

“Shepard, sorry I’m late, I uh… I couldn’t step away from those data chips we found.” Liara was definitely into the commander. Garrus could see how nervous she was. 

“It’s fine. I’ll warn you though I’m way ahead of you in drinks so don’t mind me as I make a fool of myself. You’re looking… good.” And with that yet another shot was down her mouth. Liara’s face seemed to deepen in color and she pulled up a chair to sit on the other side of the commanding officer. Shepard leaned in close to Liara, “Not sure if it’s the Alcohol, but you are looking particularly blue today Miss T’soni.” The whisper across Liara’s neck caused her to shudder. 

Liara quickly ordered herself a drink enjoying the open attention she was getting from the Commander. She did however notice the uncomfortable looks being passed through the other two humans at the table. They were subtle, and she doubted anyone else noticed. She sighed sitting forward placing her elbows on the table. Shepard was leaning back in her chair grinning. 

“So Dr. T’soni, have you been here before?” Garrus asked excited about the newcomer. He now wasn’t the only non-human at this human party. 

“Actually, I haven’t spent a lot of time on the citadel in this area. I was usually following my mother around when I was here. It’s, quite nice, I think.” Liara smiled glancing back over at Shepard. 

“Mmm, I think it’s the company.” Shepard said looking at each of them. “The place itself is rather lame if you ask me.” 

“Aren’t you the one who suggested here?” Garrus chuckled. 

“Mmm, that’s because I didn’t feel like fighting off a mugging the second I walked into the club. I haven’t had to pop anyone in this club, seemed the safest place to get drunk.” Shepard poured some of the clear alcohol into her shot glass. “Although I am serious. I think we should make a toast.”

“To what?” Kaiden asked readying his glass. 

“To kicking ass and taking names. Whenever we see even the cowl of that bitch Saren, He’s dead. When that’s all said and done, we are going to have a huge party and every single person on my ship will be a guest of honor. It has been a pleasure serving with you guys.” She held her shot glass to the center of the table. “Couldn’t ask for a better team.”  
Everyone clicked their glasses against Shepard’s shot glass and took a drink. “Skipper, are you one of those crazy lovey-dovey drunks, because that’s what you are sounding like right now.” Ashley’s voice was giggling as she spoke.

“Mmm, no but the happy feeling I get with enough of this stuff is pretty tight.” It was true, Shepard seemed very much relaxed, which was definitely a different look on her than anyone of the people sitting at the table was used to seeing. “Quite frankly I was about 10 seconds from exploding before I disarmed that nuke to say I’m happy to be here hunting down Saren is a bit of an understatement.”

“You are very good at what you do commander, and I think I can freely speak for everyone on that ship when I say that.” Garrus nodded his head. “Also, I’m pretty partial to sitting here too because if you hadn’t disarmed that nuke Ash and I would also be splatters on the walls.” Garrus was indeed very thankful for Shepard’s skill set.

“I do what I can. Besides I’m pretty sure Liara here would be mad at me if I didn’t return to the ship.” Shepard leaned into Liara nuzzling her shoulder with the side of her head. Garrus was surprised at the very, familiar type of action. He guessed some things translated very well cross species. 

“I might have been thankful for your return, Commander.” Liara returned the action. 

“Hey now, I already told Kaiden none of that. We are here to have fun as friends, not ranks. You guys suck at this. I will not spend my 24 hours here on formalities. Sheesh. Also on that note, I asked you two here because clearly there is some tension you two need to work out.” Shepard announced at the two humans in front of her. 

Garrus noted the redness that seemed to creep into the pair’s faces at that declaration. 

“Shepard, that’s not exactly the best idea…” Kaiden stated evenly, although his eyes did follow into the direction of Ash. 

“If you were the Commanding officer of the ship I might agree, but you aren’t so I think you are in the clear. I mean I don’t know who else would be filling out the write-up slip but you won’t be getting one from me.” Shepard shrugged. Her shot glass still sitting empty in front of her. She’d already drank about a quarter of the bottle sitting in front of her. She decided slowing down would be a good idea. “Also you’ll note you guys are never on rotation together anymore so… I can promise to keep that up if you guys just go get whatever tension you guys are holding out tonight. My suggestion but you didn’t hear it from me.” 

“I think Shepard might be on to something,” Ashely grinned standing up. She grabbed Kaiden’s arm pulling him up. “Let’s go, work out some tension Kaiden.” 

His face had become so red Garrus was sure blood might start pouring out of his face. Kaiden stood though and briskly followed Ashley out of the club. 

“Oh thank god. I thought I’d never get those two to chill out.” Shepard looked over at Garrus. A smile creeping on her face. “So Garrus think that went well?” 

“Well I highly doubt they expected that much bluntness out of you.” Garrus chuckled. “Although they should know by now you don’t do anything without purpose. Which leads me into my question, why am I here?” Garrus was actually curious.

“I trust you, and you spend so much time repairing my miss-haps on the MAKO that I thought you deserved a night out on my dime. I wouldn’t let it be known but I’m not in the presence of my two favorite people on the ship.” Her face turned over to Liara, “Even if I’m a freaky science experiment for one of them.” 

“You know that’s not what I mean. I meant- Oh Goddess… You are never going to let me live that down are you?” Liara sighed. 

“Naw, seeing you all worked up over it was quite satisfying. I’m sorry if my sadistic nature isn’t very flattering,” Shepard chuckled leaning back into her seat. “I don’t care what anyone tells you though Garrus, you get it. You understand how important the mission is. You understand how we cannot let the council decide the fate of Saren because they will just fuck it up. Also Liara here has you to thank for the amount of times you’ve pulled me out of trouble.” Garrus felt pride swell at her words. Forget what his father said, This human, right in front of him, knew exactly what to say to make everyone feel proud of themselves. Now he understood why he was here. This was a night of fun sure, but this was also Shepard’s was of getting everyone relaxed. If she managed that then everyone would be ready for Saren. 

"Hey guys!" The quarian joined them at the table. 

"Hey Tali, hows it going?" Shepard greeted. 

"I wanted to thank you so much for that geth data you gave me." Tali sat down next to Garrus and plopped her drink in front of her. 

"Uh Tali, how you drink drinks in a bar?" Shepard asked concerned. 

"Filter it, and with a straw." she announced with the tilt of her head. "It's quite fun. sometimes I still get sick later but its totally worth it." 

"You going to be up for virmire?" Shepard asked.

"Definitely. I've got your back 100% Shepard. I've never met anyone else like you. You were so kind to me when I joined your crew and you asked questions to learn about me and my culture. It's nice. you know? Meeting an alien who doesn't assume your a piece of crap because you live in a suite and are the progeny of the ones who made the geth." Tali's shoulder's slumped. 

"And to think, I came from an alien hating gang back when I was a kid." Shepard smirked. 

"Wait WHAT?" Liara looked shock. "You did what?" 

"They don't exactly keep that one file. You know. The Alliance wouldn't want the aliens to know their star pet has a history. I was ten years old when I joined. I didn't have anyone to look after me and then I met Curt. I was pretty ragged when he found me actually. He gave me to closest thing to a roof over my head and some rations in my stomach so who was I to complain." Shepard left out the part where he watched her gun down a police officer who tried to take her in for vagrancy and theft. She had tried to steal food. When she didn't listen to the orders he gave her she saw him reach for his gun. She ran down the alley grabbing the gun she hid and as soon as he rounded the corner she shot him square in the chest. Curt had told her it took some balls to kill the law. Her response had been she didn't need any law. It didn't help her. So he offered the protection of the gang if she'd use her gun and her guts as payment. "That's how you make ten year old's guns for hire back on earth. I had no formal education, just the gun I'd taken from a body I ran across and the library I snuck into during the day to read books. Didn't get my education until I made it into the Alliance. Everything else was self taught. I actually think it's funny because I speak two languages which is quite unheard of in the rest of the galaxy. I can only read the common language because that's what the library had for 'how to read books.' The children's librarian was so nice to me though. She helped me learn how to read by the time I was 8 and from there I just kept reading. Only person in Vancouver who ever showed me kindness 'til I joined the reds." 

Shepard's seemed to travel somewhere distant in her memories. Her three friends just watched and let her drunkenly ramble. They didn't know how to feel. "Is that why you are so small for a human?" Garrus asked curious. 

"mmm?" Shepard mentally returned to her friends. 

"You spent all that time wtihout proper protection, is that why your small?" Garrus repeated the question. 

"I don't know. Probably genetics. Don't know anything about my parents except that they weren't there. There were other kids in the same boat as me that were bigger than me so it's probably just genetics. Does my smallness intimidate you Vakarian?" Shepard's teeth appeared as her mouth turned into a large smile. 

"No, it's just surprising. I haven't seen a human that small before unless they were still growing." Garrus pointed out. 

"There's lots of small humans. Also lady human's tend to be smaller than male humans. Guess we lack the testosterone to be an idiot and big." She let out a chuckle. 

"Quarians are the same way. Females are smaller than males." Tali added with a nod. 

"Interesting." Liara was thinking allowed. "Being a mono gendered species these differences are pretty neat. Our differences are founded on very different matters, mostly whoever the father species is. Like, asari who are offspring of vorcha tend to have a dairy allergy. weird differences like that" 

"Really? They can't have dairy?" Shepard raised her eyebrows. 

"Well Vorcha never did the dairy thing I guess and so they lack the enzymes to break them down and for some reason it's just one of the traits that gets passed down if we produce offspring with one of them." Liara confirmed. 

"That's just weird. Dairy... huh... no ice cream. God I love ice cream. Can we go get some ice cream before we get on the ship?" Shepard asked. "Wait, on second thought that's a horrible idea. I forgot my stomach was swimming in alcohol." shepard giggled. "In fact, I should probably go lay down before I pass out." Her eyes fell on the now half empty bottle before her. "Liara, may I walk you back to the ship?" Shepard extended her hand.

"Of course Shepard." Liara felt herself blush once more. 

"You two, have fun. I'm going to put my shit on tab in case you want to order any other drinks. Garrus can you bring it back when you guys are finished?" Shepard asked passing him her credit chit. 

"Sure." Garrus nodded. "I'll stick around here with tali. See you in the morning." Garrus nodded. 

With that Shepard and Liara departed. 

"I didn't realize Shepard ever was anti-alien." Tali said. 

"I don't think she herself was anti-alien, I think she just took advantage of the situation. You know?" Garrus thought. "Or maybe she was and she just got over it when she joined the military?" 

"I don't know. Honestly, all that matters is who she is now. She grew up, we all have things in our past we aren't proud of." Tali muttered shaking her head.

"Who knows what all she's done. Who knows how she feels about it. I don't think she ever tells anyone those things." Garrus shrugged. 

"I'm really glad she's my captain." Tali smiled behind her mask. 

Tali and Garrus sat and talked about anything that came to mind for a couple of hours before headed back to the ship.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To Virmire we go. I hope everyone is okay with how the Liara romance is going. I'd like to think that Shepard likes liara, physically, and thinks shes a good person over all, but is still detached. As this is going to morph into a garrus romance (my favorite) I need a reason for Shepard to think about getting with garrus other than he's in proximity. Still, during part one which encompasses the events of the first game she will not be with garrus. (Sadface.) Still, I'm hoping that the scene I make in response to Virmire help develop the friendship between Shepard in Garrus in a way you can enjoy.

_"Major Kyle, I've got the doors open." Shepard whispered into her comm._

_"got it Lieutenant. I knew I could count on you." The major responded pleased._

_"Whatever it takes, yeah? Alright next move. I'm headed to the command center to get the information on the rest of the bases. Are you guys still waiting for me to get the intel before you attack? I would sure hope we aren't planning to send in a platoon blind." Shepard warned._

_"Well, the longer we are out here, the likely hood of getting caught goes up. What do you think LT? Think we can stomach a blind attack?" The Major asked._

_"Why are you asking me, you are the one in charge here. I just do my damn job." Shepard was taken back._

_"My gut's telling me to go. We are sitting ducks. At least we will have the intel for the other bases. Fighting blind though is never good... We would likely take heavy casualties. I can't decide." The major admitted._

_"What the fuck is wrong with you. We are here to get a job done, Major. Send them in. They are soldiers they signed up to die for humanity. We have a mission." Shepard rolled her eyes and lifted herself back into the air duct. Shepard knew she was speaking out of terms but why the man suddenly fumbled at his job she didn't know. If she had to do his job for him she would gladly. Whatever the cost. She reminded herself._

_She traveled through the duct moving slowly and with care. Her knees barely making a sound with each move. She sighed. No way these batarian bastards were getting away with what happened on Elysium. She crawled for what seemed like an eternity. It wasn't long before the gun fires of her unit were heard. She could hear the voices of people falling over her comm._

_"Oh god, Murphy, Cortez, Anara, down!" A soldier announced._

_"This was a mistake..." Major kyles voice rang out over the comms._

_"Are we winning?" Shepard whispered._

_"Barely..." The major sighed._

_"Then it wasn't a mistake." Shepard was annoyed. Why the hell did she have to sooth this fuckers nerves. He was her superior. Right now he was acting like a pansy, and a wast of breath. If they won this moon the batarians would likely push out of alliance space and humanity would be a lot safer. They needed this win. No matter the cost._

_She peaked into the grate seeing two batarian guards standing near the console she needed. Always two huh? Not three or six? She silently removed the grate, She was about to dispose of it when it fell from her hands. The two guards looked straight at her. She already had to pistol ready. Before they could do anything they both had shots in their heads. She jumped down headed towards the console. She needed that data. She whipped out her omni-tool and did the start up on her hacking program she drew up last night._

_"All Hostiles terminated in this facility." Major Kyle announced._

_"Casualties? Can we still take on the other camps?" Shepard asked._

_"It will be a rough ride, and I'm not going to lie if this is any indication of how things will pan out, it's not looking good." The major admitted._

_"Tell them we are coming back. Tell them the other posts will be easier. You need to get your head out of your ass and inspire them, Major." there was a ding announcing her hack was finished. "I have the data."_

_There comm was interrupted by a batarian signature. "Humans, we will give you this moon if you let us walk. We surrender."_

_"Major Kyle don't you dare let them, they will come back and regroup and this mess won't be finished." The comm was silent. Damnit. What was the point in even having an officer here if he wasn't going to do his damn job. At his lack of response Shepard took over. "Damnit marines this is Staff Lieutenant Shepard. We are taking on the rest of the bases. Don't let anything with more than two eyes off this rock or you are court Martial-ed. All surviving officers meet at the rendezvouz we have 9 more bases to overrun. Shepard out." She cut the comm downloaded the data and began her trek to the rendezvouz coordinates. She had no idea what happened with Major Kyle and that was the last time she saw him._

.................

Why was she having a hard time facing her team? Her memories kept flooding to her as she stood over the galaxy map. 

_"Nice work talking Wrex down."_

Didn't mean much. She was two seconds from putting a shit ton of bullet in his head if he didn't back off. That's not what made her feel uncomfortable about Virmire. 

_“Sorry doesn’t help your victims.” Shepard shot the asari in the head with her pistol. She was not about to let anyone on this base survive. She switched back to her sniper ready to make it into the next room. She was not going to let this mission fail._

_She ran across the bridge and into the elevator, Garrus and Tali following behind her. That’s when she saw it, another beacon. She slowly walked up to it, then activated it. Intense pain flooded her head as images began prodding her mind. When the process was done she found herself on her knees in front of it, but conscious this time. Apparently that cipher was what she needed._

_She was not prepared for the next thing she saw as she ran back up the ramps of this room. A red glowing imagine of the Ship she saw on Eden Prime and it began addressing her. As they exchanged words a cocky smirk fell upon her lips. It had given her enough information. Enough information to piss her off. She was going to stop this AI, even if it killed her._

_“You’re not even alive. Not really. You’re just a machine. And Machines can be broken!” She let her threat hang in the air before the image before her throughout another threat before cutting the signal. All hell was about to break loose and Shepard didn’t even know the extent of it... Not yet anyway._

_They disabled the AA guns and Ashley helped the team load the nuke. The water they were standing in was about knee high and a pain in the ass to trudge through.  
“Bomb is in position we’re all set here Ashley announced.”_

_“Commander, do you read me?” Kaiden’s voice sounded strained over the comms._

_“The nuke is in position get your ass to the rendezvous point.” Shepard ordered._

_“Negative commander. The geth have us pinned down at the AA tower. We’ll never make it to the rendezvous point.” Kaiden_

_“Hold tight we’re coming to get you.” Shepard needed to make sure she got him on her ship._

_“Negative just get that nuke armed we’ll hold off as long as we can."_

_“It’s okay commander I need a few minutes to arm the nuke. Get them and meet me back here.”_

_“You keep that nuke safe!” Shepard ordered running toward the entrance that lead to the other AA tower. She signaled Tali and Garrus to follow her. Then she signaled Liara and Wrex to get their asses back on the ship._

_They killed a few geth and krogen and had made it half way when shit hit the fan._

_“Chief we spotted a ship headed to your position” Kaiden called out as the Geth ship flew over Shepard._

_“It’s already here and it’s bleeding geth all over the bomb sight!”_

_“can you hold them off?” Shepard asked franticaly_

_“There’s too many I don’t think we can hold them I’m activating the nuke”_

_“What the hell are you doing Williams?" Shepard wracked her brain for something, anything to get them out of this situation._

_“making sure the bombs going off no matter what!" Shepard could hear the desperation in Ahsley's voice. Ash was right._

_“It’s done, go help the lieutenant."_

_“belay that. We can handle ourselves go back and get Williams!”_

_Shepard’s breath caught. She felt a three fingered hand squeeze her shoulder, but she couldn’t even discern if it was Tali or Garrus. It was a numbers game now. Kaiden was sitting with the highest numbers, and he was the highest ranking officer. Realistically, that’s who she needed to save. Shepard felt her heart skip as she ran out of the grip that was holding her shoulder towards the AA tower. She let her voice crack just a little as she spoke the next words over the come._

_“Alenko, radio joker and tell him to meet us on the AA tower.” Shepard’s order was a death sentence and she knew it._

_“Yes commander I… I-” Kaiden_

_“You know it’s the right choice LT” Ashley_

_“I’m sorry ash I had to make a choice.” Shepard opened the door before she could change her mind._

_“I understand commander, I don’t regret a thing.” As long as they ran Shepard kept trying to think of some plan to save the chief. Something, anything. Ashley might’ve been a pain in the beginning but she’d really grown to like her. Alenko would never let her live this down either. Damnit._

...........

Shepard put her Commander face on as she prepared to face her team. She lost a friend, and this was why she didn't like getting close to her soldiers. Somehow in all their casual bantering, Ashley had managed to worm her way into the commander's thoughts. She cared for her as a friend and it almost cost them more lives. When it came down to it, she had to do the math. Ashley was worth less than the lieutenant and the salarians. The cold hard calculus dictated her decision, just as it always had. 

“I… I can’t believe that ash didn’t make it. How could we just leave her down there?” Kaiden’s voice cracked. Shepard knew she had to take responsibility for this. She would make sure he didn’t blame himself for her call. Honestly she would rather him be pissed at her. 

“We had to leave her being, Saren has to be stopped at any cost.” She let her voice take on the hard commander she knew she was. Not giving him an inch to question it. 

“But why me? Why not her?” She could see the survivors guilt play across his face. 

“Lt. Alenko I am your commanding officer. It was my decision, don't undermine it." Shepard let her cold Commander mask tell him she wasn't going to take his self-deprecating, love sick mourning get in the way of their debriefing. 

“I have an idea.” Liara stated trying to turn the subject to a more productive one. 

“You want to join our minds again don’t you. Okay, go ahead.” Shepard walked over hoping something would come of it this time. 

“Relax, Commander. Embrace eternity.” Liara’s eyes turned tar black as Shepard felt the familiar touch 

“Incredible I… I never thought the images would be so… intense. I need a moment to collect myself.” Liara’s hand was on her forehead. 

“Did the vision make any sense to you." Shepard asked trying to get to the bottom of all of this. 

“It’s a distress call a message sent out across the Prothean Empire. A warning against the reapers, but the warning came too late.” Liara's 

“What about the conduit..." Shepard pried. 

“There were other images.... Uh... structures... ILOS! It was Ilos!" Liara cracked a smile as she realized what she had seen. 

“We need to get to Illos." Shepard looked around at everyone. 

“Forget it the mu relay is in the terminous systems. No way and alliance ship would be allowed out there." Tali seemed defeated. 

“The Conduits on Ilos We don't have a choice."

“Saren will have … I am sorry the joining is… exhausting. I should go to the medical bay and lie down for a moment.”

“Are you sure it was the joining? I feel fine.” Shepard teased Liara a little bit trying to brighten the mood. 

“The human subconscious instinctively resists the joining, Commander. A strong personality like yours makes it even harder. I just need some time to recover.” Liara missed the joking tone of Shepard's voice. She was in a good mood, they finally had a lead to the condiut. Now they just had to get The fleet from the council. 

“We’re done here, dismissed.” Shepard sighed.

“Commander, there’s a comm buoy nearby. I can link us in if you want to report back to the citadel council. You know, to warn them about Sovereign.” Joker addressed the commander with a somber tone. 

“Set the link up Joker, they need to know.” 

As per usual, she probably shouldn't have bothered even calling because she hung up within minutes of starting the call. She rubbed her temples before deciding that maybe she should say goodbye to ash. She didn't have a body to send off, but maybe she could so goodbye at her work station. 

...............

"Do you always deflect everything with brash anger or humor?" the familiar turian voice came from behind her. Shepard was sitting at Ashley's station, she didn't believe in an afterlife so the best thing she could do was say goodbye where she once stood. 

"Only on days that end in Y Vakarian." Shepard admitted. 

"You made the right choice." the turian held out his hand. 

"Uh Vakarian... are you expecting me to shake your hand?" Shepard was thoroughly confused. 

"Is that not a gesture of comfort?" He asked taking his hand back. 

"Not really, just a greeting." Shepard sighed turning around and hugging the turian. She pressed her right ear against his cowl, too short to lay her head on his shoulder. "This is a gesture of comfort though."

"Oh... um... sorry. I'm not familiar with human interactions." Garrus admitted. 

"Was it you or Tali who touched me back on Virmire?" Shepard asked confused.

"Oh that was Tali..." Garrus stated. 

Shepard pulled herself out of the hug with Garrus. "I let Ash get to close. I tried to talk her out of completing the mission. It was wrong of me. I've always been the one number crunching and going with the mission. I knew if Ash set that bomb it was going off, so I saved the people worth more both in quantity and rank." Shepard shrugged her shoulders. "I know I made the right call. I just didn't want to spell it out for Kaiden. He can do the math and he will come to terms with it. You can't argue with math." 

"She died doing what was right. you heard her, she regrets nothing." Garrus began stroking Shepard's back. 

Shepard pulled away. "That's what we signed up for. Now that I'm a Spectre the people I will inevitable die for just got a little bigger. Now I fight for more than just humanity. Just makes my mission even more important." Shepard let herself slouch into the bench. Soon the ship would dock on the Citadel and they would have a fleet ready to go to Ilos. "Just remember that feeling, you know when you killed Dr. Saleon. Remember that feeling when you see Saren. This just got personal, and he will pay in blood for what he has done." 

Garrus saw Shepard's eyes narrow. She sat there in silence, her mind traveling elsewhere. "Shepard, you know I've got your back. To the end. We will get Saren, and with you are the tip of this fight there's no way he will win. I've seen you fight and I knwo what you are capable of. Sometimes it feels like you are invincible." 

"Don't you dare think like that Garrus Vakarian. One day the bullet could hit it's mark and you will be sorely disappointed. I'm only human. I break just like the rest of them." Her voice had gone cold. "No one is invincible. It's time we remind Saren of that fact."

Garrus couldn't help but disagree with Shepard. She commanded like no one he's ever seen before. She fought like the best of them, better in fact. Nothing could take her down. He would keep that belief to himself though. Clearly that statement didn't sit well with the Commander. 

"What are you doing after this fight is over?" Shepard asked. "Once we take out Saren?" 

"I think I might try for Spectre status. I don't think I should give a damn what my father thinks. You've taught me so much. the red tape just makes getting the job done that much harder. Then If you would have me back I would like to return and fight with you. We both know Saren is only the beginning and hey, two Spectres is better than one right?" Garrus asked hopefully. 

"I'd like that a lot Garrus. There's no one else who could take your place on my ship. Besides, who's going to fix the MAKO if you are gone too long. We both know I just love destroying it." Shepard placed her hand on his shoulder. "Do your best. I have faith you will go far if you try, but if it doesn't work out, you are always welcome back on my ship. I hate to admit it, but Ashley wasn't the only one I let get to close. I've found a friend in this Galaxy Garrus. I trust you more than anyone else on this ship."

With that Shepard left the loading bay. They were going to hit the Citadel soon and she needed to be ready.


	8. Something's About to Errupt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will cover a visit to the citadel, **Mature content for sexual interaction** and the fight through illos and the citadel. 
> 
> Cheers! Elodie

Shepard was pissed. Grounded? Really? As if she were some unruly teen instead of the only person with enough power and a team to take down Saren... Shepard leaned her head against the locker being her. There had to be some way. This mission was way to important to just throw it all away because the council decided to have a stick up their ass. She ran her hand through her hair trying to calm herself down. Most of her ideas so far involved taking her gun and killing a lot of people. Probably not wise. On top of everything else in a moment of weakness Shepard went to talk to Liara. Liara had gone on to say something about setting aside their personal feelings and for some reason it just pissed Shepard off. Like Liara knew better? Shepard had wanted some words of comfort something and Liara turned around into something way more confusing than it already was. Fuck it all. Shepard would find a way. No matter the cost Saren was going down. 

Liara walked up when she saw Shepard sitting on the floor. "Commander... Shepard, I cannot believe they did this to you. I am so sorry." 

Well at least now she seems to actually care. Shepard didn't let her thoughts betray her face though. She just allowed herself to get angry at the ambassador. "Udina couldn't wait to stab me in the back."

"It's not right. You did everything they asked and more. Nobody else could have done what you did. the council owes you everything, Everything! Instead they strip you of your command and ground the _Normandy_ " Liara reflected the anger Shepard felt and to some degree that made Shepard feel a little bit better. 

"I shoulda known better. Udina, the Council, they're all the same. Petty blind and stupid." 

"Perhaps we could appeal. and get them to reverse their decision." Liara suggested. 

The suggestion only agitated Shepard. As if the council would just change their minds. "I don't need you yapping in my ear while I'm trying to figure out a way to fix this." 

"I... I am sorry, Commander. I was only trying to help." Liara looked hurt. 

Shepard took a deep breath before speaking. "I didn't mean to snap at you. I appreciate everything you've done I do. I just... I just don't know what to do next, and it pisses me off." 

"You'll think of something." Liara encouraged. "You always do. I believe in you Shepard. I am with you every step of the way." Shepard felt some tension leave as she heard Liara support her. Liara reached her hand out to help Shepard up. Shepard took it pulling herself up and puling herself close to Liara. She wanted to feel those lips on hers. Apparently Liara wanted the same thing. Shepard lead in, and they were just about to touch when Joker's voice rang over the intercom. 

"Sorry to interrupt, Commander. got a message from Captain Anderson." 

"What did he want?" Shepard asked getting to the point. 

"Well, he said to meet him in that club in the wards, Flux." Joker announced.

"You should probably go meet with him." Liara suggested. 

Shepard sheepishly nodded her head and turned around to grab her gear out of the locker. 

....

Shepard found her gun in the face of creepy fanboy she had acquired. He thought he had what it took to be a military man? Last thing she needed was someone like him getting funny ideas and getting himself killed like the boy on Eden Prime. Garrus and Liara were completely taken aback by her backlash at the guy, but they both knew Shepard was on edge and anything could set her off. She was a loose cannon and they both knew it. Shepard then had to convince Anderson that maybe punching Udina in the face if he showed up was the easiest way to steal the _Normandy_. So overall it seemed like a productive visit to the Citadel. 

When they got back to the Normandy Shepard announced over the intercom her plans. "This is Commander Shepard. I am about to steal the _Normandy_ to hunt down Saren before he reaches the conduit. If you decide you don't want to risk your career to follow me into this, I will gladly let you off the ship and no actions will be taken against you. You have five minutes to leave. If you follow me I can't promise you will have a job after all is said and done. Each and every one of you have been a valuable asset to the Galaxy and I thank you for your support and hard work. Shepard out." She kept it short and simple. She hoped everyone would stay but she didn't bank on it. they patiently waited for the locks to be removed. The second the light turned green joker gunned the ship out of there. 

.....

Shepard was sitting at her desk rubbing her temples. Stealing the Normandy? That took some balls. Sure she was proud because she knew it was that or the galaxy was fucked. On the other hand she was not looking forward to coming back. She wasn’t sure how much her Spectre status would save her from kidnapping her crew and stealing the ship. Liara timidly walked through the door to her room. She had an odd look on her face before she asked “Shepard, May I speak with you?” 

“I always have time for you Liara” A small grin spread on the pliable lips of the Commander.

“I do not know what will happen on Ilos…. There is something I must tell you, in case we fail.” Shepard could hear the urgency in the young asari's voice as she spoke.

“Go ahead. I’m listening.”

“These could be our last moments together. Our last chance to show each other how we feel. I want this to be special.” Her words left a sinking feeling in Shepard’s stomach. 

“We’re headed into a battle to save the galaxy and you want to do this now?” Shepard sighed unsure where this was going to go.

“I thought my people were supposed to be the cautious ones, Shepard. I want this to happen… and we may not have another chance.” Liara’s words left a little bit of heat in Shepard’s face. 

“I thought you’d never ask.” Shepard let the flirty tone seep in as she made her decision. She was going to bed this woman.

Shepard pulled Liara in for the kiss they didn't get to enjoy earlier. She was pleased with the softness Liara's lips held; her hands began searching for the hem of Liara's shirt. The second Shepard found it she was pulling it over Liara's head. Shepard began kissing along Liara's neck, occasionally nibbling her skin. The texture was soft, but different. It wasn't like human skin, it was smooth and didn't have a single hair anywhere. Once Liara's torso was completely exposed Shepard pushed her down into the bed and pulled her own shirt off letting her bra also get swept up over her head at the same time. She hadn't exactly prepared for this so she wasn't wearing any sexy undergarments for Liara. 

Shepard placed her lips on Liara's collar bone trailing some kisses down towards her breast. She let her tongue explore the hard nub that had formed. Her mouth clamped down as he tongue praised the hard nipple. She felt Liara arch under her a soft moan, almost a sigh escaped her lips. Shepard let her hand trail down Liara's torso. Exploring the curves of her body before stopping at her hip. Shepard needed to get these pants off. She sucked just slightly on Liara's nipple before releasing it. 

"This needs to go." Shepard let her voice fall into an alto timbre. Liara raised her eye brows as Shepard began tugging at the clothing separating her from Liara's core. Liara wiggled and Shepard pulled away the fabric standing up to tug them off of her legs completely. 

"You too Shepard." Liara urged. 

"Alright, alright." Shepard pulled her own pants down letting them join what was left of Liara's outfit on the floor. Shepard fell to her knees in front of the asari and spread her legs. She pressed her lips to Liara's right knee, than began slowly trailing her kisses up the inside of her leg. Shepard scooted forward allowed her breath to touch Liara's folds. Liara jerked her hips at the presence. 

"By the Goddess, Shepard you are such a tease." Liara giggled. 

Shepard leaned in and let her tongue explore Liara's entrance. Liara had a tangy sweet taste that was different than anything Shepard had tasted before. It was quite pleasant. She let her hands hold Liara's legs apart as Liara squirmed below her. Shepard found Liara's clit with her tongue and when she did Liara let out the loudest sound she had ever heard the quiet asari make before. Shepard began a circular motion on it, then without any warning plunged her finders into Liara's folds. Liara's hands began to run in Shepard's hair as she worked Liara to her peak. It wasn't long before Shepard felt the tell-tale signs of climax around her fingers and Liara responded by gathering Shepard's hair into her fists, squirming madly below her. A smile eased itself onto Shepard's face as she crawled back up to Liara. 

"Are you going to be weirded out if I kiss you?" Shepard asked. 

"Goddess, no." Liara then pulled Shepard in crushing their lips together. "Shepard, let me..." Her voice trailed off as she looked into Shepard's eyes. "Relax Shepard, Embrace Eternity" 

Shepard was ambushed by the endorphins Liara was feeling. It was soothing. Shepard felt every nerve in her body melt against Liara. Before Shepard could react Liara had rolled on top and began planting her own sweet kisses on Shepard's body. Shepard couldn't contain her vocal chords as a moan erupted when Liara's lips met with her stomach. The strange sensation of lips meeting flesh tingled and danced on Shepard's on lips. Liara nibbled on her hipbone causing small giggles to leak from Shepard. Shepard, still connected by the tether Liara had woven, could feel the nervousness creeping into her. 

"Liara, relax." Shepard moaned. 

Liara's face was mere inches from Shepard's womanhood. She hesitated before emulating what Shepard had done to her. Shepard was surprised to hear Liara moan with her as her tongue touched her clit. Although Liara's skin was a different texture, soft and silky smooth, her tongue was the same. The wet muscle probed Shepard's wetness before returning to her clit. Shepard could feel the sensations spreading across her own mouth as the connection woven by the asari maiden shared the sensations. Shepard felt all nervousness melt away from Liara as pleasure hit Shepard from all sides. It was almost too much from her and it was at this point that she realized Liara was feeling the touches she left on Shepard. Her pleasure was magnified and it left the usually seasoned Commander, who under normal circumstances had a bit of endurance quivering with the most intense release within moments. Liara's fingers awkwardly jerked inside of her as Shepard bucked, stifling her shrieks of ecstasy. Shepard's fingers were clasped on the sheets below her and her hips bucked as she felt the familiar pulsating rhythm of her release. 

"Shit... that is... one handy... mating practice." Shepard said between gasps. Without warning Shepard's eyes grew heavy. She pulled Liara up wrapping her arms around her torso. She planted a few kisses on the asari's mouth. "I need... sleep."

"Yeah..." Liara agreed. Shepard turned onto her side hugging Liara close. She draped her arm around her lacing her fingers in Liara's. She drifted off to sleep. 

...

Shepard woke feeling the most relaxed she had in quite a while. The euphoria causing a giddiness She almost never felt after a sexual encounter. Then she remembered where they were headed. Might as well get ready. She found where her clothes had fallen and began pulling them on. Once everything was in place she looked over at Liara. She looked so peaceful in her slumber. It wasn't until Shepard had seated herself on the desk that Liara stirred. She sat up looking around the room before she found who she was looking for seated on the desk. 

“By the Goddess! That was incredible, Shepard.” Liara exclaimed. 

“Ready for round two?” The smirk on Shepard's face brought a smile to Liara's. 

“Haha Commander.” The laugh was light-hearted but there was something odd about her voice when she dismissed herself. "Shepard, whatever happens, thank you for everything." 

"Five minutes to the mu relay," Joker announced. 

Liara was dressed and out of the room before Shepard could think of what to say to her. 

"Joker tell everyone to get into the cock pit. We will decide how to tackle this there." Shepard stood up and made her way to joker. 

...

Garrus had everything ready as he ventured to Joker's station. When he got there the scents caught him off guard. He could smell Liara's pheromones all over Shepard. He felt a weird lurch in his gut that he couldn't quite name. He glanced over at his Commander and saw the biggest smile planted on her face, her white teeth showing and she talked with the pilot. He said something that made the Commander smack him across the head but laugh, not the same laugh he had heard from her, but a light laugh. Whatever he felt, he was so glad to see it. She had worked so hard thus far trying to make sure the galaxy didn't fall, to see her smiling and happy instead of beaten like she had looked after Virmire was refreshing. 

It didn't take long for her Commander mask to reappear though when the plan began to unfold for Ilos. He was sad to see her happiness replaced by that hard Commander look. It was time to get to business though. He was however thrilled when Shepard announced him and Liara would be the ground team for this mission. He liked knowing that the Commander believed in his skills enough to take him on the most important run of the mission. This was when they had to take out Saren. The silent promise had been fulfilled. He would be there to put a bullet in that asshole's head. 

...

Garrus and Liara convened behind Shepard as she worked the console. "Good news, the Vigil's data file worked. I've got control of all system." 

"Open the stations arms" Liara said quickly. 

"See if you can open a communications channel," Garrus offered. 

"On it." Shepard opened her omni-tool to try to contact the _Normandy_.

"...The Destiny Ascension. Main drives offline. Kinetic Barriers down 40%. The council is on board. I repeat, The Council is on board." Shepard sighed at the news she heard over the broadcast. 

"Normandy to the Citadel. Normandy to the Citadel. Please tell me that's you, Commander." Joker's voice broke the silence. 

"Were you expecting anyone else Joker?" Shepard asked showing her cocky attitude. 

"Thank god. We caught that distress call, Commander. I'm sitting here in the Andura sector with the entire Arcturus fleet. We can save the Ascension. Just unlock the relays around the Citadel and we'll send the Calvary in." Joker suggested. 

"Are you really willing to sacrifice human lives to save the Council, Shepard?" Garrus asked. 

"This is bigger than humanity. Sovereign's a threat to every species in the galaxy." Liara argued. 

"The Council must be sacrificed for the greater good. Don't waste your reinforcements. Hold them back until the Citadel arm's are open. Save the human fleet to attack Sovereign." Garrus pleaded. 

"As much as I hate to admit it we need the council. We don't know what to expect from a new one... and this is a chance to earn the Galaxy's trust in humanity. I'd rather deal with a known quantity than an unknown one. Joker opening the relays now, Joker. Save the Ascension -- No matter what the cost!" Shepard turned to Garrus. "Whether I like them or not my job as a council Spectre is to keep them safe. I don't want to have to learn new people. At least I know these guys are useless." 

"I hope you know what you're doing Shepard..." Garrus sighed. 

There wasn't much time to celebrate the opening of the arms, as per usual, there was always a catch. 

"Garrus make sure head dead." Shepard ordered folding up her sniper rifle and running to the console. 

A gunshot rang out as Garrus unleashed another shot into the dead turians head. "Looks pretty dead to me Shepard." Garrus confirmed. 

Then, red bolt of electricity filled the chambers and Shepard was knocked down from where she stood. The floor beneath her giving way. "Shit." She cursed as she hit the ground. She looked up just in time to see a deformed, and skeletal Saren getting back up. "That fuck, Garrus you said he was dead." 

"He... was..." The look on Garrus's face could only be shock. 

"I am Sovereign, and this station is mine!" The zombie-fied Saren declared. 

"Oh really, because that's not what I see here." Shepard taunted. She quickly ordered them to find cover as she pulled out her pistol. There wasn't much use for her sniper rifle in such close combat. "Garrus, Overload, Laira, Warp!" Shepard ordered peaking out form behind her cover to shoot. 

Zombie Saren shot out a red bolt at Shepard and her shields dropped. "Fuck, fuck, fuck. don't get hit by that either." 

Shepard just let herself get lost in the fight, letting instinct take over as she dodged attacks. She would sneak a peak out of cover long enough to send an overload or a sabotage his way, hoping he was synthetic enough at this point to take some damage from it. Then she would come out of cover long enough to shoot her pistol a couple more times. It felt like years they were fighting this fight until finally the puppet fell to the ground lifeless. 

"That's a K.S. if I ever saw one." Garrus flared out his mandibles smugly. 

"Yea I get it your an ass, had to take the last shot." Shepard teased breathing heavy. "you earned it Vakarian. you win this round, but just you wait, one day I'll show you up." Shepard put an Arm around Garrus and Liara. "It's been an honor you too. I think we have a party to plan."

"Spirits.... Shepard!" Garrus pointed up. They all saw the big dreadnought falling towards them. 

"Go!" Shepard pushed them both out of the way. She felt the wind get knocked out of her as she fell back. Her arm caught her awkwardly and she heard a sickly snap, and then her head hit the ground knocking her out cold. 

......

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if it's going to be one or two chapters but I will have at least one chapter that takes place after the mass effect 1 game events. Also, when we get to the second and third parts there will be more in those chapters because frankly I'm more excited to write about Garrus and Shepard than Liara and Shepard. :(


	9. You're important

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Commander promised a party. Guess that's whats up now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did a quick edit. I was tired when I posted this and had a few mispelled words. oops

Shepard sat down at the table in her civvies, a plain black tank top and a pair of Jeans. She felt so relaxed. They made it. Her arm was in a sling, which had broken when she tried to stop herself from following the laws of physics and eating some concrete. At least, that's how she explained it to Garrus. 

"Why are you eating... Shepard, you realize that's not good for your health right? Humans can't actually eat concrete." He stated hoping she was joking. 

"Mmmm well my face was about to hit the floor mouth first. That would be why I tried to correct that so I didn't break my neck." She raised her beer to him as she took a swig. Shepard was sitting at a table with Garrus waiting for Liara to show up. "Is it me or does Liara just try to avoid the parties I throw?"

"I think she just spends a lot of time trying to make sure she looks good for you, Shepard." Garrus chuckled. 

"You're probably right. She does seem a tiny bit girly. At least, on the scale of girly to Shepard. She's at least one point above me." Shepard smirked. 

"What justifies as 'girly' for a human?" Garrus asked curiously. 

"Mmmm well make-up for one. That alone adds fifteen minutes to getting ready for anything and that's if everything goes as planned. That's why I never bother. Some asinine need to find shoes that match your eyes. That could be at least four hours in any given store. Then you add dresses into the mix." Shepard's nose crinkled. "Thankfully I was never taught how to be a proper lady so I get a lot of hours back in the day."

Garrus's mandibles flared into and he pat her on the head. "Maybe you are just over compensating." 

"Oh really Garrus, you wanna go there? What pray-tell am I over compensating for?" Shepard asked raising an eyebrow. "It certainly isn't my skills just ask Liara about those... Mmmm by the way add that to your bucket list Vakarian I promise you won't be disappointed." 

"Uh, Shepard... I'm not into squishy creatures." Garrus laughed. 

"Vakarian, you are missing out." Shepard elbowed him teasingly. "That's all I'm saying."

"Okay all knowing Shepard." Garrus shook his head.

"But really, you didn't answer my question. What am I over compensating for?" Shepard crossed her arms over her chest, beer still in hand.

"Well, you are on the smaller side of your species." Garrus pointed out. 

"Shortness? Garrus, I'm plenty intimidating. Ask Wrex." Shepard laughed. "Speak of the devil... Wrex get your ugly ass over here!" Shepard hooted to the krogen getting a drink at the bar." 

"Shepaaaard!" He called out walking over. 

"So what's the latest update on crew members you think I can take in a fight?" Shepard asked. 

"Well all of them, but definitely Alenko. He still can't even imagine fighting you, and that, my friend, is why you will always win. He's a weak minded pyjak." Wrex laughed. 

Shepard grinned but her eyes were caught by the asari who entered Flux. "Oh that's my cue be right back. Gotta walk the lady to the table. You know." Shepard jumped up and walked over to Liara. 

The krogen took a seat next to Garrus. They exchanged a few pleasantries while they patiently waited for the rest of the crew to realize where the party was taking place. By the time Shepard came back with Liara on her elbow Tali had also appeared and jumped into a chair quite happy. Shepard resumed her spot on the other side of Garrus and pat the seat next to her for Liara to take her place. Tali sat in between Liara and Wrex. 

Garrus noted that Shepard stopped involving herself in the conversation. Tali giggled away, Liara and Garrus would laugh every time a story of Wrex's would result in his fist bumping his chest in pride. Shepard just sat their quietly listening. Talking only to order a new beer when her's had been drained dry. Her shoulders were slumped forward her weight being carried by the elbows resting on the table. One arm laying perpendicular to her body, the one in a white medical sling and cast, while the other coddled the beer close to her face. Where did she go?

Tali was on the comm trying to find Kaiden. "Kaiden, you should be out with your friends. come on." Tali pleaded. 

It was then that Shepard perked up. She reached over the tabled pulling Tali's omni-tool closer so she could speak. "Get your ass over here and mourn with us. That's an order." She released the comm sitting back once more. She leaned back in her chair laying her ankle over her knee, and she seemed to disappear again. Her eyes looking somewhere but not seeing any of it. 

Once Kaiden appeared everyone shuffled to fit him in to the table. "I think now is an appropriate time for a toast what do you guys think?" Tali suggested.

"Only if it's for Ash." Shepard stipulated. "Otherwise I might puke in disgust with the shit you guys start toasting."

"Keelah, deal." Tali giggled. "To Ash, the bravest Gunnery Chief in the entire galaxy." 

They all raised their beverages before taking a sip. Shepard reached out to squeeze Kaiden's hand. "If she ends up being right and I end up being wrong, you'll see her again, Kaiden. In which case, I'm sorry I doubted her because we all know I'd go straight to hell." Shepard was deflecting. Garrus could feel it.

A smile cracked on Kaiden's lips. "No doubt Commander."

"Also Alenko, fish in the sea." With that Shepard took a long swig of her beer. 

"That was a lot less helpful, Commander. Please never go into counseling." Kaiden was being polite, but he was a little pained by whatever it was she said.

"I don't... get the relevance." Tali spoke with a hiccup.

"Human's like equating fishing with finding that special someone." Kaiden answered.

"Kaiden... What is fishing?" Tali hiccuped again. 

"Oh right you grew up on a ship. uh fish are the things that live in water and fishing and getting them out of the water to eat them. lots of different ways to do so. You can use nets, fishing poles. All different kinds of fishing poles. It's a nice way to pass the time." Kaiden explained. 

"Keelah, that sounds complicated." 

"Not really. I used to fish with my dad growing up when he was home in Vancouver. There's a beautiful harbor, have you seen it Shepard?" Kaiden asked.

"Mmmm" Shepard nodded. 

"If you guys ever find yourself going to Earth and I'm around, feel free to look me up in Vancouver. I'll show you fishing." Kaiden smiled at his new found friends. 

"Don't do it. It's a trap. Don't even bother going to Earth ever." Shepard warned ominously.

"It's not that bad Shepard." Kaiden laughed.

"It is. TRUST me. you're looking at a prime example. I'm the most famous juvenile delinquent Earth has processed." Shepard winked. "Did I tell you about the time I stole I sky-car when I was eleven?" 

"You're just shitting me, Commander. You didn't..." Kaiden's eye widened.

"I crashed it, didn't last very long." She sighed.

"Why did you steal a sky-car?" He asked.

"It was unlocked. Remember I didn't exactly have someone telling me I shouldn't do certain things growing up. I was curious. I saw them being driven and I wanted to try. Plain and simple. I thought I could learn from a book and then put it to practice. Boy was I wrong." She giggled drunkenly. 

"Did you get caught?" He asked.

"Of course, I did tell you I crashed it. I had to go to the hospital. I was there a couple days before I snuck out before they could throw me in the system."

"Damn, Commander. You were one tough kid." Kaiden raised his beer to her.

"Just insatiably curious." She huffed. 

"So, how did you get into the N7 program?" Kaiden asked.

"Well, funny you should ask." Shepard took another sip of her drink before placing it on the table before her. "I enlisted when I was of age, but I didn't meet the standard health requirement's due to malnutrition. So Captain Anderson, who at the time was just a Lieutenant Commander took a look at my files, knew if I did enlist I was going to end up in prison. Long story, not going there tonight. Any-who so I explained to him I would do anything if we could get myself into the physical shape required to join. He set me up in some medical facility and within three months I was in the condition I needed to be in to join. So I get into basic, barely meeting the requirements but I was excited. That is until I realized being in the military meant I had to follow a structure. Imagine the shock a kid who's never had any type of real structure going into military life. Good times. I pissed pretty much everyone off but I took the punishments." She sighed. "I was such a terrible kid. I was a terrible shot, but I was a fast learner. Found out I was pretty good at running and agile. Something you get good at with my background. So I wasn't a complete lost cause but pretty damn close. Although I did take pride in the fact that I totally passed the physical requirements for running for the guys. Couldn't shoot for shit but damn I could outrun most of the trainees. Also the book shit was easy, well except the math. I wasn't going to be an engineer anytime soon." That comment awarded her a chuckle from the group. "So I served four years as an Alliance Soldier. Pretty typical. When my years were about up I realized I didn't have any other real-life skills. So I just decided to make a career out of it. Why the hell not. Then Torfan happened. Pretty much it's history from there. They recognized I could get the job done and I had ICT paperwork sent my way. Since I had already decided this was my career choice it was no brainer. I mean worse case scenario I die in training. No body really give a shit if you don't pass. So I went for it. Took me about 2 years to reach N7 though." Shepard shrugged.

"Did you learn anything interesting?" Kaiden asked.

"Mmmm, I think it just made me a better soldier. Typically either you come out better than you were before or you don't pass. Although, I know every curse word in most of the popular languages. They had a few linguistics courses and you know how those can go. I'm not very good at linguistics so mostly what stuck were the things you don't say in polite conversation. Thank god for translators." Shepard picked up her beer finishing it off. "fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, not a very interesting story." 

"You know Shepard, I knew there was a reason I liked you." Wrex laughed approvingly.

"Why's that Wrex." Shepard asked.

"You have spunk."

"Spunk eh?" 

"Won't be long til your head butting Krogan like the best of us." Wrex chuckled.

"I don't know Wrex, I know at least a dozen better way to take on a krogan. Explosives are my favorite though. So why stop at headbutting?" 

"Now Shepard, I know that you know, there are other ways to deal with issues than explosions." Liara teased. Kaiden had gone quiet at the awkward change of conversation.

"Yea, but they aren't as pretty." 

"Keelah, Shepard... don't let me... get on your bad side." Tali squeaked out through more hiccups. 

The sat like that sharing stories until people started slowly trickling out. Soon all that was left was Shepard and Garrus.

"So Shepard, you think I could make it as a Spectre?" He asked.

"You helped take down Saren, definitely. I've never seen you hesitate in battle. You've got what it takes. We may not see eye to eye on every situation, but I know you wouldn't let anything get in the way of the mission. You proved that." Shepard drunkenly pat Garrus on the head.

"When are you guys leaving?" Garrus asked.

"We are leaving to start clearing out the geth that are left in a couple days. You staying here?" She asked eyeing him curiously.

"I think so. Don't worry Shepard, I'll make you proud." Garrus had a teasing tone to his voice.

"Garrus you already do. I know Tali is also leaving to go back to the flotilla. I'm going to miss her. As much as I hate to say it my crew has become important to me. I've done so well at not letting that happen in the past, but something about a galactic threat to everyone's lives... I guess it has a way to draw everyone closer to some degree. I guess what I'm trying to say is, Garrus, you are a great person, and a great friend. I'm so happy I got to meet you and I'm happy you look up to me, but don't let me stop you from being successful. Go get the Spectre status. If you want to come back on my ship you are welcome. You might also want to invest in getting your own. You are very capable. Also, don't let your jackass father stop you this time or ill beat the shit out of you. Just remember I know about 15 different ways to take down a turian. None of which include explosions sadly." Shepard laughed. "Explosions fall under the 16th way to take down a turian. Although last on the list definitely my favorite." 

"I'm glad you believe in me. You have no idea how much your confidence in us as a team has inspired us. Sure Torfan got you your N7 training, but I bet you would have gotten it anyway. You are a fantastic leader even if you don't realize it." Garrus pat Shepard on the head. 

"Aren't you just sweet. I'll definitely visit to see how you are doing with your Spectre training or however you turians do it. Will you be on the Citadel?" Shepard asked.

"Yea I'll be on the Citadel." Garrus confirmed.

"Great than I'll see you in a month or so big guy." Shepard stood, wobbled a bit, but then left Garrus. That would be the last time he saw her. 


	10. The last time he saw her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard get's one more shore leave before she's off fighting pockets of geth once more. She chooses to visit Garrus instead of go to the bar like she promised him. She'd upset about something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I got an idea and decided to add in a chapter. This is the new Chapter ten and I figured it would add more to the friendship aspect of the two cuties. (Honestly guys I don't hate Liara as a LI, she's not my favorite but I was curious about how the game wrote her and how a human female might react, especially the hard-ass Butcher of Torfan.) So in an event to ease some of the strain between her and Liara she spends time chilling with Garrus. Ship's off limits. 
> 
> Don't expect random sexy times that's not what this chapter is about guys sheesh. 
> 
> Cheers-Elodie

It was the weekend and Garrus knew the _Normady_ was scheduled to dock soon. It was almost 1800 GST. Shepard had mentioned wanting to visit the bar when she docked last he knew so he figured he'd contact her. He opened up his omni tool and began a message for Shepard. 

_To: Commander Shepard_  
_From: Garrus Vakarian_  
_Subject: Shore leave?_

_Message: Hey, Commander. Shore leave is a great time to meet at the bar, knock back a few drinks and chill with potential Spectre's. Am I right or am I right? Shoot me a message when you are docked. I'm excited to update you on my progress. Things are looking positive so far._

_-G_

Garrus began taking apart his rifle to clean it. He hadn't gotten around to it yesterday after the shooting range and he figured there would be plenty of time to clean it before the busy Commander returned his message. For a second he wondered if she even would, given she always spent shore leave running around the Citadel fixing other people's problems. Little did he know he wouldn't be waiting very long. The beep announced her reply and he set the barrel he'd been cleaning down on his table. 

_To: Garrus Vakarian_  
_From: Commander Shepard_  
_Re: Shore leave?_

_Message: Ahoy there matey. I got me feet on land. Okay enough pirate talk, I don't think I'm up for bar hopping this weekend. Things aren't so great with the lady and I'd rather just chill. Your place? I'm avoiding Liara so ship is off limits. Give me your address and I'll be there soon._

_-Commander Fucking Shepard_

His apartment was small and he was almost embarrassed to have her over. He quickly put his gun back together, ran his hands under the water in the sink to wash away the gun oil, and began washing the dishes that had piled up from the weeks late nights. He was in training after all and it took a lot of the time out of his day. This resulted in the laziness that required a clean up at the start of the weekend. Just as he was placing the last utensil in the dishwasher his omni-tool pinged again. It was at this point he realized he'd forgotten to send her his address.

_To: Garrus Vakarian_  
_From: Commander Shepard  
_Re:Shore leave?__

_Okay Poser, I used my special status to get your address from C-Sec Open up I've got an arm full of groceries because I highly doubt you have anything in there worth eating. You're lucky I didn't just hack your lock and let myself in. I thought about it, but if you were doing something nasty I realized that was not a sight worth seeing._

_-Commander Fucking Shepard_

Garrus couldn't helped but chuckle at the messaged and strolled over to the door opening it up to find exactly what he expected. The Commander's arms were holding a brown paper bag and she flashed him a smile before letting herself in. She set the bag down on the circular table Garrus had previously been working on and placed her hands on her hips. Her eyes flashed a quick once over on the apartment and then fell on the turian still standing by the door. 

"Got some place I can cook up some tacos? I'm hungry." Shepard grinned. 

"Well, I have a stove top over there." Garrus pointed at the stove and counter top of the too small kitchen. 

"Perfect. Now sit down Garrus you don't have to stand there looking confused. I'd cook some tacos for you too but you can't eat them so they are all mine." She flashed him a grin and walked into the kitchen moving the bag to the counter top. "Also, why the fuck is it so hot in here Vakarian." 

"Uh... The same reason your ship is so cold?" Garrus responded with a chuckle. 

"Christ Garrus you have it at 26 degrees Celsius what is wrong with you." Shepard just shook her head than found the necessary equipment she needed to get to work. 

"I can turn it down maybe." Garrus offered. 

"Naw, I just needed a reason to pick on you. It's tolerable for now. Don't be surprised if I start sweating and stinking though. Us human's like it a bit cooler. I think given you suffered through quite a bit of time on that ship cold I can handle a night hot." She had taken a plate and began chopping up some green thing and putting it into a bowl. Next she pulled out some sort of ball that she immediately began tearing off the outsides revealing a white inside. "Oh, watch out Vakarian, I've never opened an onion near an alien before. The fumes make humans eyes water." She warned before taking a knife out to cut it. She was right the intense fumes of the thing she was cutting had indeed brought strange tears to Garrus' eyes. Why would she eat something that did that? He wondered watching her work on her food. 

Once the thing she called an onion had been sliced into small little squares she pushed them off to the side. She pulled out a red ball and began cutting it. Once it was sliced she mixed all three of the ingredients in the bowl. Then she pulled out some sort of meat and tossed it into the pan she'd pulled out ages ago. It didn't take much time before the red meat turned a brown color and she put it into a separate bowl. She reached back into the bag and pulled out some yellow things that she started filling with the previously prepared items. 

Shepard, a human who could probably out eat Garrus any day, set her plate on the table across from him and had five of those taco things she had prepared in front of her. She took a bite out of one and closed her eyes making a sound that he'd never heard her make before. 

"Mmmmmmmm. Not quite the same but i missed these little guys." She smiled as she looked over her taco and at Garrus. 

Garrus sat back into his chair laying one ankle over his knee before responding. "You eat a lot for a small, squishy, human."

"You know Garrus, It's considered an insult in most human cultures to..." She took another bite of her taco greedily. She barely had any of her taco left but she still had four more on her plate. "Make comments about female's eating habits. Lucky for you I don't have anything to be self conscious about. Can't help that I have the biotics of an ant and the hunger of a full fledged biotic. How the fuck do I not see asari's eating all the time." She shoved the rest of her taco into her mouth and chewed quickly. "Also, I missed breakfast." 

"Ahh. I'm sorry I didn't know it was an insult. Forgive me." Garrus sighed mentally shooting himself in the foot. "I didn't mean to offend I really didn't. It was just an-" Garrus was immediately cut off. 

"Don't worry Garrus I'm just giving you hell... and tips for future encounters with humans. Wouldn't want you insulting someone, although you'd think they would've taught you that in C-Sec." Shepard dug into the next taco. 

"They didn't exactly give us all the finer details. We learned pretty generic things that were offensive. You know like telling you to piss off. Those kinds of things." Garrus shook his head as Shepard laughed.

"How's Spectre training going?" Shepard propped herself up, elbows holding her up, as she leaned forward to ask her question. "It's going great. I actually feel like I have a shot. I mean, I have some clout now thanks to you." Garrus was beaming. "Naw Garrus, you did that yourself. You need to hurry up and get your position though. Mako's getting mighty roughed up without you around to fix it. I do the best I can but I'm missing that Vakarian style you throw in there. Pretty pathetic. I can only do so much." Shepard gave him a wink. "I'd really like that Shepard. So, whats going on with Liara?" Garrus asked. Shepard's face went pale and she looked down. "We uh... she wasn't... uh... things got awkward." Shepard stumbled with her words. "How so?" Garrus asked. "I uh... I dunno. I think it's kind of my fault, but I'm not to hurt about it. I just can't stand to see her mopey eyes. I'm not exactly the type one settles down with. I piss people off because I'm too focused on my job, then they feel lost or they say something that puts me over edge and the relationship just falls apart. Happens every time, I'm pretty much used to it by now." Shepard was finishing her last taco when Garrus finally responded. "Why do you do that?" His question caught her off guard. "I... Well its not like I plan for it. I just don't get along well with others. I mean why are you still a bachelor?" Her tone and posture began to reflect a defensive nature. 

"I don't know just haven't found the one worth settling down for. There's so much left I can do before I hit that stage. You know like a Reaper invasion to thwart. Hmm. It's not uncommon to settle down after our third decade you know." Garrus explained. 

"Uh huh. Anyways, mind if I borrow your couch tonight? Ship doesn't leave 'til tomorrow." Shepard asked. 

"Of course. I'm here whenever you need me, like always." Garrus reminded Shepard gently.

"I hope you mean that as a friend. We are in your house, I would surely hope you don't expect me to be your commanding officer here." She let out a small giggle. A giggle? Shepard never giggles. 

"What the hell was that Shepard?" Garrus asked. 

"As my friend I get to unwind and not be a stone cold hard bitch. I'm mean, don't get me wrong, I'm still a bitch, but at least I'm an expressive bitch." She picked up her now empty plate and took it over to the sink. She took her time running the water over her dishes adding soap and washing them. Placing them with the other dishes on the drying wrack to dry. Then she returned plopping down on the couch letting her feet sit against the arm rest, her knees bent. She folder her arms using her hands a a resting place for her head. She looked peacefully relaxed. "So Vakarian what does a turian who's great at shooting do for fun in his apartment?" Shepard asked.

"Well, we could watch a vid. Those are definitely on the entertaining side." Garrus smiled. 

"hmmmm So, do we watch a vid of yours or a vid of mine. The ones I'm familiar with run as far back as world war II era vids. Which was.... well let me do the math... well over two centuries ago. Loved the old war movies. I used to watch them at the library since they were free to watch. I don't know a whole lot of turian vids. To be fair I don't know any really." Shepard shrugged. 

"Well, why don't we watch one of your really old ones, it'll be entertaining for both of us and we can laugh at how terrible your species is at war." Garrus teased. 

"Um Garrus, if I remember correctly we kicked your turian plates off that moon eventually. I think its you turians who suck at war." She stuck her tongue out. 

"Actually if I remember correctly it was you guys who surrendered first during the Relay 314 incident." Garrus quipped. 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know that was Ash's grandfather. She was so self conscious about that..." Shepard shook her head. "Because lineage determines whether or not you are a good soldier. She was a damn good soldier. If you want to watch one there was a remake of the band of brothers that's really easy to get. It's really long though so we will half to watch it with each of my visits. We can start it now. Say, first few bits tonight?" She asked opening her omni-tool to search for the title. 

"Ooo, or we could watch some bad vids about what human's thought the future would hold a few centuries back." She grinned. "Or maybe a pirate movie. You know they had some really hilarious pirate movies." "Haha okay Shepard lets watch one of your pirate movies." Garrus shook his head at Shepard as she beamed. "Better idea, I'm sure you have some good relay 314 vids where they make fun of us squishy humans. We could watch one of those. I've always been curious what the other side was thinking." Shepard eyed him curiously. "You realize a lot of those vids are quite offensive?" Garrus cocked his eye brow at her. "Mmm so? Can't unite a galaxy if I'm an uncultured scally-wag." Shepard sat up and stretched her shoulders. "Well I am an uncultured scally-wag but that's besides the point." "I think my translator just glitched." Garrus sighed. "Pirate talk. You know they used to have days where a bunch of humans would get to together and just talk like a pirate? It's an insult." She explained. "We really could just watch a pirate movie." He sighed. he really wasn't sure if she would want to watch one of the vids his species had made in regards to the relay 314 incident. Those vids tended to be pretty harsh towards her species. "Nah. I wanna see what you grew up seeing. You'll figure this out sooner or later I'm a _very_ curious human. Also it's way more fun to tease you later about it if your there to witness my reaction to it." She pat the place next to her on the couch. "Git over here big guy and show me whats what." Garrus finally obliged setting the holo screen on the table and taking a seat next to her. He began his search for one of the more respectable films of the incident, found it and set it to download. It only took about five minutes and the film had started. He felt odd watching the film in the presence of a human, and he kept dodging glances at her to see her reaction. Her face remained unreadable. In the same static motion as she just absorbed what was unfolding in front of her. Occasionally a small chuckle would escape her throat but that was the only reaction she would show. By the time the movie was over a disappointed look had crossed her face. "Now, you wanted to watch the vid why are you making that face?" Garrus asked almost afraid of the answer. "I thought... I don't know I thought there would be some mysterious question answered. You know those things us humans talk about. The humanity we wish to preserve or whatever. It's a lot of things. What I just saw was people hatin' people. Nothin' new, nothin' different about it. Just, people hatin' people." She shrugged and pulled her knees up to her chest. "We are pretty soft though. Very squishy." The smile reappeared on her face. "Squishy or no I never want to be on the other side of that line Shepard. You are a terror on the battle field." Garrus shifted in his seat. "Mmm" Shepard hummed in agreement. It was long before her breaths became deep and even. Garrus stood up realizing she'd fallen asleep. He quickly grabbed an extra blanket from his bedroom and placed it over Shepard's sleeping form. ... Garrus woke from his sleep when his omni-tool pinged. It was a message alert. He grumbled and turned over brigin his wrist into view to read the message. _To: Garrus Vakarian_ _From: Commander Shepard_ _Subject: Heading out_ _Message: Garrus, thanks for letting me use your couch. It was surprisingly comfortable although the blanket was unnecessary. You keep your house too hot. Anyway I had to get some work done on the Citadel before the ship heads out. Remind me to take you to the bar next shore leave. Also, we definitely need to watch a pirate movie. See you next time big guy!_ _-Commander Fucking Shepard_ He pulled himself out of bed and peaked his head out of the doorway. He looked over everything, outside of the folded blanket on the couch everything else had been put away. Her brown paper bag was gone, the dishes from her dinner had been washed last night, all traces of her previous visit were gone. Except the blanket of course. Garrus returned it to the foot of the bed. He had no idea that she wouldn't get to visit his apartment again. Hell that the next time he saw her he wouldn't have an apartment on the Citadel.


	11. Politicians are the Weeds of the Galaxy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus learns of Shepard's death.

Garrus was sitting in his apartment when he heard the news. “This is Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani, Westerland news. It has been reported that Commander Anne Rose Shepard of the Alliance Navy, Spectre, and savior of the Citadel is confirmed killed in action, going down with her Ship the _SSV Normandy_.” He shook his head. That was the first time he had ever heard her full name. To him she was always Commander, or Commander Shepard, and sometimes just Shepard. He sighed. 

Garrus had been looking forward to trying to get Spectre status and rejoining his good friend on the ship. Life had been so much more rewarding on that ship. Sure he was far away from his own people surrounded by humans who spent a lot of time looking at him funny, but it had been worth it running around, gunning down the bad guys without the red tape to tell them how to do the job. Shepard got that. She completely understood how he felt and in fact encouraged it. He remembered how she had let him shoot Saleon and how she had looked back smiling saying “Remember that feeling.” 

It had been a very satisfying way to see the guy suffer for what he did to those poor people. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to do that all on his own. He remembered the last things Shepard had said to him, but he wasn't sure he could live up to them now that she was gone. He heard the reporter stating that the memorial service was taking place that afternoon. Did he dare go? He should go. he decided. 

He sent a comm message to his training adviser explaining that he would like to attend the memorial service and that he wouldn't be at today's session. He pulled on his armor fumbled with his visor and prepared himself for probably the worst day of his life. He still didn't know what to say or do. 

......

He arrived on the presidium where the memorial was scheduled to take place. The first person he spotted was Captain Anderson who was standing next to a man appearing to be much older. The older man was battle-scared and likely fought in the battle between their species. He looked familiar, but the turian couldn't place a name with the face. He found himself walking up to Captain Anderson, hoping that maybe this was all some kind of joke. The two decorated men stood in silence until Garrus walked up. 

"Garrus Vakarian, uh... not sure if your remember me but I served with the Commander on the mission to take down Saren." his words were almost a mumble and he fumbled over what to say. 

"Ahh, Vakarian, I remember you." Captain Anderson nodded. 

"uh... What happened?" He asked looking around still silently praying to all the spirits in the world this was some sick joke. 

"The ship was attacked by an unknown vessel. The Commander didn't make it. She went down with the ship." The somber look and tone of his voice told Garrus that this was not some sort of sick prank. 

"I thought the _Normandy_ was top of the line. How could one ship take it down. Why didn't she make it to an escape pod? Something? What about the Reapers? Without her... The galaxy won't pull itself together to deal with them." Garrus could feel the sub-harmonics of his voice becoming tight.

"We will have to figure something out. Hopefully the council won't turn this into a political nightmare, but I doubt it. It's grim business dealing with politicians who don't want to deal with the truth." Anderson sighed. The older man next to him seemed stone cold. 

"I uh... I heard you were very important to the Commander." Garrus stuck out his hand. He didn't know the procedures for human funerals but a hand shake seemed to apply in most circumstances. 

"She was... She was like a daughter to me. She was a good soldier. The galaxy will sorely miss her influence on it." Anderson took his hand and gave a tight squeeze. He could see his eyes getting watery, but not a single tear made it out. 

"And here I was hoping this was some sort of joke. For some reason, even though she told me it was a stupid thing to think, I thought she was invincible. Nothing could take her down. It's funny actually, just before Ilos she reminded me 'she was only human' and humans break just like every other species. Almost like she knew, which is kind of spooky." Garrus could tell he was rambling. He didn't know what to say so he just blurted out what was swimming around in his mind. 

Anderson gave a sad smile. "I know what you mean son. She had a way of making everyone around her feel like they could take on the impossible. I don't think anyone else could have done what she did." 

Garrus looked around and he saw a large portion of the crew was there. Tali wasn't there, and that in itself put a twinge in his stomach. She should be here. She probably doesn't even know... He opened up his comm and decided to send her a message. _Have you heard?_. He saw Joker sitting in the front row, hat in his lap, hands on his face. He walked up to the pilot and took a seat next to him. He still didn't know what to say. 

"Hey Garrus." Joker greeted mournfully. 

"Joker." Garrus acknowledged him. He saw white flowers of some kind draped across the Alliance blue coffin in front of them. A picture of Shepard with the Alliance flag in the background sat on top of it as well. "What are those?" He asked pointing to the flowers. 

"Roses. White roses are popular flowers for funerals." He sighed. 

"This is a big hit in the gut if I ever felt one." Garrus admitted. 

"It's all my goddamn fault. Shit. If I had just gotten into the damn shuttle like she ordered we wouldn't be in this mess. She died getting me to the shuttle. Spaced. There's not even a body in that coffin." Joker started making some of the strangest noises noises. They were uncharacteristically high pitched for a male. His shoulder's began to quake with each breath he took. Garrus felt even more at loss for words. He couldn't blame joker. Joker would probably eat himself alive for the rest of his life. Garrus just sat there in silence. Tears threatened to escape his own eyes, but he held them in. He knew if they started now, he might not be able to stop. That was something he'd rather do on his own. 

He didn't say a word to anyone else. He felt like the outsider looking into a bad situation and he couldn't grasp his own feelings. He was still in shock.

......

A couple days later there was a knock at his apartment door. Garrus dragged himself out of bed and made his way to the door. Liara stood on the other side of the door, wide eyed as usual. Her eyes were puffy though and when he had the door open wide enough she grabbed him and pulled him into a hug. 

"I know you didn't talk to many people at the memorial service. I know how important you were to her and I just... I wanted to make sure you knew you weren't alone." Her voice quaked as she held him. 

The shock had worn off about 24 hours ago and he just stayed in. He told him adviser he needed time alone and he didn't know when he would be back. He felt alone even with Liara there, he still felt alone. Like he was suffocating in space as Shepard probably done. 

"We both lost a very important person in our lives and... I wish there was a way to change it all. Go back in time and tell her... I'm so angry. I'm angry at her, joker, myself..." Liara whimpered. 

"Why are you angry with yourself?" Garrus sighed. 

"I'm the one who told her joker wasn't leaving the cockpit. I told her I wouldn't leave. You know how she is though..." Liara sighed. 

"Yea... we can't blame anyone. Even if it might make us feel better, worse, whatever we just have to pick ourselves up and figure out what to do next. The galaxy still needs saved... Not sure how we are going to do that now but we have to do something. It's what she would have wanted us to do. Focus on the mission." He sighed. He felt like his words betrayed him. He had spent his time holed up in this apartment. Tomorrow he would go to training. He had to gain his Spectre status, because maybe she was right, maybe he could use his status to keep the mission going. No one else would.

"Alright... I'm going to put out some feelers and see if anything pops up. If I find anything interesting I'll let you know. I think I need to be alone now, I uh... came here intending to comfort you and then just fell apart. I'm sorry." Liara sighed.

"Don't be sorry. She left a hole in all of us I think." Garrus admitted.

Liara bit her lip, she was holding something back Garrus could feel it, but he didn't pursue it. He let it go. Liara turned and left. What Garrus didn't know is Liara wouldn't pass anymore information to him. In fact this would be the last thing he heard from her as well.

...

The lights burned into Shepard’s eyes as they creeped open to meet the strange voices around her. Her entire body burned with pain worse than anything she could remember. She felt her heart in her entire body as the pain pulsed with its tempo. Her head screamed in pain and she wondered if she was still sucking for air like she last remembered. Her breaths labored, as she gasped for more and more air, never seeming to get enough.

A woman’s voice cut through “There on the monitor somethings wrong.”

A man’s voice responded calmly “she responding to outside stimuli. Showing an awareness of her surroundings.” He almost gasped with realization as he said “Oh my god Miranda. I think she’s waking up.”

The woman seemed to chastise him as she responded, panic creeping into her voice. “Damn it, Wilson. She’s not ready yet give her the sedative.”

Shepard lifted her hand but before she could even think about why the woman with dark hair leaned over her to give her a warning.

“Shepard – Don’t try to move. Just lie still. Try to stay calm.” Stay calm why? She was dying. how the fuck are you supposed to stay calm when you are dying.

Shepard’s gasps for air came with more force as her heat accelerated.

Wilson noticed this as he reported to the woman “Her heart rates still climbing. Brain activity is off the charts. Stats pushing into the red zone it’s not working!”

Shepard couldn’t get enough air. She could hear the beeping of machinery which didn’t help her panic. The pain was so intense.

“Another dose. Now!” The woman ordered.

She felt herself losing touch once more as her vision began to darken.

“Heart rate dropping. Stats falling back into normal range.” The man remarked.

Shepard’s breathing started to take control of itself as she began to lose feeling. 

“That was too close. We almost lost her.” He confirmed.

“I told you your estimates were off. Run the numbers again.” Ordered the dark haired woman who had leaned over her once more. 

Everything faded.

...

“Wake up commander.” That woman’s voice again. “Shepard do you hear me? Get out of the bed now—this facility is under attack.”

Once again everything hurt. Shepard’s’s muscles screamed and her joints ached. Her skin felt like it was on fire. 

“Shepard your scars aren’t healed, but I need you to get moving. This facility is under attack.” The woman ordered. This woman is bossy. 

Shepard sat up wincing with every movement.

“There’s a pistol in the locker on the other side of the room. Hurry!” The warning started to become clear as she rolled out of the bed.

As she opened the cabinets she found a pistol and some N7 armor. It was basic, not what she normally wore but it would do. She dressed quickly ignoring the pain as adrenaline started to kick in. She had to move now and that was clear. The woman continued to give her directions, some of which were completely unnecessary but she followed instruction anyway. At least that was her thoughts when she used a rocket launcher on four loki mechs who were entering the room. She really wished she just had her sniper rifle to snipe everything. Not that she couldn't use a pistol, she could rock a pistol with the best of them, it just wasn't hers.

Her stomach churned as she watch people getting ripped apart as she ran by following the instructions. This woman was not in the business of her playing the hero just getting her out alive and she was inclined to follow instructions. That is until the woman’s voice became stressed and their communications dropped. Fuck. Alright she could do this. She'd been in worse situations before. She just needed to find the goddamn exit and not get trounced by fucking machines. 

Shepard found some computers with info on them about project Lazarus. She knew instantly they were talking about her. Who would pay billions of credits just to bring her back she wondered and she ran down the hall. Her pain which had nearly crippled her at the beginning of this insane wake up had started to dissipate as the distraction of surviving took over. She pistol whipped a few mechs and shot a couple more in the face. Her muscles screamed with the movement, but the adrenaline kept her moving. She was going to feel this tomorrow no doubt.

It wasn’t long until she rounded a corner seeing a dark skinned man shooting across a man-made chasm of some kind. She didn’t know the layout of the building but she was glad to see a survivor. Maybe he had answers.

A strange look crossed his face as he greeted her with shock. “What are you doing here? I thought you were still a work in progress.” 

“Look pal I don’t know where I am, or how I got here but. Plus my head feels like an overripe melon ready to split open. How ‘bout you fill me in a little?” By now Shepard remembered her dropping her name in those instructions she was given.

“Yeah” He confirmed. “Sorry… I forgot this was all new to you right now. I’m Jacob Taylor I’ve been stationed here for—“ 

“Hostiles detected” a Loki Mech interrupted. 

“Damn it” he cured as it shot at him. “Things must be worse than I thought if Miranda’s got you running around. I’ll fill you in, but we better get you to the shuttle first.”

“Maybe it’s time we got moving.” Jane nodded slightly in affirmation. 

“First off lets finish off these metal bastards” He responded as he began shooting again. “We are low on thermal clips though.” 

They killed off the mechs with ease and he turned to her a serious look on his face. “Ready to get the hell of this station?”

“Before we go anywhere I need some answers” Shepard responded whipping sweat off her face. It came out harsher than she intended but she hoped it would deliver her message. Don’t pull me around.

“Sure. What d’you wanna know.”

“How bad were my injuries? I ran across some computers on my way here talking about this Lazarus project. Pretty sure that was me.” She asked pointedly. 

He sighed. “I’m no doctor but it was bad. First time I saw you, you were nothing but meat and tubes. Anywhere else they’d of put you in a coffin. But project lazarus was different – cutting edge technology.”

“What do you mean? Cloning? Cybernetics?” Shepard’s stomach churned at the thought.

“I don’t know the details you’d have to ask the scientists.” Taylor responded. “But I’m pretty sure you’re not a clone. They wanted to bring you back exactly as you were. You’re still you… You just might have a few extra bits and pieces now.” 

Shepard had heard enough. She was ready to ditch this place. “What’s the quickest way to those shuttles?” She asked not ready to confront this issue. Who knew what those bits and pieces actually were...

“Depends where the mechs are thickest. It’s probably best if we—“ Taylor was interrupted by a com.

“Check. Check. Anyone on this frequency? Anybody still alive out there? Hello?” The male voice sounded familiar to her.

“Wilson this is Jacob. I’m here with Commander Shepard. Just took a wave of mechs out over in D wing.” Taylor stated. 

“Shepard’s alive? How the hell… never mind. You need to get her out of there. Get to the service tunnels and head for the network control room.” Wilson responded. 

“Roger that Wilson. Stay on this frequency.” Taylor ordered. 

“Let’s get out of here” Shepard agreed. 

Wilson gave instructions on the easiest way to him, although easiest is up for debate as there were still plenty of mechs to be crushed under the new found strength Shepard noted. Her biotics had improved. Instead of a mere pull she had developed a kind of creepy ability. She was able to drain the life out of the mechs. She wondered if it was just on synthetics, but she didn't have much time to worry about that now. She was some kind of biotic vampire, whatever if she lived she didn't care. 

When they got to Wilson Shepard had to use some medi-gel on him. He was shot in the leg. But it wasn’t long before they were off again. What a way to wake up. She thought. Wilson confirmed Jane’s suspicions about him being there when she awoke during procedures. Shepard didn’t trust him he was a little suspicious giving an excuse for why he was found there. She didn’t have much choice though, you go to war with the soldiers you have. Even if it’s one alliance soldier and a scientist. 

When the mechs were cleared for the next few rooms Taylor sighed. “Okay this is getting intense. Shepard if I tell you who we work for, will you trust me?”

That almost caught her off guard. She knew there had to be some catch to all this. “uh sure.” Shepard complied.

“The Lazarus project. The program that rebuilt you…” He trailed off with hesitation. “It’s funded by Cerberus.”

Shepard felt a knot in her gut but kept her face guarded. “I wiped out my share of Cerberus projects when I was a Spectre. Back then, they were trying to kill me. Why the change of heart.”

“Those answers are way above my pay grade. But basically… things change.” He responded.

“mmm” Shepard took the answer. She’d get it no use hassling him. He probably doesn’t know.

He continued as if to prove a point. “the alliance declared you dead. They gave up. Cerberus spent a fortune to bring you back. Look I’d be suspicious too too. But right now, we have to work together. I thought you deserved to know what’s what. Once we’re off the station I'll take you to the illusive man. He’ll explain everything. I promise. ”

“mm” Shepard gave a quick nod and turned towards the door. 

“Through here we’re almost at the—“ Wilson was caught off by the door opening and a gun in his face. Without a chance to even blink the dark haired woman who called herself Miranda shot him and Wilson toppled over. 

Not exactly what Shepard would call the best first impression but she didn’t have time to argue. 

It was Jacob who piped up. “What the hell are you doing?!” 

“My job. Wilson betrayed us all” Miranda state matter-of-factly. 

Shepard let the both of them argue it out but it was clear the only thing Shepard had learned from this encounter was Miranda was a know-it-all bitch. Also, she needed to watch herself around her. It came out that I knew they worked for Cerberus and Miranda opened the platform for questions. Shepard didn’t know which ones to ask and honestly wanted to get the hell out of here. So she gave a small head shake and start walking towards the shuttles. 

Once in the shuttle Miranda was straight to business. “Before you speak to the illusive man we need to ask you a few questions.”

“You wanna do that now?” Jacob asked doubtfully. 

“We should have done this weeks ago to confirm the success of project Lazarus. A few questions during the shuttle ride will have to suffice.”

“Okay, records show you grew up on Earth. You joined the alliance when you turned 18 and and fought against the Batarians on Torfan. Do you remember that?” Jacob asked.

“We should move on.” Shepard didn’t feel like divulging all of this information to them. Not right now. She did remember however, but she wasn't about to relive everything just to suite these peoples needs and wants. 

“There are other tests we really should run—“ Miranda was cut off mid sentence. 

“Come on, Miranda, Memories are there and I can’t vouch for her combat skills personally.” Jacob practically whined.

“I suppose you’re right. We’ll have to hope our little field test is accepted as enough evidence by the Illusive Man.” Miranda sighed. 

The rest of the shuttle ride was silence as Shepard spent time in her thoughts. Two years….. damn. She doubted she’d get to regain her old crew. She never asked but she figured most made it out alright. She’d find out soon enough. She looked down at her hands, normally covered in gloves she could see the places her skin hadn’t completely formed. She noticed immediately a red glow. Cybernetics. How much of her body had been replaced? Was she even human? She felt her stomach churn again. Clearly she had emotions she was either a rebooted body, an advanced vi who thought she was herself, or something strange in between. 

She didn’t have any excuses about not addressing the situation with herself anymore. She had plenty of time to think about it. At the very least she was going to interact with the assumptions that she was indeed Ann Shepard, until she found out otherwise. No one else needed to know her doubts otherwise they’d never believe her. She didn’t like the idea of becoming Liaras experiment when she was touched by the Prothean beacon, and she certainly didn’t want to come under the knife when she regained her connections with the alliance. This she needed to do. Get the hell out of Cerberus and back into the alliance asap. She could only imagine the pile of paperwork she’d have to fill out. Being dead two years and coming back never looks good. Damn. At least she had the scares to prove she wasn’t lying. She didn’t even want to look at her face. Not that her appearance really matter that much to her, it was just going to be a strange experience looking into the mirror and not seeing herself. She knew that much already. 

...

Shepard Stepped onto the circular platform in the room disappointed to not see the man in front of her. She was already annoyed. The hologram reader started its process and she waited. 

“Commander Shepard.” The illusive man greeted. He was dressed nice, guess that’s to be expected from someone who spent a fortune putting her back together.

“Illusive man. I thought we’d be meeting face-to-face.” Shepard crossed her arms over her chest.

“A necessary precaution. Not unusual for people who know what you and I know.” The illusive man was trying to draw on commonalities. Interesting Shepard thought.

“What exactly is it that you and I know.” She responded evenly. 

“That our place in the universe is more fragile than we might think. That one woman, one very specific woman might be all that stands between humanity and the greatest threat of our brief existence.” 

“The reapers…” Shepard knew instantly what he was talking about. 

“Good to see your memories still intact.” The illusive man tapped some ashes from his cigar he was smoking. “How are you feeling?”

“You need to earn the right to ask me those kinds of questions” Shepard defensively and defiantly retorted. 

“Cerberus isn’t as evil as you think. You and I are on the same side. We just have different methods.” He took a long drag from his cigarette. 

“Cut to the chase.” Shepard said slightly irritated. “What are the reapers doing that made you decide to ring me back?"

“We’re at war. Nobody wants to admit it but humanity is under attack. While you’ve been sleeping entire colonies have been disappearing. Human colonies. We believe it’s someone working for the reapers, just as Saren and the Geth aided Soverin . You’ve seen it yourself, you’ve bested all of them. That’s just one reason we chose you.” Shepard paused. Now he’s trying flattery. 

He gave Shepard a moment to ask a few questions but none of the answers tasted right in her mouth. This would need further investigation on her own time. She couldn’t trust anything this man told her. She knew that from the beginning. He set her out to investigate Freedom’s Progress, a colony that went missing. He explained she’d be just fine with Miranda and Jacob for now that’s all she had. 

Shepard's intention after stepping out of the holo display was to talk to Miranda and Jacob but she decided against it. She was going to hold them at arms length. No reason to let Cerberus know all of her thoughts. This place made her skin crawl. Her heart almost broke thinking about how everyone has been doing the past two years. Where was Liara? She was supposed to visit Garrus for rounds at the bar on her return from her ship. Instead she'd been spaced. She hoped the Geth data she gave tali was helpful... She'd never know. That is not until she could get out of this anthropocentric group.

Once back in the shuttle, on the way to freedoms progress Miranda asked Jane a simple question. “Do you have any orders?”

Shepard didn’t even hesitate. “We’re going to find out who did this and take them down. Nothing gets in our way. Am I clear?” 

“Perfectly, Commander.” Miranda responded. Shepard wondered if it was forced or if she actually felt that way. Who knows. 

“Good to have you hear Shepard.” Taylor seemed more welcoming than Miranda. So long as these two didn’t step out of line they all might get along. The second either of them compromises the mission or disobeys her orders she was going to have to figure something out. Hopefully this handshake between her and Cerberus wouldn’t last long. 


	12. Bean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter will cover a little bit of Shepards back story.

_Ann smiled at the boy sitting next to her. She was going to be 14 tomorrow and they were going to celebrate with something special. She told him she didn't want to wait for tomorrow, and that they had no reason to wait. They sat in abandoned building watching the rain fall heavily on the streets. His fingers lightly running through her silky copper hair. The male brunette kept smiling at her as he played with her hair._

_"Bean. I'm serious about this. I'm not gonna be one of those throw away hookers am I?" She asked squinting at him trying to appear intimidated._

_"Never." He replied with a soft smile._

_"Good 'cuz ya'know I don't do that. I've actually got skills unlike most of the female schmucks around here." She crossed her arms over her chest._

_"Don't worry Ann, I'll follow you to hell and back before I ever let you get stuck doing something like that. I'm serious. Hell I'm as nervous as you. I haven't done anything like this." He admitted sheepishly._

_"Damn right you better be Bean. No one sees me like this." she felt herself shaking with nerves._

_"Ann... maybe we should wait. Ya know?" He blushed._

_"Bean, don't bounce now. I want to do this. I don't want to have to guard myself anymore. You see the way they look at me if I'm not a virgin anymore then I don't have to be afraid I won't get to choose. some of the people around here aren't nice." Shepard frowned. "You know that. What if I fuck up a job and they decide to sell me."_

_"I won't let them." Bean Protested. "Besides I don't just wanna be a power fuck. I want us to get out of here and join the military like Curt said. This is temporary for us. He knows we can do better than selling drugs."_

_"Bean, am I not clear enough? I want you." Shepard pleaded._

_"Let's just wait til tomorrow. Besides, isn't the waiting worth it? You only have to wait a few hours. Let's get back before they worry the job didn't get done." Bean pulled her in for a deep kiss. "Just one day Trick." He grinned using her nick name._

_"I always find it funny that's my nick name and I'm in the 1% of the females in this gang not turning tricks." She hummed._

_"That's 'cuz your better at sneaking around then the others. You're amazing at what you do. You also pull off the best goddamn innocent face I've ever seen. Remind me not to ever play card games with you." He panted a kiss on her forehead before pulling her up with him._

_......._

_Shepard was 17 when she learned not to get close to anyone. Life always had a way of fucking her over._

_Shepard pulled bean down the alleyway. "Lets come down here, babe. I have a treat for you." She glanced around before pushed him up against the wall._

_He dropped the box he had been carrying and his hands fell to her hips. Her mouth, hungry for his attention after a successful mission kissed and sucked on his neck leaving little bruise colored marks in it's wake. "you sure this is a good spot, Trick?" He asked timidly._

_"I don't fucking care I want you..." she growled. She had her hand eagerly tugging at the belt that held his sagging pants on his hips when all hell broke loose._

_"FREEZE!" A grown male voice shouted. "On the ground now!"_

_Her hand quickly found the gun at her hip. She turned and without hesitation pointed and took a shot. As soon as the gun discharged she felt intense pain as a few other shots fired from in front of her._

_"GO, Bean!" Shepard screamed as she fell to the ground. The only shot that hit her was the one in her gun arm. They had mistakenly tried to disable her instead of kill her. Dumb pigs. She picked up the gun again before a shot hit her other arm. She let out a cry and felt the heat building in her eyes. She had no idea if she hit her mark. She certainly hoped so. If she was left behind then maybe Bean would live._

_"Man down! Call for an ambulance!"_

_She looked where bean had taken off and her breath caught. Bean was sprawled on the ground not five feet away, blood pooled around his head, and it was her own damn fault for not listening. The mission was a failure and she lost the only person she cared about._

_"Bean..." Her voice whimpered. She felt strong hands turn her over and pull her arms hastily behind her back._

_"Marco... Stanley's gone." She heard one of the officer's announce._

_Why didn't they just kill her and let bean go? She's the one who drew her weapon..._

_She heard the wailing of an ambulance. When it arrived she was tossed in still handcuffed and she watched to bodies get carried away in body bags. She felt damn cold. Her heart hurt but she felt cold and numb. That's the price you pay for being stupid and cocky. Her life was over and she knew it._

_At her trial she had plenty of Character witnesses. Her defense attorney actually didn't suck even though he was one of the freebies they offer. She gave up Curt's name for the option to opt out of prison for military service. Curt was the leader. The prosecutor gave her the deal. She secretly hoped she would get killed in action and her life could end knowing she tried to make up for her mistakes. Instead she would leave a line of dead soldier in her wake. Eventually it was expected and she wouldn't even mourn them. That is, until Ash. ___

... 

“So did you find attack mechs at any of the other colonies?” Shepard asked. 

“No, this is new.” Miranda responded. “But new is good, we have something to take back to the Illusive Man.” 

They were about to enter another building when Shepard heard voices coming from the inside. She signaled them to stop and pressed her ear to the door. The voices were small and muffled so she readied her gun and disengaged the security lock on the door. Upon entering she was surprised to see a group of quarians. 

Most of them were holding guns to her face. 

“Stop right there” warned a male Quarian. 

“Praza you said you’d let me handle this.” Came the voice of Tali. Shepard felt a smile creeping on her face despite the fact that there were guns pointed at her. “wait, Shepard!?” 

“I’m not taking any chances with Cerberus operatives” Praza snarled. 

“Put those weapons down!” Tali ordered her crew. “Shepard… is that…. Your alive?” Her voice became small. 

__“Cerberus rebuilt me Tali. In return they asked me to investigate these attacks on human colonies.” Jane explained._ _

“You’ll pardon us for not taking you at your word Cerberus.” Praza growled. He really didn’t like my crew. 

“We’re well within our rights to investigate attacks on human colonies.” Miranda stated crossing her arms. “I’d like to know what the quarians are doing here." 

“Weapons down Praza. Whatever’s going on here I don’t think we need another fight.” Tali ordered once more. The weapons slowly descended and I returned the favor. 

“One of our people was here on pilgrimage,” Tali explained. “His name was Veetor. We came to find him.” 

“Everyone else is dead. What makes you think Veetor survived?” Jane asked. 

“We saw him when we landed” Praza explained. 

“You saw him? Then why isn’t he with you?” Jacob asked. 

“Veetor was injured and he was always…. Nervous.” Tali explained. 

“She means that he was unstable.” Praza interrupted. 

Then discussed the likely hood of his condition at the moment before deciding to split up to cover more ground. Jane also learned that it was Veetor who hacked the mechs to attack on sight. Likely in his delusional paranoid state he was just trying to protect himself. At this point he was afraid of his own people. Jane didn’t blame him one bit. To some degree she kind of understood. 

It wasn’t long before Tali was warning Jane of Praza’s betrayal and how her squad was split up. They needed help. Shepard felt bad for Tali, her own squad wouldn’t listen to her. At least the crew She was running with, all two people worth pretended to listen to her orders. When Jane arrived she focused on the heavy Mech. Ordering Miranda to Overload its shields allowing Shepard to cloak, find her spot and start using the sniper rifle Cerberus had provided her. The smaller mechs were taken out by her tag-alongs immediately. 

She located the target and as Tali had mentioned he was delusional. However he found important information. She needed that information. Miranda kept pushing for Veetor to come back with them but Shepard didn’t trust them. Being a human idealizing group she certainly wouldn’t want to put them in charge of looking after a sick quarian. Tali promised to send the data and now Shepard had her proof that the collectors were involved in this attack. There was video footage of the attack. Shepard was walking out the door and on her way to the shuttle when Tali spoke up. 

“Shepard, I’m glad you’re still the one giving the orders.” Her voice was sad with farewell. Shepard just nodded as she ducked out the door. 

The shuttle ride back Shepard just kept thinking about how she should have just stayed dead. She really wasn't worth saving. All that cocky attitude she had back that the party... It was gone. It had been an act because she couldn't let her team see her doubting herself. The only person who knew how deep her doubts ran was Liara. 

...

__

_"Shepard, how do you do it?" Her soft voice asked as her fingers traced circles on Shepard's soft skin. They had been out searching for small geth pockets for a week now. They had one shore leave scheduled, then off to find out where some ships had been disappearing. Shepard had been looking forward to shore leave with Liara. She was going to take her to a nice restaurant, then meet up with Garrus at the bar. A nice sentiment._

_"Do what?" Shepard had never realized how much seeped through when their minds melded._

_"Appear so strong for everyone all the time. You put on that mask and even I'm convinced." Liara's eyes were full of worry._

_"Compartmentalize. Everything I do. There's a little box for myself kept in the very back of my mind. When I'm all by myself I let those things go. When I'm in command it's locked tight because I can't afford to think about those things when I'm on a mission. Otherwise people end up dead and the mission fails." Shepard sighed. "Why?"_

_"When our minds meld I get peaks into who you are and where you've come from. I see so much pain and I can't even fathom how you can keep all of that locked away in a tight little box." Liara admitted._

_"Time makes it easier. Never completely goes away but it does get easier. Li, you should know that." Shepard sighed._

_"Shepard, I wanted you to know, you were a kid. It wasn't your fault. Everyone makes stupid mistakes and you couldn't have known..." Liara put a hand on her shoulder._

_Shepard's breath caught. Her eyes hardened as she met Liara's own blue orbs. "Get out." It came out as almost a growl. Shepard could feel the knots tightening in her gut at Liara's words. Guess that dinner could wait. She wasn't sure if she could handle someone knowing all of that about her without them talking about any of it. Suddenly she was uncomfortable with this whole ordeal. She watched Liara look her over sadly, but she obeyed, dressing herself and leaving Shepard's quarters. That was their last morning together like that. Shepard wouldn't put aside her pride, and she would serve with Liara or another month before the Collector ship would attack._

...

“Shepard, good work at freedom’s progress. The quarians forwarded their findings from Veetor’s debriefing. No new data, but it’s a surprising Olive Branch given our history. You and I have different Methods but I can’t argue with your results.” The illusive man said admittedly.

“The data from his omni-tool should be quite useful.” Shepard pointed out. 

“We’re still analyzing it. But more importantly you confirmed the collectors are behind the abductions.” The illusive man confirmed. 

“Why do I get the feeling you knew about the collectors.” Shepard could feel something wasn't right about this entire situation. She just needed to get as much intel as she could, take down the collectors and run back to the Alliance where she belonged. 

“I had my suspicions but I needed proof. The collectors are enigmatic at best. They periodically travel to the terminus systems. Looking to gather seemingly unimportant items or specimens. Usually in exchange for their technology. When their transactions are complete they disappear as quickly as they arrive back beyond the un-mapped omega 4 relay. Until now, we’ve had no evidence of direct aggression from the collectors.” The illusive man’s description sounded like something she’d heard before, but as a kid. It was more of a story about what was under the beds at night but she hadn’t really believed it. “The council and the Alliance want to believe the reaper threat died with Sovereign.” The illusive man tacked on. 

Shepard felt her heart sink. Everything she’d accomplished and this is how she’s repaid. She didn’t let the worries cross her face as she decided her next course of action. “Well If I’m going to take on the collectors I need a team.” Shepard said thoughtfully. 

“I’ve already compiled a list of soldier, scientists, and mercenaries. You’ll get Dossiers on the best of them. Finding them and convincing them to work with you, but you’re a natural leader. I’ll continue to track the collectors. When they make their next appearance I’ll notify you and your team.” The illusive man confidently informed her. 

“Keep your list. I want people I trust. The ones who helped me stop Saren and the geth.” She retorted. She didn't know how many of them would follow her into the relay, but her chances of coming out alive were greater if she wasn't expecting a knife in the back. 

“That was two years ago commander. Most of them have moved on. Or their allegiances have changed.” The illusive man reminded her.

“What about Tali? She already helped us on freedoms progress.” Jane calmly asked. 

“That was unexpected I need more Intel before I’ll commit to that.” He shot Shepard down.

“Where’s Garrus Vakarian?” Shepard was getting frustrated. She wondered if he’d made Spectre status yet. It would be a valuable asset to get another Spectre on this job. Not to mention she could trust him more than anyone else on the mental list she had. He was almost stupidly loyal, possibly stupid enough to follow her into the omega four relay.

“The turian disappeared a few months after you were declared dead. Even we haven’t been able to located him.” The illusive man stated.

“Ok I get it. They’re not available.” She sighed not willing to go through the rest of the list. She let her mind wonder to the asari, but quickly let that go. She didn't know if she wanted her on the team. Didn't know if she could face her.

“You’re a leader Shepard. You’ll get who you need.” The illusive man Puffed from his cigarette. 

“I'm still a Spectre, maybe I can get the council to help us out.” Shepard offered, although not much hope there. They were a big help last time the reaper threat was knocking at their door. 

“If you think you can convince them by all means. Just remember, You’ve been gone a long time. Things have changed.” The illusive man warned, clearly just as doubtful about Shepard’s suggestion as she was.

“You worry about the collectors I’ll make sure my teams ready.” She stated with a fierce look in her eye. 

After a long drag on his cigarette the Illusive man decided to wrap up the conversation. “Good, two things before you go. First, head to omega and find Mordin Solace. He’s a brilliant salarian scientist. Our intelligence suggest he may know how to counter the effects of the paralyzing seeker swarms.” He Ordered. 

“I haven’t even started and you’re telling me what to do?” Shepard crossed her arms over her chest.

“I’m giving you directions, what you do with it is up to you. I’m sure you’ll make the right decision.” The illusive man stated matter-of-factly.

“Alright what’s the other thing.” She caved ready to get out of this call. 

“I have a pilot you might like. I hear he’s one of the best. Someone you can trust.” And with that he cut the feed.

“Hey commander, Just like old times huh?” Joker smiled.

They began to walk out of the room and down the corridor. “I can’t believe it’s you Joker.” Shepard felt tension leaving her as she followed her old friend down the hall.

“Look who’s talking. I saw you get spaced.” Joker, as his usual self jokes were made. This is what she needed for sure. A friendly face.

“Got lucky, with a lot of strings attached. How’d you get here?” Shepard asked a little bit worried since he clearly left the alliance. No other way he could be here.

“It all fell apart without you, Commander. Everything you stirred up the council just wanted it gone. Team was broken up, records sealed and I was grounded. The alliance took away the one thing that mattered to me. Hell yea I joined Cerberus.” Joker explained.

“You really trust the Illusive Man?” She certainly hoped not as the question fumbled out of her mouth. 

“I don’t trust anyone who makes more than I do. But they aren’t all bad. Saved your life. Let me fly, and there’s this. They told me last night." Joker gestured to the Ship in dock and Shepard's breath caught. 

The lights turned on and she could see, it was the Normandy. Flying different colors but the cut seemed the same to her as the older one. She wondered how much of it remained as she remembered. How could it ever be just like old times without her old team. 

“Its good to be home huh, Commander?” Just like Joker to love his ship more than the people they worked with. She felt her stomach lurch a little at the thought. Home.

“I guess we’ll have to give her a name.” Of course she knew what that name would be. 

...

Shepard went up to her new cabin. It was unnecessary. She sighed as she sat down in front of the desk and her breath caught when she saw the photo of Liara on the desk next to her. For a human-centric organization, they had certainly gone out of their way to alert Shepard they knew of her relationship with the asari. What was the point? Other than being ridiculously creepy, she wasn't sure. Cerberus was running on old news anyway. She liked the woman, she had been kind, sweet, and was definitely worth the chase if she didn't have so much stuff crammed into her head she didn't want to share. If she had just been alright at keeping her damn mouth shut and letting her not think about the fact that every sexual encounter made her an open book to the asari. She shook her head. 

The three dossiers for omega sat in front of her on her desk. Archangel, what a name. Didn't they know angels didn't exist? There had to be an afterlife for there to be angels. She'd been dead and recalled no such thing. Stupid. The Veteran, he would likely cause trouble, although not as much as some of the other dossiers. Damn the need to pick up Mordin. She needed him first for the upgrades, although if things were going south in other areas, she might hold off on him. She hadn't decided. She walked over to her bed and fell into it. She was exhausted. It would be a while before sleep would take, and when it did it would be a fitful sleep. The slightest noise from the ship would pull her awake, her high alert keeping her from resting how she needed to.


	13. Archangel

He was used to watching the mercs slide into scope before he blew their heads off of their shoulders, but what he saw next was interesting. Three of the mercs who had just climbed over the wall way outclassed what he had seen. This is it. Those three might end up being the death of him. He took out the scraggly one which had climbed over in front of them. Just like that the three over-classed mercs started shooting on the ones who were filing in to kill him. 

That was interesting. He smiled to himself. Enemy of my enemy? He thought remembering something Shepard had said to him in regards to the asari who joined their mission to stop Saren. Just like that the one on point disappeared until a tactical cloak. He lost sight of them. They were small, so he figured it was probably a female. The taller woman in the trio was using biotics and moved forward with the wilder looking man. Hmmmm. Looked like military training? They certainly looked like they were following orders. Interesting. He caught a glimpse of the leader as her cloak ran out and he popped her in the shoulder with a concussive round. She was certainly taking her sweet time shooting the mercs. Whoever she was seemed to be enjoying herself down there too much. He needed to get her moving because he could hear the infiltration team at his door. 

The human made some sort of hand gesture his way right before she disappeared under the bridge. The middle of her fingers stuck out while the rest were clamped down. He’d seen it before but he wasn’t sure what it meant. 

He heard the gurgled sound of the merc at the door choking on his own blood, but the door made an uncomfortable beep as access was granted. He heard it slide open, the smell that entered the room with footsteps had two effects on Garrus. He felt a chill on his spine, but he didn’t turn around to shoot either as he realized the familiarity of the sweet scent. The voice that accompanied it was all he needed. “Archangel?” _Shepard_.

He put a bullet in the skull of a merc after giving her a signal of confirmation. He turned and saw the familiar orange matted hair, although now all static-y from the Helmet she now had resting between her arm and hip. Her face was marred with some strange scars that lit up. Her scent was the same, though; he knew it was her. 

He found himself sitting, helmet off and a surprised look crossing her face. A look of recognition. Good. “Shepard, I thought you were dead?” 

A smile formed on her lips and she raised her arms awkwardly in a greeting. “Garrus! What are you doing here?!” 

“Just keeping my skills sharp. A little target practice,” Garrus replied. His voice was strained, and he looked tense. Something heavy was going on she could feel it. 

“You okay?” Shepard asked with a hint of concern.

“Been better, but it sure is good to see a friendly face.” Garrus admitted. “Killing mercs is hard work especially on my own.”

“When did you start calling yourself Archangel?” Shepard asked quite curious how her buddy ended up in this mess. 

“It’s just a name the locals gave me for… all my good deeds. I don’t mind it but please,” He cleared his throat uncomfortably “It’s just Garrus to you.” 

“What are you doing out here on Omega?” More questions she wanted to know everything. 

“I got fed up with all the bureaucratic crap on the citadel. Figured I could do more good on my own. Least it’s not hard to find criminals here. All I have to do it point my gun and shoot.” Garrus had a somber tone to his voice that made Shepard frown. 

“How’d you manage to piss off all the major merc organizations in the Terminus Systems,” The questions continued. 

“It wasn’t easy, I really had to work at it. I am amazed that they teamed up to fight me. They must really hate me.” He said, there was a bit of pride in that she thought. 

“You nailed me good a couple times by the way.” Shepard admitted stretching out her sore shoulder. 

“Concussive rounds only no harm done. Didn’t want the mercs getting suspicious.” 

“Uh-huh.” she crossed her arms. 

“If I wanted to do more than take your shields down I’d have done it.” His point was taken. “Besides you were taking your sweet time. I needed to get you moving.”

“What do we got here, I don’t think getting out will be as easy.” She admitted.

“No it won’t. That bridge has saved my life, funneling all those witless idiots into scope, but it works both ways. They’ll slaughter us if we try to get out that way.” Garrus explained.

Until now her teammates had been quietly watching the reunion before them. “We can’t just sit around and wait for them to come after us.” Miranda said coyly. 

“It’s not that bad. This place has held them off so far, and with the three of you, I suggest we hold this location, wait for a crack in their defenses and take our chances. It’s not a perfect plan but it’s a plan.” Garrus suggested.

The question that had been on the tip of her tongue was ready. “How did you let yourself get into the position?” 

“My feelings got in the way of my better judgement. It’s a long story. I’ll make you a deal, you get me out of here alive and I’ll tell you the whole damn thing.” He said as he loaded his rifle. 

“I didn’t like sneaking anyway. It’s time to spill a little merc blood.” Shepard grinned readying her omni-tool.

“Glad to see you haven’t changed,” Garrus began approaching the wall. “Let’s see what they’re up to.” The rifle raised to his eye so he could check the other side of the bridge.  
“Looks like their infiltration team failed. Take a look. Scouts eclipse I think,” He said passing Shepard the rifle. It was the same one she had given him before she died. She felt a smile play on her lips. 

Shepard head-shot one of the mecs and once again the bullets started to fly. “More than scouts, one less now though.” 

“Indeed we better get ready,” Garrus warned. “I’ll stay up here I can do a lot of damage at this vantage point. You? You can do what you do best. Just like old times Shepard.” 

After clearing the area of mercs once more Shepard heard Garrus announce the newest addition to the fight. “Heavy mech inbound.”

“That problem should take care of itself” She responded with a smirk. 

It wasn’t long until a new problem presented itself. Shepard had to leave Garrus to shut down some gates. She certainly wasn’t leaving him alone. She ordered Miranda to stay, hoping Miranda’s aim and biotics would best suite fighting alone with him. Shepard fought through the Blood pack making sure they didn’t get past her and up to her new found teammate. Once the doors were all closed she heard Garrus warn that Garm was near. This was not okay. 

Shepard ran back sniper in hand ready to take that krogan with her fists if she had to. The second she was through the door she ordered Miranda to overload his shields so she could incinerate his ass. As soon she knocked him back she aimed the Paladin at his chest firing it. She followed it up with a reave. She could feel her shields fall as she was riddled with shots. 

“Fuck me!” Shepard screamed and dodging into cover only popping out to shoot at Gram again. Her heavy pistol discharge into his head and he fell. Her team plucked everyone else off as she recharged her shields hiding behind a shelving unit. She didn’t have time to check the severity of her wound so she just medi-gelled it. Her hand slick with blood She wiped it in between the plating or her armor and got ready for the next wave. 

“Sorry Love, but you aren’t my type.” She heard Zaeed call from his position. 

“It’s just a flesh wound chakwas will have to fix it later. It’s numbing up rather nicely!” Shepard responded. “But its fine, I’m okay.” There was a hint of sarcasm but it was all in fun. She was going to get along well with Zaeed she could feel it in her bones. 

“Okay we got them, meet up with me, Shepard, so we can figure what’s next. Also, try not to get shot this time.” Garrus teased. 

“Shuddup.” Shepard retorted knowing she got too aggressive. Sometimes it happened. She wasn’t careful she got hurt. When she was in the zone sometimes she lost track of her shields. Shepard ran up the stairs showing in good faith she was perfectly functional even with the wound on her side. “That’s what medi-gel’s for right?” 

“Please don’t forget that’s a temporary fix. I’d hate to see you get an infection over a wound you got unnecessarily.” The sadness in his voice was clear he was probably shooting himself in the foot proverbially right now. 

“Uh, Garrus? I’m a soldier. We get shot. It happens. I’ll go to Chakwas when I get back. But first we need to get you out of here. I say we just break for it now and take our chances. It’s just the blue suns left.” Shepard looked around at her ragtag team. 

“Yea they are the toughest but nothing we haven’t seen before.” Garrus agreed. It wasn’t even a second after that statement that he was following it up with “GUNSHIP! I thought I took that out?!” 

“Yea don’t worry it’s not at full functionality I took care of that problem too.” Shepard gloated. 

Shepard was back to her antics throwing up her cloak taking a shot with her sniper, hitting the sweat spots in the enemies armor from across the room when she heard the ship again. It wasn’t shooting at her but she looked back to see her turian friend on the ground after a blast from the gunfire. 

“Garrus!” Shepard yelled sprinting over to him. No one takes down her turian except her. The fight became personal. She was just in range to fire at the Aircraft between its showers of bullets. “Hang on buddy.” Shepard encouraged as she shot down the aircraft. As the last Blue Sun’s merc fell Shepard and her group were standing over a barely conscious turian. 

“This looks bad,” Miranda warned. 

“Let’s get him the hell out of here. Garrus, wake the fuck up I didn’t give you permission to sleep on the job.” Shepard could feel the fear in her gut as he started losing consciousness.

The last thing she got out of Garrus was some gargled response about bad Turians before the shuttle was there to pick them all up. 

...

Jacob and Shepard Stood across the com table in silence. Shepard was waiting anxiously for the report. She hadn’t even bothered going to Chakwas about her shot until she was finished with Garrus. If her would was deadly she wouldn’t have known by now. Or would she? She didn’t finish that thought process as Jacob leaned over the table ready to speak.  
“Commander, we’ve done what we could for Garrus, but he took a bad hit. The Docs corrected with surgical procedures and some cybernetics. Best we can tell He’ll have full functionality but-”of course he was cut off by the door swirling open and the devil himself strutted into the room as if nothing was a miss. 

“Shepard.” The turian greeted. 

“Tough son-of-a-bitch. Didn't think he'd be up yet.” Jacob complimented. 

The smile grew on Shepard’s face as she turned to reciprocate the greeting. “Nobody would give me a mirror, how bad is it?” Garrus asked as he walked into the room. 

Shepard crossed her arms smile growing wider. “Hell, Garrus you were always ugly. Slap some face paint on there and no one will even notice.” Shepard definitely had a way with words.

Garrus laughed immediately regretting it. “Uh… oh don’t make me laugh damnit, my face it barely holding together as it is. Some women find facial scars attractive. Mind you, most of those women are Krogan.” Shepard shook her head grinning. Garrus certainly knew how to make a bad situation something to laugh about. This was why Shepard needed him around. He’s definitely come out of his shell more since they last fought side by side against Saren, but she still worried. He was so broken when she found him, she just wanted to see his radical ideas about what’s acceptable return. Mostly she agreed with him. Shepard played loose with the rules and that's why they got along perfectly. Now he was a full grown vigilante and for the most part that worked perfectly with ruthless. 

Jacob Saluted and excused himself for the reunion. Shepard was thankful, she didn't need him ruining her reunion that was 2 years late. 

“Frankly I’m more worried about you.” The sentence that came out surprised Shepard. “Cerberus Shepard. You remember those sick experiments they were doing, and Kohaku?” Garrus did seem worried.

“That’s why I’m glad you’re here Garrus.” Shepard admitted. “If I’m walking into Hell I want someone I trust by my side.”

“You realize this plan has me walking into Hell too?” Garrus pointed out. He stepped forward shifting his weight. “Just like old times. I’m fit for duty whenever you need me Shepard. I’ll settle in and see what I can do at the forward battery.” Then he turned about to walk out the door. 

"Wait!" Shepard ordered. He paused looking back at her. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I got spaced and you ended up in the mess. I owe you a drink sometime, remember? how about next stop at the Citadel we grab those drinks and you tell me that story you owe me." Shepard offered. 

"Deal." was all he said before walking out of the room. 

Shepard stood there watching him leave. I’m Sorry about whatever happened. We will set it right… She already knew where this was going. This would be another Doctor Heart problem only this time he really had some personal feeling in the mix. She really hoped things would turn around for them. She would like to be able to ask him to the shooting range ten years from now so they can drink and brag about their Kills at the Collector Base. She was going to turn this suicide mission into a success if not for herself for her crew. Starting with that turian. He deserved better than what life had handed him. 

Shepard headed to the med-bay, she still needed to get her gun shot wound looked at and cleared. It was still numb from whatever it was Cerberus had put in her body. Thankfully, she didn't think it had gone very deep either. She took her shirt off to show Chakwas and gasped as she saw the gun shot was now just a red spot on her skin. 

"What the shit." She breathed. "What the fuck did Cerberus do to me?" She eye'd the doctor.

"Ahh your skin weave is fully functional. Good." Chakwas smiled.

"Good!?" Shepard cried. "I'm a freak of nature! What the hell is this. On top of that, if my gun shot wounds just miraculously decide to disappear in less than a day, what the hell are these scares doing?" She could feel herself shaking. "I look like the Frankenstein monster for Christ sakes." 

"Here let me scan your implants." Dr. Chakwas held up her omni-tool. 

"Ahh, its just a cosmetic issue, basically your body is mildly rejecting the implants Cerberus used in your body. If you take some time and keep a positive mind your body should adjust fine. If not we might be able to add a protein overlay to help your body adjust. Then the scars will completely fade." Chakwas explained. 

"Do it." Shepard ordered. "I don't need to arrive on the Citadel looking like a cyborg so they lock me up. These aren't exactly normal scars." She sighed. 

"Alright, get Mordin and we can make the Protein overlay." Chakwas crossed her arms. 

"So back to Omega. Got it." Shepard sighed. 

"Go to sleep first." Chakwas ordered. "Don't start running yourself ragged. I can see the pain on your face when you move. Your body is still healing. They had to wake you up early." 

"Fine." Shepard sighed. 

Before she went to sleep though she wanted to stop and check on Garrus. The green light was glowing inviting her in and she pressed the open button and strolled in when the door wheezed open. 

"Shepard, need me for something?" Garrus asked. Shepard looked around and found a supply box to perch herself on before responding. 

"I've got some cool tricks now did you know?" Shepard asked. 

"What you mean?" Garrus asked. 

"I woke up and my biotics had changed. They are stronger, and also slightly creepy. I'm pretty much a biotic vampire." Shepard leaned her elbows on her knees. "Also I heal better than a krogan." Shepard sighed. "Between you and me, I'm a mess. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I died, or the fact that I didn't stay dead. Just you know, to add to the creepy vampire effect." 

"I'm sorry I'm not familiar with that term you keep using. Vampire?" Garrus asked.

"Human mythology. Undead creature that dies, comes back and drinks people's blood to stay alive. I don't actually do that but I have this ability now that deals damage and somehow jump starts my implants to heal me faster. Like, what the fuck. I give them an A for ingenuity and but damn I feel so creepy using it." Shepard sighed. " I was shot today. All that's left is a freaking red mark. That is never normal. Humans normally take more than a few hours to heal from something like that." 

"So they've made you a super soldier?" Garrus asked raising a brow plate. 

"I guess... I'm not even..." Shepard began running her face with her hands. "My time was up. I got spaced. Shit. I don't even want to know how they recovered my body. I pretty much lost two years of my life. Its so... uh... strange. The only reason I fucking believe the time actually elapsed was because I didn't find you on the citadel still training to become a Spectre." 

"Yea... Not sure how much you know but when you died the council pretty much shot down everything you said. Made you out to be battle worn and delusional. Guess that's why I skipped out on being a Spectre. I didn't want to have to ever make the decision you did. Choosing to save their life, and I was a little bit angry." Garrus sighed. 

"Don't be. I'm not a hero. I just get the fucking job done. I'm a yes man who doesn't concern herself with the cost of lives. Sure I wasn't delusional, but I'm no martyr. I Imagine if there's a future and the reapers don't wipe us out people will have a lot of unsettling feelings about my name. Just, don't delude yourself into thinking I'm a good person Garrus. Don't look up to me like some sort of immaculate hero, can you do that for me? Everyone is expendable for this mission, Garrus, me, you, everyone. Cerberus made a mistake spending all those resources to bring me back. That's the only mantra that's gotten me this far in life. Everyone is expendable. I stomached your attitude towards me before I died because I respected you. On the field sure I'm your CO, but in here, like this, I want us to be equals." Shepard just allowed all her thoughts to pour out. Not censoring anything. "You can tell me what happened while I was gone over drinks when we hit the Citadel."

"hmm... okay... You realize, you say that, but it doesn't make it true." Garrus chuckled. "I respect the fact that you get the job done. No one else can." 

"I'm going to go lay down. Think about what I said Vakarian. You aren't the same person you were two years ago. Not sure what about you changed but I feel it. You are... different. We can talk about that too. I just need some rest. Chakwas was right. I should go." With that Shepard left Garrus standing in the main battery slightly confused. He didn't feel much better about his ordeal in omega either.

How could the great Commander Shepard not realize how important she is to this mission. Her outlook on her own life left left his stomach churning. He couldn't help but find some flaws in what she said. If everyone was so expendable why did she try to save Joker? Maybe she didn't realize it, but maybe Kaiden had been right about something, she was definitely devaluing herself and her abilities. Maybe it was a human thing, or maybe he felt like he was looking into some distorted mirror; one where her own actions reflect the same things he felt when he thought he was going to die on Omega.

As Shepard lay in bed waiting for sleep to come she knew she had only told Garrus a partial truth. She didn't used to be so cold hearted about people's lives. Mostly, it was the only thing that kept her from feeling awful about what happened to Bean. If everyone was expendable then his death didn't, couldn't matter enough to break her. If everyone was expendable then she didn't have to give a damn about the troops she sent to their graves on Torfan. She was right though. She was just one person and so long as she lived she would push to make sure the Reapers, the Collectors, would pay for the lives they have taken. Scientifically speaking, it only mattered if humanity, and well, the other species of the galaxy existed beyond this war. That's what she would have to fight for now. The continual, and uninterrupted existence of organic life.


	14. Shepard's free time.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, Shep has Mordin, and Jack so Shepard has time to go to the Citadel. Garrus did promise to get drinks with her of course. Like old times.
> 
> As soon as Mordin was on the ship She had her scars repaired.

He had been surprised when she showed up and the red scars that lined her face were gone. He had expected it to take longer for them to heal but she said Mordin helped her with that. He knew of Mordin's reputation on Omega, and he knew he was a doctor. The best part was he wasn't Cerberus and if she little red marks that littered her face disappeared made that cocky attitude return, then he would be happy. Shepard was Shepard alright, but something was off. He didn't blame her one bit though, dying, then being brought back to life just to most likely die again; it was not a promising reprieve. He respected this woman so much and to see her off her game like this made him nervous. Maybe she needed time to mourn her own losses? He'd never actually died before so maybe grief applied to ones own death. This was uncharted territory for him. Not that human grieving practices were anymore familiar to him than death itself, but seeing his commander unload on him when she visited was an eye opener. He wouldn't admit it but he was starting to see what she meant. She was a person after all, she had flaws, but damn was she good at what she did. She couldn't over-look that. If she were a turian she would make it in the world, unlike himself. He shook his head as he prepared for their Citadel bar quest. The mission parameters, getting this story out in the open for his Commander to see where he was weak. He didn't mind though, he trusted her, she would be a hard-ass about it, but she would listen. Maybe that's what he needed? His commander to kick his ass into gear.

...

Shepard groaned as they walked away from the blond C-Sec officer and onto the wards. Anderson was likely waiting for her, but why not get a little bit lubricated before the counselors decide to fuck her over right? Besides Garrus was with her and he owed her an explanation. She walked lead Garrus up to the club and ordered a couple drinks for herself and Garrus. The bartender promised the green shit would knock her out, of course the bartender didn't realize that her metabolism was insane now. She was actually getting concerned that her body was less efficient at absorbing the nutrients but Miranda swore that it wasn't true. Something about her body's upgrades meant her body required more nutrients. She didn't question it. Hell Maybe she just had a fake liver at this point she didn't know. 

Shepard motioned towards a small table and sat herself down. She Handed Garrus the dextro-friendly drink and peered into the green substance she was given. "So Garrus. What happened? How did you end up ass deep in the middle of a gang fight for your life?" 

Garrus tensed up a moment before he started describing the circumstances that lead up to his predicament. Shepard chimed in anytime he stopped talking to keep him going. She needed to know what kind of mindset her turian friend was in before she took him on any mission. Was this going to impede his ability? From the sounds of it no, but his morality was low and she could feel that. It would be low until he dealt with Sidonis. When he explained he had feelers out for the guy she knew he had nothing left to say on that subject. 

She took this moment to swallow her drink whole, ignoring the rancid flavor it held. To her amusement it hadn't done a thing to her. 

"Shepard... why are you smiling like that." Garrus asked concerned. "I don't feel like my story had any happy feelings and your teeth are showing." Garrus was agitated. 

"The drink, did nothing Garrus... I bet I could drink that krogan shit. Hell I wonder if I could drink Wrex under the table... shit. Sorry Garrus I wasn't smiling or laughing at all in regards to what you went through. In fact I will help you put the fucker in the ground. You have to promise me something Garrus, and please don't take it lightly. Promise me, you will never let this happen again. Am I clear?" Shepard's face grew dark. 

"What do you mean, Shepard?" He asked. 

"Promise me you will never let yourself chase someone across the galaxy out of revenge because this is a slippery slope. You've made this personal and when its personal it's sloppy." Shepard allowed her voice to ring with authority. 

"Yea... I'll make sure not to get myself in this position again." Garrus nodded. 

"Good because I have a confession. I've let my own life become personal. I mean, look at me, I'm sitting in a bar with my best friend in the entire galaxy getting you that drink I owed you two years ago. Why? Hell if I know but I do not want this suicide mission to be a suicide mission. If people die necessarily well shit they are expendable. If I have any say in the matter every single crew member on the _Normady_ will be ready to go through that relay. Well, maybe not the Cerberus ones I don't give a shit about them." She gave Garrus a weak smile and a wink. "I assume since I caught you with your pants down in Omega you haven't had any words exchanged with Liara have you? No idea where she went after I got spaced?" 

"Last time I saw her was a couple days after your memorial service." Garrus sighed. 

"Mmmm. Okay. The Illusive man suggested she might be working for the Shadow broker. One sec, Garrus, I need another drink." Shepard took her cup up to the bar tender. "Hey, Is this really the strongest thing you have? If it's so just give me another." 

"Here you go," the bartender passed her another drink. 

She quickly walked back over the Garrus. "You think Liara would work for the Shadow Broker? That cute, innocent, naive, asari would tango with someone like him?" 

"No clue. Honestly Shepard, you were the glue that held everyone on that ship together. Without you... we kinda went our separate ways." Garrus shrugged. 

"Bullshit. We were a team." Shepard sighed. 

"A team made by you." Garrus shot back. 

"If you say so." Shepard shrugged. 

"Shepard... somethings been bothering me." Garrus sighed. 

"What's that?"

"Your big speech about how Cerberus made a mistake bringing you back... I think you are wrong." Garrus was watching her closely. 

"You are telling me the entire universe revolves around Commander fucking Shepard. Uh huh. Nice dream, but there's an entire ship full of people who believe the reapers are a threat. They could have made any of them the spearhead of this instead of wasting billions of credits bringing me back." Shepard sighed. She felt like she won. 

"No. They couldn't have. If anyone else from Cerberus showed up on omega I'd have shot them. Mordin might have joined, Maybe Zaeed, but then their leader would be dead. Why? The Galaxy knows you. Whether you like it or not your face is important. They believe in you, not just because of what you accomplished on the Citadel two years ago, but you _command_ belief out of everyone working under you." Garrus countered. 

"Maybe." Shepard was ready to move on. She chugged the next drink hoping that it would get her buzzing. 

"I'm not going to win this argument. I'm a bad turian though so good luck changing my mind." He chuckled. 

"I'll give one more of these a shot then I'm going to talk to the counselor. Want to come see me get fucked to next Sunday? I'm sure it will be a blast." Each word dripped with sarcasm. 

She stood up and headed back over to the bar tender. "Hit me."

"I've never seen a human still standing after three of these." He urged. 

"Well give me the third one so I can walk out of here and you can see a human stand through three of them." She rolled her eyes. He poured the third beverage and she downed it at the counter, passing him the cup and paying the creds. "See you next time." 

As luck would have it, she started to feel a buzz just as she walked into the human embassy. 

.....

"Fuck did you see that air quote. Garrus if I ever see you do that I swear..." Shepard was blazing pissed as they walked back into the _Normandy_. 

"Well at least we got a crew member while we were here and you are a Spectre still." Garrus offered. 

"That Spectre status means nothing, Garrus." She sighed.

"Hmm... Well it means your not locked up for disappearing for two years. I'd say that's something." Garrus shifted his weight as he eyed her waiting for a reaction.

"Uh huh. When pigs fly it'll be something. Remind me Garrus there is never enough alcohol in the world that would make meeting the councilors ANY better." Shepard crossed her arms.

"I'm assuming pigs don't fly, Commander? Also, there's never enough alcohol in the world to make meeting the councilors any better." He sighed wearily.

"Never." She smirked.

...

Garrus sighed as he watched the Cerberus henchmen wheeling the rather large krogan baby into the Port Cargo Bay. Shepard has done some crazy things in her time. This definitely falls under the _things you should never even bother talking her out of_ list that he kept filed in the back of his brain. Didn't mean he didn't need to be close by when she opened the damned thing though. Of course he would stand out here listening for gun fire. That was his cue to go in and make sure Shepard was alright. He trusted her judgement though, and knew that she could handle herself.

She strolled on by him making a show of closing one of her eyes at him. This was new. What the hell did that mean? He filed it in the _human customs to be looked up on his free time_ folder and let her believe he understood what it meant. Likely he would never understand because very rarely would closing one eye prior to birthing a full grown krogan actually result in a useful search on the extranet. It wasn't a long wait until Shepard came out, Carnafex in hand with a smirk on her face.

"I assume it went well?" Garrus asked.

"Very, now, no causing trouble with the krogan or I won't be able to stop him from tarnishing that ugly face of yours." Shepard still had that grin on her face but her eyes did this strange things. almost like they were challenging him.

It wasn't until now Garrus realized how many ways her face could contort. He also just realized, that the face she was making didn't register on his list of facial expressions to watch out for, so he figured he was safe. At least for now. "Why don't we go to the main battery, you work on your Calibrations like the good turian you are and I'm going to fix my cloak that got damaged from those goddamn krogan."

"I'd better. My 'hard-ass' Commander might write me up if I don't." Garrus made sure to include the air quotes.

Her mouth opened wide in shock. "You- you didn't! You fucker. I told you I'd better not see you do that. You can't even do it right! You don't have enough fingers and it looks stupid if you use both. You- Alright Vakarian its on. " 

"You did tell me you wanted us to be equals right?" Garrus asked honest to goodness hoping his joke hadn't gone too far.

"Are we in the main battery? I think not." She did that eye thing again.

"Shepard... you keep... uh... closing your eye at me and I don't know what that means." Garrus finally admitted slightly frustrated.

"If means get to the main battery because I'm going to show you what a hard ass I am. You have algorithms to fix if I remember correctly. Something about how Cerberus doesn't know its human turian co-op guns or something," Shepard chuckled.

Garrus nodded walking to the elevator. "I'll be down in a bit. Going to take care of some Illusive man matters first. He has a call waiting for me." Shepard called after him.


	15. Fowl Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place immediately after horizon.
> 
> There's definitely some self gratification in this one so yea. Shep might haven't learned something new about herself in this chapter.

Shepard felt dejected. She immediately dismissed the ground team and went up to her quarters. She was definitely thankful her crew was there to convince her that putting a bullet in the Lieutenant's head was an awful idea. It had been Garrus's hand on her shoulder that made her come to her senses before she ruined her career choices, well more than she already had by dying. She needed a little bit of time to herself before she dealt with the next mission. He'd called her a traitor?! Right about now she was wishing she'd saved Ash's racist ass instead of him. She sat down in front of her messages at her terminal. She read some junk mail before closing the terminal and looking over at the picture of Liara. One message had not been junk. The one that point blank told her that Liara was on Illium as an information broker and that Cerberus had info about the Shadow Broker.

Time to hit up Illium. She ran her thumb over Liara's picture remembering the last time they had spoken intimately she'd pretty much pushed her away. Pushed her away for something that Liara couldn't help. Well, things wouldn't be the same for them so she resided herself to moving on. It was better than way, and she tipped the photo over letting the face of it slap on the desk. She commed joker telling him to set course for Illium and that she was not to be disturbed until morning.

She undressed, crawled into bed, and unfortunately feeling the heat of an unattended womanhood begging for some attention. She sighed letting her hand trail down her body until it reached her sex. Her fingers found their rightful spot on her clitoris and she began stroking. At first she thought of nothing in particular just enjoying the sensation but getting nowhere. She sighed. She was tense, and she could really use a good fuck. She tried to remember her first night with Liara let the memories flood her mind. She feel of her alien skin was something she enjoyed for a short time before she passed, but it just wasn't doing it for her this time around. She started working herself harder almost trying to force it until a thought crossed her mind. The feel of hard talons running over her skin. She was surprised the thought stirred the heat she was manipulating. Now she was getting somewhere. She remembered her awful encounter in Chora's den, except with a few changes. The turian behind her wasn't a complete fuck wad, and he was sweet with his touches but firm. She imagined the hot breath on her shoulder as he teased her skin with his teeth. She could only imagine what his tongue- Her thoughts left her as she hitched her breath and felt her body quake. She may not be able to look at the turian she had been playfully flirting with the same way ever again. Well damn. Only one way to solve this problem.

...

Shiala’s hand lingered on Shepard’s shoulder. “Maybe some time when I’m not organizing the colony and you’re not… doing whatever you do.” Shepard just looked at Shiala her face not changing at all, then Shiala was walking away. 

“Well then.” She looked at Garrus. “Don’t worry I’m not into Green Asari ladies.” 

Garrus allowed his mandibles to give away the obvious smirk at her annoyance. "Looks like Liara has competition" Garrus quipped. 

"From her? Hardly. Also, I have to say, I take back what I said at the bar two years ago. You really aren't missing out on anything. A good fuck's not worth someone delving into your mind like that. It's kind of creepy, and only good for one times fucks. Otherwise it gets too complicated." She sighed.

"Not what I saw when she greeted you." Garrus chuckled.

"Garrus, shut the fuck up. She kissed me, I left fucking pissed at her because she making me her errand boy. Should have just left her in the fucking Prothean ruin." She sighed. "something's up with her Garrus and I don't like it anyway. I don't feel like I can fully trust her. She obsessed with her petty need to take down this asshole and shes dragging me away from my mission to do it. I could literally be going and getting that assassin, or making Miranda's life easier, or the Justicar. Noooooo instead I'm running around doing her dirty work for her because god forbid she learn how to use a goddamn tech tool." She could feel herself breathing heavily as everything ran out of her mouth in front of Garrus and Miranda. "Fuck."

"That pissed?" He asked.

"Later Vakarian. Lets just find this asshole Observer so I can move on with my short second life already. I mean think about it, if you start from when I was brought back I'm like barely a month old guys. Fuck." She found herself at the last place to hack for the observer. She switched to her omni-tool program tapping in the commands opening up the message.

"Huh... Servers her right."

"What?" Garrus asked 

"Observers female. Betrayed by her own doorman I bet you anything." She grinned.

"Fuck," Garrus responded.

"I forbid you from using that word Garrus it sounds strange. Go back to using hell and damn and shit. Fuck is just too... weird coming out of your mouth." Shepard held a very commander-esque look on her face. Not even smiling.

"Since when did monitoring my language become part of the job?" He asked with a chuckle.

"Since we aren't in the main battery," Shepard quipped. "Come on I have to call Liara. Then lets stop by the bar real fast. I didn't get a good look around before I ran to the next data feed."

...

Shepard heard the conversation between the quarian and the turian in the bar. She dropped a few unnecessary lines about humans and she found herself rolling her eyes. She walked up to the table placing her two hands down. 

“Look, uh… I wouldn’t go around judging an entire species based on a handful of encounters. Although human males are kind of idiots, I agree whole heartedly there, don’t let that guy be your judge of humanity as a whole. I don’t mean to play that pathetic card but one of my really good friends is a quarian and I respect her beyond words. It would just… uh… be nice not to hear you gunning down my entire species with words because of one ignorant fuck. Sorry, I don’t do charm well, but I wanted you to know you deserved better than that.” The turian looked a bit shock at her intrusion into the conversation. The quarians head was cocked to the side and they both just looked at her speechless. “I uh… hope you have a better time I’m going to turn around and go now.”

“Wait, uh… thanks… who are you?” The quarian asked.

“Commander Fucking Shepard, Maybe you've heard of me? I’m not sure how famous she is because I spent a stint of time gone but the Quarian who served under me was Tali’Zora Vas Neema. She helped me take down Saren while she was on her pilgrimage.” Shepard explained. 

“I've definitely heard of you and she is well known although I haven’t met her in person. We didn’t live on the same live ship and now I’m on pilgrimage. It’s an honor and I’m sorry I will keep your words in mind. I’m just used to people giving me hell for being a quarian and I didn’t even take into consideration I was doing the same thing.” The quarian seemed apologetic. 

“Hell, maybe you should give the guy across from you a chance he seems really sweet. Don’t let some foolish human ruin the chance at something good.” Shepard flashed a smile. Since when had she ever given dating advice? She was far from an expert on that, but at least hopefully this girl would put things into perspective.

The turians mandibles pinched in nervously at Shepard’s remark. She gave him a nod and walked back to Garrus and Miranda who were both looking at her with a strange expressions. “What? Someone has to make up for the bad name humanity gives itself. I mean I’m cool with people being intimidated by us but some people are just stupid and don’t deserve to be alive.” 

“Are you going to hunt this human down and kill him, Shepard?” Miranda had a mocking smile on her face.

“Nah that’s below my pay grade. Let’s grab a drink shall we?” The three of them headed to the bar.

...

“We’ll handle it the usual way.”

“ I heard…You want Mariana’s little boy to grow up without a mommy, Shepard? Thermal clips on the ground, now. Power cells too.” 

“Hiding behind a hostage Vasir. No stomach for a real fight. Just like an Asari.”

“Drop the Thermal clips Shepard.” Vasir warned.

“You girls should really just stick to dancing. You know, play to your strengths.” Garrus saw Liara roll her eyes at Shepard’s comment. Garrus wasn’t sure if Shepard was serious, trash talking, trying to get under more than just Vasir’s skin , or trying to royally piss off Liara. He figured it was the latter.

“Drop the clips.” Vasir snarled. 

“I’m going to kill your hostage Vasir, and then I’m gonna show you how a real spectre gets things done.” The smile on Shepard's face was pretty evil looking. Even Liara was a little concerned. 

“You’re bluffing.” The gun shifted from the hostage’s head to pointing at Shepard. 

“Now Liara.” Garrus watched the table fly towards Vasir. 

….

“About us” Shepard at least needed to get this settled before Liara went back on the ship with her.

“Shepard listen I’m… glad you’re here.” Liara’s voice sounded off.

“You worried there might be terminals you need me to hack?” Shepard let her anger seep through her words.

“That’s not fair. You were dead.” Like it was an excuse to drag Shepard along in her quest to slay the Shadowbroker.

“I came back.” Shepard was almost certain at least three stories in diameter could hear their argument.

“It’s not that easy. You can’t just come back and have two years of mourning suddenly vanish. I’m sorry Shepard I can’t get into this. For now let’s just focus on getting Feron back.” Liara cast her eyes to the ground. 

“Sure, but we are going to have a long talk once this is all over. It’s your goddamn fault I’m not peacefully resting like I should be anyway.” Shepard grumbled. She was not going to let this relationship continue that’s for sure. Sure they could be friends she supposed but she really needed to get some closure on this. She stormed off leaving Liara standing there mildly confused. She walked to the other side of the apartment where Garrus was still standing there awkwardly leaning against a wall. He hadn’t said much and that scared her. Frankly, she just wanted to get this thing ended with Liara and she wanted to be with the man she could trust and count on. Liara has shown her time and again throughout this escapade that she cannot count on her. Shepard was finished with these dumb ass games. She cast a glance at Garrus while he silently watched her. She was pretty sure he could tell she was pissed. 

Garrus could see the redness in her cheeks that happened when she got worked up over something. That something happened to be the asari Shepard had taken to bed the night before Ilos. He watched her open her comm and call for Joker asking for a pick-up. “I can’t go anywhere without leaving pissed. Thank god I was brought back to life for this bullshit.” Garrus felt his stomach lurch at that statement. He had been so happy when she had come back but over her yelling at Liara this entire evening it was clear that Shepard held resentment about not staying dead. He could kind of understand, she had already fought the galaxy’s battle once and now she had been brought back to life with the sole purpose of being forced to do it again. He watched her lean her forehead against her arm which rested on the wall and her shoulders slump. This was worse than her discussion with Kaiden. At least he had shown some feelings about the “betrayal” Shepard had pulled. Liara seemed very cold and distant. Even he had no trouble reading that. 

“You okay Shepard?” Garrus asked.

“Yea I’m fine. I just need to set things right with her before I put a bullet in her head because I lose my temper. Honestly I hate her right now.” He placed his hand on her shoulder awkwardly trying to comfort his friend. 

“Did you mean it when you said Asari should play to their strengths?” Garrus asked trying to lighten the mood.

“Of course I did. Or, that’s what I want Liara to believe. Don’t tell her otherwise.” Shepard glanced out the window at the shuttle that was there to pick them up. “Let me go get Liara, get in the shuttle we have a drell to save.” 

…

Feron and Garrus left to go check on the ship. 

“It’s over. It’s finally… for two years…” Liara had tears streaming down her face. 

“It’s alright.” Shepard wrapped her arms around Liara, she was still angry but she didn’t want to completely cut Liara out of her life. She just didn’t think- Her thoughts were cut off by Liara’s lips on her own. Shepard sighed into her kiss and pulled away.

“It’s been two years…" Liara sighed. 

“Liara… I don’t think… I don’t want this anymore. You’ve got to move on. We are two different people. Let’s just keep it simple okay? I’m sorry I was angry at you about bringing me back, but I still don’t agree with it. I just need to start over now. I’ve moved on okay? That’s what I wanted to tell you before. I don’t want to keep this going.” Shepard watched Liara’s eyes drop to the floor. 

“I know Shepard. I could feel it. Even when we were together before Ilos I could feel it. I just couldn’t help how I felt.” She sighed.

“Wh… what do you mean?” Shepard asked thoroughly confused. “I loved our time together… mostly” 

“Oh don’t kid yourself Shepard. We could never work so long as your heart wanted someone else. On top of that your too damn guarded for your own good. I made one comment to you, in an effort to HELP you and you freaked out at me.” Liara softly whispered.

“What the hell are you talking about? I was perfectly fine with you before I died. It’s all this messy business that has me convinced it’s a terrible idea to continue this. You’ve been treating me like shit since I came back. Acting like I’m your gun for hire instead of someone you cared about. You have a really suave way of showing it T’soni. As for the guarded stuff, you couldn't have not said anything at all about it and let it stay private. At least for my sake.” Shepard was getting upset again. 

Liara sighed. “I don’t know when exactly it happened but I think you need to have a talk with Garrus. I don’t know how you didn’t know but, it’s been clear to me you want him.” 

“Uh… Liara that’s a recent thing.” Shepard ran her hand through her hair. “Also, not something he knows I think about.”

“Your bond with Garrus has been more than friendly a lot longer than that, you are kidding yourself if you didn’t recognize it.” Liara allowed her gaze to meet Shepard’s. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me. Okay, you can think whatever you want to make yourself feel better about your actions but I’m getting the hell off this ship. I’m going to go take down the Collectors and I might be back. Who the hell knows? Think about that before you make me your errand girl next time. Also, please, stop kissing me.” Shepard left wishing she could slam a door or something. Garrus was standing out there waiting patiently.

Shepard opened the door to leave freezing when she saw the turian standing in the hall. "Tell me you heard nothing." Shepard pleaded. 

"Heard what? I couldn't make out the conversation no sorry I was thinking about other.... stuff." Shepard could tell Garrus wasn't lying. She knew his tell and he wasn't doing it. Too many rounds of poker on the ship with the engineers told her that much.

"Thank god, lets go." She whisked by him headed to the exit.


	16. Sidonis and Kolyat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just before the next talk with the Illusive man, Garrus finds some interesting information about Lantar Sidonis. Garrus gets a little jealous and Shepard invokes the shortest interrogation ever.

Shepard stepped into the main battery with her modding equipment in hand expecting to sit in the nice quiet that Garrus gave her when she went to work. This was Garrus's work station and somehow also her hide out. If she wanted to chat, he would talk with her and if she just wanted the silence to hang between them he gave her that as well. Somehow he just knew what she needed when she walked in, or maybe he only talked if she spoke to him she hadn't really thought about it. That is until this point in time. The smile on her face vanished when she walked in and the way his mandibles were pinched close to his face, she could tell something was wrong. His hands were shaking and the distress was clear on his eyes which were wider than they normally set. 

"Commander, need me for something?" He asked slowly.

"Garrus, don't get all formal on me, remember we are in the main battery." She teased. "Why do you look like death swept over?" She set her equipment down on the box that she had unofficially claimed as her work station. 

"It's Sidonis. I got word that he went to the Citadel and was able to get his identity changed through someone called Fade." He explained slowly. 

"Okay. We've got this. we are actualy on the way to the Citadel already, um... Thane had something he needed to take care of there and I promised to help with it so we will just knock out two birds with one stone." She placed her hand on his shoulder to offer some sort f comfort. She wasn't completely sure how turians did comfort, she never saw them hug in public or anything and he had been so willing to comfort her when she needed it, so she just kinda of took a stab at it. He seemed to respond accordingly though a little bit of the fire that was burning in his eyes steadied. 

"Thanks Shepard. I can't tell you how important this is." He sighed. "I know there's a human saying, an eye for an eye, a life for a life, and he stole ten and I plan to collect." 

"Seems a little uneven." Shepard muttered. "One life doesn't really make up for ten. it's simple math Garrus. Will killing him help with the guilt? Do you think you can stop blaming yourself if he dies?" Shepard knew she hit the head on the nail when he sighed. 

"One can only hope." Garrus scratched the top of his head. He was nervous. 

Shepard thought back to the dossier she had read from Cerberus: _potential for leadership, but overshadowed by the commander._ Ass. It was all bullshit. The shit storm he he started in omega was proof he was very capable. She was going to make him see how great he was. He was honestly probably a better leader than she was. She could never have started with nothing and stirred up as much trouble as he had. She was a yes man, one that without all these enhancements from Cerberus, would be dead and written off as a deluded war hero. She didn't even consider that the be quite adequate. 

"You there Shepard? You kinda left me." Garrus was peering down at her curiously. 

"Yea I'm here, big guy. Listen, promise me, you will not let revenge take you this far again. I can feel how tense you are." It was almost a plea.

"Shepard I already promised," Garrus affirmed. 

"Good. Now I'm going to work on my mods so we are ready for the Citadel. I need to think." Shepard sighed sitting down on her usual perch. "Did I tell you the story of how I was almost kicked out of basic? Which of course would have resulted in my going to prison, but that's besides the point." Shepard chuckled tensely. 

"No..." Garrus shook his head. 

"Mmm. Well, when I was that age I didn't get it. I didn't get following orders, hell I didn't even understand what a schedule was. It was the biggest shock to my system. So you get this idiot teen in military training where old men who think they know everything literally are picking you apart at your weaknesses. They know what makes you cringe and they abuse it until all that's left is a cold, heartless weapon for the military to use under the guise of comradery and unity. Honestly they are just tearing down your inhibitions so that you become a living breathing robo-weapon but that's besides the point." she let a chuckle escape as she unclipped the scope from her sniper. "So, I'm this little fiery ball of hate, and of course my superior officers have all my records, they know why I'm there. One ass-hat thought it would be a good idea to bring up why I was there. That's a story for another time." She eyed the turian as she said that. a look that said don't you dare press the issue. It was the usual phrase for her which meant, I'll actually never tell you that story but you can keep hoping I will. "So in the middle of target practice I through down my weapon and gave a biotic push, throwing my superior officer against the wall. Generally speaking that is definitely unacceptable. Thank god Captain Anderson was there because I probably would have killed the guy. He grabbed my arms disabling my biotics and told me that if he ever saw me use my biotics against another military person he would personally discharge me. I got two weeks of cleaning duty. The officer was removed from that post. I don't know what the hell Anderson was thinking I guess maybe he thought the guy crossed a line I guess. Now I have Anderson cleaning up after me yet against while I prance around with the only organization willing to do shit against the collectors. It feels weird." 

"So why was he on your case?" Garrus asked curious. 

"Couldn't hit the target." Shepard admitted. "I've gotten a lot better since then, you know 11 years of training and all. I was a pretty shitty soldier when I started out. The field work afterwords got me a lot better though. Unlike a lot of the cadets who knew they were going to be lifers anyway, I didn't have the pre-basic training and tips. Hell a lot of them had video games to work their hand eye coordination. I wasn't used to using a scope. I was used to short range point and shoot things like pistols when I got in. My only education was being taught how to read by the children's librarian at the public library and then whatever I could get my hands on. It was strange though, because when I was really little I learned Spanish first. I used to bunk with this Mexican arms dealer before he took a bullet to the head on bad deal. I cleaned his guns. Never shot them, didn't know what they were, he just taught me how to clean each model. So I could clean all the models he sold but didn't know how to use them. The oddest thing was I was five years old cleaning guns. That doesn't sound safe at all, but he taught me everything about their safeties and how to make sure they didn't fire. Seemed like a good gig to me. I cleaned his guns he fed me. And before you ask, I strictly mean cleaning there was nothing weird about it. So my first spoken language ended up not even being a language of the area." She laughed about that. "Little white girl speaking Spanish like it was her first language. He had found me when I was abandoned. I think he felt bad for me so he kinda raised me awkwardly like I was his kid. put me to work when he thought I was old enough. I wasn't stupid I knew I wasn't his kid."

"Did you have a translator then?" Garrus asked clearly intrigued by the information he was telling her. 

"Nope. My luck though. I'm from Vancouver, like Kaiden was, the speak mostly English there, some people learn French. Mostly English though. I lucked out when I hit the library up when I did. The man I was staying with would let me go to the library a few hours a day so eventually I just learned how to speak English. Couldn't read it though. Still can't read Spanish. I was 7 when that guy died. I took a gun and ran so I wouldn't get shot. Spent a year living on my own before I joined up with the reds. I wasn't aware that schooling was free. I didn't know anything and it seems everyone took advantage of that. So I taught myself everything I knew from then on. On the other hand, I did manage to squeak in a better education when I joined the service. None of that education involved sticking in with polite society though." 

"That's actually kind of cool, that you know even partial of another language. Most people learn one and rely on the translators." Garrus's mandibles flared with a hint of delight. 

"Well sort of. my grammar is horrible. I sound like a kid talking, but yea and I'm pretty sure I have a pretty unique accent considering. Let's not even get into the dialect difference. I have no clue what branch of Spanish I know. Even branches of the country he grew up in use different slang and such. The accent I was used to hearing would make it hard if I didn't have my translator and ended up in any other Spanish speaking country. I wouldn't be completely doomed just mostly. On the other hand It's said that Spanish is the sexiest language on earth. " She chuckled. "But hey, at least I can read now." 

"That's good, wouldn't want someone who could read trying to read dossiers." Garrus teased. 

"Oh shut it. It's your turn." She was flipping the scope over in her hand taking a plan out for an enhancement. Then setting it aside and grabbed a scope she had brought to take it apart. 

"Hmmm... Well, I grew up in a pretty typical turian life." He responded dully. 

"Do I look like I know what a typical turian life looks like? I mean look at me. I don't see a Carapace or a crest give me the details." She asked cocking an eye brow. "Share some details please. We've got hours until we make it to the citadel."

"Well... I was in school preparing to be a good turian by the age of four. Learned a lot of history, revolving around military of course. My dad was a pain in the ass the entire way. My mom... was nice though." Garrus began focusing on the console in front of him. 

"Alright, I get it. Not time for story telling I can live." Shepard smiled taking some wiring out of the scrap scope. 

"What are you doing with your scope?" Garrus asked. 

"Giving it a boost in accuracy and range." Shepard smiled looking down at the project in front of her. "Been running around with this mantis since I got it from Cerberus. I don't want to trade her out anytime soon I really enjoy it. It's fairly light in comparison to a lot of the rifles... not that it matters anymore I'm kind of a powerhouse." 

"What do you mean?" Garrus asked. 

"Well most people's muscles have limits. Not that mine don't, but the limit's have been vastly skewed. I can carry four times my weight easy. Hell I could probably knock you across the room. Usually people muscles quite literally break after a certain point and sure my would but it's the difference between normally, not being able to carry a turian through a battle field and lifting a two ton vehicle. I should be lifting two tons vehicles otherwise sure my muscles would probably snap. Only difference is my brain doesn't register the difference. So I still have the mental barrier to deal with every time. It's interesting. I'm so small but... so unusually strong." A grin found it's way on her face. "I like it." 

"Well that's better than the last time we talked." Garrus stated as he ran another diagnostics. "We really need to get this gun upgraded. I'll keep my feelers out for any schematics that would help." 

"Well as soon as you get it you bet your ass we'll be elbow deep into this thing. Group projects are a lot more fun that doing it all by yourself." Shepard grinned. 

"That would be nice." Garrus agreed. 

Garrus definitely wanted to be elbow deep into the guns with his best friend. It would be a nice way to unwind before taking it to murder the collectors. 

"Hey, it would be nice to have at least one human in the galaxy who understands how to treat a nice big gun like that." She let the smirk play on her face and Garrus just sat there considering all angles of that statement. He wasn't sure he wanted to know and let it go. 

"Yeah, Cerberus has no idea what it's doing. Not that I'm going to show any of their technicians." Garrus let a small smile show. 

They sat in silence. Shepard worked meticulously on the hardware before her while Garrus continued to calibrate allowing the calming peace to float between them. Garrus knew as soon as they entered the Citadel all calming peace was not something he was going to feel so he just enjoyed it while it lasted. When Joker announced the Citadel was in view Shepard left getting her armor ready tossing the crap scope to Garrus and other scrap parts telling his he can use whatever he thought he might need from them. She had her's set up how she wanted.

...

Garrus was a little annoyed to see she was taking care of Thane's problem first. It mostly annoyed him because it gave him more time to stew. He wanted this to go right, and if anyone got wind of their plans Sidonis would get away. He kept himself quiet as he watched Shepard almost beat the crap out of this small boy called mouse. She muttered some threat to the boy as they walked off to get some guy to interrogate. 

As Thane and Shepard walked into the interrogation room he saw a few shocked faces as they laid eyes on him. Garrus knew them, none of them stopped to chat though. They were busy doing other things and Garrus was almost happy. They tipped quick awkward smiles and ducked past him going about their business. He knew the interrogation was going to be good when Shepard had walked into telling the drell to pretend we're going to put a bullet in his head as they walked away. He still wasn't expecting the door to open as soon as it did.

Shepard had a cocky smirk on her face and was holstering her gun and the drell next to her had a pleased, and surprised expression on his face. "That may go down in history as the shortest interrogation ever." Shepard nodded in response the smirk not quite leaving her face. 

"I may not fit into polite society but I sure do know how to make a man sing." Garrus raised his brow plates curiously as she returned to his side. "Spectre with a gun to their face does it quite nicely."

They sought out bailey and he offered to give them a ride to the location they needed. Shepard waved Garrus over. "In case I lose him it would be nice to have a second pair of eyes watching him." Garrus nodded in affirmation still wishing the not in his gut would dissipate. 

When they found Kolyat he had a gun positioned on the turian mark, and he had taken down a krogan. Garrus hadn't gotten any of the details about the mark so what happened when Shepard entered the apartment him caught him off guard. 

"Kolyat." Thane addressed his son. 

"This-- This is a joke. Now? Now you show up?" Kolyat's anger betrayed him. 

"Help me, drell. I'll do whatever you want." The mark pleaded. 

Captain Bailey came up behind Garrus who's gun was raised following Shepard lead. He had no idea how she was going to solve this situation any wrong move and it was over. He wished he had paid attention to the conversation about the mark. It would give him the necessary information to quell the situation before it went to far. 

"C-Sec. Put the gun down, son." Bailey ordered. 

"Get out of my way. I'm walking out. He's coming with me." The younger drell ordered. 

"They'll have snipers outside." Thane warned. 

"I don't need your help," growled Kolyat."All of you, back off, I'll kill him."

"No you won't." Shepard's voice held the no-nonsense tone he was used to hearing on the field. Garrus could see Shepard's arm move a fraction of a second before the gun went off. He watched the mark fall bullet shot through his face and a quick look of shock wave over Thane's before his hardened mask replaced it. 

"Oh my god's," The younger drell almost folded in fear. 

"Hostages only work if your enemy cares whether they live." Shepard announced firmly. There was definitely something Garrus didn't know, he hoped Shepard's ruthlessness would cross over into their next stop allowing him to collect of Sidonis' debt. 

"Interesting solution." Thane remarked. 

"Your son hasn't killed, no reason he should start now. I have, also I'm a Spectre so repercussion are nothing for me." Shepard shrugged stepping away. Her eyes fell on Garrus with a look he didn't quite understand. She backed away letting Thane and Kolyat have a moment together. Her eyes were watching Garrus and he felt uncomfortable not being able to read the expression. He hated that barrier that formed when she did something new with her face. It only reminded him of how different they were which was a frustrating thought considering how similar they were. 

It wasn't long before Captain Bailey had decided they could have a moment without all the extra people and they were back to the station. Garrus was getting more tense sitting and waiting knowing that very soon he could be looking down the barrel of his gun, killing the man that caused everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The toughest decision is coming for Shepard. :o


	17. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To kill or not to kill, that is the question.

Everything was running through Shepard's head. Normally it wouldn't matter so much but she had to quite literally pull Garrus off of Harkin. She stopped him from shooting him too. She felt a little messed up in the stomach. Sure he may have killed a lot of mercs on Omega, but he was doing it with the intention of making the world a better place. Not shooting them out of revenge. Her gut felt a little strange. She'd been right when she noticed something had changed about Garrus and frankly she didn't like it. She was looking down at what her own influence had done to the poor guy. SHE did this to him by letting him kill Dr. Hart. She let Garrus express his annoyance at her about letting Harkin go. She remembered stifling a chuckle when he mentioned his headbutt was a proper substitute for shooting the guy. She hoped he didn't catch it. Even now though, that she thought about it she couldn't even laugh at his comment. She wasn't a good person, and this was almost like some sick reflection looking back at her. Her friendship had driven him to an extreme he never would have gone without her. 

She covered up her thoughts by just informing him Harkin wasn't worth the bullet. "You don't think he deserved it?" Garrus asked skeptically. "I did just see you kill someone else's mark not even a few hours ago." He reminded her. 

"It's just not like you." Shepard responded looking forward. Not making eye contact. A strange thing humans did. They avoided eye contact when they felt uncomfortable. That sparked something inside of Garrus that made him angry. 

"What do you want from me Shepard?" He asked trying to cool down. "What would you do if someone betrayed you?" He asked. 

"I wouldn't let it change me." She responded simply. 

"I would've said the same thing before it happened to me." Garrus could feel his sub-harmonics bleeding his agitation. 

What Shepard said next sent him over the edge. "It's not too late. You don't have to go through with this." 

"Who's going to bring Sidonis to justice if I don't? Nobody else knows what he's done. Nobody else cares." Garrus accused. 

Shepard felt a pang of anger at that accusation. Like she didn't care that this man's betrayal led to Garrus almost dying in her arms? She didn't say anything just opened the door. "I'm going to talk to him. Get on the comm and tell me where the fuck he is." She slammed the door leaving a very confused Garrus and a calm looking Thane in the vehicle. 

Garrus didn't seem to want to let it go. Her comm pinged as he began to move to a good location. "I've always hated injustice. The thought that he could get away with this. He get's to go on living while ten good men lie in unmarked graves. I'm sorry Shepard, words aren't going to solve this problem." There was an awkward silence on the comm and Thane caught up with Shepard going down to the plaza. 

"Well Shepard," thane said muting his comm and motioning for her to do the same. She complied intrigued. "I find your methods are very... unexpected." 

"There's a method to my madness. Stick around long enough and you'll figure it out." Shepard sighed. "Although a mid-life crisis does have a way of throwing a wrench into the situation. Normally I know what I'm going to do before I do it. I knew walking into the apartment if things even looked like they could go sideways I was going to shoot that mark. I was not going to let your son live with that. Me? I don't give a damn about myself. I'm a living breathing weapon, much like see yourself. I value the bigger picture over the smaller one. That is, until I care about the person." She let a sigh escape. This was the first time she had actually admitted so someone on her own accord. "He's my best friend and my own influence did this to him." She briefly explained the mission with Dr. Hart and the drell simply nodded. "I figured the bigger picture was important there. Garrus got to get the job done, which has always been my most important goal. Now here we are, not getting the job done for some vengeance because he can't get it through his thick skull that shit happens and people die." Shepard shrugged. "So honestly I'm winging this man. I want to get a few words out of the guy and hope that I can trust Garrus as much as I think I can." 

"I think you can." Thane then unmuted his comm and Shepard followed suite. Soon she heard Garrus had found the guy and she waved him over. 

She waved over Sidonis, Thane stood calmly beside her ready if things went south. 

"Let's get this over with," the turian seemed aggravated. Of course he was his cover was blown. 

"You're in my shot, move to the side." Garrus warned. Perfect, she thought. 

"Listen Sidonis, I'm here to help you." Shepard said calmly. 

"Don't ever say that name aloud." His voice found a nervous pitch she'd grown quite familiar with. 

"I'm a friend of Garrus. He wants you dead, and I'm hoping that's not necessary." Shepard crossed her arms. 

"Garrus, is this some kind of joke?" He asked the tensions showing on his face. 

"Damnit, Shepard," Garrus growled. "If he moves I'm taking the shot."

Shepard remembered in that instant turian's have ridiculous hearing because he acted as if he heard what was said over the comm."You're not kidding, are you? Screw this, I'm not sticking around to find out. Tell Garrus I had my own problems..." 

Shepard reacted grabbing Sidonis by the cowl and pulling him down to her level. "Don't move." Her tone took a dark warning. 

"Get off me." the turian was clearly surprised by her strength because he could not for the life of him get out of her grasp. 

"I am the only thing standing between you and a bullet in your head." She spat making sure his head was hidden below her own. His back be damned she was not going to let Garrus be the one taking the shot. Her other hand rested on her Carnifex. 

"Fuck." He sighed. "Look I didn't wanna do it... I didn't have a choice." He admitted. 

"Everyone had a choice." Garrus grunted over the comm. 

"They got to me. Said they'd kill me if I didn't help. What was I supposed to do?" He asked. Shepard still had his cowl in her hands not letting him move away. 

"Let me take the shot Shepard he's a damn coward." Garrus pleaded. 

In that moment Shepard realized what she had to do. It's not that she didn't trust Garrus, clearly that was not the issue or she wouldn't trust herself to be sitting here in his line of fire. Garrus wouldn't let this go. Faster than anyone other than Thane could react she grabbed her Carnifex, lifted it up to Sidonis' head "This is for my best friend, Garrus, you son of a bitch," and pulled the trigger. Blue blood shot out in all directions and the turian fell helplessly to the ground. Another life taken by the sentient weapon. 

She looked over at Thane trying to wipe the blood from her face. He reached into his pocket and produced a cloth which she took with thanks. She wiped the blood off of her face and looked around at the crowd. "Nothing to see here, Spectre business." She announced before turning to leave. "Guess that works for winging it." She nodded at Thane. 

"After earlier that outcome did not surprise me." He nodded as the walked back to the skycar. 

Garrus was fumbling back to the skycar and froze when he saw Shepard. "L... Listen Shepard, I know you'll want to talk about this but not right now." Shepard met his eyes finally since the skycar conversation. 

"This is what happens when you let things get personal. Remember your promise Vakarian." She turned away getting into the skycar and he silently got into the vehicle. If he didn't feel like trash before, he felt horrible now. He missed something. He had no idea what Shepard's intentions were going down there and he didn't quite understand the significance of what she said. Did she think she was laying their friendship to rest with that shot? He was also upset because he needed to be the one to shoot that bullet, not Shepard. She took away his only chance of closure as he saw it. Now he was just left with a not that couldn't leave his stomach. On the other hand he may have just let his vengeance get in the way of his friendship with Shepard. She was wrong, they could never be equal, not with her as his commander. An all to familiar wave of sadness washed over him as he thought of the prospect of sitting in that battery alone from now on until the collectors collected his body. He let a sigh escape but the rest of the ride was quiet. 

Garrus didn't look at Shepard as they docked the ship he just silently made his way back to the main battery where he worked. For the next week she didn't visit him once. Occasionally he'd catch her watching him, as he grabbed his morning breakfast but she'd look away that, Shepard mask he knew so well in place so he couldn't read her emotions. He was almost pissed that she wore it so often, like if she held everything in then it didn't matter. Their conversations in the main battery it was always gone, and if she wasn't letting lose and talking to him then... He needed to fix this. He needed to accept what she did was right. She was his commanding officer of course she knew what was best. She had proven time and again than she was smarter, and better at leading and if she chose this for him than clearly it was

...

Shepard sighed. It had been a week since she talked to Garrus. She spent time mining for resources to get that gun into fighting shape. She knew she would eventually need to talk to Garrus, tell him everything on her mind but she kept putting it off. Fact of the matter was she realized standing between his gun and his target that there was no one else in the entire galaxy she trusted. Not like this. She knew going in that Garrus wouldn't pull the trigger with any change she could get hurt. To some degree, she was his weakness. She wasn't sure what that meant though. At a leader she knew having him on her squad meant nothing was going to hurt her if she could help it, but she also knew if something did happen to her it would devastate him. In all her talks that was what she learned when he revealed why he was on Omega, she just didn't see it at first. 

Liara had called her out on her own feelings that she had buried thinking there was no way her best friend would think like that. Hell, she was an alien to him. She also didn't want to ruin this friendship. This was the only thing worth coming back for. Most everyone else, even her significant other had turned her back on her, but Garrus... Garrus was always there. He didn't question her for a second when she rescued him waving Cerberus colors. He questioned her sense but not her. She decided when she had enough mining materials to upgrade the Thanix Cannon the would have a talk. Elbows deep in the large gun, doing something they enjoyed they would talk about everything. If she was lucky, He would accept her proposition.

...

He could smell her long before she entered the main battery. The knot that sat in the pit of his stomach began to make it's presence known. What would she say to him? What would he say to her? He knew at once he needed to address that she was right about Sidonis. He let it get personal and he dragged her into a mess. He would thank her, because at least his team could rest in piece now. He would not tell her how upset he had been when it was her hand he died to. 

Shepard stood outside the door hand frozen over the button needing to make sure everything was in check before she entered. She wanted her confidence to bleed into her conversation. To silently tell him everything would be okay. To tell him she wasn't going to leave him here in the battery alone, to tell him she was sorry for dying on him and sorry that she rubbed her ruthless streak deep into him when she allowed him to kill the doctor a few years back. She needed to say, or insinuate all of this, without her Commander face dropping. She could not be weak for this. She even practiced her conversation with Thane who gratefully helped her. He was nice to her, and helpful and she was thankful. It had been so hard not to just run into the main battery and run his thick skull into the wall about how ungrateful he was being and how messed up she had made him. How he was better than what he was presenting right now and he knew it. 

Finally she sighed and pressed the button. The door opened with a whisper, announcing her presence to Garrus. He turned around with the most neutral look on his face she had ever seen, but when his eyes saw her a small smile fell on his face. By smile his mouth opened ever so slightly and his mandibles spread, although the one that tried to eat a rocket was a little slower and didn't move as far. "Commander, need me for something." 

Shepard dead panned. "What have I told you about the main battery?" She asked throwing her hands up in the air dramatically. 

His smile widened. She felt her cocky smirk taking it's place. 

"I wanted you to know you were right. I did let things get personal but thank you for helping with Sidonis. Those men can rest easy now." There was an unanswered question in that statement. 

"Can you rest easy now?" Shepard asked eyes locked into his daring him to lie. 

"I don't know. I think so. I've done okay except..." He didn't finish his sentence. 

"Garrus, if you are fine, we are fine. If you aren't you better lay it out here so we can get this conversation over with." Shepard warned. "We can have it over Cannon upgrades because as you noticed I had enough supplies from mining."

"I'm okay Shepard." Garrus stated neutrally. 

"Alright. Garrus, I think you heave the best view of everything and you won't lie to me. What do you think our chances against the collectors are?" Shepard asked. 

"Well, We still need upgrades that's for sure. Honestly, though, the collectors killed you once and all it did was piss you off. I can't imagine they'll stop you this time. But, an unmapped area, advanced technology, and the Collectors? We're going to lose people. No way around that. One thing's for sure, I know no one could take us as far as you could though." Garrus sighed. 

"Let's not have this conversation again. We already know we disagree." Shepard smile widened. 

"It's just, whatever we end up having to deal with, the Reapers, Collectors, or whatever, I know you'll get the job done." Garrus was laying something on thick and Shepard wasn't sure what. 

"You actually think we will find something worse than the Collectors or Reapers?" Shepard asked skeptically. 

"I like to expect the worst. There's a small chance I'll be pleasantly surprised." Garrus admitted. 

"I couldn't do this without you Garrus..." Shepard felt her mask slipping ever so slightly as she admitted the truth. It's okay though. this is Garrus, in the main battery, masks are on duty. She reminded herself.

"Sure you could. Not as stylishly, of course." Shepard felt the cocky smirk spread once more as she took her place on her perch. "It's strange going on a suicide mission on a human ship. Your people don't prepare for high risk operations the way turians do." 

"I thought you'd be used to high risk operations on human ships." Shepard teased. "I mean, think about tracking Saren to Ilos." 

"Sure but that was quick. We raced out, landed, blew up some geth, and saved the galaxy. this Time we've got Miranda and Cerberus and that AI telling us what we're up against. I think I preferred blind optimism." Garrus admitted. 

Shepard thought for a moment before pressing on. "Do you ever regret leaving C-Sec or the turian military?" 

"Not for a minute. When it comes down to it, I don't think I'm a very good turian." Garrus passed a little bit as he said that. "When a good turian hears a bad order, he follows it. He might complain, but he knows his place. I just don't see the point in staying quiet and polite. Not when the galaxy's at stake." 

That awarded Garrus a chuckle from Shepard. "I never understood the point of staying quiet and polite. That's just me though. Serious question, how do turians get ready for high risk mission?" Shepard asked.

"With violence usually. Turian ships have more operational discipline than your Alliance, but fewer personal restrictions. Our commander's run us tight, and they know we need to blow off steam. Turian ships have training rooms for exercise, combat sims, Even full-contact sparring. Whatever lets people work off stress." Garrus seemed pretty nonchalant about it. 

"You mean turian ships have crewmen fighting each other before a mission?" Shepard was shocked even when she and Ash had had their match there wasn't a mission for a while. 

"It's supervised, of course. nobody is going to risk an injury that interferes with the mission. And it's a good way to settle grudges amicably. I remember right before one mission, we were going to hit a batarian pirate squad. Very risky. This recon scout and I had been at each other's throats. Nerves, mostly. She suggested we settle it in the ring." Garrus felt a little nervous getting into this story with Shepard, but on the other hand she'd told him some personal stuff and she didn't seem shy at all about personal conversations involving the stuff he was about to explain. 

"I assume you took her down gently?" Shepard asked raising an eyebrow. 

"Actually she and I were the top ranked hand-to-hand specialists on the ship. I had reach, but she had flexibility. It was brutal. After nine rounds, the judge called it a draw. There were a lot of unhappy betters in the training room. We, ah, ended up holding a tiebreaker in her quarters. I had reach, but she had flexibility. More than one way to work off stress, I guess." Garrus chuckled lightly. 

Shepard thought for a moment. This was too perfect. She put on her cocky smirk ignoring the flush that presented itself plain as day on her cheeks. She didn't know how much he knew about blushing so she stood up making herself appear as tall as she could trying to make her voice sound as sexy as she could before speaking. "It sounds like you're carrying some tension. Maybe I could help you get rid of it?" She crossed her arms reflexively. 

Garrus felt a wave of confusion hit him before he responded. "I, ah, didn't think you'd feel like sparring." He knew this was a bullshit response. He knew what she was asking but he suddenly felt nervous. First off, when he looked at her he saw his best friend. His commander. Second off, he knew deep down he felt something for her. He chalked it up to being good friends, but now as she was propositioning him he could tell that was not it at all. His mind was telling him to say yes, everything in him was suddenly telling him to say yes. 

Shepard could tell she caught him off guard. The slight stammer in the beginning of his sentence it almost built her confidence up. It almost confirmed what she had considered before walking into this door. She shook her head, dropped her arms and sauntered over putting herself between him and his console he loved a little too much. She leaned back feeling it press against her back looked up at him giving him the most mischievous grin she could muster. "What if we skip to the tiebreaker? We could test your reach..." She batted her eye lashes just a little bit before continuing. "And my flexibility." 

"Oh! I didn't... Huh. Never knew you had a weakness for men with scars." He felt his own confidence growing from her forwardness. "Well, why the hell not? There's nobody in this galaxy I respect more than you. If we can figure out a way to make it work then... yeah. Definitely." 

Shepard found herself walking out. She needed to go take a breather before getting anywhere close to him. She walked right past him watching him as she left the main battery \\. things were going to be just fine between them. Although, she realized, that Garrus had basically locked the Sidonis conversation into his own personal folder of things to be talked about later. By later he probably also meant never. If it meant things would be okay between them she would respect his decision. If he didn't want to talk about it, she wouldn't push it. Also, she might end up having a tough time going elbow to elbow with Garrus under those cannons. She needed to go upstairs and work some things out before they set to work.

...

Garrus wasn't sure he could ever look at the console the same way again. Every time he looked at it he would see Shepard leaned against it with that stupid smile she called a smirk on her face putting really bad ideas into his head. At first it was simple thoughts like wondering what the strings on her head felt like. Humans call it hair, he reminded himself. Was it nice? He'd never really considered being intimate with someone who wasn't turian. Not even asari really seemed appealing to him, although some turians readily enjoyed them. Then he remembered how Shepard had looked when she walked out of the private room she'd occupied. It wasn't a pretty sight at all. Suddenly he was worried. He knew you had to actually intend to harm someone and he kept his talons filed down and blunt. One this was for sure, he had to do some research. 

Normally Garrus was not a procrastinator. This was no normal circumstance however. So, Garrus used calibrations to procrastinate any research on this subject. In fact, The next time Shepard came waltzing into the main battery he readily informed her that he had some calibrations to do so his hard-ass commander didn't shoot him in the foot. She smiled at the comment saying as long as he didn't pose as a crazy fanboy that wouldn't be necessary, but she left him to it. For this he was grateful. He honestly didn't know if he could actually do his job if she was in there sitting there making those smirks at him. Thank the spirits turians didn't go red in the face like humans. 

In fact, as he thought about it, unless Shepard was yelling at someone she had not seen her go read in the face before. That is until she propositioned him. It hadn't been red in the face from embarrassment either. Part of the reason he was caught off guard was the scent that started to waft from her position. It was a sweet, and tangy scent he hadn't expected but he knew exactly what it was. She wanted him. But he'd seen other humans go red in the face with embarrassment. This was a common occurrence with the yeoman on the ship. The one named Kelly who he avoided at all costs when Shepard told him what she had said about him. No he was not into humans, but Shepard was the exception. Her scent still made itself at home in his nasal cavity and made him a little bit bothered. His plates still loosened every time he thought about it.

Shepard returned a few hours later telling him he couldn't use calibrations as an excuse to avoid her any further because she needed him on the ground team. She gave him that smirk once more before leaving the main battery. Something about a derelict Collector ship was tossed over her should and that he should suite up and head to the shuttle. 

Garrus groaned a little bit. He enjoyed avoiding Shepard with calibrations. At least right now, because if he avoided her than he could get him mind in one piece. Oh well, at least on the ground he knew he could keep it business as usual. If he were completely honest with himself he wanted nothing more than to just reach out his hand and touch her. Nothing crazy, but to make sure this wasn't some sort of sick dream. To ensure that his CO had in fact propositioned him and actually didn't see him as a horrible spiky monster. He gathered his guns and headed down to the shuttle bay once again thankful turians didn't blush as he walked up to her and Miranda. Shepard smiled a normal smile when she saw him, which he was thankful because if she smirked at him again he might just lose it. That face now had a meaning and one he didn't want to address in front of the Cerberus XO. 

On the bright side, one day he would get to finally touch a humans hair and have the question of the century answered. What was it like?


	18. Second Guesses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus and Shepard are second guessing. Of course when everything is said and done Shepard smirks. That cocky smirk. The one Garrus can't seem to get over.

Shepard was pissed. Well, all things considered she shouldn't be surprised it seems she was pissed after every mission now a days. The Illusive Man had set them up. One the other hand, she had a bit of respect for the AI who alerted them they he knew it was a set up. She was thankful for that at least. She Needed to take a shower before she ran her rounds. She'd go to Miranda first so when she denied what the AI suggested then she would have several people to talk to before she talked to Garrus. She usually saved him for last unless he was the one who pissed her off. Then she just avoided him fora week. Usually she had no problem speaking her mind, but with him... sometimes she didn't know quite what to say. She knew this was more than blowing off steam for her, and she hoped it was the same for him. She decided she wasn't going to get all weird and start looking into turian dating practices. There was no need for that. She hadn't had to do any research to be come friends, so basically all she needed to know if he had the equipment. everything else would fall into place right? She hoped so. 

She really needed to talk to Garrus. she planned on letting him know he can always tell her no. although they were in the main battery so maybe he had figured that out by now.

...

“Yeah. I’ve been thinking about what we talked about. Blowing off steam, easing tension. I’ve never considered cross species intercourse. And damn, saying it that way doesn’t help. Now I feel dirty and clinical. Are we crazy to even be thinking about this? I’m not… Look, Shepard, I know you can find something a little closer to home. Or, maybe you could end up staying with Liara. You know she meant well when she handed you to Cerberus, hell in her shoes I might’ve done the same damn thing.” 

“I don’t want something closer to home. I want you. Someone I can trust. Liara’s not here Garrus. She seems cold, stuck obsessing over her Shadowbroker job. In all honesty, it would never have uh… worked between us. Liara and I… we are just two different people Garrus. She proved that to me when she didn’t even bother to make sure I was okay when that bitch, Tela Vasir, threw me out a window. You on the other hand… You are here with me. You have shown me time and time again that you are a wonderful turian with a kind heart, and you are loyal beyond anything I’ve ever seen. You are my best friend and I want to spend my time before I fight another goddamn war for the galaxy with you.” Shepard stepped forward as she said this not letting her eyes leave his. He could see the sincerity. 

“I can do that. I’ll find some music… and do some research to figure out how this should work. It’ll either be a night to treasure or a horrible inter-species awkwardness thing.” Garrus saw Shepard cross her arms as he was stating he last part. “In which case, fighting the collectors will be a welcome distraction. So, you know, a win either way.” 

“You know Garrus if you’re not comfortable with this, it’s okay. I’m not trying to pressure you.” Her hand found his shoulder resting there in a friendly comfort. 

“Shepard you are about the only friend I’ve got left in this screwed-up galaxy. I’m not going to pretend I have a fetish for humans… but this isn’t about that. This is about us. You don’t ever have to worry about making me uncomfortable. Nervous, yes… but never uncomfortable.” Garrus was surprised Shepard was even concerned about that. Without warning Shepard leaned in and her lips touched his scared side of his face. They were soft and light, and it was almost like a whispered promise. He also felt her hand leave his shoulder and was now resting on his hip. He finally let his breath out as she pulled away.

“So when should I book the room?” Garrus watched as that smirk he was hoping avoid creep onto her soft face. He had pretty much decided that every time that smirk appeared she had to be thinking something very evil, and possibly dirty in her mind. Definitely evil though, and it kind of excited him. All of this planning, it was almost as good as fighting along side her in battle. 

"I'd wait, if you're okay with it. Disrupt the crew as little as possible... and take that last chance to find some calm just before the storm. You know me. I always like to savor the last shot before popping the heat sink." _Why is she smirking at me?_ He thought. He just looked at her waiting for her to say something when it hit him. "Wait, that metaphor just went somewhere horrible."

"I'll let you get back to work." Shepard started walking backward out of the main battery. 

"Right. 'Cause I'm in a great place to optimize firing algorithms right now." Garrus turned back to the console and could see her there smirking evilly at him. This was going to be a very long shift. On the other hand now he had incentive to do some research. Maybe he would stop procrastinating the inevitable. On the other hand Shepard was supposed to help with the gun. Maybe she'd come back later. So long as she didn't make that face at him he wouldn't run her off. That smirk did things too him, and hell maybe she knew and was just fucking with him. Yea, she would totally do that. Somehow that didn't run him off. He kind of liked it. In some crazy way the fact that she would enjoy making him squirm gave him some excitement.

...

Shepard really needed to march into the main battery and help him with the gun installation like she promised. She groaned as she sat up from her bed. She hadn't quite adapted to the fact that her body required less sleep since it had an overhaul. First on the list of things to do was get some Coffee. 

She turned her head to make sure the light was glowing green on the main battery door as she poured herself some coffee. Her morning ritual had her drinking an entire pot all by herself. Goddamn Cerberus overhaul. Made life a bit difficult. So much alcohol to even get a buzz, and so much coffee to feel refreshed in the morning. She shook her head. Life was simpler on the old SR-1 that's for sure. She began walking towards the main battery. She remembered to have one of the Cerberus employees move the materials into the main battery last night before the end of shift. So she figured Garrus should expect her. 

She entered the main battery to see Garrus had already started on the upgrades. "Garrus, you ass-hat you were supposed to wait for me." Shepard teased. 

She set her cup down on the console and walked down to where Garrus had gotten to work. "Isn't it a little bit early to be up for you Shepard?" He asked.

"I only sleep 3-4 hours a night." She crossed her arms. 

"I thought humans slept 8-10 hours." He pushed himself from under the gun that was raised. "Now you sleep less than a turian?"

"Humanity didn't get an overhaul when I did. Something to do with the Cerberus implants I think. Same reason I went from one cup of coffee every morning to one pot. How far are you in this work?" she asked. 

"Oh, I just got started about 20 minutes ago. Should have a good few hours to work on it." He announced. 

"Alright let me see the schematics again." Shepard asked. Garrus grabbed the data pad off of his cot and handed it to her. She went over the diagrams and went over to the tools then sat down next to Garrus and pushed herself under the gun. 

"Alright lets get this girl running good." She grinned at Garrus. "Wouldn't want anything but the best for my turian Archangel." 

Garrus shook his head then diligently started adding pieces to the gun. Shepard started leading the work, handing him the parts requires, getting the things that were beyond his reach, mostly because she was small enough to fit whereas the gun didn't raise high enough to get his Carapace threw. Just one more thing the Cerberus builders didn't take into account when building this ship. They worked in silence for a couple hours except when one or the other need to ask for something. It was a good silence, one of the ones where they could just enjoy each other's presence. Eventually though, Shepard had to ruin it. 

"What's your favorite color Garrus?" shepard asked out of the blue while they were working. 

"Uh... blue." He said. "Why do you ask?"

"No particular reason. I just always assumed it was because you wear it so much." She came back into view from the other side of the gun. 

"What's yours?" He asked. 

"Don't have one." She answered. "I like a lot of colors, but not enough to designate any of them a favorite. I mean, it's not like I go out of my way to collect a favorite color of apparel. Outside of nightwear and that damn dress Kasumi is making me wear for the next mission I'm in Allia- well, in this case Cerberus garb." She pushed herself back under the gun bumping into Garrus as she did so. "Sorry, big guy."

"It's okay. What do you do on shore leave?" He asked. 

"You've seen me on shore leave. Usually one of the tank tops I sleep in and one of my two pairs of jeans. I'm a very exciting human." She responded with a small smile. 

"Shepard can you hand me that wrench over there, its by you." Garrus asked holding a piece in pace. 

"Got it!" She handed it to him. "So... What's your favorite planet?" 

"Palavan. It is a rather stunning sight. If you get past the radiation." Garrus chuckled. 

"How very turian of you." Shepard nudged him in the side with her elbow. 

"You might not want to do that Shepard. Your elbows are pretty poky." Garrus repeated the gesture back. 

"That's the _point_ Garrus." 

"I see what you did there Shepard, and it was lame." Garrus sighed. "Your jokes are worse than Jokers." 

"Maybe, but hey, what can I say? I can walk into a room and tell them and people will laugh anyway." She grinned. 

"That's because people are afraid you'll break their nose if they don't." Garrus pushed himself out from under the gun and picked up the data pad.

"I have never done anything that drastic." Shepard's smile turned into a frown. 

"That was a joke." Garrus tried to mimic EDI's voice. Shepard found herself laughing so hard her ribs hurt. 

"Garrus that's _fowl_ play." 

"Okay one more pun from you and you are kicked out for an hour." Garrus warned. 

"But Garrus, are you finding my jokes, _unbearable_?" Clearly Garrus didn't know what a bear was because he didn't kick her out. This alone caused Shepard to laugh even harder. 

"Shepard why are you laughing so hard?" Garrus looked at her. 

"I may have made another pun, one that you didn't catch. You know, because Earth culture an all. So I was able to get away with it while enjoying my awful humor." Shepard stopped laughing when she saw Garrus's face. 

"Well Shepard, the guns are done so I think you can be kicked out for an hour for even trying that. First though, you have to explain the joke." Garrus raised his brow plates. 

"There's an animal on Earth called a bear. There's all kinds of bear puns if you'd like I can-" shepard was cut off by Garrus. 

"Looks like you broke the one rule in the main battery. No bad puns." Shepard's face contorted until is settled on that smirk that Garrus couldn't get out of his mind. 

"Garrus when were you going to be punished for your heat sink joke? That was was horrible." Shepard teased. 

"Never I live here." Garrus retorted. 

"Bye Vakarian. Going to go on a mission without you. Although not by choice. I hate dresses." With that Shepard was gone. 

Garrus shook his head. Although he was curious what the dress looked like he started putting away the extra equipment left over from updating the guns. He also decided that since Shepard would be off the ship running a mission that would be the perfect time to do his research. He wouldn't have to worry about her walking in one him... reading things that might scar him for life. Who knows? Humans are squishy.

Once he was sure Shepard was off the ship Garrus found himself sneaking into the cockpit. Joker was a cool person. He could ask Joker and he wouldn't say anything to anyone. Right? He seemed like a good guy. Best part was he only talked to Shepard, so what, worse case scenario he tells Shepard the questions he's going to ask. Once he was in the cockpit Joker swiveled around to see who had he needed to greet.

"Hey Garrus, whats up?" joker greeted with a smile on his face.

"Joker, can I ask you some questions that you never under any circumstance repeat to anyone sell help me spirits I will sick Shepard on you." Garrus asked.

"Well if you put it that way I think I can make this a confidential conversation." Joker grinned. "What's up big guy?" He asked using the same thing Shepard always said to him. Must be how they refer to him when hes not around... weird. 

"What do human females like?" He asked. 

Joker paused, "Do you mean human females or Commander Shepard because trust me Garrus those are two different species completely." Joker winked.

"Uh... Okay, Shepard." Garrus forfeited.

"Shepard love the smell of blood in the morning, getting shot at, and alcohol. You can't go wrong with Alcohol. What did you do to piss her off?" Joker asked. Raising and eye brow.

"Uh... nothing. I didn't upset her, quite the contrary I believe." He could feel himself getting giddy. "That does NOT leave the cockpit."

"I don't know. Get her some alcohol. Maybe a gun mod... wait... maybe not she practically invents her own on the fly... She really likes getting shot at maybe you could shoot her?" Joker grinned slightly at the awful joke. "Definitely miss but pretend to shoot at her. She will find appeal in it. I'm convinced she gets off on killing things and eating their souls though so maybe avoid it. you don't want your soul sucked up like those damned Dementors."

"What?" Garrus asked.

"Uh, old book, you should read it er... if you like magic, or human subculture." Joker smiled. "I promise you can't go wrong with alcohol. She loves the stuff."

"What do humans do before things get... uh... physical?" He asked.

"well normal humans go on first dates, maybe the guy gets a girl some flowers, they go to a movie or a sporting event. Then they do that a coupla' times and then things get physical. At least if you are going for serious relationship. Shepard's shoots shit with you, kills some enemies, saves the galaxy, then decides she finally wants to get her panties out of her ass and she likes you. Don't worry I already know. You can't screw up with her. Unless you have some secret wish to watch her fall out of a window and you decide to act all casual about it." joker laughed.

"Does she tel you all of this?" garrus asked. 

"Naw I just spy on her when her conversations are getting interesting." Joker smiled evilly. "I need someway to blackmail her into leaving the cockpit when she's angry. You do NOT want a redhead in your cockpit when shes angry... wow... that metaphor. Yea still applies." Joker laughed again. 

"Joker this isn't funny. I'm trying to do research. I was hoping you could be discretely helpful." Garrus crossed his arms.

"Alright alright but only this once and only for my favorite turian in the galaxy. If you promise me one thing." Joker cocked his eye brow and smiled.

"What's that?" Garrus asked.

"Take that stick out of your ass and relax." Joker's smile grew even bigger. "and be less angry."

"I don't have a stick up my ass. Trust me, Shepard told me so so it must be true." Garrus tried to imitate the winking thing Shepard had showed him but just ended up blinking at Joker.

"Alright, so here's my advice. Definitely get the wine. Tell her, that her hair is nice, and relax. I honestly don't think Shepard is that hard to please. That's what's nice about her. She will find anything you do to make her happy enduring. Just don't be creepy and collect her hair or something." joker laughed.

"Collect her hair? Am I missing some innuendo or something?" Garrus asked. 

"No our hair sheds a little bit at a time. It's like one big joke between us humans about creeps that they collect hair and make closet monuments for the people they worship." Joker explained with a smile.

"Noted. Okay I think I can do this." Garrus felt a little better already. 

With a hop in his step he proceeded back to the main battery where he could get on with part two of his investigations. He would give Shepard one more chance to tell him she's insane but after that he would accept she knew what she wanted.


	19. Doubts

It was times like this when Shepard wished she worked alone. The empty chairs around her gave her some comfort, but when it came down to it, and they went through the omega 4 relay, how many of them would die. It would be Torfan all over again. Another battle she would just have to forget, that is if she lived. No should couldn't let herself think like that. Everyone was going to live, she wouldn't give the Collectors the benefit of defeat. She also couldn't hesitate. Just because Cerberus broke her rules didn't mean she had to. Everyone was expendable. She took a sip of her coffee as she sat at a table alone in the middle of the night. They were currently on their way to the Flotilla, her quarian engineer had been charged with treason and she was going to show up and help Tali in anyway she could. The Commander paid her debts 100%. Since Tali joined league with her, given Cerberus' past, she owed Tali the chance to make it right. 

She took a bite of the strawberry flavored yogurt from the cold, metal spoon. Letting her eyes hazily watch the lights flicker by the med bay. She let the sounds of the engines running sooth her but soon found her legs were restless. Her knee bounced with energy and she pushed the mug of coffee away. She tucked her hair behind her ear and sighed. Her eyes feel on the red light glowing, mocking her from the main battery's closed door. Garrus was asleep. Tonight was a restless night for her, they were out of probes and she'd know that they would need to refill for gas soon. They were supposed to hit a station up on the way to the Flotilla. Joker told her he'd let her know when they did. 

So instead of being productive, with a lack of anything to do and an inability to shut her eyes and fall into the clutches of sleep she sat in the quiet mess hall just enjoying the silence. She quite readily remembered a time where she spent a lot of time in silence. Once she hit her N7 class, Admiral Hackett had set her up on covert operations. A lot of get in get out stuff. Things in which if she were caught the Alliance would claim no knowledge of and she would be halled off to prison. Funny, and quite fitting. She began her career with the threat of jail, and towards the end of her career as she knew it her failure would lead her there. It's almost as if she were destined for lock up. But, she never slipped up. She was always a step ahead of the enemy.

She'd quietly slither into basses, mostly alien, grab some intel, or equipment, get out and she turned it in. Sometimes it was an assassination. She knew how to disable or kill every known species in at least 3 different ways. None of which included explosives, although she readily enjoyed that aspect. It was likely why her name was put fourth to be a Spectre. She was already used to covert work, where the only time it counted was when she failed, so she didn't. Now here she was, devoid of her post in the Alliance and some sick part of her wished she could return. She could have her ship be part of the Alliance once more, because that was life as she knew it. Running around with Cerberus was an unknown even five months in she couldn't get used to. Another spoon full of fruity yogurt entered her mouth absent mindlessly. 

The scars she had woken up with had long since healed, but sometimes when things were this quiet she could almost hear the whirring of cybernetics. She knew it was in her heard but the ache in her stomach, the longing to know she was real would creep up on her. She would tell herself when these doubt sunk in that her old crew would have said something if she acted out of character. She'd been face to face with Anderson and he treated her with ease and knowing. So why did her new found strength and changes she laughed about with Garrus caused these doubts to flourish when everything went quiet. She still had nightmares of gasping for breath and she'd wake up and EDI would ask if she was alright. It was always strange when the AI asked if she were alright, as if it was some reflexive writing in her programming to ask. It wasn't any different the the cultural writing of another human asking if she were alright in the same circumstance, and that alone bugged her. 

Other things she'd remind herself was that she did not act like EDI, the most advanced AI she'd ever met. She still acted human, so she had to be. She had no knowledge of what it was like to be dead. Only a black void of lost time and space as she traveled from suffocating in the orbit of Alchera to waking up on Miranda's watch. She had sexual feelings, she reminded herself as she thought about the turian soundlessly sleeping behind the closed doors. She had emotional feelings, mostly anger but that was no different from before. What had mostly changed was her confidence in herself. She doubted herself more, but that had to be a side effect of facing death, shouldn't it? she'd been in more close calls than she could count but the fact that she had been dead for two years, that was the shock. The yeoman had offered counseling services but she had politely declined. She couldn't trust that whatever she discussed with the young Kelly Chambers wouldn't make it back to her enemy, the illusive man. 

The last of the yogurt cup was finished and she was left looking at a cold cup of coffee on the table almost a foot away from when she'd scooted it to the other side of the table. How far had technology gone? Was there a way to simulate all the emotions she felt with chemicals? Ones that were programmed to release so she wouldn't doubt herself? She stood up slowly walking towards the elevator, but stopping to peak at the door of her XO. The green light taunted her almost begged her to ask the questions that pondered her mind. She knew anything she said to Miranda would get back to the Illusive man. Maybe, just maybe she could ask for a deal. 

Abandoning her cup and her original path she found herself slowly inching closer and closer to the ice queens quarters. She pressed her ear to the door listening intently with her new hearing. When she heard a slight shuffle from the placement of a data pad on a desk top she allowed herself the permission to enter. Her hand found the green command button and the door whizzed open revealing the dark haired human sitting at her desk. 

"You're up late." Miranda noted as Shepard entered the room. 

"As are you." Shepard nodded before taking a seat at her normal spot when they had these conversations. 

"What can I do for you?" Miranda had cheered up quite a bit when Shepard had taken the time to help her with her sister. 

"May I speak with you about some things, and you promise not to take it back to the illusive man? I need some trust right now, maybe, calling it a favor for the favor I did for you?" Shepard's tone had reached a hopeful tone. She didn't trust easy and Miranda didn't make it easy, but she needed something now. 

"Alright. I can give you that since you did hep me out. EDI I need all recordings of this conversation deleted as soon as Shepard leaves. All backups removed as well, and don't even think of making a fishing tool to remind you that I asked this." Miranda added. 

Shepard's shoulders slumped a bit at this request. Miranda was trying, so she would do the same. "Tell me everything that was done to my body. I want to know exactly what was done because I'm having a hard time believing that I'm not some living breathing VI who thinks I'm... me." Shepard admitted with a slight wince at the end of her statement. 

"We did a lot of extensive work upon recovering your body. We started out with thermal stimulants. The organs that were unresponsive were simply regrown. Your brain is still your brain it was luckily, fully intact. We added the cybernetic implants which enhanced your visions, hearing, strength, and as I'm sure you've figured out enhanced the functionality of your liver and kidneys to protect you from poisonous exposure. A couple of your organs were regrown and your skin was regrown and grafted. If you are worried about the validity for yourself I can assure you, you are you. I've seen you in action Shepard, watched you make the tough decisions, you are the same woman, maybe changed with what life had thrown on you, but the same woman you were before you died." Miranda did something Shepard didn't expect. she reached out her hand, and Shepard took it. Miranda planted it on the desk in front of her and covered it, trying to convey some sense of comfort. 

"Mmm. It's just, hard to believe." Shepard exhaled feeling every ounce of air leave her lungs. 

"I spent two years putting you back together, studying everything there is to know about you. If there was something off, I, or even your old crew would have noticed it. I don't think the doubt you are feeling is unnatural, and frankly the fact that you are feeling the doubt to me seems very healthy and likely in itself." Miranda confirmed. "I, however, won't let the illusive man become aware of your doubts. He doesn't need to know everything you are thinking. I know I wouldn't want that." 

"Yeah... I uh... I guess you are right about that." Shepard's left hand lay in her lap nervously picking at the fabric of her Cerberus uniform. 

"Look Shepard, I want you to know that I had my doubts about you when we first started. I've seen what you've done with the crew so far. You command loyalty from your crew and a belief that we can do the impossible, and it seems so effortless. I could never do something like that. That's something that haunts me a little bit. I'm great because of the enhancements I acquired over the time. You were great before we rebuilt you. what you've done with your life is beyond luck, it's your capability Shepard and that's what we need against the Collectors." Miranda gave a soft smile. 

"Miranda, don't sell yourself short. Just do what you've been doing. Embrace what you have because you are one hell of a biotic, and you aren't the ice queen everyone thinks you are. Look at all you've done for your sister." Shepard pointed out. 

"And maybe you're right about that." Miranda sighed. 

"Thanks Miranda. I really appreciate this. I needed this. I want to warn you though. It's likely you'll be on the ground team when we hit the base. I may not approve of your fighting gear," Shepard smirked at their new found joke, "But your skills are unmatched. You are a valuable asset to the team, even now." 

"Get some sleep Shepard, otherwise you might go so soft you fall apart. It's rare to see you give this many compliments to a Cerberus employee." Miranda smiled. 

"What can I say, I'm a softly under the hard-ass Commander." Shepard stood to leave. "Get some sleep yourself alright?" 

"Aye, aye, Commander." Miranda laughed as she imitated Joker. 

"Goodnight." Shepard walked out and made her way up to her cabin, the half empty mug of coffee long forgotten on the table for Gardner to deal with in the morning. Shepard pulled off her clothes and slipped into the bed that was too large for her needs, pulling the covers over her shoulders and closing her eyes. She let her hand move towards her woman hood allowing her mind to imagine what hard plates would feel like against soft skin. Without much time she had used up her energy and fallen into a slumber.


	20. No more second guessing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard prolongs getting the IFF again because a call from Hackett draws her on another mission. Takes place during the events of Arrival DLC. Mostly on ship perspective and the events afterwards.

Shepard went over to her usual spot, she needed to change the configs on her mods for the new Widow that lay across her lap. She was amazed at the size of the rifle, and even more amazed when the gun didn't tear her shoulder up with the kickback. Cerberus knew what they were doing they put her together. Pre-death she never could have handled this gun and she knew it. The cool metal pressed into her legs as her fingers unclasped the scope. 

"I have to say Shepard, If I thought you were a runt before, that rifle makes you look like a little child." Garrus laughed. 

"Laugh it up Garrus. This rifle is probably better than anything you've shot." She sighed. "You know, it took every fiber of my being to not walk out on that damn shit-fest with Tali. I'm not a diplomat. I'm not a nice person and I piss people off..." she sighed. "I'm pretty sure if Kal'reeger and Veetor weren't there she'd be exiled. I think they felt pretty pissed." 

"Look, I know it doesn't mean much, not with her father being dead, but you guys did everything you could. You were amazing Shepard, yelling at the admiralty board like you owned the pace. Tali was so happy too." Garrus sighed. "At least as happy as she could be."

"Yea, people die. Her father was careless, and frankly he deserved it. You won't hear me saying that near Miss Vas Normandy though." She shrugged continuing to work with the pieces in front of her. "I hadn't synced up the scope to this sniper rifle. Honestly i made the mistake of not expecting to have to fight anything, so I put it on and when." 

"I thought it was just the fact that you were running around with a sniper rifle that's almost bigger than you. Your shots were horrible tonight." Garrus teased. 

"I have to get used to using it. Sure my shoulder's a little sore but the fact that I can handle it at all is nice. It's going to be my weapon before this mission is over. I'd let you borrow it one mission, but you know, I need yo get used to it." She pinched the scope back into its seat. 

"It holds what, 12 rounds?" Garrus shook his head. 

"It packs a much greater punch than that mantis you're always running around with." She teased. 

"I don't take the mantis on this missions, Shepard. I take the gun you gave me." He looked over at her. 

"Even with the outdated heating systems? How the hell. Why hadn't I noticed. I noticed you were using it on Omega but I thought it was to conserve clip usage." Shepard admitted. "That was honestly my second biggest shock coming back from the dead. We went from unlimited munitions, just using the weapon until it was fried, to limited munitions. I miss the good ol' days." 

"The good ol' days, as you so fondly put it, didn't have me researching turian human relations. Life was a bit less awkward for me back then." Garrus teased. 

"Not by much Vakarian. You were definitely still awkward. I have to admit, I thought it was kind of cute. My favorite time of the day will always be explaining the newest innuendo to my favorite turian." She grinned. 

"You know Shepard, part of me still thinks we are crazy for even considering... blowing off steam. But I want to try it with you. I want a few moments just for us, before we throw ourselves into hell for the good of the galaxy." He was giving her a sideways glance as he said it. 

"Garrus, are you trying to give me another out, because if you are I swear, research be damned I'll take you right here and right now if you don't stop trying to scare me off." Shepard teased. 

"I'd like to get a little bit of research in before we do this Shepard." Garrus chuckled. 

"Then stop procrastinating Vakarian. Get your research done... uh. Mordin already filled me in. Also I'm not dextro allergic so I'm not concerned. Are you levo allergic?" She grinned teasing him with questions. 

"Mordin gave you advice too? And uh... No." Garrus shifted uncomfortably. "That little pyjak."

"He is. He means well though, even if he's a little tease about it. Garrus I meant it when I said I couldn't do this all without you. I... never mind." Shepard was about to admit she didn't want this to be a one time things but thought better of it. They could worry about intentions later. 

She sat there with Garrus in silence for about an hour working diligently on the gun in front of her while Garrus screwed about calibrating on the console. She wondered if she'd ever see the day where Garrus would dust his hands and announce the gun was finally at full capacity to fire accurately. Probably not, but a girl could definitely dream. 

It wasn't long before she was leaving the main battery to go get some mining done in the new system they had entered. They had a reaper IFF to acquire, but not before she mined the first system of all it's worth.

"Commander you have a message at your private terminal." Shepard's eyes gazed over at the yeoman she wasn't too fond of.

She stood up from her chair and walked over to the terminal. The familiar face of Admiral Hackett appeared greeted Shepard grimly. "Commander there is a matter I'd like to discuss with you in private."

"Kelly I'm going to take this one up in my cabin. EDI no one enter's my quarters and I need all surveillance turned off in that room. You know the drill EDI." Shepard sighed and placed the comm on hold. She took the elevator up to her cabin and proceeded to open the comm. He proceeded to tell her about this Amanda Kenson who needed rescuing. When he brought up the need for her to go alone she questioned it. His reasoning wasn't off though. She considered asking Thane, she knew he could get in undetected but she shook her head. No she would do this alone.

"Joker I need to you change course. We need to head to batarian space. Aratoht." She gritted her teeth at the thought.

"Who would you like me to alert for ground team?" joker asked lightly.

"No ground team. This is a solo mission. Don't speak to anyone about it until I'm gone. I'm going in and you are going to wait until I comm you to pick me up. That's the extent of your knowledge of the situation. No debrief. It's a delicate mission." She rubbed the back of her neck trying to ease the tension. This was routine. She worked better on solo missions anyway. One thing is for sure, she was going to miss the banter.

...

Garrus was looking at the information packet Mordin had sent to him when he heard the announcement. "Commander Shepard is on shore, XO Miranda has the deck." She hadn't said anything about a mission. In fact the last thing she said to him was she had mining to do. Since when did mining require her to leave the ship? He closed the file that was currently open, almost thankful for the interruption. He certainly did not have a thing for humans. That was his conclusion. He just hoped he didn't have any issues when it came time to release stress with Shepard.

Garrus left the main battery hoping to figure out why Shepard had left for shore. The doors opened in Miranda's office as she was storming towards the elevator. "You know where Shepard went?" Garrus asked.

"I'm about to find out otherwise Joker's going to have some broken bones." She growled. "I had no idea she was going to jump ship in batarian space without telling me." He followed her up to deck three and she went to the cockpit. "Where the hell is she!?"

"Um... Miranda I have no idea what she's doing. She got a comm from Hackett and said it was delicate and not to say anything before she left." Joker shrugged. "She didn't tell me anything." 

"What the hell were you thinking Moreau, she's not exactly in the right mind to be wondering about by herself!" Miranda growled. "If I didn't need you to fly this damn ship..."

"She kind of outranks me Miranda, not much I can do about that." He shrugged again. "It's Shepard she will be fine." 

"How long did she say to give her?" Miranda asked. 

"She didn't. She said don't worry about her until she comms in." Joker explained. 

Garrus sighed. If it was Hackett who contacted her in they were in batarian space that could only mean one thing. The Alliance couldn't get caught. The admiral was calling in a favor to Shepard and she took it upon herself to do the deed.

...

It had been 24 hours with no word and they were sitting ducks. Garrus found it hard to sleep and he couldn't look anyone in the eye. For once he found himself angry with Joker for putting Shepard in danger. He let it go when Joker was the reason she didn't make it off the ship, but this time, just when things were finally settling into place with him and Shepard, he lets her leave without any useful information in case things went sideways. Usually missions didn't take this long. the longest they found themselves on shore was about 15 hours, so things had definitely gone sideways. Miranda was in her office when he found her, probably trying to figure out what to tell the Illusive Man. 

"So, what is your plan?" Garrus asked in an even tone. She was the XO and he was not thrilled about her being in charge right now. 

She crossed her arms, leaning against her desk. Her own eyes reflected his exhaustion. "Honestly, Vakarian, I have no idea. I know her state of mind wasn't the best when she went down there, we had a chat last night and I'm concerned. I won't go into details with you about it, but there are several possibilities on the plate including her running into a suicide mission before the actual suicide mission. I've considered questioning whether she jumped ship, and left us out here to wonder, but I don't think she would have told Joker to wait for her communication if she didn't plan on returning. I can't access the comm she had before she left, it was encrypted. I didn't even know she encrypted her personal comm. I knew she was tech savvy, but..."

"Well she doesn't trust Cerberus. If it's an Alliance mission she wouldn't take any chances of sensitive information getting back to the Illusive Man I can guarantee that much." Garrus' hands were wringing behind his back. Not knowing what was up made him nervous. "There had to be something big or she wouldn't have left either. Maybe there's some information she was hoping to get her hands on? Something that might relate to our current mission." 

"If she's not back on this ship in 24 hours, I have to let the Illusive Man know our mission has failed. Everyone is on this ship for Shepard, without her I doubt anyone would be willing to go through the Omega 4 relay. I doubt I would want to do that." Miranda's finger's began messaging the bridge of her nose. "We needed her to get the Galaxy together against the Reapers." 

"Do we have any idea where she is?" Garrus asked. "Any clues at all?" 

"She took the second Shuttle, drove herself. Normally there is a tracking protocol on them but she managed to disable that as well. I'll give her this if she wanted to disappear she has shown us she could; she was very Thorough. Not that I expect anything less from her." Miranda sighed. "She's either disabled her comm, or something's blocking it because I can't reach her either. I've been trying for hours." 

Garrus ducked out of the office not wanting to talk to Miranda anymore. She didn't offer anything helpful, but it was better than the platitudes she could have given. He felt it was out of character for her to do this. Even when the brass asked her to find and disable that nuke she'd offered to let him come along. He went back to the main battery thankful that most of the people on this ship couldn't read his anxiety. He wasn't angry at her, he was just terrified because he knew in a missing persons case, the first twenty four hours were critical. Beyond that, the longer she was gone, the likely hood of her being alive went down ten fold. He was ready to lose his best friend.

As he sat down on his cot to begin cleaning his rifle. He heard the familiar sound of a cloak disengaging. For a second his heart stopped, until he realized the cloak belonged to Kasumi, the thief who'd joined them about a month ago. He gave her the most curious glance before turning back to his work. 

"So the Commander has played a Houdini on us." Kasumi sat on the box that Garrus had decided long ago belonged to Shepard. 

"I'm sorry?" He asked not particularly thrilled she was here. 

"Heh... cultural reference, her little disappearing act. Quite impressive, I could have done better though." She let a big toothy grin show from under her hood. "I managed to decrypt the comm message Miranda is banging her head against the wall over. She really needs to update her platform." Garrus set his rifle aside and gave her his full attention. "Thought that would get you to listen. I've found out where she went. I doubt that's where she is now though. So, not to tear your girl apart or anything, the Commander is quite good at what she does, but I'm better." 

"Where did she go?" Garrus asked.

"A batarian Prison. Her job was to save an old friend of Hackett's who was being imprisoned on terrorism charged. Also, apparently they were studying Reaper tech. The science group that was there, not the batarian jailers." Kasumi had a smug look on her face. "I say if she's not back here in 24 hours we go to Miranda with the information and start there. We don't want to do anything rash in case they imprisoned Shepard though. What Hackett warned Shepard about was right. A group of armed forces showing up could result in Shepard and the scientist dying. We wouldn't want that." 

"What if she's already..." He couldn't even say it. his gut clenched. 

"Shep? Nah. She's too good for that. I mean hell it took the Collectors to put her out of commission yet here she is. There may have been a setback but I have a feeling we will see her hard ass again. She really needs to get that stick out of her ass and loosen up around the rest of the crew." She giggled at her assessment. 

"I don't see how this is funny." Garrus asked. 

"Oh don't worry it's not a laughing matter." Kasumi stood up and leaned against the console. 

"I'll see if I can find any information on where the base is hiding. The one where the scientists were anyway. It'll take some digging, but I might be able to find out the other place Shepard could be located. Stealing things is my specialty." With a grin she walked out of the room. 

At least someone had a plan, even if it was based on platitudes. He decided he wouldn't be any good to Shepard if they had to run a rescue mission without any sleep. He pulled himself into the cot and closed his eyes. It would take a while but eventually he would fall into a fitful sleep.

...

"Shepard to _Normandy_. Joker do you read me?" Garrus felt a flood of relief when he heard Shepard's voice in the cockpit. Garrus had been fidgeting since he woke from his short rest. Miranda, not ready to give up had given Shepard five more hours before the contacted the Illusive man and Garrus had decided to stay in the cockpit with Joker in case she tried to contact the ship. 

Joker was in action already. "I have a destination..." He had ordered a quick scan of the signal. "Alright EDI I'm taking us in." He began flying in the direction of an asteroid. He opened up the comm again. "Commander, Normandy inbound for pickup." 

"Roger that." Shepard responded. 

As soon as the hatch was opened Shepard launched herself in to the cock pit with nothing but anxiety on her face. "GET us the hell out of this system joker NOW." Her breaths were heavy heaving sounds and she was holding herself up on joker's chair. 

Garrus stood up and placed his hand on Shepard's shoulder. She looked up at him then shook her head. The ship made it through the relay and she walked over to the galaxy map. She was about to start a route but she just sat there watching the map in silence. Garrus looked at the map just in time to see something he'd never seen before. The section they had just been in went completely off radar. What the hell went down? He wondered as Shepard hung her head. 

"Joker, take us to the sol system. I need to get into radio contact with Admiral Hackett. I also need to go to the med bay and get evaluated. Miranda's still in charge until I know without a doubt I'm not compromised." Shepard stepped down from the map and was walking towards the elevator when Garrus reached out grabbing her arm.

"Shepard?" He looked her over checking for any physical injuries. She didn't have any blood caked on her and he would smell it if she did. 

"Garrus... I'm sorry. Once I've spoken to Hackett I'll talk to you. Right now I need to go lay down before I pass out." Shepard sighed hitting the elevator button. 

"Okay Shepard." He let his hand rub her back a few times to encourage her. Frankly he was just happy to see her alive and in one piece. The questions flooded his mind though. Why would she think she was compromised? What happened? Why did they suddenly lose signal with a relay?

It was about ten hours of Shepard laying in the med bay before the ship came into contact with the admiral. He asked to board and Miranda authorized it. Dr. Chakwas asked Garrus to leave knowing that the tired looking admiral was on his way down to meet with Shepard. He found a spot out in the mess hall and decided he'd wait there. She hadn't spoken a word to him, even though she'd only spent about five of the hours thrashing in nightmares he couldn't stop her from having. Every time she'd make it to the rem cycle she was having night terrors. Dr. Chakwas said they had to let it go when the first coupe of times he woke her from her fitful sleep to stop the nightmares. They just kept returning. It wasn't until the last hour that the thrashing finally subsided, and her last rem cycle seemed to be more normal. 

He saw the Admiral, decorated and in his dress blues stop in the entrance of the med bay to speak with the doctor. He watched as the doctor left the med bay and Admiral Hackett greeted Shepard. The discussion seemed pretty normal, up until the point where the muted voice of an angry Shepard could be heard. He couldn't understand what was being said but she sounded pissed. He could see the way her face seeped her distress. He saw something he'd never seen happen before, at least not on Shepard. Her eyes became really small, and the Admiral pulled her in for a hug. It wasn't long before the lights of the med bay were reflected off her face as streams of tears had formed on her cheeks. The commander was crying. He never imagined she was capable of such an act. She was always so fierce, sure of everything. Something about her was broken. 

Hackett handed her the data pad she had previously passed him a few more words were passed between them and the admiral took his leave. Shepard stood there hand on her forehead and she had a defeated look about her. Garrus decided he should go to her. He stood up and quickly opened the med bay door. 

"Shepard what happened?" Garrus asked. 

"When this mission is finished I'm turning myself in and those of you who can get away from this ship are leaving. That is... if we survive the Omega-4 relay. I have to make sure the batarians don't start a war with the Alliance just before the Reapers invade." Shepard's voice was even as she rubbed her face trying to hide any evidence of her previous state of mind. 

"So, what happened on that asteroid?" Garrus asked. 

"You'll need to sit down Garrus." Shepard sat in the bed she had previously occupied and pat the spot next to her. He did as she asked more for her than himself. 

"I just stopped a full on Reaper invasion. I did so by destroying the Alpha relay they planned to enter through. It killed 300,000 batarians. In most cases sure that would be fine its a loss but its expected in war. You can't save everyone and nobody is ready for a frontal attack from the Reapers right now. It's something else completely when the Butcher of Torfan shows up and kill 300,000 batarians. So I turn myself in and the batarians stay quiet. That's the calculus of this war these days, and it hasn't even begun. Not really. So, you think I made the right call?" Shepard met his eyes searching for some answers. 

"That is... a very tough call. I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing though." Garrus pulled Shepard close allowing his forehead to rest on hers. "I'm sorry you had to do that."

"As Mordin says, it had to be me. Someone else might've gotten it wrong." She chuckled lightly. "I'd do it again in a heart beat. I'm just angry, and pissed off that instead of dealing with the threat once we kick the Collectors collective asses; I get to sit in jail waiting for the verdict. As I said before Garrus I'm not a Hero, and frankly I'm glad I'm not because if I hesitated we would all be dead very soon. I could have bought us mere months, and years who knows but now the Alliance is taking the Reaper threat seriously. So it's not all bad right?" Shepard just calmly nuzzled him where his forehead met hers. A sigh escaped her lips and she drew a breath to speak some more. "Garrus, I... When we do this I don't want it to just be blowing off steam. It scares me. Scares the hell out of me because up until recently I didn't care if the next bullet took me out. I was fighting the good fight. Now I have something to fight for, well sort of, if I don't end up in prison for life. Wouldn't be the first time that threat has loomed over me, which doesn't help my chances." 

"What happened before?" Garrus asked curious. He still held her close trying to comfort her. 

"God, you don't ask the easy questions do you?" She sighed. 

"Never would have made it in C-Sec as long as I did if I didn't." He quipped. 

"I was seventeen years old. I was running a drug run with this guy Bean. He was important to me at the time. Bean wasn't his real name it was his nick name his real name was Joseph Schultz. Anyway shit hit the fan and we killed the guys who was trying to deal with us. Of course gun shots were fired, the police were alerted. I got stupid. I thought we were far enough away and I pulled him off into an alley. I uh... needed to take a break from running." The way she said that last part left him thinking there was more to it than that but he wasn't going to press her. "The police found us. Our drugs were on the ground I decided to make sure he didn't get caught. I told him to run and pulled my gun on them. He died. I was injured and had now killed two people. One of them just a man doing his job... Doesn't matter how you spin it though, I'm responsible for Beans death. If we had just given ourselves up, we could have given a few names and because we were underage maybe put in a home or something. So do you hate me yet? Do you think less of me yet?" Shepard pulled away searching Garrus' face. 

He knew exactly what she was upset about. She'd killed when she was on the wrong side of the fence. Without hesitation. She hadn't had the guidance and character building most other kids have growing up. she knew it was wrong but she had been more concerned with making sure food made it into her stomach. It was survival instinct. 

"Garrus, say something." Her eyes pleaded. 

"Shepard... you aren't the same person you were back then. You were running on pure survival instinct." Garrus pulled her in again touching his forehead to hers reassuringly. 

"You sure you want to get involved with this mess?" She asked. "All cards are on the table now Garrus. I'm an x-con who's a terrorist and whose name will probably go down in history as someone like Hitler." 

"Shepard, I don't know who this Hitler person is, but I do know you are here, I'm here, we are both working with a terrorist organization to take down the Collectors. You don't kill without a reason Shepard. I'm sure you've made up for your mistakes ten times over because saving the galaxy outweighs two people who were killed because a girl was scared and backed up into a corner. you can't change the past but here you are going for round two of saving the Galaxy. You are still a hero, maybe a dark complex and mysterious one, but you are." Garrus admitted. 

"You realize, I'm not asking you because I want some sort of redemption. I'm asking you because sure I may feel sad about it sometimes, but the majority of the time I shrug it off like it's nothing. People are expendable. Since people are expendable, most of the time I don't give a damn. I can't afford to. I'm a soldier. I kill people everyday and if it fazed me then I wouldn't be able to do my job." She had moved her head so she was looking into his eyes again. "I'm a living breathing weapon. I was used by a gang, used by the Alliance, and now I'm back with upgrades to be used by Cerberus, although realistically by the galaxy. There's no changing that." 

"Shepard, I have no doubt in my mind that this is what I want." Garrus let his words sink in. Sure what she had said gave him a bit of surprise, but he had expected something went down when she said it was military or prison. He knew it had to be bad. She definitely did more good than bad. Her actions were always outweighed by the results. 

"Then Garrus, make sure you're in my cabin before we hit that relay. I need to go prepare for the Reaper IFF. We still need to get that before we can even bother trying to get through it. 

"Okay Shepard. I can do that." With that she stood up giving his hand a squeeze and left the med bay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really trying to capture the fact that in the game, Garrus is a lot more agreeable than a lot of the fan-fics I've read. It's just my take on how I think he should act, and given his undying belief in Shepard's ability it's a really hard line to balance. He does worry, but he rarely completely lashes out at Shepard for her decisions. No idea if that's how it came across, this was a really hard chapter for me to write because I know what happens at the end. *sadness* 
> 
> Overall At the end of the day, Garrus will follow Shepard to hell and back. Sometimes his heart gets a little bruised doing so along the way. Though Garrus will still never agree that anyone else can do Shepard's job. Never ending battle between these two cuties. 
> 
> Cheers- Elodie


	21. Shepard Aims to Misbehave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I will be doing an huge edit spree of previous chapters shortly. I know there were some misspelled words I missed along the way which one of you nice readers point out to me. Again I really appreciate all feedback as this is my first attempt at writing a fan fiction. There were a few chapters at the start of the mass effect 2 game sequence that need overhauled and I will definitely be doing so. Thanks so much for keeping up with me as I write. This will be going onto mass effect 3, which has a lot of potential to end up pretty cool from the ideas I have. I may even work on something to write post mass effect 3, but I haven't decided what to do with that yet. Also, I am indeed a huge Fire Fly Fan and have been for years so please, don't hate me so much for the little bit of reference. I also like the idea of my Shepard being a closet geek. It's just a way she and joker can be a little bit closer than the other characters. I really enjoy their relationship :).

"Commander, is something wrong? You haven't threatened to switch me to decaf in at least three days. This is supposed to be an every day occurrence. It was part of the package when I signed on." Joker turn his chair to face the commander. 

"Ah Joker, turn around and get us to that Reaper IFF or I'll switch you to decaf." Shepard chirped. 

"Much better Commander. It'll be a couple more days before we get there though. You sure it's a good idea? I mean, you saw what happened the last time we entered a derelict ship." Joker could almost get away with saying anything to the Commander and he knew it. 

"Well Joker, no IFF means no Omega-4 relay. We don't readily have a choice." Shepard cocked her hip and she adjusted her weight. 

"Hmm, well how is your Alien collection doing?" Joker asked.

"They seem to be okay. Even the stoic Justicar is handling everything since her daughter is gone." Shepard sighed at the memory, when the daughter had tried to convince her to kill Samara. Ha. Little did she know that was a fat chance. "If anyone is looking for me EDI I'm going to the loading bay. I have some steam to work off." 

"You could try that with the turian." Joker quipped. 

"Where the hell- never mind. Can it Joker or I won't even let you have the decaf." Shepard sighed. 

"Hard ass." Joker chuckled as he returned to his flight position. 

"I aim to misbehave" Shepard through over her shoulder." 

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the comm. You did not... Commander get over here and explain yourself." Joker had turned himself around. 

"What?" She asked innocently.

"Why didn't you tell me you were a closet NERD."

"I haven't the faintest idea what you are referring to Mr. Moreau." Shepard did her best to impersonate EDI's voice as she spoke. 

"You... _aim to misbehave?_ That's pretty much the best thing the great Captain Mal has ever said. Well, among other things but shhhh." Joker kept pulling the playful banter until Shepard had finally relinquished a soft smile. 

"I had a lot of free time in the library growing up. Now back to work before this hard ass shows you what's up." Shepard turned back and continued her path towards the elevator. 

Joker now had a new found respect for the commander. She did indeed aim to misbehave.

Shepard walked through the CIC occasionally hearing conversations of the crew as she passed them. Some seemed pretty worried about the chances. They would be stupid if they weren't. She pressed the button calling the elevator to her and waited patiently. She had ignored Kelly when she warned that she'd received a message, mostly because she didn't want to have contact with anyone outside of the ship right now. The elevator arrived and she stepped in pressing the lowest floor ready to take her anxieties out on something before she took them out on someone.

Most of the observant crew members were aware their commander had been less than friendly since her return from Aratoht. Their were whispers of her actions, but most of it was speculation. No one but Garrus had the full story. When Miranda had cornered her she just nodded at her concerns of leaving the ship unattended without informing the XO, then when she asked what she had done she flatly told her it was confidential. If she wanted a full report she could watch the news otherwise she had a galaxy to save and that did not involve the game of twenty questions. 

The elevator doors had finally opened releasing her into the loading bay. She pushed the ear buds into her ears and awarded herself some aural privacy by switching on some music and turning up the volume. She found the hand wraps next to the punching bag she visited quite frequently.

The music drowned out Shepard's thoughts as she went to work on the bag before her. She hit it in rhythm with the music letting her body absorb the music and spit it back out in the form of violence. This is generally how Shepard had dealt with stress, something she had taken on as a young teen as a way to preoccupy her time and give her an edge against dangerous foes who traveled at night. Sure she sucked at hand to hand when it came right down to it, but she could throw a good punch. Her motive had always been, who gives a fuck if it's pretty, if the contact is hard enough they will leave you alone. When she was younger she sometimes hurt herself trying to practice, but eventually she figured out if her arm was straight she wouldn't hurt her wrists. 

The music was a distraction. When she told Garrus she didn't care about the batarians who lost their life, it was only a half truth. It's not like she didn't trust him with the truth it came down to she didn't understand her own feelings. Her heart felt bruised. Killing bad people was one thing, a lot of the batarians who died were innocent children, much like some of the kids she'd met growing up. Some of the ones who had died because they hadn't sought the protection of colors in the streets. Each punch that hit the bag was almost as if it were a demon Shepard was punching back into dark space. She had to let this go. Even Hackett had agreed she'd made a tough choice, but it was the right call. 

It had been strange breaking down like she had when he said that. The commander never shed a tear for the fallen. She accepted their lives as expendable and most of the time it was easy. Soldiers died. Bad politicians died. If someone got in her way and was on the wrong side of the fence, they died too because Shepard didn't hesitate, and didn't wait for the excuses people would bring her. There was a line and either they were with her or against her, and you didn't want to be on the opposite side. As Garrus had told Jack, _they had a way of dying_. 

She'd been down there for over an hour. The music had changed several times and that was how she kept track. The angry beats and screaming instruments guided her through her workout. That is until she felt someone put a hand on her shoulder and her body reacted on impulse. The person behind her must not have realized she couldn't hear them because she twisted her body raising her leg to strike around the knees. She through herself into the punch but it was caught as the flailing turian fell to the ground. 

Shepard caught her breath immediately sorry for her impulsive action. Her back still tense from the unpredictable touch. When she saw it was Garrus her body relax and she stood up offering him a hand. She pulled her ear buds out as she helped him back up. 

"Sorry big guy. You should know better than to sneak up on a soldier." She gave him a tight smile. 

"I didn't mean to sneak. I have to say good job laying me on my ass. I thought you sucked at hand to hand." Garrus chuckled. 

"I don't think you were prepared for my reaction. I don't think it counts." Shepard was now leaning against the wall relishing the ache in her arms from her workout. 

"EDI said you were down here. I wanted to make sure you were alright." He was giving her that look. Pity? No Garrus knew better than that. Probably concern. 

"I'm fine. Just trying to improve my muscle strength and give that bag over there an overdue ass beating. You know, so I don't completely explode on the next inter-ship dramatic affair. We are over due for a Miranda and Jack incident even though they are supposed to be one deck apart." Shepard could feel the sweat rolling down her face. The longer she stood the more her Body suite she usually wore under her armor felt cold from the dampness of her perspiration. All at once the exhaustion set it. She realized it had been 32 hours since she last slept. Garrus had more than likely woken up from his own sleep when he sought her out. Her body began to betray her as she began to shiver, not from the cold chill of the suit but from exhaustion. The chill of exhaustion had swept into her bones and she let herself slide down the wall and look up at the turian before her. 

"Shepard... you alright?" Garrus asked sheepishly. 

"Uh... I just need some rest. Could... could you help me up so I can get to my cabin?" Shepard offered her hand. 

He took it and pulled her back up walking with her to the elevator. The soft sound of music still coming from her ear buds echoed in the elevator as they waited on it's slow ascension. Shepard could feel her eyelids growing heavy and she leaned back against the wall. 

"Why didn't you go to sleep before now?" Garrus asked concerned. 

"Couldn't. To pissed off I think. I felt to energetic so I fixed it." Shepard let the familiar tight smile take over. "I may have overdone it." 

"I'd say. I'll make sure you make it to your cabin, you're on your own from there." Garrus chuckled. "I have some calibrations to start before the boss checks on me." 

"I don't think the boss will be checking on you for a few hours." Shepard pointed out. 

"Shepard, have you ever calibrated an upgraded Thanix Cannon? It is likely the most fun you will ever have." Garrus gave his typical turian grin, mandibles spread and teeth showing. 

"Bull shit." Shepard chuckled. "I hate that gun and you know it. That's why you have a job." She followed her statement up with a wink. 

"I thought it was because the commander favored her turian sniper. Gives him the best jobs, not the best food, but that's out of her control, and the best company." Garrus quipped. 

"Mmm" Shepard could feel her knees shaking as her body begged her to sleep. Luckily for her the elevator pinged for her floor. With her body still shivering she quickly made her way into the cabin. "Garrus." 

The turian entered the room to see what Shepard had called him for. "Yes, Shepard?" 

"One day after we've beaten the shit out of the collectors, don't be surprised if you walk into the main battery and that fucking gun is missing." Shepard held a threatening tone to her voice. 

"Why's that?" He asked even though he knew where this was going.

When she didn't respond he shook his head and stepped into the elevator and pressed the command for level three. Shepard was definitely tense, he could see it in her muscles, in the way she jumped when he placed his hand on her shoulder, and in the dark circles that had formed under her eyes. He knew what that meant. It meant she wasn't sleeping. She needed sleep so she didn't make mistakes if they had any chance of making it. He just hoped eventually she would be comfortable to share whatever it was that kept her up at night because right now she was keeping herself locked up tight. As much as they trusted each other, she kept herself closed off from everyone. When she came in for their chats, she would talk about things sure, and she revealed a lot, but he felt like she still held a lot back. Almost as if she were afraid to really look weak. With the galaxy on her shoulders it didn't surprise him much. 

He found himself in front of the console and smiled down as he started up the familiar programs to run some tests on the systems. His gun was in great condition but ever time Joker pulled on of his crazy stunts he had to realign the accuracy. Hopefully it would just be light maintenance until they hit the relay, but he knew that was never the case. Wishful thinking, but hey, he could always be pleasantly surprised right?

...

The derelict Reaper was a very foul, smelling ship that Cerberus had decided to make a base in. Every operator on that had been transformed into the newer breed of husk and Garrus had an idea that maybe the Illusive Man hadn't given a shit of the chances they took when it came to his operatives. Isn't that how they had ended up on a Collector ship which came to life with them still on the ship? _Spirits_ and when Shepard decided to take that geth instead of just leaving it and gunning it for the exit had Garrus worked up. He made it on to the shuttle the geth had been tossed in first. He turned back to see Shepard jump and he saw her eyes widen the size of globes when she realized she wasn't going to make it. 

"Grunt grab me!" Garrus barked as he lunged, catching Shepard's wrists. Grunt had his hands digging into Garrus' waste in probably the most uncomfortable way possible as he was bent over the edge of the ship trying to pull Shepard to safety. 

Once Shepard was safely pulled onto the ship she collapsed, her knees shaking too hard to hold her weight and she just slammed her hand into the door's button. "God damnit why can't anything be easy." Her chest rose and fell with urgency as she sucked in air trying to calm herself down. "Thanks guys." She weakly pat grunt on the back and he gave her a playful punch in the arm. 

"We couldn't let you take a fall after you bested the ship. That would be an awful way to go. Need you alive so we can best our enemies Shepard." Grunt gave a pleased smile. 

Garrus just walked into the ship taking the geth with him. Tali was not going to be pleased one bit. He took it to the AI core as ordered by Shepard and went straight into the main battery. He didn't let himself go until the door was tightly shut and he fell into the crate Shepard so often sat in. He almost watched her fall to her death because she wanted to save a machine. _Spirits_. He wasn't convinced she wasn't trying to get herself killed. What surprised him the most was watching her about to miss the ledge the feelings that had spun out of control once she had made it. The need to keep her safe, because if something happened to her again, he had the sneaking suspicion he would be a little bit dead inside. In that instant every thing became clear. It wasn't about their friendship anymore, although yes that was important, in fact the most important. She had wormed her way into his spirit and if she died on him again, a part of him would die as well. He needed, whatever they were, to just go right for once. He sat there drinking all of these thoughts in and let his face fall into his hands.

...

Shepard came out of the AI core rubbing her temples. That was... weird. So they now had a friend in Legion for now anyway. She needed to kill some time while Legion spent time coming to an agreement with the however many platforms were in his head. So she decided now would be a fantastic time to go over more of that research Mordin had kindly gave her. He had kindly made the situation a lot less awkward by pulling her leg about some things which she caught onto when he started warning her of an allergic reaction. She'd crossed her arms and kindly told Mordin that she knew for a fact that would not be an issue. She really liked Mordin though. once you got past the incoherent rambling he was a funny old salarian. 

She plopped herself down on her couch and picked up the data pad which contained said information and began reading about turian relationships. She did learn quite a bit that she hadn't already known. They didn't seem to think it was worth covering in Alliance training that they had glands that released pheromones like cats and many other animals. A smile crept onto her face as she remembered how Garrus had held her before. Turians had two glands in their head which explains why his first intimate contact with her had been him nuzzling his forehead against hers. She wondered if it was weird for him since she didn't have forehead glands. Hmm... definitely something the would need to ask him in the future. She was shocked to learn something though. Humans secrete pheromones, but apparently they had lost the ability to respond to them long ago. The researchers who had gone into the search hadn't pin pointed which glands did it, but they had been working with species who were still receptive of the signals. Which according to the data Mordin had forwarded her was every species but the asari and humans. Huh. Also intriguing. Maybe that's how that little worm figured it out. 

Suddenly she had an idea. She set the data pad aside and stood up determined to test some of these notes she'd been passed. Would Garrus be able to tell she was aroused? This would require her to put her best commander face on before she went down to see him. She also decided it would be a good idea to get aroused before she went down there instead of using him to get aroused. Otherwise assumptions could be made, and that wouldn't prove anything. She let her hand reach into her pants and stroke herself just enough to get her going. Once she felt the wetness pool she took her hand out and walked out to the elevator. Hell she was tense enough if he knew, maybe she could get him to give her a preview. She let her thoughts wonder as the elevator stopped and let her sneak into the mess hall. She saw the green flash on the door welcoming her into the main battery and she all but ran to see if he was in there. 

Garrus had calmed down enough to resume work when the familiar scent of Shepard with a hint of... Garrus felt his muscles stiffen when he realized what he was smelling. He's smelled it before on humans, each had a unique smell and they were normally engaging with other humans but the last time he'd smelt this smell on her was two years prior. She'd gotten herself completely wasted after screwing around with an officer to get him to release some Gang member. He slowly turned around as the door opened. He was very well aware that human's didn't smell these scents. So, out of respect for his friend and commanding officer he had decided he would play it off. 

"Hey Garrus." She smiled. "I wanted to check in on you. I'm sure I gave you quite a scare before..." Her voice trailed off. 

She's waiting for something. What is she doing? He could tell she was up to something. "I'm okay. You scared me, but I'm okay." Garrus admitted watching her intently. He hadn't realized how much he liked this new scent. Garrus could hold himself together though, he was professional. Things like this happened all the time and he was quite used to it.

"Yea, thanks for saving my ass, again. As usual." Shepard smirked. "We have the Reaper IFF and I was wondering what you think we should do while EDI and joker test it out." 

"Stock up for the relay?" Garrus offered casually. 

"You might be right. I could have all of the ground team split up and get the things to make it fast. I'm sure Miranda wants us all off the ship at that time anyway." Shepard was watching him intently. 

Garrus just watched that smirk. He knew it meant trouble. It always did. "Shepard, I remember what we talked about, don't worry I'm making sure to do my research." Garrus smiled hoping she would leave so he could concentrate on something other than her. 

She cocked an eyebrow. "I wasn't down here about that." 

"I uh... I just... I wanted you to know that I was doing my research." Garrus sighed. Smooth. Very smooth. 

"Oh really? Why's that?" Shepard asked stepping closer. 

"Well I mean if you think it's too crazy you can still--" Garrus didn't have a chance to finish what he was saying before Shepard was shaking her head. 

"No Vakarian, we are crazy but crazy together. I just found it odd, you'd bring it up instead of yell at me about the geth or something." Shepard cocked her eyebrow and gave a smile.

"What are you getting at Shepard?" Garrus asked knowing she was up to something. 

"You are just... interesting." Shepard began backing out of the main battery holding her smirk in place. 

_Spirits_ did she know what that did? "You mean irresistible." Garrus quipped. Best thing to do, write it all off with humor. 

As Shepard left Garrus noticed a ping on his comm. It wasn't from anyone on the ship and when he opened it he grimaced. It was Sol. He previous awkwardness forgotten he typed a response wondering what he could do for his mother.


	22. Out of the Mouth of the Beast and Into the Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard has destroyed the old machines on the ship Legion took her too and is preparing for the Omega-4 relay. 
> 
> Alright from here on out I'm not going to warn for sexy times unless they is a particular need to. Shepard gets to explore her turian now. :o

As joker had said, there were a lot of empty chairs. This was why when she found herself in the AI core looking at Tali, who's gun was raised at Legion, it took everything in her being not to throw them both out the airlock to suffer as she had suffered months- no years before. 

"Look at you! Both of you! This is exactly what the Reapers want!" Shepard could feel her anger boiling and she watched Tali slowly turn her masked face towards her. "Tali, Of course the geth are worried about your people! You want to destroy them!" It was looking pretty reasonable that Legion would act out with loyalty towards the geth. Shepard knew if she were in his shoes she would have done the same thing. 

"It's not that simple!" Tali defended herself.

"And Legion, what the hell were you thinking? Are you trying to undermine this entire operation?" To be fair though, he should not have been hacking into Tali's omni-tool to begin with. Shepard knew she would have to deal with these two eventually. Everyone knew having a geth on board with Tali would mean there would be conflict. 

"We did not intend to decrease operational efficiency." Legion responded without emotion. 

Shepard knew she had to be harsh on them to get their heads out of their asses and focused. They were so close to going through the Omega-4 relay, the time for distractions was long gone. "We're on a mission. You can either fight at my side or get crushed under my heel. But you will not stand in my way." Shepard let the moment of silence seep allowing everyone to feel how serious she was. 

Legion was the first to breath the uncomfortable silence. "To facilitate unit cohesion, we will not transmit data regarding creator plans." 

Tali put her gun down and became more relaxed. "Thank you, Legion. I... Understand your intention. What if I gave you some non-classified data to send?" 

"We would be grateful." Legion responded. 

Thank god. Shepard knew if it came down to it she wouldn't hesitate to facilitate the airlock, but she would be very unhappy to watch her friend and the geth die such an awful death. She felt the small smile crack on her face and she turned away walking by a speechless Chakwas. The tension was still present in the medical bay and although it was a favorable outcome, still present in Shepard. Part of her was thankful she destroyed the geth on that ship they'd visited. She stepped into the elevator ignoring the stares she received from Garrus and Massani. In fact when she briskly walked by they both stopped talking about what it was they were discussing ready for her to say anything to them. She called the elevator and stepped in. 

When the elevator released her from it's very long, quiet journey she walked straight up to the galaxy map and set coordinates for the Omega-4 relay. Game on. Edi gave her a warning about no turning back and Shepard rolled her eyes. "The Collectors are about to find out what happened when you piss me off."

"You got it Commander. Plotting course for the Omega-4 relay. Eta about 2 hours. I'll let you know when we arrive." Joker confirmed.

Shepard turned around and headed towards her cabin for a good ol' two minute military shower. There was no time to waste and as soon as she was finished she was going to go down and drag Garrus to her bedroom if she had to. What she didn't realized as she was toweling off her short crimson hair, was that Garrus was awkwardly standing outside unsure what to do because he hadn't expected the Commander to be in the shower. Garrus was trying to figure out if he should just leave and come back later, or sit down on her couch and wait when Shepard stepped out of the bathroom and almost ran right into him. 

A smile spread across her face. "And here I thought I was going to have to drag your ass out of the main battery." 

“Hey. I brought wine. Best I could afford on a vigilante’s salary.” He was definitely nervous. Shepard crossed her arms smirking. He crossed the room to the wall panel where he popped on some music. Her smirk grew into a full fledged smile when she recognized it as the tune back from Flux on the citadel. That was their first mission together. They saved some girl from working in Chora’s Den and took down Fist. “If you were a Turian, I’d be complementing your waist or your fringe. So…your, uh, hair looks good. And your waist is… very supportive. Hopefully that’s not offensive in human culture. Crap. I know I should have-”

“Whoa! consider me seduced, smooth talker. Now shut up and stop worrying.” Shepard interrupted. Her smile had morphed into a big toothy grin. She turned off the music not actually a sex to music kind of girl. 

“I just… I’ve seen so many things go wrong, Shepard. My work at C-Sec, what happened with Sidonis…I want something to go right. Just once. Just…” Shepard placed a comforting hand on his scarred mandible. She let her thumb lightly rub against his hard face feeling the cool and smooth texture of his face plate. 

Garrus let her hand linger before tilting his head forward and bending forward since Shepard's own head barely reach his cowl. Shepard followed suit recognizing the turian gesture from before. Their foreheads met and Garrus began stroking her arm with his talons lightly. Shepard grabbed the bottle from Garrus' hand and set it on the desk. 

"Let's save the wine for our victory. We've only got two hours together and frankly I'd rather be clear headed for this." Shepard grabbed on of his large hands and lead him over to her bed. 

"Alright, we'll drink it together once we return." Garrus agreed. 

"Also, Garrus, this will likely be awkward, but, it will also be one heel of a night to treasure because there's no one else in this galaxy I'd rather spend the last potential hours of my life with." Shepard pulled Garrus down by his cowl to meet her lips. She took her time with the kiss reminding herself of the tender places on the turian body. Garrus didn't seem to know what to do with her action although he'd seen humans do it before. Since he didn't know what else to do he allowed himself to explore the stands of hair on her head. It was as this point that Shepard let her tongue lick his mouth and in response Garrus opened his mouth to lick her back. He didn't get his tongue out however because Shepard took advantage of his now opened mouth and shoved her tongue into his. When her tongue met his a low hum of approval vibrated through Garrus. Shepard broke the kiss off after a few seconds with a grin on her face. "Keep making sounds like that and I won't be able to contain myself." 

"Oh? Why's that." Garrus chuckled. 

"Because I'm pretty sure your voice is just pure aural sex. I mean seriously Garrus you could just read off your calibration cues and I'd just listen. all day long. Then you add in the gravely sub-harmonics and all I wanna do it strip you and have my way with you. So far you get an A+ on bedroom noises." Shepard smirked. Garrus could tell she wasn't lying because he could smell the arousal that had spiked in the room. "Speaking of... take your clothes off." Shepard pulled her shirt over her head and stood up to shimmy out of her pants. Garrus complied, removing his own dress wear.

When he was sitting down Shepard hadn't failed to notice he left his gloves on. She frowned at him and reached to take on off. "Why did you leave these on?" She asked pulling the dark cloth of his hand. She did however, fail to notice the visor still in place on his face.

"I uh... didn't want to scratch you." Garrus seemed embarrassed by the way his mandibles were held tight to his face. 

Shepard examined the hand. The back of his hand was covered in the bone like plating that occupied his face, cowl, and parts of his appendages. The underside of his hand was a softer texture which reminded her of worn leather. She then drew her attention to his talons which were filed down shorter than she had expected. The talon was still very hard, but the sharpness eh expected had been removed. She let out a sigh and pulled his hand up to her face. She pushed her cheek into his palm feeling the slight roughness against her face. She closed her eyes for a moment to enjoy the touch. She took a deep breath through her noise taking in the familiar aroma of gun oil. There was another scent with it, which smelled heavy and spicy. This must be Garrus' scent. She let the breath out opening her eyes back up and meeting Garrus' gaze. "I think you are still worrying too much, Garrus. I don't want you to wear your gloves that's rather silly." 

"I didn't want to hurt you." Garrus warned. 

"Garrus, it takes about a pound of pressure with the tip of a sharp sword to break human skin. Your talons aren't even sharp right now. I think we'll be good." Shepard turned her head to kiss the hand she held against her face. She let his hand go so he could removed his other glove before she began drinking in his form with her eyes. The plates were a cream color with various shades of wear on them, and the leathery hide was a shade darker carrying a grey tinge in the coloring. 

"You still have things on." Garrus mused at the sight of Shepard's black bra and underwear. 

"That I do. I can fix that too." Shepard quickly removed her bra and underwear to match Garrus' form of undress. "See?"

Shepard didn't sit back down on the bed once her panties were removed. Instead she stood in front of Garrus. Her hands fell to his plated shoulders and she leaned down to kiss his neck. She moved her hands trying to locate the sensitive spots under his mandibles, calling fourth the gravely moans of his sub-harmonics. She figured she was doing pretty well. His hands found her waste and he began to rub around her hips. When Shepard introduced her teeth, lightly brushing them against his leathery neck and shoulder she finally felt Garrus' cock lightly brushing against her thigh. It was at this point that Shepard let her hands start trailing down the plating of his cowl. She lifted her head to look him in the eyes before she spoke. 

"May I?" She asked letting her gave fall on his member. She felt her stomach drop with nerves. Garrus tried to pull her hips forward to encourage her to sit and Shepard chuckled nervously. "Not exactly what I meant." She fell to her knees allowing her left hand to sit on his waist and her right hand to hold his lubricated member in her hand. "I've done my own research Garrus, and I'd like to try something on you." It wasn't that turians had no type of oral sex period, it was mostly that any oral contact they shared with each other was primarily licking. They didn't have the flexibility of lips, and they had sharp teeth that would normally make insertion uncomfortable. Since Shepard had done her own research she knew that this was an act done as an expression of trust. Sure she was implying she wanted to take it a step further than he might be used to, since she had pliable lips and he had blunt teeth but she wasn't going to do it without his confirmation. 

Garrus thought for a moment before speaking. "Just... be careful. Please..." He seemed a little bit nervous about it so Shepard decided to take it slow. She started pumping slowly with her hand, teasing him enough to really want it. He had quite a bit of girth on him, her thumb and middle finger didn't touch once she made it down to the base. She lowered her head and let her tongue circle around the tip. The taste was definitely interesting. It had a spicier after taste and was reasonably less bitter than she was used to. Not ready to take him into her mouth she took a couple long swipes, dragging her tongue from the base to the tip. Garrus' hands sat in fists on his knees and the rumble he'd been emitting previously returned, but this time it was louder. 

"Alright Garrus, don't freak out on me." Shepard warned before she let the tip lean against her lips. On the one hand she was teasing him, making him want more, on the other she was giving him plenty of time to change him mind. When she shot a glance at his face he saw her watching her. With their eyes locked she opened her mouth and took him in. Garrus rolled his eyes back and blink a few times. He was enjoying this good. She added pressure by sucking on it, and when she did that Garrus responded immediately. His voice was a growl and she felt his legs tense around her. His breaths came in heaves as he quivered under her touch. Shepard began adding a new sensation as she bobbed her head.

"Sh... Shep... pard... If you... keep... that up... you're... going... tobethedeathofme." Garrus panted. 

Shepard let him out of her mouth letting the pop ring throughout the room. "You like?" She knew he liked it but she asked anyway. 

"Yea... It's almost too much." Garrus was still panting. 

"We can move on and come back to that later." Shepard smirked. 

"I think that would be best," his voice was a little raspy. Shepard stood up and rubbed her forehead against his crest. 

Garrus wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her into him. He followed that action up by pulling her down on top of him and then rolling on top of her. He was careful not to rub against her too hard and he shifted positions. He let his tongue flare against her skin making short swipes along her jaw and neck. Shepard felt herself arching her back as his rough tongue found the sweet spot on her neck. She let a gentle moan escape her lips. Garrus rubbed the pads of his thumbs against her nipples. Shepard crooned with his touch. He wasn't infatuated with breasts, but he really enjoyed the soft groans Shepard was emitting in response to his strokes. He shifted himself so he could swipe his tongue over one of the nubs. Shepard's breath hitched at the unfamiliar, but pleasant textured tongue. 

"Can I... uh... try it on you?" Garrus asked.

"Mmm go for it." Shepard nodded. 

Shepard watching him as he settled himself in between her legs. He dipped his head down and swiped his tongue. Shepard whimpered with need as he slowly delved his tongue into her sex. That was the moment Shepard realized his tongue was a little ridiculous. He tongue was longer than a human's tongue by about an inch and a half. It hand't seemed like much when he started lapping against her earlier, but she could feel the difference now. 

"Shepard. you weren't the only one who did research." Garrus warned. 

"Oh?" Shepard cocked an eyebrow at him. "I thought you were just making me wait to intensify-

Garrus interrupted her cocky remark by swiping at the nub at the peak of her sex. Her breath caught in her throat. He began stimulating it with tight circles which caused Shepard to buck against him. He gave a low growl and pushed down on her hips with his hands to hold her in place. Shepard let out a guttural moan and began gently rocking her hips with his movements. He kept going until Shepard began quaking. "Garrus... I need you in me." She was trying to pull him up before she even spoke. 

Garrus stood up and pulled Shepard's knees over his hip spurs. He grabbed himself and began rubbing the tip against her opening. "Please, Garrus." Shepard pleaded. 

He responded by sliding himself in. He made it halfway before he had to stop to let Shepard accommodate him. Shepard naturally angled her hips to take him without hurting herself. His ridges were bumping against her as he slid in. When he was finally in place he placed one hand on her naval, setting the pad of his thumb against the bundle of nerves above her opening. His other hand was holding onto her hip. 

He gave a few slow and deep strokes savoring the warmth and the softness of her sex. He shivered when applying pressure to her clit caused her walls to give a small quake. She was so tight but accommodating. He finally settled into a pace and began to stroke her clit with his thrusts. Shepard kept her eyes locked on his letting each gasp show on her face. Garrus was rumbling with pleasure as they moved together. 

His thrusts met hers and their vitriolic sounds filled the room. Shepard was almost convinced the entire ship could hear their mirth. Their sensual caresses had morphed into urgent need. Shepard's hands were bunching the sheets on either side of her as the pleasure in her sex was nearing. Before she knew it her climax was met, her body spasmed, and the breath she didn't realize she'd been holding rushed out of her body. Garrus felt the walls of her sex clamping on him. The sensation was almost overwhelming. He continued to thrust through her climax giving a few more good ones before be was able to let go. 

Shepard beamed at him as she sat up, letting her legs fall from his hips. He was still on his knees at the edge of the bed when Shepard reached up and coerced him to lay next to her. "Good thing we aren't in the main battery." Shepard whispered. 

"Why's that?" Garrus asked looking at her. He reached over to stroke her hair some more enjoying the feeling of it, even if some of it stuck to her skin because of the coat of sweat all over her. 

"So I can order you to get your ass off that Collector base alive." She could feel her eyes brimming with liquid she wouldn't let fall. She told herself it was mostly the endorphins even as her voice cracked as she spoke. 

"Shepard did I hurt you?" Garrus heard the crack in her voice. 

"No, no you didn't. In fact that was really good. I just... Sometimes humans get overwhelmed from the rush okay? Sue me." She hid her face in the pillow wiping at the unshed tears in her eyes. 

Garrus turned into his side so he was facing Shepard. He pulled her in close and rested his crest on her forehead. He began rubbing her back soothing her. He didn't buy what she was saying but he wouldn't pry. He knew she was trying to be strong for everyone and if she got a little emotional after the endorphins kicked in who was he to make her feel worse with his assumptions. 

"I wouldn't take offense for any reason you'd be crying. Even if I was just awful." He playfully licked her cheek. 

Shepard started giggling. Her entire body shook with the force as her giggles increased in volume. "See it's the endorphins. I never giggle either." 

"Sure Shepard." Garrus began searching her body for any sort of damage. He was pleased to note there wasn't a single scratch on her. She had minimal Chafing between her legs but when he offered to put medi-gel on it she waved him off. 

"Garrus... Did you just fuck me with your visor on?" Shepard asked noting the visor still on his head.

"I may have." Garrus stated not concerned. 

"God damnit. Get it off." Shepard grabbed the visor from his head and flung it across the room. It hit the fish tank with a soft plunk before it fell on the floor. "You're cute with it on, but your even sexier with it off. I'm just so used to seeing it on your face that I didn't question it. Now I feel dumb." Shepard sighed. 

"It's okay Shepard I enjoyed seeing your heartbeat flash across my screen as we went at it." Garrus teased. 

"Fuck.You." Shepard tossed her extra pillow at him. "Also figured you could use that to support your neck."

"But, Shepard, I already fucked you, if we go again you might be to tired to fight." Garrus poked Shepard in the stomach with his talon. 

"Garrus, Does that not translate correctly or something?" Shepard asked. "Because grammar rules in English state that Fuck you means go fuck yourself because there is an understood you." 

Garrus just nuzzled her forehead with his Crest. "Just close your eyes and rest. My research indicated humans liked to rest afterwards."

"Only night time sex." 

...

"The Collectors blind side their targets. Hit and run. As powerful as they are, they are fucking cowards. They've never had to stand and fight the best of us. That's you." Shepard paused for a moment looking into the eyes of each squad mate before her. She had asked Garrus and Thane to accompany her on the last leg of this Journey so they were behind her and she had sent Mordin to escort the abducted crew members back. She began pacing as she spoke again. "I dunno if they can feel fear, but we're damn sure gonna give them the opportunity. Hit them hard. One way or another, it ends here." Shepard looked at both Garrus and Thane as the platform began to shift under them. 

Shepard placed her hand on Garrus' shoulder. Garrus looked at her as his mandibles nervously twitched. This was it and they knew it. 

The fighting seemed to go on forever as more and more collectors showed up on platforms. They took them out as quickly as they could. Each of them sniping for head-shots, using abilities, and keeping in cover when they weren't firing. Shepard was too tired to bother getting up close and personal and gutting them with her omni-blade. She was trying to regain some energy wondering if the next room held a room full of these ass hats. 

Once they got past the Collectors they saw it. Shepard sighed when she saw the abomination before her. she was going to shoot it down then blow this base up. That's exactly what she did. 

...

When Shepard woke she could hear joker yelling at her over the comm. She was thankful for the upgrades as she lifted the metal plating off of herself. She saw Garrus and Thane laying down and a twinge of fear ran through her. She rolled Garrus over to check him. She shook him awake and his eyes slide open to great her. She grabbed his hand and allowed him to stabilize himself on her as she helped him up. She saw there was another metal plating on Thane and she called for the rest of her strength to pull that one off as well. Garrus was impressed because even he couldn't have moved that. 

She finally responded to Joker's yelling through the comm and signaled for them to run. They dashed through the base and the only thing Shepard could focus on what the voice that kept calling to her. 

_Human. You've changed nothing. Your species has the attention of those infinity greater. That which you know as Reapers is your salvation, not destruction._

Harbinger finally stopped at the last stretch. Thane and Garrus made it onto the ship just as metal broke the platforms Shepard had intended to use to jump from. _Damnit. Legs don't fail me now_ She silently pleaded and she began to sprint. Those in the ship were covering her. Too soon the ground below her was gone as she focused all here weight into the jump. Her arms caught and she hung there too exhausted to pull herself up. A three clawed hand grabbed her arm and pulled her onto the ship. 

Thane helped joker limp to the cockpit and Garrus helped Shepard inside the airlock. Once inside she collapsed just sitting there catching her breath. She looked up at Garrus smiling wide. "We all made it. Every single one of us. I could get used to that." 

"I wouldn't." Garrus warned.

"Yea I know. You were brilliant. I knew I could count on you to lead that squad. Although I was sad to not have you on my six for that first and second part of the base." Shepard admitted. 

"We all did great." Garrus knelt down and pressed his crest against her forehead. 

Shepard sat there enjoying his presence for a moment before she tilted her head to meet his lips. Garrus gave a small lick on her lips and she opened her mouth welcoming his sweet taste into hers. 

"Mmmmm I gotta go tell the Illusive man to fuck off now." Shepard said after the kiss broke. "You should come back to the cabin with me when we are finished. I need sleep. tomorrow we can figure out what the fuck to do about my arrest, or whatever they decide to call it."

Garrus helped her to her feet and she left him standing there contemplating what she had said.


	23. House Arrest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard has to learn to cope with her feelings. Under House Arrest missing her best friend in the world she has a lot to think about.
> 
> Some discussion and drinking with Vega results in a few vague stories from both people, Vega's coming from the comics featuring him. Not necessary to read, in game content of him is good enough. Eventually more details from his past will come up. I like to see Vega following a similar path of Garrus, the hero worship turning into friendship. Minus the romance

The first month went by in a haze. Shepard spent the first week in the _Normandy's_ " Brig as Anderson took the ship to grab her new found door man. He gets one job. To watch her sit there staring at the wall. By the second week they had moved to Earth. It almost seemed fitting that they would end up in Vancouver. She wasn't exactly fond of that plan. She didn't say anything though, just followed the orders she was given as she left her home and entered the tall structure that would become her prison. She pressed her dress blues and hung them in the small closet she had been provided; all the glory that was her uniform stolen from her. The fatigues she wore had no meaning to them. They didn't hold anything in regards to her history. Temporary leave of duty. That left her stone cold. She answered the questions thrown at her to the best of her abilities. Miranda had given her her medical information as an added sense of appreciation for getting them through the Omega-4 relay. Shepard didn't look anyone in the eye. The guard who was at her door during the evening shift continued to use her previous title even though the coldly reminded him every time it wasn't hers anymore. Grounded, stripped of Command, but that wasn't what left her in this hazy stage of grieving. 

_Fuck._

She told him she wanted a future. If it meant when they kicked the Reapers back into dark space that they stole a ship and became partners in vigilante work and avoided Alliance space, she could handle that. Anything but sitting in jail rotting away for the rest of her life because she accepted a job she knew was trouble. Of course, had she not accepted it, she wouldn't be sitting here right now anyway. The Reapers would be here likely destroying the galaxy. Some sick, morbid part of her didn't care anymore. It wasn't her job anymore to save the Galaxy. The council made that clear with their lack of support when she was arrested. 

The one thing she was thankful for, her "cell" if you could call it that was a room with a closet and a bathroom. It didn't even have bars on it, just a door that was required to be open at all times to ensure she wasn't pulling anything. The only door she could close, her only sense of privacy was the small, compact bathroom where she changed her clothes every morning. She had hot water, as much as she could ever need. She had warm food and a soft bed. She had no privacy. She had no contact with any of her previous friends, at least not directly. Anderson would occasionally stop in to say that someone asked about her, but that was the short of it. She wasn't allowed contact with them because they had been tied to Cerberus. 

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

She'd done gone and done something that was biting her in the ass everyday. She'd fallen in love with her best friend. What's worse? She'd been too much of a coward to actually utter those words to him. 

...

_"I need you to get off of this ship Garrus. I'm turning myself with a skeleton crew. You aren't on the list. Please, go check on your mother." She let the last sentence hit him like a brick wall._

_"What do you mean check on my mother?" Garrus asked slowly._

_"You know damn well what I mean Garrus. You aren't going to just let her die while you rot in prison with me. It's not like we'd see each other anyway you might as well see your family while I'm detained." Shepard had read about his mother in the terminal Liara reserved for her. She also avoided the conversation with Garrus, wanting him to broach the subject. Well that was thrown out of the water. "Look, Hackett wasn't lying when he said you had an hour to get your shit and get off this ship."_

_"I'm uh... Sorry. I didn't want to discuss it..." Garrus had misinterpreted Shepard's reason for bringing it up._

_"Garrus, I don't care that you didn't want to talk about it. You just need to get it through your bony head that you can't stay on this ship. You've got a family who needs to know your alive." Shepard grabbed his hands, raised herself up onto the balls of her feet. Garrus bent down to receive the kiss she offered and then he brushed his crest against her forehead. "I will be in contact again. I don't know when but if I have to hack something to get word to you I will. Don't wait too long for me though. If I end up sitting in jail the rest of my life yours shouldn't stop. In fact if I found out you stopped your life I'd be rather pissed so go make some noise, be productive. You may not think you are a very good turian, but I think you are a fine representative. You should feel good about what we did against the collectors. Don't let anything hold you back. As us humans say, spread your wings, Archangel, because we don't know if we have tomorrow."_

_Shepard quickly pulled away and left him standing there in the middle of what had become their cabin. It may not have been very long, but Shepard couldn't see it as only hers anymore. As Anderson locked Shepard away in the Brig, she wondered how Garrus was going to get to his mother. She hoped he had enough credits to find a ride. Earth had called as promised and she had run out of time to take him home._

...

Shepard hadn't been sleeping well since she left the _Normandy_. Most nights she would lie awake staring at the ceiling letting things cycle in her head. The events that led her up to this. Oddly enough she should have seen it coming. She might not be the paragon of the century, but she did live by a code. Her code has always been mission first, people later. She had a hard time turning missions down though. Isn't that why she ended up helping Liara take down the Shadowbroker when all she had wanted to do was clock her with a baseball bat? She knew that Garrus was probably back on Palaven by now, seeing as it had been a month since she last saw him. She wondered what he he was up to. No messages had been passed by he was the only one still checking in on her. Mainly, Hackett or Anderson would give her a look telling her Garrus was checking in on her. she'd give the short response saying she's fine, but everyone could see on her face she wasn't. Hell the door man, Lt. Vega knew she wasn't. Since he was on the evening shift he would occasionally be present when she would waking up screaming. That was usually how she ended up in the position she was in now, laying awake. Getting to sleep the first time around was relatively easy, the second time, she wouldn't bother. 

Anderson had ordered for her to see a councilor about a week ago. She told him to piss off. Reminding him that dying and coming back two years later wasn't likely on their 'traumatic experiences' expertise. He had also reminded her that that may be true, but coma patients did wake up with long periods of lapses, and figured it could still be beneficial. At that she just told him that unless the brass had figured out what they were going to do with her she didn't want to be disturbed. 

Maybe she'd been too harsh. She was eating about once a day, not readily able to will herself out of the room more than that. She did her pt on the floor. When it came to the running portion she'd ask her door man to escort her to the track. After the track she'd go to the mess hall and grab her food. It wasn't that the food was bad, it was decent in fact. Real beef on Hamburger days. Genuine eggs instead of the strange egg powder prepared by garner. Frankly, compared to her life on the streets or on ships she had it made. The best part was, with her isolationism, she didn't really piss anyone off. As she passed people in the hall they would whisper, but a lot of the younger recruits were too intimidated to speak to her. Well, she was being held prisoner as a terrorist. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by the bulky lieutenant "You going to be alright Commander? I could see if the medical facilities have any of the good stuff to knock you out. I'm sure no one would complain, you've hardly slept since you got here." 

"Haha, no thank you. I'll tell you what though, you manage to get your hands on some Alcohol i'll trade you some stories. I won't tell. In fact, I'd probably drink you under the table and we'd just keep that our little secret." Shepard was merely joking. 

"I'll see what I can do Commander. I hope you like Tequila." Vega's face lit up just so. 

"Mmm You know I was joking but if your serious, I'll drink anything. Could use the distraction." Shepard admitted. 

Vega wasn't actually holding her in her room, the guards at her door were mostly for _her_ protection. Since Shepard had been refusing council, and many people hated her right now, it was a safety precaution from anyone getting to her and also from herself. So far, she hadn't left the building for anything. She couldn't. In fact all the people who have come to see her to question her repeatedly, the doctors who were to examine her to check out her new techno junk all came here. 

Vega was back with a couple fifths and two Dixie cups. "I'm not so sure about you out drinking me, but this is my favorite stuff. Been pretty boring being your guard so far, no ones even dared tried to assassinate you." 

"That's because they know I can kill them thirty different ways with my bare hands. Or at least that's what they believe. I'm not amazing at hand to hand, but I do alright." Shepard admitted taking the cup that was stretched out to her. 

Vega filled their cups and set the bottle down between them. "You have a very unique technique from what I've seen you practicing. May I ask about that?"

"Mmm, I spent the past six months on a ship with a turian and a drell. I got pointers from both when I could. turian was x-military, as you can guess and the drell was an assassin." Not much of a story there." Shepard shrugged. "I also received some help with my limited biotic abilities from an asari Justicar."

"That's pretty neat. I've not ran into any drell yet." They both took the shot as silence washed over them. "Heard you grew up here in Vancouver." 

"I did. Vancouver didn't like me so much, we don't get along." Shepard responded pouring herself another shot. 

"Oh? How so?" He asked. 

"Killed the wrong people." Shepard took another shot, shaking her head as the liqueur burned on the way down. 

Vega followed up taking a shot as well. "What's the scariest thing you've done?" 

"I died. I think that pretty much tops everything else." Shepard knocked back another shot. "hmm, been a while since I've drank tequila."

"What's your drink of choice?" He asked. 

"Anything that will knock me on my ass." Shepard was still trying to think of a story worth rehashing. "I fought a thresher maw on foot. It was me and two other squad mates. Grunt, who was a krogan, and Garrus, the turian. We were participating in grunt's rite of passage into adult hood and we were his krant." 

"krogan are nothing to snuff at. I've fought with them, they are mean bastards." Vega began. "Had a stint on Fehl Prime and we took a Bloodpack leader as a POW. That guy was almost the death of me." He sighed taking another shot. 

"So How'd you end up on this crap job anyway. I mean what, you guard me for 12 hours a day." Shepard was 12 shots in and could feel the heat on her cheeks. The ever slight tingle on her lips announced the shit was working, probably only because she was taking the shots so damn fast. 

"Well, Anderson found me while I was on Omega. Told me I had a job to do. I told him he was insane until he told me what it was. You're a damned hero Shepard. this isn't a crap job." Vega commented.

Shepard filled her cup again took a shot and sighed. "Vega I'm no hero. I don't know what fantasy everyone in this goddamn building subscribes to, well everyone but the brass themselves and even then its hit or miss, but I'm just a human being with an intolerable will to get the job done. Whatever the cost." She stopped looking at the shadow that had crossed the Lieutenant's face. 

"No one could have done what you've done. I'm not talking about the batarians. I'm talking about the Citadel, the Collectors. You always have the answer up your sleeve to get the job done if that's not a hero I don't know what is." Vega almost seemed angry at Shepard's claim. He's still keeping up with her on shots though as he knocks back the one he has filled. 

"Sure, no one could have survived what I've survived. That's because some terrorist organization spent billions of credits bringing me back. I didn't do that. We are just a bunch of sentient weapons. We are all trained to do the same thing. Kill a bunch of people and get the job done. A lot of times in the same breath. Hero's don't get dismissed from their posts Vega. Now i'm sitting here with nothing to do while..." Shepard stopped. She could feel the knot growing her in throat so she cleared it a couple times before beginning. "While we are half-assed ready for the Reapers. As long as I'm here, nothings really happening. I'm either going to be here a while, or the Reapers while come, take Earth over and I'll just be what I was before. A foot soldier fighting to keep our planet. Hero's aren't ignored. When they speak people listen, all I've seen is people back down. So I'd say I'm just your average soldier. you seem to hold some personal belief about this. Anything I should know?" Shepard raised an eyebrow at the soldier sitting across from her. 

"Hmm, well Commander,-"

"You can't call me that." Shepard sighed. "Just call me Shepard, or Ann or something just not that." 

"Alright, Shepard. I think you've helped me through the tough times. You know, every soldier has them. The stories they don't want to rehash. Everyone starting out feels that way. Shepard, you are an invincible, ideal for soldier right now. Even as the batarians are trying to tarnish your name every soldier out there on the floors that's preparing is learning about your victory at torfan. Your work that lead to fighting off the geth on the Citadel. The rumors about your work for the past six months. you've done a lot of things right Shepard, and that earns you respect. I'd say your a damn Hero." 

Shepard could tell there was probably a long story behind his words. Clearly one of those can of worms not worth opening. It would only ruin the buzz. 

"Alright, think what you want. The difference between me and a hero though, I don't give a shit about casualties who get in my way. That's how you win a war." She was at 15 shots. 

"You really do hold your liqueur better than I thought you could." Vega. They had already drained one of the fifths and were mostly done with the second. "I think I'm done otherwise tomorrow will be hell." 

Shepard gave a chuckle before grabbing the bottle. "There's probably about 4-5 more shots in here I'll finish them off for ya. It's what happens when a third of your organs are cybernetic." 

"Tell me about the Collector base. I uh... want to hear about it." Vega asked. 

"A lot of dead people. They were making a human Reaper. Now it's rubble. Honestly It was a hell of a ride. It wasn't easy, and it smelled awful. I got there just in time to see the Colonists from Horizon get vaporized." Shepard shook her head. 

"Man I heard you saved half a Colony. Did better than I did." Vega shrugged. 

"Your sitting here in front of me aren't you?" Shepard finished off the last shot. It wasn't enough to get her wasted but the buzz was certainly welcome. "You did something right."

"We should do this again sometime." Vega offered. "Maybe we talk about better topics though." 

"Sure."

"You do anything interesting while you were on Omega?" Vega asked. "I heard you were there a few times."

"Took out a bunch of mercs with Archangel, in fact if I hadn't shown up when I did he would have been dead." Shepard sighed. Her dream that night had been about Garrus and omega. Only instead of him coming to greet her in the comm room, he died on that floor, blue turian blood the shade of his markings covering her body. Her gut wrenched at the thought. 

"Whoa, Archangel isn't dead? That's new to me." His eyes went wide. 

"Naw, they just think he is. It was Garrus, the turian who gave me pointers on my hand to hand. Wouldn't ever fight me though. He told me he didn't want to end up on the list of people's asses I kicked. I think he was just trying to flatter me." Shepard smirked at the memory. it was after they'd agreed on the tie-breaker. She'd offered during one of her workouts to fight him. "I also helped Mordin Solis cure a plague. I did a couple other less interesting things though. Made nice with Aria you know the drill." 

"What did you do on Omega?" Shepard asked broaching what she thought was a safe topic. 

"I lived there." 

"That sucks." Shepard was now looking down at her empty cup. In her need to keep her hands busy she'd began tearing the cup into small pieces and laying them out on the table. 

"you got any Heroes Shepard?" Vega asked. 

"No. I find putting that much faith into anyone generally leads to disappointment. No need to be disappointed so why bother." Shepard watched his face. He didn't let anything slide by it this time. 

"I heard you had a hell of a team. Do you have faith in them?" He asked. 

"No more than is healthy. I expect that they will fail at some point as I will. When they do fail their asses will be reamed. Just like mine." She shrugged. "Recently I've been pleasantly surprised."

Their conversation slowly drifted off as Vega asked her about things she didn't keep up with. Sports, music, anything to keep her talking. She wasn't sure what his motivation was but eventually she actually started to feel tired. The alcohol must have done something because she went to bed and slept a dreamless sleep. 

...

The next morning her senses were greeted by the smell of food. Her eyes drifted open and she was a plate with a note next to them. _Huevos rancheros, best thing to eat after a night of drinking._ Shepard grabbed the plated and began eating them. The spicy flavor was most welcoming and reminded her of some of the things she ate as a young child. She was definitely pleased as everything was cooked just right. Damn, Vega could cook. 

Shepard tossed the empty paper plate and looked out the door to see the morning shift guard. She began her morning ritual, crunches, push-ups, then her rotations of dynamic stretches in the hall way. She knew her lack of combat would make her go soft, but she wanted to mitigate as much of that as she could. She let her stretching take longer than normal though because she didn't want to run immediately after eating. Once she felt comfortable going to the track she informed her guard who escorted her to the track. The track was a standard sized indoor track, which meant more laps around to cover the distance as opposed to the large one she ran on as a kid. She used to run at the local schools track to keep herself somewhat in shape. She never knew when she'd have to outrun someone. 

She punched her omni-tool to life preparing the timer as she set her pace. Running came to be a lot easier after her enhancements, she was fast before the enhancements, she was always prideful that she could score a 100 with the male's requirements. All she had to do was break 13 minutes in the 2 mile run and she had passed that portion of the physical passing the finish line with a 12 minute and 47 second time. She did alright on everything else scoring in the 80's or 70's on everything else but her running time was great. Now that she had the cybernetic enhancements she had shaved 2 minutes off of that time. 

"I thought I could find you here." Anderson walked onto the track and Shepard begrudgingly stopped in front of him. She only had two more laps left and she had just started her build up. She was gasping for breath put her hands over her head to breath deeper as Anderson began to speak again. "You are done here. I'm here to inform you that you have been ordered into mandatory psych evals. I'm also here to inform you that your appointment is in ten minutes and that your guard will escort you now."

"Are you shitting me?" Shepard gasped out in between deep inhales. 

"No." Anderson responded. 

"You ground me, take away my ship, and now you are going to force me to go talk to some shrink? for what? For them to tell you that I have a chip on my shoulder called the Alliance? 

"Also Garrus is still asking about you." Anderson's face softened. 

"Okay neat, now explain to me how psych evals is going to help you or me. I answered all the damn questions, I did everything you guys asked except go see the shrink. There was a shrink on my vessel for 6 months and she seemed to think I was doing okay." Shepard growled. 

"Is that why you aren't sleeping? Why you aren't eating as much as you should?" Anderson asked. 

"I'm sleeping less because of the implants. The food here sucks and the company at meal time is worse." Shepard was on the defensive. 

"Shepard, it's going to look a lot better for your trial if you cooperate." Anderson sighed. 

"Do you really think me going in and talking about dying is going to make a fucking difference? Talking about the Collector base, which you guys already have a detailed account of? Haven't I talked enough?" Shepard rubbed the sweat off of her face. "I just want to get back in the action. I'm tired of sitting here doing nothing."

"Shepard, you're an adult. You can deny the order since we no longer control you in that regard. I promise it will make a difference." 

Shepard went to the session.


	24. Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus meets up with his family. 
> 
> Shepard goes to counseling. 
> 
> Also, there's hinted racism in this chapter.

Garrus felt pretty lucky when Mordin offered to take him to STG. He kept talking in his short, not necessarily clear because half the time he didn't know what he was talking about, but concise mannerisms. He was pretty sure one of the words to describe a former coworker related to the nether regions of their species. He didn't speak much, letting Mordin ramble on until he ran out of things to say. His mind was focused on what he was going to say to his parents, worry about Shepard, and how he was going to deal with explaining Omega. 

When he arrived at the STG base he saw his sister first. The look on her face was grim and she looked like death had warmed over her. "Mother's slipped into a coma. The doctors here have tried everything, but we got her here too late." 

Garrus took the news hard. He felt the choke of air escape from his throat. His hands found his sister's shoulders just before he fell to his knees in front of her. Solana began checking out the mangle scars that were on the side of his face. Garrus couldn't focus on the words that came from her mouth. The water built up in his eyes began to slip out. He always knew he was a bad turian, but his self control was one thing he never lost. He knew it was rumored among the other species that turians couldn't cry. This wasn't true, they just had self discipline and hardly ever broke down in public. The wails that echoed the hall of the facility turned many heads from the passing Salarians. Nobody stopped though. 

"You're way to late to say goodbye. They suspect she will pass in the next few days. She suffered a severe stroke because of the treatment. We knew the risks, so it's just you me and dad now." Solana sighed. 

Garrus finally pulled himself together mustering any strength he could to face the man he'd gone against in every decision. He followed Solana to the room without saying a word. When he entered the room his father, who sat next to his mother's bed looked up. "What happened to your face?" 

"It's what happens when you terrorize merc groups." Garrus sighed. 

"You better have a damn good reason for not coming home son. Your mother didn't get to know you were okay." There it was. The guilt trip. He knew it would come but at this point he didn't care. He sat in a chair on the other side of the bed and Solana excused herself from the room. 

"I'm sorry. I really am. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices, and that's what I did." Garrus made sure he kept eye contact. He didn't want to seem like he was untruthful. 

"So you sacrificed your mother's happiness? Your family? Your job? For what cause? Slumming in Omega?" The speech was very even, and cool, unlike the hot headed responses he'd grown accustom to.

"More than that. You were right, about everything. I could tell you the reasons why I'm here now and not months ago, but it's a laughable story at best. Damn, I wouldn't even be here at all if it weren't for Commander Shepard." Garrus sighed. 

"Well, tell me. You owe me that much, Garrus. You owe your mother that much." His father's eyes bore into him waiting patiently. 

Garrus recounted everything. He left out the part about falling for his Commander of course, but he told everything he could. He left out a few details on Omega, focusing on the biggest picture. The Reapers, and the Collectors. His father sat patiently listening to the story taking in the details Garrus provided with ease. To Garrus' surprise, his father didn't pester him too much more about responsibility. Didn't yell at him about duty. Instead, he sat forward in his chair with a thoughtful look on his face. His father's mandibles were tight on his face as if the threats were soaking in and the realization of how fragile the world would be if the things Garrus said were true. 

"When your mother passes, I have a few strings still. We will talk to the primarch. You will tell him everything you told me, because if what you say is true, we need to be prepared. I never imagined the collectors were real. You're saying you took down the base with a team put together by a dead human Spectre?" Kaius Vakarian shook his head. His thoughtful look didn't leave his face, the act alone was more expression than he usually allowed to surface. 

"Well, I guess you could say she got better." Garrus remembered the inside joke she shared with Shepard. Anytime someone would make a big deal about her being there even though she was supposed to be dead, that was her response. 

Garrus allowed his gaze to fall on his mother for the first time since he entered the room. Her body remained placid against the white cotton sheets. The only visual movement was the sight rise and fall of her chest. Her plates looked rough and unkept. The pigment in her hide was more grey. He didn't wail this time but he felt his eyes betray him as tears silently escaped. Garrus placed his hand on her arm and and gave it a squeeze. 

...

 

Shepard sat back in her chair, ankle resting on her knee, hands in her lap as the counselor started the evaluation. She smiled and nodded answered yes to all the right questions and no to the rest knowing exactly what they were looking for when they did these evals. She was a soldier, and Shepard had been through this process after Torfan. Not to mention, soldiers who were lifers usually knew how to play the system. Given their line of work they almost had to. 

"Shepard I'm a little concerned." The counselor said after the paperwork in front of her was filled in. 

"Why's that? I'm fine. In fact this little session here interrupted my PT, which is going great, thanks for asking." Shepard smiled. She didn't even have enough time to change from the shorts and T-shirt she worse when she was working out. 

"Well, your accounts aren't matching what I have on record which required you to be seen." The counselor seemed to look Shepard over as she said these things. 

"Well I mean you can check my body, I'm not self inflicting pain. I'm not inflicting pain on others, and I sit in a room all day because I'm on house arrest without much to do. I don't see how any of these observations of my own require an eval." Shepard gave her most innocent face she owned. This was a well practiced skill she'd learned as a child. Most people fell for it. 

"Well on record is says you aren't eating enough, and you aren't sleeping well." The counselor pointed out. 

"Cybernetics. I don't sleep as long as the rest of humanity since they were added." Shepard nodded. "As for the food, I eat when I'm hungry." 

"Which is why I'm looking at dark circles under your eyes and you are barely ingesting 800 calories a day which isn't good for an active soldier let alone a biotic." 

"Hey now, you know what I eat? That's not creepy at all." Shepard sighed. 

"You realize they have you on observation 24/7 right? They know every sneeze." 

"Honestly? I just don't want to walk into the cafeteria. I want to get my trial over with, and I'm hoping they let me go because I'd like to be preparing for the Reapers long before they get here. I'm sorry to say, but I feel like I'm wasting time here. So, I stick to myself until my trial is over and my guard doesn't have to put in much effort keeping me safe because I'm in my room where I belong. You want me to eat more, fine I'll go to meals three times a day like I'm supposed to but I promise I'm fine." Shepard was reduced to trying to make a deal.

"Okay. I think I can live with that. I'll write your clearance and you show up to your meals and we are golden. Thank you for your time Shepard." The counselor stuck her hand out. 

Shepard took it gave it a quick squeeze and was out the door before she could change her mind. 

...

"Dios, wait up Shepard!" Vega came out of his room as she was about to enter hers. 

"What's up Vega?" Shepard asked. 

"Did you enjoy those huevos?" Vega asked. 

"I did, thank you. They were on par with Mateo's cooking. He took care of me when I was a youngster." Shepard admitted. "Been a long time since I've had fresh jalapenos." 

Vega cracked a smile and took his position at her door. The other guard left and Shepard ducking into her room. Another common practice Shepard had taken up was looking outside and watching the city. Sometimes it would be simple, she'd watch the sun over the water glinting as the waves played with shadows of the water. Other times, the old days would resurface reminding her how she ended up off this forsaken planet. There were also the times where she'd remember the glint of a happy memory. 

Stolen time with Bean over ice cream bought with blood money. How the other guys in the gang would call them Bean-trick because they thought it was funny. Like they were one person. They called Bean, well, Bean because of some old slang and when she met bean he was the only other Spanish speaker in the group. They would stay up late into the night talking knowing that what they said stayed between them because no one else could understand most of what they talked about. He didn't mind the nick name, and they both let the double name go because it almost became a code. If they needed to they'd let out the bean-trick and go the sneaky route. They had been a team. Bean hadn't joined the gang until he was ten. His parents had died in a car accident and Shepard had been his scout. The gang members really liked getting kids in. they were the invisible and they took advantage of their abilities. Just one more reason Shepard was responsible for his death. 

No. Shepard wasn't responsible. The city was. 

"Hey, Shepard you're thinking too hard." Vega's voice pulled her out of her thoughts which were quickly growing dark. 

"Yeah?" She turned around to see him leaning against the door frame. 

"Yeah, your nose was scrunched up like you smelled something awful." 

"Just thinking about the city." Shepard acknowledged. 

"You grew up here, yea?" 

"Mmm." Shepard nodded.

"So what's a little white girl like you doing with a little accent like that?" Vega asked.

"Mateo raised me. He spoke Spanish so for the first 7 years of my life that's all I spoke." 

"So, tough and smart." Vega pointed out. 

"What do you mean by that?" Shepard asked. 

"Not many people are multi-lingual now a days." 

"Hah. I can't even write in Spanish. Just speak it. Then it's sub-par. I didn't have a proper education 'til I joined the military. Otherwise I was in the library reading, teaching myself, and being taught English by the children's librarian so I could read the books. She felt bad for me I guess. Bet you can imagine a little girl white pail skin and red hair asking you question in Spanish? I think at first I caught her off guard because she didn't know what I was speaking. It didn't click." Shepard chuckled remembering the look on the librarians face when she kept asking if the lady would read to her. Shepard had thought the lady spoke Spanish because she had dark hair and skin, but was disappointed. No matter the lady had been so sweet and started teaching her anyway. 

"Well, not everyone can look the part and sound the part." Vega winked. 

"Uh huh. Whatever helps you sleep at night LT." 

"Just look at these guns!" by now Vega was flexing. 

Shepard let Vega gloat some more as she fell back into the dark clouds of her mind. 

...

 

They booked a transport back to Palaven when his mother passed. She went in her sleep and they were taking her body home. Sol barely spoke to Garrus, and he accepted the silent treatment. He knew she'd eventually talk to him, but right now she needed her space and he gave it to her. He was sitting next to his father on the ship they boarded and he knew there would be more discussions and likely somewhere in there he'd give him a lecture about appropriateness. Surprisingly, the lecture never came. 

"Garrus I feel like you are leaving something big out of your story." His father finally asked. 

"I gave you all the relevant details, I really don't want to discuss it any further." Garrus responded evenly. 

"Why not, Garrus? You spoke so highly of the Commander, i was just wondering if... She was the reason you went to Omega." His father finally finished It took him a bit to decide how he wanted to ask the question. 

"Well I mean I looked up to her, and then she died. Then the council was, well the council. Pain in the ass, denying the Reapers, so I decided to take care of things my way. I've already told you you were right." Garrus eyed him curiously. 

"I'm wondering if there wasn't more to it. Son, I may have been hard on you in the past, but it was because I wanted you to succeed. As far as I'm concerned now, you've shown your capable. You might need a nudge in the right direction, but you get there. I may not agree on the how, but it sounds like what you have been doing was well worth the effort. So, there's nothing you can tell me that's going to push me away again. Not anymore. Me, you, and Solana need to be a team. So, why don't you tell me what you left out, hmm?" Kaius asked. 

Garrus froze. As usual, out copped by his dad. He'd given something away in the past week he spent waiting for his mom to pass. He let out a sigh. "Well, I mean if you want to personal details I relieved some stress with the Commander." Garrus stated plainly. He didn't bother looking at his dad when he said that. He almost didn't want to know his reaction.

"I thought so. Does she know?" He asked. 

Garrus was confused. "Well, I mean she was there... I think she would know-"

"That's not what I meant Garrus. Does she know how you actually feel?" The question didn't seem loaded. 

"Well, I mean, I don't know. We have an... odd relationship-thing. Human culture has this strangely open uh... should I call it courting practice? I don't know. they don't do things like us, and they all do things differently." Garrus was still really confused on some of the courting rituals of humans. He remembered she was from Vancouver, so when he did do research on that he'd know where to start. 

"Well if everything you've said thus far is true, I don't know. I will have to meet her. You realize she has a very dark reputation. Butcher of Torfan. Her work on Aratoht. That's a hell of a thing to live with." Kaius pointed out. 

"She's the strongest person I know. Her methods may be less than savory, but she gets the job done. She's honorable. She turned herself into the Alliance just to hold off a war so The batarians aren't distracting Earth from preparing for the Reapers. She only went on that mission because she was contacted by Hackett to go in and pick up a friend from a batarian prison. I guess it turns out pick up a friend equated to blowing out an entire system to stop the Reapers from coming. Her military went to her so they didn't have to do the dirty work. There's big gap of time I've never heard her talk about, I think it's mostly because it was classified work. So this isn't the first time they've asked her to do something like that. She just does it. No questions asked. I don't really think about it much because she's always the ones calling the shots, being the Commander of the ship, but it sounds to me like she's probably better at following bad orders than me. All that aside, She's insanely smart. She doesn't flaunt her intelligence in fact I wonder if she doesn't dumb it down. She didn't have formal education, taught herself a lot of things on her own. Grew up surviving the streets, hell..." Garrus paused recognizing the earth curse he'd picked up. Turians didn't have a direct translation of the word. "There's so much I could say, but I don't really think the words do her justice. I have never been attracted to an alien before now it was the strangest thing." 

"Well, if she manages to wiggle herself out of this pickle she's in, then it sounds like you two need to have a chat." Kaius stated firmly. 

"I'm just going to focus on convincing the primarch about the Reapers first. It won't matter if we are all dead." Garrus sighed. His gut ached thinking about Shepard being locked away. He knew the lack of doing anything would drive her crazy. Shepard does not sit down and do nothing well.


	25. Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard recounts her visit to her grave, and learns a little more about her relationship with Garrus. On the other hand, her one step forward takes a turn for two steps backward.

The ghosts that ripped her from Shepard from her fitful sleep were those of her former crew. The faces of Presley, Jenkins, and many other people who had given their lives for the cause. The ghost of herself. She too had given her life for the cause. It was a death without tangible honor. There was no gunshot that marked the spot, she hadn't died fighting the enemy head on. This bothered her. This had bothered her for the past 8 months but she hadn't really put the words together to form a coherent thought until her speech on the collector base. That was when she really got angry about her death. The Collectors had been nothing more than a group of cowardly conglomeration of synthetic and organic bullshit. It's not like Shepard didn't understand tact, and subterfuge, she was an infiltrator after all, it was the way the enemy went about it. It didn't sit right with her. What were they up against if that was the tactics before? What type of horrors would be inflicted on humanity and the other species in the galaxy. 

Alchera had only been one letdown she'd never let go. At first when Hackett sent her the message asking her to go to Alchera before she did anything else, Shepard had almost decided to say to hell with it. She'd just beaten the Collectors. Why should she have to squander that victory by shoving her face into her own graveyard? Garrus had been the one she griped at when she couldn't make up her mind.

_"Damnit, Garrus. What the hell am I supposed to do, send the tags back with a fucking post card, 'Oh hey, sorry that Cerberus didn't think YOUR loved one was worth 4 billion credits to bring back from the dead?' I mean what the hell is Hackett thinking sending me on this bullshit recon. Why not send someone else..." Shepard was sitting on her normal crate looking up at Garrus who gave her a confused look._

_"Shepard... I... You know they deserve to have you visit them. They died with honor and maybe now it's time for you to own up to that and show them that honor Shepard. I... uh... I feel like after every mission you've taken, it's a little odd to have you bulking at this one. You never turn down a mission. I mean hell isn't that how we got into this mess? You have to go back to Earth because you didn't say no to a mission?" Garrus pointed out._

_"Yeah, well maybe this is where I start. I'm done barking for the Alliance. I'm done being the scapegoat of the council, and the Alliance. Maybe I just take this ship and run so at least I can figure out what to do against the Reapers." Shepard stood up and was pacing now._

_"Shepard don't try to tangent like that. You need to go to Alchera, if not for anything else, then for the closure of those families who lost their loved ones to the Collectors. Besides, stealing the ship and going Pirate is going to make it really difficult to gain alliances for the fight against the Reapers." Garrus' face was unreadable as he spoke. It seemed to be some mix of amusement and concern but Shepard wasn't 100% sure._

_"Garrus, what happened to you being so agreeable?" Shepard could feel herself getting a little angry. When she came down here to talk to him she expected him to side with her not against her. To make her feel like she was fucking up, disrespecting people. "I mean hell Garrus I stole your mark and you were more agreeable then this. What you sleep with the Commander and you think you can start telling me which missions to take?"_

_A slight chuckle had resonated from his chest as he shook his head. He was clearly not effected by her attempts to close off, harden up and get angry. "No Shepard, we're in the main battery, remember? I think Alchera will be good for you. As a friend and as a... whatever we are, I think you need this. Go down there, get the tags, set the memorial, maybe bring some piece back to remind yourself where you've been. I heard humans like to do that." Garrus gave her his smile to let her know he was kidding about that last part._

_Shepard just shook her head leaving the main battery and Garrus._

Garrus had won out. Shepard did everything on that list. Including bringing back the helmet that now sat on her knees. The N7 logo nothing more than an outline. The pain burnt off by her decent into atmo. She'd made sure to ask Anderson to get it for her while she was sitting in the Brig of her own ship. Surprisingly he'd obliged. He given her the helmet and a squeeze of her shoulder to boot. 

She remembered the way Garrus had comforted her when she returned from Alchera. He'd given her a few hours to stew before he'd made his way up to her cabin to check on her. She had curled herself inside her blankets and has just let Edi open the door for him. The helmet had been tossed on the couch next to the 20 dog tags which had melded together into a knotted mess of silver. When he crossed the threshold and saw her bundled under the covers watching him enter, he knew she'd be okay for now. that didn't stop him from walking down the short stairs and sitting down on the side of the bed, playing his large, gloved hand on her arm, and rubbing it. She didn't say anything. She didn't know what to say. The crew had been acceptable losses, that was that. It didn't stop the faces from lingering in her minds eye. 

Garrus didn't leave her that night. They may not have shared many words, but he'd crawled into the bed, and given her room to scoot in and accept the closeness he offered. That was the first night he witnessed an Alchera nightmare from the outside.

_Shepard had woken up gasping for the breath she thought she was losing. Garrus had noticed her whimpers and had started nudging her shoulder to wake her. Once she had gain a semblence of consciousness she realized someone was in bed with her. Since this was not a common occurrence and she was still half asleep she responded with the first thing that came to mind. She drove her elbow into Garrus' side rolled out of his grasp and grabbed the fire-arm she kept next to her alarm clock. It was as that point she'd realized it was Garrus in her bed and she sighed replacing the gun._

_"Uh... sorry about that... are you okay?" Shepard asked looking at the turian who was still holding his side._

_"Shepard, lets not play shoot and mangle the turian please. So much for squishy. I'm alright. You just managed to elbow me in the waste in your attempt to escape." Garrus groaned._

_"Sorry I uh... woke up in a panic." Shepard admitted. "Bad dream. I'm up for the day. No way in hell I'm going back to sleep."_

Garrus hadn't given her any trouble about her actions, but the few night they had left didn't force them through a repeat. She was back to square one anyway, sleeping alone. Mostly alone, if you exclude the guard who stood posted at her door. She felt naked not having a firearm near her head, but she figured Vega could take care of himself if she had any need for the firearm. you can take the soldier out of the fight, but you can't take the fight out of the soldier. Pirating sounded really good right about now. At least she wouldn't be holed up in that room with nothing to do but think. 

........

It had become routine. Friday night rolled around when Vega would waltz in, Tequila in hand, and Dixie cups that substituted shot glasses. Stories were shared, mostly impersonal war stories, or stories about other people. They kept it light. She had no family to speak of, so when Vega started talking about his she would just nod and smile. Family. She didn't know what to do about them. The closest thing she had to family growing up was the gang she now ignored. So much for family? Vega still wouldn't drop her rank. The Alliance dropped it, he wasn't supposed to call her it, but he told her that there was no one on this earth he respected more. He couldn't drop it. This night he had graced them with a larger bottle of alcohol. Definitely enough to get them both drunk. Shepard was thankful, the night's he brought the harsh liquid in were the nights she could escape the ghosts that haunted her. The faces of people who were dead because of the Reapers; the thousands of Batarians who died when the relay was destroyed. 

She realized the alcohol had done it's job when she felt the tightness in her chest. It had done it's job too well. Damn depressants. Her eyes stung as she remembered Ash, the woman who she'd given so much hell. It had been in fun though. She'd needed to feel out her Character, let her grow under her command. Shepard was certain she had and that alone pleased her. She realized Vega had stopped talking and was just watching her. 

"Thinking of anything specific?" He asked. His own face had softened when his eyes met hers. 

"My crew." Shepard answered simply. She left it at that. 

"We've all got those stories." Vega shook his head. 

"The're the ghosts that remind us we're only human." Shepard filled her own Dixie cup and knocked back the liquid that had taken residence inside it. 

"You realize, you'll have your command back, Commander. I'm only here to keep the Batarians out." He crushed his cup and tossed it in the general direction of the waste basket. The oblong object bounced off the wall and skid across the floor well beyond it's intended target. 

"Hope you can shoot better than you throw." Shepard cracked a small smile. 

"You bet. I'm calling it a night Commander. Get some rest." 

"You really should stop calling me that." Shepard sighed watching him leave. She stumbled into her bed rolling under the covers. She allowed her thoughts to linger on Garrus, one tear managed to leaks it's way out of her eye as she grabbed at a pillow wanting something, anything to fill the gaps in her arms that should have been him. The pillow was all wrong, way to soft, almost body-less as the material collapsed under her weight. There were no angles or plates. Granted, she fell asleep with a pit in her chest, at least she slept through the night. 

...

Garrus looked down at the data pad in front of him. Everything checked out an more. He'd managed to squeak in some extra funding to get the readiness alarm system installed on every colony. Shepard would be proud. He was on a transit to Menae, where he would be advising on some military preparations there. It had been four months since he'd last seen Shepard, and he hadn't been able to hear her voice or see her face. Anderson kept him updated on the Brass's inactivity. They'd taken action against preparing against the Reapers, but in regards to Shepard they were at a stand still. By now, Anderson had started updating Garrus without Garrus having to ask. He figured he must've figured out there was something between them. Anderson didn't let on or mention otherwise though. Just kept feeding him updates on the Alliance's activities that weren't classified like it was the most natural thing. 

Shepard had this tendency to pick up books, not download them like most people, but she shared this pleasure with Kasumi of holding a book and turning the pages. Some of the late night chats they'd had ended up being about the contents of the books she had been reading. She mostly read about her species mythology. she'd told him about a Clan God, Houyi, who had shot several suns out of the sky, the last one had fled, which had been that clan- no human's didn't refer to them as clans, they saw each other as different races. He shook his head. Little differences like that still tripped him. At any rate he remembered Shepard's favorite story. It was about a girl named Skadi. Shepard had told him she was the daughter of a giant, and in this story the giants were the antagonists. The main God, Odin? He thought that might be his name. Odin had killed Skadi's father. She became angry and sought the god's out with a heart full of vengeance. Odin, offered her a feast to placate her in his hall. She remained cold, and distant not enjoying the feast until the trickster brought her spirits up. He couldn't remember that one's name. There were so many, he had no idea how Shepard kept them all straight. Shepard said it was easy because the names would all share characteristics of it's origin language. The thing he took from that story was after everything was said and done, Odin made the girl Skadi a God through marriage. 

Shepard said she liked the story because it was absolutely absurd. She comes in angry, chuckles at some guy for playing tug of war using a testicle, and then chooses a god-mate bases on his legs. What had drawn Shepard into the story was the fact that the giantess when in to take revenge, and instead came out a God by Marriage. She said there was more about her, but she hadn't gotten around to tell him more. These gods her people had believed in all acted in strange, ways though. He hadn't had the heart to tell her that all of the stories she had shared seemed odd and ridiculous. What's more? He knew she would agree. They'd just been stories to pass the time between missions, it's not like she actually believed them, which seemed adamant to remind him after every one of them. Later she would tell him if she had to choose a turian based on their legs, she'd totally choose him because his spurs had that little curl at the top that was "aesthetically appealing to the human eye". It was from the on that Shepard reminded him that it was his spurs she was attracted to and nothing else. He still swore it was the new scars that branded his face. Everyone knew Shepard was basically a human-Krogan so it had to be the scars. 

Garrus let his focus shift pack to the data pad in his lap. He was headed to Manea command center where he would be advising General Victis. Garrus had a very short stint under the turian back in his military days. It was a small mission, nothing note worthy. The man himself however was everything but the aforementioned traits. Something Garrus knew that moon needed if they had any change of holding the Reapers back. Typical Turian tactics would not win this war, and Garrus knew that, not if the Reapers fought anything like Sovereign. 

Garrus flicked open his comm deciding he'd send Anderson a greeting this time instead of waiting. 

To: Captain Anderson  
From: Garrus Vakarian  
Re: Greetings

Message: How is she? Moving to Menae. Guess I might find out whether those resources are actually valuable on that moon. Not sure how much you know about us Turians but it seems a lot of the vids these days like to speculate that there are some valuable resources there. Hell, maybe there are and we could use them against the reapers. Nevertheless doing the best I can with the Resources they've given me. Not sure if it will make a difference when the Reaper's arrive, but at least if gives me something to keep my mind busy until then. Not that shooting Reaper's is something I want to do any time soon but it beats tapping our talons together wondering what's coming. Mostly the work for our colony's is early alarm systems, and evac stations. At least that might get our fighters home and ready to engage. How are the preparations for Earth? I know you talked about some simple plans for your colonies as well. Gotta say, if it weren't for Shepard, I wouldn't have known to press Primarch Fedorian as hard as I did. I really hope the Alliance stops beating around the bush and lets Shepard do what she does best. 

-GV

He was surprised when not five minutes later his comm pinged in responce. 

To: Garrus Vakarian  
From: Captain Anderson  
Re:Greetings

Message: You know Shepard. I actually talked to her today. Pretty sure she's getting a little soft around the edges sitting around waiting the the Brass to decide what to do with her. As I've told you before the situation is more for her protection than anything. Truth be told though, I don't think anyone here really knows what's going on in her head. We can only speculate what she's seen with her descriptions of the collector bass. She's her usual blunt self whenever I ask a question about that stuff. I've got the best looking out for her, trying to keep her distracted. Seems to be working with the shape I saw her in this morning. I think it's actually the first time I've seen her hung over since, well, since before she joined my team on the _Normandy_ the first go 'round. I'll tell you this, Vakarian, she misses you. Count yourself lucky, I've never seen her like this over anyone before. One way or another, i'll make sure she gets to you. So long as the Reaper's aren't here before this year's up. Since I'm not sure I'll get to do this in person I'll go ahead and say it now. Don't hurt her, she's one of a kind, but deep down, she's like the rest of us. Maybe even more lonely because she tries to shoulder everything. Most importantly, she's the closest thing to a daughter I've had and I'll inform you there's a strict shot gun policy reserved for angry father's of human females. In all seriousness, If the Reaper's haven't come by the end of the year I'll break her out and send her to you. She doesn't deserve this, and if she trusts you, I trust you. Also, I haven't had time to look it up but I wonder if tapping talons' is anything like our human phrase, 'twiddling our thumbs?' If you find out before me let me know. Otherwise, I'll let you know. 

-Anderson

Garrus paused at the shot gun comment. Did they shoot angry father's with shot guns? No, that couldn't be it. He could tell he was missing some sort of hidden joke in there. Some human joke. That message contained two reminders of just how different they were. He felt his mandibles flair in a smile. He didn't mind the differences, it almost made the experience worth more. He spent time researching human practices quite often recently. In fact that was what he did the rest of the trip. He learned quite a bit about human dates, and eventually came across the reference he missed earlier. So Anderson would be pointing the gun at him if he harmed Shepard. Luckily enough for everyone involved that was never his intention. He did however note that human shyness towards sex was not just a military thing. From the Region Shepard grew up, sex was not a first date activity. In fact, a large percentage of the population were still proponents for waiting until they had completely the human tradition of a wedding. 

Garrus felt a few puzzle pieces falling into place from years ago. Alenko must've fallen into the more conservative camp. Maybe he wasn't as extreme as some of these humans, but knowing all of this he felt like he had a better idea of the human culture that Shepard grew up in. First date activities included, going to bars, watching vids, eating dinner, that kissing thing Shepard had introduced him to. He flicked on a vid that featured a human couple and occupied his time for the rest of the trip trying to figure out exactly where he and Shepard fell. He was certain he wouldn't get the answer watching the vid, but at least when the question came up, he would be more prepared for her answer.


	26. Fucking Reapers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reapers :(

Anderson sat down next to Shepard and Vega, who were currently in the mess eating dinner. 

"Anderson." Shepard gave a slight smile his way and a nod of her head to acknowledge his presence. 

"Shepard. I'd like you to give me your dress blues and measurements." Anderson announced. 

"Is this good news?" Shepard asked her head perking up. 

"Sorry Shepard, nothing yet, I just want to be prepared for anything." Anderson placed his hand on her shoulder. 

"Right, sorry. Okay. My dress blues are currently hung up in my bathroom. You can just grab them at your convenience. Also, Didn't the medical info Miranda gave me have all of that?" Shepard asked. "I haven't exactly measured myself in a while. You know. Six months of not having anything that even resembles a weapon. you can choke people with those measuring tapes you know."

"They did but you know, you're going a little soft on me." Anderson teasingly gave a pat to her stomach. 

"Bullshit." Shepard retorted. "Been doing PT every single day. Just wish I could shoot something. I'd hate to lose my aim on account of 'being kept safe from the batarian bastards'." 

"Well, just head over to the medical wing and let them check you out. I want to make sure your old armor is going to fit in case things go well, or go really bad." Anderson explained. 

"Will the brass award me with some time out in the sun? I think my vitamin D is low. Just saying. Look all the color is gone from my skin." Shepard set her arm down next to Anderson's. Her arm did look sickeningly white in comparison to his dark skin. 

"Shepard, You've always been pale." Anderson said mildly. 

"Shhh. don't tell the Brass that." Shepard grinned. "I'll head over after dinner, how does that sound?" 

"Sound's perfect." Anderson nodded. "If things go really well, I've been carrying your old omni-tool on me. You know, so I can give it back." 

"You mean if shit hits the fan, you've got me covered. Alright. I see how it is Anderson." Shepard shook her head. 

"Well, I'm trying to be optimistic here, It's been a pain to get a smile on your face as of late. You seem to be in a really good mood." Anderson acknowledged. 

"Been thinking about what I'll do. You know if the Brass lets me out... How have things been with the Batarians anyway?" Shepard asked. 

"Well, honestly, not good. We've got ships pouring in to the Exodus Cluster, but I didn't tell you that." Anderson Sighed. 

"Really... You don't think they would really start a war now do you?" Shepard asked. "I mean that's why I'm here. So they don't." 

"Honestly Shepard little is known right now. We are investigating, but I'm preparing for anything. Your old Cerberus Armor is on the Normandy, but we've taken the liberty of scrubbing off the old Cerberus colors and marking it with Alliance colors. Normandy is almost finished with the retrofits and I'm planning to take command of it. If the Brass reinstates you, I want you on her." Anderson admitted. 

"I'd be honored Anderson." 

"Don't you worry Vega, if Shepard goes on that ship you will too." Anderson Stood to leave laying a hand on Shepard's back as he left. 

"So You and the Admiral are close?" Vega asked. 

"Heh... Not like that if that's what you mean. I look up to him. He's the reason I've been successful. Closest damned thing I've had to a father. One day, when I'm done being a yes man, I'd like to be more like him." Shepard sighed. "Haven't done a very good job being like him. I seem to value the mission more than the people involved. Not the Anderson way of thinking, but I never said I was a leader." 

"Well, you were a Commander, that is a leader title." Vega quipped.

"Sure, but, when I came back from Torfan, you know what he said to me? I'll never forget it. He was impressed with the work, we killed every fucking batarian on that moon. He still sat me down and told me that I was going to get a medal for the shit I just pulled. He also said I crossed the line. Sure I put my squad in danger but I did it needlessly in his eyes. Still managed to get my Villa time after that. Funniest thing though, the amount of times I've been praised in front of him for those moments. I was just an LT back then. My Commander dropped off. He was having some kind of break, so he turned to me. Asked me what I thought we should do. Then when we did it, he left the battle to me. Literally mid comm vanished and I didn't see him again until I was serving on the Normandy." Shepard took a bite of the food on the tray in front of her. She chewed thoughtfully as Vega watched in silence. "Hell, the turian, um, Nihlus Kryik who was supposed to screen me for being a Spectre before he kicked the bucket on Eden Prime, commended me for my actions there. Guess that's why Spectre's get so much hell." Shepard sighed. 

"So... You're still a Spectre. The council hasn't done anything about you being in lock up for 6 months?" Vega asked. 

"Guess not. I'm barely a Spectre honestly." Shepard gathered her tray and was ready to go back to her room. 

...

"General Victus." Garrus greeted. He'd been stationed here for a while now working on menae bolstering supply lines for the colonies. 

"Vakarian. Anything else you'd want to try to squeak out before the Reaper's make an appearance?" He asked. 

"Don't think we have enough funding to squeak anything else by. I'm pretty sure we've done all we can." Garrus felt his chest grow tight. He'd been so anxious sense arriving on Menae. Couldn't stop thinking about Shepard on Earth, or what would happen if she were still there when the Reapers came. Anderson had sent him a message earlier that day telling him a bunch of Batarians appeared to be invading the exodus cluster. They weren't sure what the movement was but some feared war. Anderson shared some scarier news. Reapers. That's what he thought. He'd also expressed a reluctance to tell Shepard about it. She couldn't do anything right now.

"So. You seem to speak highly of the Commander." Victus noted. 

"This conversation again?" Garrus asked. "What are you getting at General?" 

"Just curious. You perk up when you talk about her. Is it something more than respect?" 

"Am I that easy to read?" Garrus almost choked.

"Yes and no. I do pretty well for reading people myself." He responded.

"Heh... well, yeah. She's important to me. Saved my life, more than once. I've done the same for her. You know how our line of work goes. On top of everything else she's probably the only person in the galaxy who doesn't think I'm some worthless lunatic." Garrus let out a small chuckle. 

"I don't think you're a worthless lunatic Vakarian. I think you are on to something important. You jumped at the chance to start getting us prepared, whether it's helpful or not won't be your fault. You did what you could with the resources allotted, and more honestly." Victus admitted. "It's been an honor working with you Vakarian. I don't know the Commander myself, but I'd think she'd count herself pretty lucky to have you on her squad."

Garrus let his shoulders fall. He wasn't sure he'd ever see her again given the news coming in. "It's going to matter much if she dies on Earth because they wouldn't listen." 

"Don't count her out. She's a tough one from what I've heard. Honestly probably is the best humanity has to offer. I'd say it's a shame for her kind she decided to bunk up outside her species, only because their gene pool could use a little bit of her in it." Victus gave him a nod at that comment before turning his attention back to the data pad in his hand. "Shit..." 

"What is it General?" Garrus asked nervously. 

"We need to initiate the fifteen minute plan. We're losing contact with our men. Time to put your advising to good use son."

...

"I'll be back for you. And I'll bring every fleet I can." Shepard responded to Anderson's order. She could feel the cut of her tags on her hands. "Good luck." 

"You too Commander." Anderson responded. 

She watched Anderson walk away and her eyes caught on the small child she'd tried to help previously. He pulled himself up into the shuttle and she realized the shuttle had caught the Reaper's attention. Anger boiled as she saw the shuttles take off, just to be shot down by the reapers. _Get angry. Get angry. Get angry._ She repeated the mantra over and over as she turned and walked into the shuttle bay of her ship. Anderson verbally reinstated her. This wasn't exactly how she saw things turning out a week ago when he confronted her in the mess. Kaiden was walking in a few feet ahead, apparently he dealt with the devastation of their home City by getting a grip on it and doing what he could. Something she needed to desperately do right now. 

Vega began asking questions, his words rushed as he tried to figure out what the game plan was. Shepard could barely grasp anything he asked. She was seeing red. So when he hadn't taken the hint that she wasn't exactly in a talk-to-my-crew-to-make-since-of-everything mood, she turned around stood up straight putting the best commander face she could muster. She tried to politely answer his question at first when he asked the question that cut her deep. _Where's Anderson_. He didn't seem thrilled at her quick response so she let her Commander face harden and her voice take on a less friendly, more _I'll order your ass off this airlock if you don't shut the hell up_.

"Stow it Lieutenant. You don't wanna go. I get it, but this isn't a democracy. You want out? You can catch a ride back at the Citadel." He turned away and Kaiden gave him a warning look. 

He took the hint and backed off. She glanced around and noticed the Armory that had been on deck two she was now standing in. She was pleased to have her old omni-tool back in her possession and noticed immediately the armor Anderson had informed her he had possession of laid out on the table near Kaiden. The Cerberus yellow had been repainted Alliance blue. She didn't get to investigate much longer before the call from Admiral Hackett was announced by Joker. 

Shepard Shimmied into her armor, the skin tight suit first, which was less bulky and more flexible than the armor She'd originally been given on the SR-2. She'd gotten her hands on this armor straight from the illusive man himself. It was a prototype of sorts, probably something he planned on using in the future if it worked out well for Shepard. She did have to say, the armor had been amazing. It allowed her to move better than standard issue Alliance armor, but it didn't sacrifice the need to keep oxygen inside the suit, and toxins outside the suit. She began tightening the buckles fixing her pistol holster to her thigh. Making sure all the clamps still shut tightly, and she was good to go. She hooked the pistol Anderson had tossed her when he gave her the omni-tool she had missed. She then started searching the Armory for her sniper. _Damnit_. The Widow was gone. 

"What are you after Shepard?" Kaiden asked. 

"I was hoping to find my sniper still here... It'd be a damn shame to have to go with just my pistol and assault rifle. I really enjoyed using that gun." Shepard sighed. 

"There's a Mantis over here." Kaiden offered. 

"I'll take it. It's better than nothing. Just doesn't hit like that sniper I got my hands on ya know? Gotta love illegal weaponry." Shepard passed him a toothy grin.

"Shepard, I knew you enjoyed your guns a little bit too much but I hadn't realized you started getting into the Illegal stuff." Kaiden almost looked horrified. 

"Kaiden, I'm a Spectre. One who spent a good portion of the time out in the traverse. Do you honestly think anyone there is abiding by the Council space regs for weaponry? Hell most of the mercs out there are running around with Wraith Shotguns and you know how much trouble _those_ get you into. I already miss my particle beam. That thing was crazy as fuck all. Definitely would never pass as legal weaponry. That's what half the Collectors used though. Ya know. They didn't care so much for Council Space rules either." Shepard took the gun from Kaiden's hands. "I might have been spoiled, but this is definitely better than trying to sucker punch the reapers to death. May have tough bones now, but I don't think the Reapers would even flinch if I just started laying in on them with my fists." 

"Naw I think you're right. Take the mantis and put a cork in it." Kaiden cracked a smile. "Wouldn't want Vega over there to think it's okay to whine about your gear." 

"Damn. That's cold Major." Shepard shook her head. "It's good to be home." 

"Wish I could say the same." Kaiden sighed. 

"I'm... I'm sorry Kaiden. I uh... I forget not everyone despises Earth." Shepard's eyes dropped to the floor. 

"Yet you'd die for it. I think you're full of shit. You love that place." kaiden quipped. 

"No. I'd die for the galaxy's future. If I had to sacrifice Earth to ensure the Reapers would die and the Galaxy would continue spinning I'd do it in a heartbeat. just look at what I did to the Batarians." Shepard clipped the sniper in place then crossed her arms. 

"Well, I guess the council chose well when they made you a Spectre then." Kaiden stated evenly. 

"What's that supposed to mean, Alenko?" Shepard asked.

"I don't know. I'll let you know when I figure it out." 

"Shepard, Get the Shuttle ready where in Orbit. There's a lovely storm down there just in time too." Joker announced. 

"Of course. Thanks, Joker." Shepard pulled her helmet on, sealed the neck piece to it and followed Vega and Alenko into the Shuttle. 

Just as Shepard should have guessed the mission to Mars wouldn't be easy. The second they realized Cerberus was the presence here, Kaiden started hounding her with questions about them as if she knew. 

"I need a straight answer." Kaiden demanded. 

"Excuse me?" Shepard turned away from the console where she'd just put the commands to fill the are with air. 

"This is business. I need to know if you know why they are here." 

Shepard took a second before responding. Taking a deep breath of the oxygen that fluttered threw her suit. “What makes you think I know what there up too” 

“You worked for them, for god’s sake. How am I not supposed to think that?” Kaiden accused.

Shepard saw Vega shift on his feet. She could tell he was thinking about saying something, but Alenko had rank on him. So for the moment he didn't say anything. Another Yes man. Perfect for being a soldier,in theory, not so great in practice. Shepard was a prime example of that. On both accounts. 

“I used them to take down the collectors, that’s it.” Shepard took a step away from Kaiden as she heard the Air locks engage. 

“There’s more to it they rebuilt you from the ground up. They gave you a ship, resources-" Kaiden didn't have an opportunity to continue because Shepard cut him off. 

“Let me be clear I’ve had no contacted with Cerberus since I destroyed the collector base, and I have no idea why they are here now or what they want.” She glared in his directions begging him to give her a reason to send him back to the shuttle. 

Vega must've grown a par because he finally piped up. "Look Major, no disrespect, your concerns are valid, but I have personally kept an eye on Shepard since she was arrested. The Alliance didn't allowed her the opportunity to receive contact from anyone on her old crew, let alone Cerberus. She's been on house arrest ever since the Normandy touched down in Vancouver."

Kaiden went to speak again and Shepard interrupted before he could say anything more. “You don’t trust Cerberus, fine. But I am done explaining myself to you.” Shepard’s anger rang in her voice. The elevator started moving and Shepard removed her Helmet. “Are we clear?”

"Perfectly." At that moment the elevator descended. 

Things began going better, well minus the fact that they had to take out Cerberus troops around every corner. Shepard was happy to note all her programs on her omni-tool had been left alone, and the HUD on her helmet was exactly as it should be. Vega had given her hell about sending him back to the Shuttle, but Kaiden stopped pestering her. Liara had been a sight for sore eyes, even if the conversation danced awkwardly between them. Liara didn't seem to press any unresolved issues between them, not like Kaiden had, or course she was the reason Shepard had been with Cerberus so that might have been why. It wasn't until Kaiden found out exactly what was behind those helmets that he gave Shepard any trouble. 

“He’s got a transmitter in his helmet. If I can-“ He stopped his thought as the face guard came up. “My god. It looks like a husk.” The horror was reflected his tone. 

“Yea, not quite. They’ve definitely done something to them. Shepard bent over hardly fazed by the sight and pulled the transmitter out. 

“And by ‘they’ you mean Cerberus? They did this to their own guy? Is this what they did to you?” Kaiden’s question struck a nerve but she wasn’t going to let on. 

“Kaiden I’m still me, but I’ve got a mission and I am not going to force you to come along.” She wouldn’t let him second guess her. Not now while the Reapers were

“I’m with you Shepard, I just wanted you to know why I-” Shepard wasn’t going to listen to another word. 

“Come on,” She interrupted ready to move on. “Let’s see if we can get them to send that tram over.” She was absolutely done. She would bench him for the next few mission until he could see reason, or leave him behind at the Citadel if he didn't cut the crap. Clearly he didn't want to work with her, at least that's what he was showing. It made her a little bit sad, but she didn't have time to deal with it. 

...

Liara placed her hand on Shepard shoulder, a form of comfort, but Shepard shrugged it off. 

"Shepard..." Liara started.

"Just solved another issue. Lets get the the Citadel."

"What do you mean by that?" Liara asked. 

"Well, If he didn't cut the crap I was going to make him stay on the citadel. It's my ship and I can order him off if I have to. I should have known he would be problematic after what happened on Horizon. I just hoped that maybe... Maybe we were past it? Ya know? I was totally fine just forgetting it happened." Shepard shook her head. 

"Were you really?" Liara asked. 

"Well yea. no use dwelling on words in the past." Shepard shrugged. 

"Speaking of..." Liara began. 

"Uh, no Liara. Those words are the same. Well, maybe less hateful. I've moved on. I... I uh... would rather not have this conversation here in the med bay in front of Vega, thank you very much." Shepard turned and left the medbay a hand on her head. 

"So you and the Commander?" Vega asked. 

"Yea, that ended on Alchera." Liara said then turned to get to work on Kaiden. 

"That's... Surprising. Never thought she had a thing for Asari." Vega cocked his head to the side. 

"Enough Lieutenant." Liara groaned. 

"Alright alright." He responded letting his own thoughts consume him. His thoughts were filled with his own let down. Treeya. The Asari Anthropologist he met on Fehl prime


	27. The Crew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard meets the crew and sets course for Palaven.

Shepard sat co-pilot, a cup of coffee in her hands. The cup she brought for Joker sat forgotten next to his console as he worked. The steam from her cup had long abated. Joker didn't bother giving her platitudes and that was what she enjoyed about his presence. He only gave her the shitty platitudes when they really needed them. He didn't bother otherwise. 

"Joker, how much longer til we hit the Citadel?" Shepard asked. 

"Only 30 minutes Commander." Joker answered.

"Good good. I'm not moving from this seat til we get there. I already did my checks, well, none of the pre-flight ones because, ya know Reapers. I mean with the crew." Shepard took a gulp of the luke warm caffeinated beverage.

"It is good to be flying as your Pilot again Commander. I really did miss you." Joker gave a nod in her direction. "Life just wasn't the same ya know?"

"Oh yea." Shepard agreed. She set the cup down next to the console in front of her. She wasn't actually doing any type of work there, joker would murder her. he'd seen what she did to the Mako on several occasions, but it was nice to take up the seat next to him. "To be honest Joker, I missed you too."

"I managed to keep Jeff updated while you were on house arrest Shepard." Edi offered. 

"How'd you do that?" Shepard asked looking over at the blue orb that had shown itself next to Joker's seat. 

"I'd just hack the comm's as people went in and out and gave him all of the data related to your imprisonment." Edi answered simply. 

"Remind me never to get on your bad side, Edi." Shepard shook her head. 

"Well, Shepard, I only cause physical harm to the crew when they do something truly offensive..." Edi stated matter-of-factually. Shepard just stared at the glowing blue orb. "That was a Joke." 

"Edi, you should work on your jokes a little. They are a bit terrifying." Shepard stated. 

"I like them." Jeff Chimed in.

"Of course you do joker. Your ship makes jokes just like you." Shepard rolled her eyes and proceeded to watch as the stars moved by. They sat enjoying the silence that hung between them, not awkward or uncomfortable, just a silence. Both parties letting their minds wonder as the ship was flown. 

...

Shepard took the Elevator down the the shuttle bay. Her visit the the Citadel had been short. She decided not to bother poking her head in at the hospital, he remained unconscious and frankly she had needed to get this ordeal with the council sorted out. She managed to get at least some semblance of a deal struct with the turian councilor, Sparatus, but the rest of the council was unhelpful. She did manage to pull Dr. Michel onto the Normandy and advised Chakwas to stick with the R&D. She'd told the older lady she would miss her but Hackett needed her more. It had been awkward but she knew the meeting of Dr. Michel on the _Normandy_ would be even more awkward. Shepard hated Doctors. 

The doors to the elevator opened allowing Shepard to step into the shuttle bay. She took stock of the armory and noticed a man she hadn't seen before hunched over the Mako applying repairs to it from Vega's stunt on Mars. He immediately stood at attention upon seeing Shepard over his shoulder. "Lieutenant Steve Cortez. Shuttle pilot. I've got news about our supply chains, Commander." 

"Good work Lieutenant, what have you got?" Shepard let a small smile form on her lips.

"Dios! Straight to business without even a hello? You two need to chill out." Vega interjected. 

"So you do care Mr. Vega?" Cortez quipped in return. "Or is that the cerveza talking again?" 

Shepard took a second to look at both of them taking note that they knew each other. Then she went on with the business. Cortez was quick with introductions explaining his job and Shepard dismissed him with a quick smile. The practiced movement letting her crew know they did well. The Commander Facade was quick to take its place, not letting the stress of the reaper invasion show. She couldn't show her weakness otherwise her crew would feel it, and falter. They needed to think she had a plan, needed to think she knew what she was doing. Not grasping for straws at what was to come next. She had considered leaving but remembered to ask his service record. He quickly recounted his skill set making a quip about Vega's stunt back on mars. 

"To Save the day, pendejo!" Vega responded. 

Shepard gave him a look almost telling him to go back to his work out. He obliged and she finished her conversation with Cortez without further interruption. She figured this was going to be an interesting shuttle bay. Good play to clean her guns. She needed to give the tough first impression of Command though. That was how she did it, gave a cold start so when she showed she was human, they respected it more instead of trying to take advantage of it. It had worked so far, well, with everyone except Kaiden who took advantage of her kindness anyway. The soft spot she had towards her crew. She let the thought leak out of her mind as she strolled to the giant form who was executing pull ups on a rail. 

"Hey, Shepard. How'd it go with the council?" Vega asked between pull ups. 

"The usual. You know how they are, noncommittal, unhelpful. We've got a plan though." Shepard let a moment pass. "We're rescuing Primarch Fedorian from Palaven, then we are going to go directly to their leadership with the summit he wasn't to hold and bypass the council all together. Hopefully we don't have any diplomatic incidents. I'm not exactly the political type." Shepard gave a chuckle. 

"I hear ya. Politicians just talk and don't actually get anything done. Pain in everyone's side." Vega dropped down from the bar and rolled his shoulders. "Think you can dance and talk at the same time? I'll give you that service record you've been begging me to give you for months now." His voice gave a teasing tone. 

"Hey, I asked you once, and I don't beg, Lieutenant." Shepard shook her head and stepped back preparing to spar.

"You pulling rank on me, Boss? We're just soldiers down here, no?" Vega put his hands up as he stepped in front of Shepard. 

"Sure, but this soldier will clean the floor with you if you step out of line." Shepard dodged a punch rolling to the side. She had been a little surprised when he casually offered to spar, she hadn't actually fought anyone in months and it would be a good distraction. A good chance to have a talk with him about mars as well. 

"You know Lola, you remind me of my ol' Co, Captain Toni." Vega offered. She noticed his guard slipping as he continued talking. "He was a hard ass son-of-a-bitch but-"She interrupted his words with a smack in the face. "Nice." Was all he said as he shook his head gathering his wits. 

Shepard crouched waiting for his move, "You're using past tense, Vega. There something you haven't told me?" Shepard asked side stepping and blocking another punch headed her way. 

"Died, with most of my squad, protecting a colony from a collector attack." Shepard attempted to knock him on the ground with a swipe near his ankles, but Vega caught her leg mid swing. 

"And the Colony?" Shepard asked lifting her other leg and catching him in the ribs. The action put her on her back and was awkward, but forced vega to let go of her leg. Shepard rolled out of his reach and was back on her feet. 

"Damn, I have to say you hit hard." Vega commented. 

"Cybernetic enhancements Vega, please continue with your story." Shepard responded mildly. 

"Well, It was either the colony or the intel we had on the collectors. Intel we could've used to destroy them." Vega explained. He went for another head shot and Shepard blocked the first with ease, but had to step back to avoid the second shot. 

"Sorry. That's a tough call." Shepard responded stepping forward once more readying her next attack. 

"Best part was, we didn't really need the intel in the end." Vega sighed as he threw his next punch. Shepard felt his his punches getting harder against her arms. Her arms were definitely going to bruise after this. "Because you were out saving the galaxy by taking out the Collector homeworld." He threw a couple more before Shepard rolled to the side again sticking a punch in his side. 

"You didn't know. You can't blame yourself for that Vega." Shepard rolled again so she was behind him. He quickly spun around to meet her.

"Who says I'm blaming myself?" Vega asked his guard was down again. 

"I do," Shepard sneaked a low punch in his abdomen. 

"You shrink too?" Vega cocked an eyebrow at her. 

"No but that stunt back on mars was reckless. You're lucky to be alive." Shepard exchanged a few even blows both of them blocked the attacks well enough. 

"So?" Vega was angry. 

"So... maybe you don't care if you live or die." Shepard pointed out as she blocked yet another incoming punch. 

"Or maybe... I'm just willing to do whatever the fuck it takes to end this goddamn war!" Just as he was about to land a blow Shepard grabbed him, surprising the hell out of him as she threw him over her shoulder. He looked up at her stunned for a moment and she let him grab his barrings before she spoke. 

"Maybe you are. But if you're half as good as I think you are... we need you alive." Shepard stood there waiting for him to move. 

"Thanks for the pep talk." Vega nodded. 

"Anytime." Shepard responded. 

He sighed and stood up. "Hey, and thanks for the dance Lola." 

"Lola huh?" 

"You look like a Lola." He shrugged. 

"uh huh." Shepard crossed her arms and watched him take his spot at the desk. 

"Don't worry Shepard I'll actually get to work now and manage the guns with Cortez." Vega chuckled. 

"You'd better get to it." Shepard made her way back to the elevator. 

As she stepped onto the second floor she saw Traynor occupying the space Kelly had six months ago. "Hello Shepard." Traynor greeted. "You have some messages."

"Of course I do." Shepard walked past the terminal and went to the galaxy map. Completely ignoring the console she set the course on the galaxy map for Palaven.

Shepard made her way to the cockpit and sat in the chair next to Joker once more. "Shouldn't you be sleeping?" Joker asked. 

"I like it better here. I might crash here, can you wake me up thirty minutes out?" Shepard asked. Really, she just didn't want to sleep in her cabin. She had tried to sleep before, but it didn't work out. Her sleep had been riddles with dreams of looming trees, the voice of Ash, and small child, lots of blue blood.

...

It wasn't long before sleep took over. It was fitful but it was better than nothing. "Shepard, thirty minutes out. Get your ass up, and I'm not touching you. I heard what happened the last time someone touched you while you slept. Not a pretty sight. Although Garrus was always ugly so..." Joker looked over at the slouching Commander. 

"hm?" Shepard stretched trying to stretch out the muscles that had cramped from the awkward sleeping arrangement. Her shoulder made a loud pop and she felt several points on her spine follow suit. 

"Jeez commander, you always sound like cereal in the morning?" Joker asked. 

"Do you always make fun of your Commander when she's just waking up?" Shepard asked as she pulled herself out of the chair. 

"Only when it's in the Cockpit ma'am" Joker tipped his hat. 

"So whats the plan?" Shepard asked. 

"We can stealth in. Turian ships wont give us any trouble, and hopefully the IFF we installed will keep the Reaper ships from looking at us." Joker announced. 

"You mean the Alliance hasn't removed it?" Shepard cocked her head. 

"Alliance doesn't know about it." Joker responded. 

"Ah. I see." Shepard crossed her arms. "Alright I'm headed down to the armory." She took her leave. As she passed Traynor who once again reminded her that she had messages, she told her to send word to Liara to suit up. Shepard was focused on one thing right now and nothing was getting in her way. Rescue the primarch. If she let her mind think of anything else, it would wonder to the turian she'd likely not see because he would be on Palaven. If he wasn't dead. 

She took her time running the check that had already been completed by Cortez, mostly just to give herself something to do. She didn't tell him that. She let him wonder why she was rechecking the Mako. She walked over to Cortez's station and picked up the data pad to sign off on the inspection. Getting back into the swing of things hadn't taken much time at all. Cerberus didn't require checks like these on the vehicles before take off. The Alliance did and she hadn't forgotten. Shepard tapped out the ID number of her electronic signature and passed him the data pad. 

"Good work." Was all she said before she opened the Armory fishing out her items. 

"You sleep well Commander?" Cortez asked. 

"Guess so." She pulled off her fatigues and slipped into the under-armor that was supposed to help regulate her temperature. She knew the atmo was thin on menae. this would mean it would either be very cold or very hot depending on the time of day. So she went ahead and took the extra precaution of slipping into the under-armor before tackling the ex-Cerberus gear. 

"That's good." Cortez gave the commander a friendly smile. 

"So if you were here for the retrofit do you have any idea what happened to my Widow?" Shepard asked. 

"Ahh that was hauled off with the other illegal weapons on board. Can't have illegal weaponry on a military vessel. Council frowns upon that." 

She sighed. Of course. "So guess it's mantis for a bit then." She saw the price of a new one in the Spectre's office. She could not afford it right now. "Hope the bastard who got their hands on it is using it against the Reapers." 

Shepard pulled on the skin tight armor feeling the familiar buckles and clicking them into place. She'd taken to using the helmet that came with it because her own visor was nowhere to be seen as well. Once she had a moment to breath she was going to need to do a sweep of the ship and find her stuff. She knew it was here because she found one of her model ships near the war room. With her helmet in place she walked over to Jame's station. 

"Suit up. You and Liara are with me for this one. Probably a lot of them we don't have much of a ground team right now. Just us three." 

"Alright, Lola." Vega nodded. 

Shepard found herself checking the Mako over one more time. Just keeping her mind busy as she prepared for the mission. 

...

Shepard felt her stomach lurch the first time she saw one of them. The turian variant of the husk made the most horrific sound, even worse than the batarian bulbs she'd fought on Earth. Even having Garrus on her six didn't stop the thoughts that prodded her. Shepard heard General Corinthus requesting help on the other side of the base just as they took out the last of the reaper drones. 

"That you breathing so hard?" Shepard gave Vega a teasing look as the entered the base camp. 

"Atmo's a little thinner than I'm used to." Vega admitted. 

"Sometimes I forget that low atmo's not standard training." Shepard sighed. "Sure the hell should be though." 

"Well not all of us are walking talking cyborgs." Vega shot Shepard a grin. 

She rolled her eyes "Only one lung is mechanical. thank you. Other one is all natural I promise." Actually her lungs were both normal tissue. Her liver, on the other hand, totally mechanical. Vega knew that, they actually talked extensively about her cybernetic enhancements.

Garrus didn't insert himself into the banter as much as he used to. He asked Vega about the comment he made, but mostly is was Vega on the com chattering away . Shepard could understand why though. She let him stew. Would have been nice though, had he warned her about the giant hulking creature that would roll in and make her day. At least that was her thought as she felt herself falling from the gun where she'd stationed herself. Her should crashed into the ground and she quickly drew her pistol. She quickly ran for cover looking up at the brutish beast that howled at her. 

"What the hell is that?" Vega yelled. 

"I don't know, focus it and I'll draw it's attention." Shepard order over the com. She stepped out of cover aimed her pistol, and unleashed an entire clip into the beast. That seemed to make it angry and it howled and charged in her direction. Shepard let it charge in her direction like a bull before she strafed out of the way causing it to run into a wall. "shit focus the husks, keep them away I'll get this fucker." Shepard sliced a husk in half just before it grabbed her. 

"On it" Garrus confirmed sniping the husks away. "You know Shepard, we aren't supposed to get close to these big ones." 

Shepard unloaded a second clip into the brute waiting until it began it's charge in her direction. Then she rolled out of the way once again kiting it to the best of her ability. "Didn't give me much of a choice Vakarian." Shepard responded her breath coming in heaves and she ran like mad around the field. "Not all of us are lucky enough to be perched on top of a fucking wall sniping everything." 

Shepard unloaded her last clip into the brute and it fell lifeless in front of her. 

"Well Commander. Taking big assholes out with a pistol." Vega chuckled. 

Shepard shrugged off the comment as the General announced their inability to contact Primarch Victus. "Garrus, you mentioned you were last with Victus, can you lead the way?" 

"On it. Shouldn't be long unless we run into trouble." Garrus stated as he and Vega jumped down from the wall. 

"Why didn't you warn me about that thing before it landed?" Shepard asked. 

"Didn't realize you weren't familiar with them, Shepard. They are some weird conglomeration of krogan and turian parts." 

"That sounds... terrifying." Shepard sighed. 

"Can't be that bad you took it out with a pistol while we took care of the little dingy husks." Garrus cracked a smile. 

"Well I didn't want it knocking anyone else off that wall. Figured it I kept it's attention you could stay up there safe. worked out." 

"Next time I'm taking the kill shot." Garrus let his confidence gloat. "I gave you that one." 

"Uh.. Sure Vakarian. At least I know how to duck. Which... I find it strangely hilarious that you turians can't duck and yet, your reaper counter parts do nothing but duck." 

It was almost like a weight had been lifted. Whatever had been running the the turians mind was on the back burner. When Garrus reinstated himself into the banter Vega didn't say a word. It was like he was feeling the two veterans out. Learning their signals and cues. From their fighting earlier he had potential, but he had a lot to learn. 

Vega had noted how in sync the turian and his CO were. They had fought together in countless settings and learned to communicate without the Commander having to say much to him. The It was actually terrifying how deadly the pair were. Most of the orders shouted that last fight had been for his sake. 

"See that big, orange fire pit?" Garrus pointed in the direction of Palaven. 

"Yea?" Vega noted. 

"That's where I was born." 

"Shit. Got any family still there?" Vega asked. 

"Sister, and my father." Garrus confirmed. 

"That's rough." 

...

Shepard found herself gasping for breath. Because one brute hadn't been enough three had touched down in this base. Two were down and Shepard was caught between a rock and a hard place. Her cloak had run out because she'd miscalculated and she was staring down a very angry brute. The brute began charging and Shepard attempted to roll away, but she didn't make enough ground. She felt the impact of the large creature hit her side and she felt herself hit the wall. This was some intense pain. She felt the heat of Vega's carnage ability on the brute. She felt the grip of it's hand wrap all the way around her torso and squeeze. Pinned she had nowhere to go. That was when she heard the crack of a rifle from the opposite direction of her squad and the brute toppled releasing her to the ground. 

Shepard's breathing was ragged. She gingerly pulled herself up feeling her ribs scream. Her eyes found the owner of the rifle and she heard Garrus confirm it was the Primarch. Well damn. Saved by the primarch. Garrus and Vega were by her side within seconds of the confirmation. 

"You okay Shepard?" Garrus asked. 

"A little out of practice. A lot in pain. My life may have flashed before my eyes." Shepard winced as she felt the medigel disperse through her body, patching up whatever had torn. "Oh my God remind me, if I see Miranda, to thank her. She just saved my life I'm sure. Word of advice: Do.Not.Get.Caught.In.Those.Claws."

"Well looks like even the highly respected Commander Shepard makes mistakes." Vega teased. 

"Stow it LT." Shepard rolled her eyes and began her journey toward's Victus. 

She saw the primarch lower his gate and step down to greet her. "General Victus?"

"Yes?"

"I'm Commander Shepard of the _Normandy_. Thanks for pulling my ass out of the fire back there." 

"No problem Commander, I know who you are. I can't wait to find out what brings you here." He put away his gun as he spoke. "Vakarian, where did you go?"

"Heavy Reaper unit on the right flank. I believe your exact words were 'get that thing the hell off my men.'" 

"Appreciate it." Victus gave a nod of approval. 

"General, you're needed off planet. I'm here to retrieve you." Shepard was quick to cut to the chase. 

"It will take something beyond importance for me to leave my me, or my turian brothers and sisters, in their fight." he responded immediately eyeing Shepard skeptically. 

"Fedorian was killed. You're the new primarch." Garrus stated. "you're needed immediately to chair a summit and represent your people in the fight against the Reapers." 

Victus paused looking at the two people in front of him. The he walked passed them to look at him burning planet. "I'm Primarch of Palaven? Negotiating for the turian hierarchy?"

"Mmm" Shepard nodded. 

"I've spent my whole life in the military. I'm no politician... I hate politicians." His gaze fell to the rock beneath his feet. 

"What makes you think you don't qualify?" Shepard asked cocking an eye brow. 

"I'm not really a by the book kind of guy... and I piss people off." He admitted. 

"Well, then you're perfect. We don't need politicians making these decisions. War is your resume, and to be quite frank, we need that attitude to win this war. The book didn't teach us how to defeat Reapers." Shepard watched as the general perked up. "We need people who've been through that hell, General." 

"I like that." The primarch flared his mandibles slightly. "You're right." 

"And honestly, uniting these races may take as much strength as facing the Reapers." Shepard looked around the war zone before continuing. "See this devastation primarch? Double that for Earth. I need the turian fleet and I need this Alliance. We both need this Alliance." Shepard stood straight making herself as tall as she could as she spoke. 

"Give me a moment to say goodbye to my men." The primarch began walking back to his platoon and Garrus walked up watching the terror unfold as a Reaper moved off in the distance. 

"They want my advice to take down that?" Garrus asked. "Failed C-sec officer, Vigilante... and I'm their expert advisor." 

He stood so close, yet it felt so far away. Shepard noticed the awkwardness that hung between them. Yea, they were both terrible at this. 

"You think you can win this, Shepard?" Garrus asked.

Shepard felt the painful lump form in her throat. she swallowed a few times then looked back at him. "I uh... I dunno Garrus. I'm sure as hell gonna give it my best shot, but I can't promise you anything. I've never felt so helpless and that's saying something. I just spent six months on house arrest."

"Well if it makes you feel any better, I'm damn sure nobody else could do it. For whatever it's worth, I'm with you." Garrus stuck out his hand. 

"Welcome aboard Vakarian." Shepard let a grin slip as she grabbed his hand for the second time today. 

She noticed Vega watching them thoughtfully. "What? You scared because now two people on my ship can mop you up if you step out of line?" Shepard taunted. 

"Only just enough to make me think twice about it. I'll probably still step out of line. Would hate to see you get to comfortable just ordering us around and not dishing out any punishments." Vega quipped. "Besides Lola, gotta make you earn your leadership, right?" 

Shepard crossed her arms and cocked an eyebrow. "I think I've plenty earned it. If you just forget about the last bit of that fight. I think taking out a brute with a pistol is pretty exciting." 

"It's just too bad the primarch had to take the kill shot on that last one. Garrus and I were blocked. Couldn't get a clear shot on it's head." Vega sighed. 

The primarch made his way back over to the group. "I can't get you turian help until the pressure's been lifted here. I need krogan support." 

"Damn." Shepard looked over at Garrus. "Maybe I can cash in that favor?" 

"I don't think your favor was worth an army, Shepard." Garrus shot down her thought. 

"I don't know, Wrex really enjoyed eating that thresher maw. A girl can dream. At any rate this is going to be one interesting Summit. I'll see what we can do primarch." 

...

Garrus watched Shepard leave the comm room in a hurry. He could see the angry lines on her face that told him whoever she'd been talking to was currently at the top of her shit list. 

"Things aren't looking good Garrus." Victus drew him from his thoughts.

"Yea I know. I've seen the same numbers." Garrus confirmed. "On the other hand, if anyone can get the krogan to cooperate It's Shepard. She and Wrex go back as far as her and I. She's an old friend of Urdnot Wrex."

"Then we hope friendship means something in this war." Victus sighed looking at the console. 

"Well if it doesn't, Shepard will find some way. She always does." 

"She's a lot smaller than I imagined." Victus noted.

"Well, the female human's tend to be smaller than the male humans." Garrus responded. 

"I've been to the citadel Garrus. Hell I've fought human's she's pretty damn short." Victus let out a small laugh. 

"Don't let her hear you say that. She might be small, but she's pretty scary. That's only when she's shouting. If she's doing more than shouting well... in that case you're on the wrong side of an argument then. you aren't the only one on this ship who has a tendency to piss people off." Garrus let his sub-vocals heavily reflect the teasing tone he wanted. 

Victus just looked at Garrus and shared a turian grin. "Aren't you just lucky then." 

"We never argue. although, I have no idea where things stand right now. We haven't actually talked about anything yet. she'd been zipping around since we got on this ship dealing with her duties. I'll tell you though, being on a human ship is strange at first. It's one thing to learn all their etiquette differences. It's another to find out just how different humans are." Garrus said thoughtfully. 

"Oh yea?" Victus asked. 

"It's interesting because in ways you find will drive you crazy, they are lax. They have more restrictions forcing their Command not to run them too tight. In other ways they are a lot more strict. Mostly the social regs. Of course when I was on this ship last it wasn't Alliance." Garrus explained. "Also their dextro food is terrible." 

"I expected the food to be terrible." Victus shook his head. "Do you have any advice for dealing with her? I mean, so I don't outright put her off on her own ship. I'd hate for her to throw me out the airlock like the threatened the pilot." 

Garrus couldn't contain the laugh that escaped on that comment. "I'm sure you'll do fine. she never actually does it. Although, if she starts telling you, your restricted to certain areas of the ship, or restricted to decaf, then you know your in trouble. The airlock is more playful than an actual reprimand." Garrus explained. "I'd say, just remember we all have the same at stake here. you'll do fine. She needs this to work out as much as we do. Just like she said back on Palaven." 

"Yes and she's right about that." Victus stared down at the ominous numbers that fluttered across the console screen. 

"I'm going to go Calibrate the Thanix. I'd hate to see how the humans have screwed it up with their changes to this ship." Garrus dismissed himself.

They had a week before the summit convene. That would give all attending parties the time needed to gather their resources and make them available. It would also give everyone time to bring their concerns and needs. Victus thought it wasn't soon enough. His only concern was he needed the krogan on his soil. The longer it took to get to the summit, the longer Palaven stood in flames. The primarch noted how often the Commander came through the room he occupied. It was often. At least 4 times a day. She was always in talks with someone and if she wasn't doing that she was hunched over a console in the CIC or in this station. She didn't say much. He could see the telling dark circles under her eyes he'd missed when he first regarded her. It was at that point that he truly understood how similar their situations were. His own physical appearance marred with signs exhaustion. His hide a grayer hue than normal, plates dull, in color and texture. It wasn't until dinner two days after his arrival that he'd seen her do something other than work. She had taken dinner in the mess. Even then data pads took up half of the table as she researched information on who knows what. So far, she seemed committed.


	28. Before the Summit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, when I was writing this one my T button decided to only work about 20% of the time that I hit it so I'm sorry in advance if there are missing T's.

Shepard shoved a spoon full of apple sauce into her mouth. Her mind was in a million places. Currently she was reading up on _how not to start a war with a Salarian Dalatrass_. She was double checking her Salarian etiquette because the last thing she needed was some Chemical warfare added on top of the Reaper threat. No thank you. Her eyes fell on the door of the main battery. Two days and she hadn't had time to check up on him. She needed to change that. The words in front of her blurred as her mind kept revolting against her, thinking of the turian behind the door just meters away. She scooped the last on the apple sauce into her mouth and set the data pad down. 

They needed to have a long conversation, something beyond just petty greetings they've shared so far. She passed the muttering Alliance soldiers and pushed her way passed the main batteries door. At first she didn't see the turian and her heart sank, but then she heard his voice and noticed he was actually doing mechanical work on the gun. "Mmm Victus I promise we can trust her. I didn't follow her through hell all those months ago to question her integrity. She's a good soldier. She knows what's at stake. Remember that." 

Shepard patiently waited for him to finish his call with the primarch before said anything. "Garrus, you hanging in there?" She crossed her arms to keep herself from fidgeting. 

"Well, I'm back to Calibrating a giant gun. Feels like a vacation compared to the fight on Menae." The sparks from his work seemed dangerously close to his face. The one that was not wearing a face guard. 

"Garrus, you realize there are sparks, centimeters away from your face, right?" Shepard asked. 

"They don't bother me." Garrus responded as he stepped away from his work. 

"Well, we are going to need you for more than your aim." Shepard stated neutrally. She didn't want to make any assumptions here. She'd given him plenty of reasons to be angry with her on their departure. He didn't act angry, but she wasn't sure where they stood. 

"Oh I'm ready for it, but I'm pretty sure we'll still need giant guns, and lots of them." Garrus flared his mandibles in a smile. 

Shepard couldn't help but chuckle. "You're right about that." 

She noticed a shift in his demeanor immediately. He seemed unsure. "Yeah so... is this the part where we... shake hands? Wasn't sure about the protocol on reunions, or even if you still felt the same way about me. I know they scares are fading, I remember they drove you wild." 

Shepard felt a smile crack on her face big enough to hurt her cheeks. She stepped forward placing her left hand on his hip and pulling him down by his cowl so she could reach him for a kiss. He let her take the lead and her lips grazed the scars left months ago by the rocket. "That's the protocol on reunions." Shepard's voice carried a husky tone. 

"The vids mentioned it might go something like that." Garrus chuckled. 

"Not sure what turian protocols are, didn't have access to the extra-net while I was on Earth." Shepard admitted. 

Garrus reached for her hands and firmly grasped them. He then moved the centimeters that separated his forehead from hers. He gave her a brisk nuzzle. "Not quite as interesting as human tradition." A rumble emitted from his chest. "Also, more telling later." 

"Sometimes I forget you're pretty much a bird-cat." Shepard gave a laugh. 

"A what?" Garrus eyed her curiously. 

"Cats, well at least the house hold ones, I'm not so sure about the giant, wild, scary ones, but they also have scent glands in their heads. Other places too and then they claim you. The small animal lots of humans think are cute and cuddly are truly devious over lords claiming all stupid humans who take them in." Shepard gave a laugh. She stopped quickly when a realization hit her. "Garrus, uh, there's another turian on this ship. This isn't going to cause a diplomatic incident is it?"

"No." Garrus assured. "He's already figured me out. I did just spend a month with him on Menae." 

"Mmmm thank god he doesn't give a damn. Garrus I've really missed you." Shepard could feel the flutter of happiness and the jolting in her stomach that announced her want. 

"Well, I'm glad to see my romantic, uh... skills made an impression." Garrus teased. "Because it's going to take more than Reapers to get between this cross species liaison." His tone took a serious note. 

Shepard gave his hands a squeeze. She could feel his talons had grown while they were apart. She pulled at one of his gloves allowing his hand to break free of the confining material. "Speaking of which," Shepard took his hand in hers, letting the familiar, yet odd feeling of his hide press against her callused hand. His fingers finding the most comfortable pattern in her hand with too many fingers. "You said you were the Expert Reaper Adviser?" Shepard allowed her thumb to feel out the plate on the back of his hand. 

"It's not as impressive as it sounds." Garrus sighed Garrus continued to explained a short, non-detailed account of how he "Advised" against the Reapers. How they threw a token title and task force at him because the primarch didn't actually believe him when he first explained it. 

"How'd you manage all of that?" Shepard asked as Garrus stepped away. 

"I just followed your example. Shout loud enough until someone eventually comes over to see what all the fuzz is about." Garrus explained. He picked up the tool from the gun and placed it in it's home on the wall hanger. "Not that they'll actually do anything about it." 

"Until Hell shows up at your door. Then they put you in charge." Shepard responded. 

"Not like the old days, Shepard. Rogue Spectre and C-sec agents running and gunning outside the lines, making it up as we went along. We're actually respectable now." Garrus gave a small smile. 

"Yea." Shepard agreed. "Mostly." 

"What do you mean by that?" Garrus asked. 

"Pretty sure you are respectable; I am not, Garrus. I'm pretty much know as this centuries Hitler. Although, that may be an exaggeration. I only killed 300,000 batarians, not six million." Shepard felt her mask falter once more. "Now the lives of the Galaxy are depending on us. Frankly, that's too many to count."

"Well, when things are looking grim, and I'm pretty sure they will, just remember-" His naked hand found her upper arm, and he gave it a reassuring squeeze. "We're in this together. And if it ends with both of us dying in a giant explosion taking out a Reaper, remember I took the kill shot." 

"You're an ass." Shepard gave a small smile. "Also, will you stop bunking down here? I do have a perfectly nice bed in my cabin, and I'd rather not sleep in it alone." 

"Last I heard you were sleeping in the cockpit." Garrus teased. 

"That was before our new and improved shiny robot stole my fucking seat. Joker is also a very annoying alarm clock." Shepard grinned. Shepard pulled Garrus down into one last kiss before she went back to her work and half eaten dinner in the mess. "Let me kiss you correctly now." Her lips found his plated mouth, which he parted eagerly. His tongue brushed hers and she explored his mouth. Her body pressed against his chest, and her right arm snaked around his neck. "We've got some catching up to do, later." She let him go before she was too tempted to take him right here. She readjusted the lapels of her dress blues and backed out of the room giving Garrus a wink just before the door closed. 

She almost bounced back to her seat in excitement not even giving a damn that her processed meat had gone cold. She picked up the data pad she was reading and set back to work. She was so engrossed in reading and feeding her face that she missed the turian who sat down with his own processed food. "Commander." He greeted. 

She looked over the data pad to see the primarch hunched over his own processed food. She gave him a nod and a smile before setting down the data pad

"Commander, thank you for allowing me the use of your ship, and for going along with this plan. I know Garrus said he had to attend to the ships weapons, something about calibrations." He gave an amused look at the last comment. 

"He does love our Thanix Cannon. I often ask him when the wedding is so I can send him a card." Shepard grinned. "It was his knowledge of really big guns that allowed us to take out a collector ship in the Omega-4 relay. He's good at what he does. I did have an update about the summit, I was hoping I might be able to stone wall her into it before I gave up, but I don't think she's taking my threats to heart. So, the Asari councilor won't be joining us. She seems to think that bad blood with the krogan justify not even attempting to pull the galaxy together." She could feel the nips of anger rising once more even at the mention of her. 

"She may be right," Victus stated pensively, "but there will be a lot more _real blood_ If we don't try." 

Shepard nodded in agreement. "How is it being the Primarch?" 

"Not what I imagined. The battle of all time is happening on Palaven, and I'm light-years away, reading casualty reports in the millions. If I'm going to die, I want to be with my men, so there's no doubt we fought to the last soul." He glanced down at his food with a very distinct turian response to remorse. She'd gotten used to reading it on Garrus after Omega. They way his eyes glanced down at nothing, his mandibles closing tight around his mouth. 

"I understand to a degree. Leaving Earth, well, it wasn't easy. At the end of the day, I'm fighting for the entire galaxy. It will be painful if we lose any species in total because of this war, but I can't get caught thinking only of Earth. If I allow myself to put Earth above any other species than I might as well hand up my hat and walk into the nearest lazer because focusing on Earth's needs, alone, won't win this war. Although I will have to note based on the numbers I'm seeing, the Reapers have made the sol system their base of operation so getting some forces there is a high priority for that reason alone." Shepard explained. She didn't need to mention the fact that Earth was pretty much a war zone before war hit it, but he did need to hear how dedicated she was for the entirety of the Galaxy. 

"I'm not surprised in your attitude. Garrus speaks highly of you." The primarch noted. "You never asked to be a leader, yet your people will die, and the galaxy could fall if you refuse. We find ourselves in similar circumstances, lets hope the spirits grant us the strength to see us through this." 

"Just remember, primarch, I have a very short fuse. I figure I might as well warn you now, if anyone steps out of line in that summit, I will be the first to crush them under my heel. This includes Wrex. I doubt he will ask for anything completely unreasonable. It's the dalatrass that has me concerned." Shepard noted.

"Where do you think I fit into the mix?" Victus asked cautiously. 

"Well, haven't seen you ask for anything unreasonable yet. I'll let you know when that changes. I'm not one to beat around the bush when someone pisses me off." Shepard chuckled. "Also, Garrus trusts you, so I trust you. His judgement has never steered me wrong." 

"Well, in any case, I'm glad you are willing to work with me. It is interesting, how not even thirty years ago we were head to head in combat against each other, and now here we are, on a ship made in turian and human design." He looked around. 

"I was only three years old when that war broke out." Shepard offered. "Didn't even know it occurred until years later when I was reading in the library. The price of being a street rat most of my life. I didn't grow up to hate anyone based on their species. I was taught to hate people based on their affiliation within my own world. Do you know how shocked I was to find out there were Aliens? It was common knowledge for everyone else and I somehow missed the memo." 

"How old were you?" He asked. 

"Eleven. My friend Bean and I were snooping around some books and we found one written about turians. Was supposed to be some fictional novelette written about the first contact war and Bean thought I was stupid because he'd learned about it in second grade. When you grow up like that on Earth, the galaxy is so small. sometimes limited to a few blocks in your own city. It was a very Jarring experience joining the Alliance for sure, but it got me out of that life." Shepard stacked her data pads as she spoke. 

"I miss the ignorance sometimes." Victus admitted. 

"I don't. Ignorance makes you easily blindsided. Weak. In some aspects I was ignorant, but I was a quick learner. Had to, otherwise I wouldn't be alive today." Shepard gave a sigh. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get some rest. My thoughts are with Palaven, primarch. If you need to speak with me, I'm always available." She stood taking her tray to the dish washer.

"And mine with earth. Take care of yourself, and Commander?" Shepard paused as she was picking up her things. "You're not at all what I expected, and you've earned my respect." 

"Thanks, but respect won't win this war either." Shepard sighed and scooped up her data pads. Then she turned to leave. 

...

"Is this a desk or a storage place?" Garrus asked teasing Shepard about the rifle laid in pieces on her desk. 

"What's it to you." Shepard gave him a soft punch in the arm. "I was cleaning my gun before I was called off to talk to the Asari councilor. I haven't been up here to finish it..."

Shepard sat down at her desk and started running the cleaning rods through her barrel. Garrus put a hand on her shoulder before leaning down. "Why don't you just come to bed and worry about that tomorrow?" Garrus asked. 

"I need to get it done, now. Otherwise it'll just be one more reason I don't sleep." Shepard responded. "Speaking of, have you heard from your family?" The instant the question had left her lips she noted the was Garrus closed up. He didn't want to say anything. She reached up grabbing his elbow and giving it a delicate squeeze. "You will. I hate to bring it up, but what happened with your mother?" 

"She died at the STG base. My family knew the treatment came with risks, but they wanted to try anything. She... She had a stroke." It had been a little bit easier for him to talk about, but it still hurt. 

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I asked, because I damn sure don't know what to say." Shepard let go of his elbow and went back to working on her gun. The pieces in front of her demanded her attention while she contemplated what he said. 

Garrus turned her chair so she was facing away from the desk. "Just put the gun down, crawl in bed and fuck me like you haven't seen me in six months. We can't change what happened." His hands were on her shoulders and he watched the thought process flicker across her face. 

"Okay" Shepard reach behind her placing the barrel she'd been cleaning on her desk. The cleaning rod was sticking halfway out of the barrel when she set it down. She took advantage of his positioning and reached her legs around his hips. Her arms wrapped around his neck and her mouth met his. "Take me over there." He followed her order and she felt him drop her on the bed. She let out a laugh as her body bounced a couple times before he started unclasping the armor he was wearing. Shepard shimmied out of her clothes as well. 

Once they were both disrobed Shepard grabbed him pulling him onto the bed and climbed on top of him. She straddled him and leaned down so she could nibbled on his neck while she enjoyed his heat. One of his hands slide between them teasing at her bundle of nerves. The unexpected touch caused her legs to tighten gripping him as she felt the familiar jolt of want shoot to her core. She felt his face bump against hers as he moved his own mouth to brush the skin at the bend in her neck sending electrical shocks through her body. His tongue slid across her skin. She felt her breath caught and she immediately reacted scooting back down so she could take him in. She felt him penetrate her, and she slowly accommodated him. Garrus groaned beneath her as Shepard inched in him to her core. 

"Oh Shepard... Oh damn I forgot how good you feel." A steady rumble heavily vibrated though his cowl. 

Shepard didn't have him all the way in, but she had to stop because he started to hurt. She took a deep breath and began to move her hips against him, She let her teeth nibble on his cowl as the both moved against each other. It didn't take long for her to accommodate all of him. Shepard let out a gasp when she felt Garrus rub against her bud, using the mix of their liquids as a lubricant. "Oh shit, Garrus... please keep that up." Her entire body quaked and her hips lost the rhythm that Garrus was now leading. She felt herself melting into him and her walls spasmed lightly against his cock. Garrus leaned up living her shoulder a light nibble and using his other hand to grope her behind. Shepard began quickening in pace as she felt herself building. Garrus still stimulating her clit as the trusted together. "Oh fuck." Shepard felt all of her muscles go rigid and her inner walls gripping at Garrus as she cried out in climax. Garrus helped Shepard ride out her climax until his own followed suit not even a minute later. At that point, Shepard took over helping him ride his climax to it's finish. 

Shepard attempted to roll of of him before Garrus grabbed her by the arms holding her still. "You don't want to do that." he warned. 

"But Garrus I gotta get up and pee." Shepard gave a fake whine but Garrus wouldn't let go. 

"Shepard, this is a little unexpected, but you're stuck here about 30 minutes." He watched her waited for the usual signs of recognition. 

"Is this because you said so Garrus, that's cruel, even for you." Shepard gave a huge grin. 

"Uh Shepard, I've knotted. I can't get out of you until its done." He sighed. "Although this feels really nice." 

"Is that unusual?" Shepard asked. 

"It's unusual to knot in cross species intercourse." Garrus gave a nervous chuckle. 

"Oh, just that natural totally freaky alien thing I've been waiting to show up, finally did so?" Shepard teased. "It feels nice." The second comment was completely serious.

Garrus gave a chuckle, "Sure, I mean I've never even heard of I happening between turian and asari." 

"So what triggers it in normal circumstances?" Shepard asked. 

"Ovulation." Garrus began playing with he mop of hair on Shepard's head. 

"Heh, I guess that makes sense. I have no idea where I am in my cycle because I have this nifty little chip in my uterus that tricks my body into thinking I'm already pregnant. All Alliance women are offered it and frankly most just take it. There's really nothing better than not having to deal with cramping and bleeding every month." Shepard grinned. 

"Well, I'd say in hindsight you probably are. Your scent was slightly different today, and women of all species have an subtle change in their scent when they are ready to reproduce." he explained. 

"I hope it's a yummy change." Shepard teased. "I'd hate to think I naturally stink." 

Garrus smiled and gave a lick to her forehead. "Your scents been driving me wild since before the collector base." The admittance perked Shepard's lips up into a smile. 

"okay, okay, so while we are stuck here and your having your way with my hair, can I do something I've been wanting to do?" Shepard asked. 

"I suppose that depends on the thing you want to do." He responded. 

"I want to touch your tooth. I know that sounds really weird but I'm curious." Shepard admitted. 

"I supposed." Garrus opened his mouth and waited patiently. 

Shepard placed her finger on the tip of his tooth. It was indeed sharp but without any pressure applied it didn't cut her skin. The tooth felt like his plates, hard, pointy, only more-so on the pointy side. Garrus gave her fingers a lick and Shepard let out a giggle. "You did not just lick my fingers while I'm examining your teeth." Shepard removed her fingers So Garrus could speak. 

"I did. It's my mouth; I can lick anything that ventures in it." Garrus said. Shepard just stared at him deadpanned. Her mind going all over the place with that comment. "Did I miss something Shepard?" 

"Just think where my mouth's been. Then you'll figure out where my mind went." Shepard teased. 

"Shepard, I don't- I'm not- I at least know that I'm comfortable in my sexuality okay? I may be in bed with an alien but that doesn't mean I'm going to try everything out." Garrus sighed. 

"It's okay Garrus I just enjoy seeing you get flustered over stupid shit. It's incredibly awkward and cute." Shepard gave Garrus a smile. 

"Cute huh?"

"Mmm. Incredibly cute." 

"I figured you'd be more weirded out by the knotting thing. I know human's don't do that." Garrus pointed out. 

"So? You're an alien. You hide your junk behind plates. There's a lot of little differences. They don't bother me. Okay, think of it this way. Imagine you grew up only ever eating one food group. Like meats or something. But one day someone introduces you to deserts, or hell vegetables. They taste different, but good. The textures are all off, but now that you've been introduced and you've decided you enjoy them, you don't just stop liking meat. You've just widened your tastes." Shepard explained. 

"Hmm. So you'd fuck other turians?" Garrus asked. 

"Ha, God no. That didn't work out last time I did that. It's more like I'll fuck Garrus. A lot." Shepard put on a lazy grin when she felt Garrus shutter inside of her. "Also I kind of enjoy this little thing, forces you to stick around for my post coital cuddles."

They lay together for a while until Shepard felt the disconnect to place. There was a twitch from Garrus and his manhood fell out, retracting back to his home. Shepard gave him a nuzzle and a kiss before quickly getting up to use the restroom. Her gun would lay there taken apart for the rest of the night because Shepard was too exhausted to deal with it until morning. Instead she climbed right back into bed grasping for Garrus and falling asleep right next to him. Of course all good things must come to an end, she'd wake a few hours later to dreams of trees and ash, of Reaper beams and a small child. The same child she watched die on Earth.


	29. Blood calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Relations between Shepard and the Primarch become rocky.
> 
> Then Drinking ensues, and fuck marry or kill is played.

Garrus saw the tension in Shepard's demeanor the second the door to the air lock opened. She stepped around the military personnel guarding the doors and made a bee line for the Primarch. This was bad. Shepard was pissed off, because there were too many unknowns and she knew as well as he did that something was off. He went through the door after her. He was thankful he had been incorrect about her immediate destination. She'd walked right on past the Primarch and into the comm room. This was promising. The more time she spent talking to the Alliance, the more time she had to cool off. What seemed to be even more good news is she wasn't yelling over the comm either. 

The primarch greeted him gently watching the doorway as intently as he did. "How upset is she?" 

"I'd say reasonably upset. I mean, you could have told us about the Cerberus bomb." Garrus chided. 

"Maybe. I'm sure you trust her, but I'm trying to make sure she doesn't go beserker mode on me. Or better yet, I'm hoping she keeps this from Wrex." The Primarch admitted. 

Shepard entered the room, her speed making it obvious where her next stop was. "Why the hell didn't you tell me about this Cerbus bomb?" Even the Primarch felt himself backing away from her slightly as she invaded his personal space. She was very good at making herself look threatening. 

"Commander, our friendship is still new. You wouldn't divulge information about Earth that could be... compromising." Victus sighed. 

"I wouldn't do ANYTHING to Jeopardize our alliance. Right now I NEED you to trust me. I know what I'm doing. I've been fighting this particular battle for three years now while our governments sat on their asses. Do you have any information for me that I should be aware of? Anything?" Shepard growled. 

"No, I don't." Victus was leaving her to guess. 

"Damnit Victus. I hope you know that secrets get people killed. If It's any of my men, we will not be as civilized when I return." With that she spun on her heal and she motioned Garrus back to the air lock. "We have a bomb to disarm. Hopefully that son of his pulls his shit together. Right now, he isn't exactly impressive. God damn that kid doesn't need to be in this position." 

...

The vid-com went dark and Shepard turned on her heal trying to keep her anger under control. Ever since stopping the arrival of the reapers the first time her patience was growing thin. Nothing has gone in her favor since in the grand scheme of things. She had a portion of her crew back which she was thankful for, but it felt like she was slowly losing her grip. The reapers were here and no one was ready. Now everyone was looking to her to put their asses in line. That’s exactly what she was going to do. She spun on her heal hearing the voices coming from the war room. She was going to nip this fight in the bud right here and now. 

“We couldn’t risk another Galactic war with the Krogan.” Primarch Victus explained.

“The Genophage wasn’t enough? You needed another way to keep your pets chained?!” Wrex’s angry growls echoed through the war room. 

“The decision was made hundreds of years ago.” The Primarch was grasping at anything to keep the Krogan in check. “So much has changed.”

“You still didn’t tell us about the bomb. Coward!” Wrex accused.

“Hey. The reapers are out there destroying the Galaxy and you wanna fight about this. Primarch you had a bomb on Tuchanka; and Wrex, in the turian’s place, you would have done the same damn thing.” Shepard’s words weren’t the only indication of her frustration. 

“Commander-” Wrex wanted to say something else but Shepard but him off. 

“It’s over. His own son died today making this right.” Shepard looked over at the Turian as she said this. 

“Please Commander it’s alright.” Shepard almost punched him for saying that. It wasn’t alright. There was a needless death today and it was his own goddamn fault. Ever since the batarian colony she'd hoped she could avoid deaths that were in vain. 

“Alright commander, I agree. We have stronger enemies to face.” Wrex admitted.

Shepard walked over to the war console placing her hand on the cold metal. “We do.” 

Wrex grunted in frustration and walked over to his station. Shepard felt the presence of the Primarch walk up beside her. Her hand clenched into a fist on the station. Sometimes she understood it was harder to read a Turian’s emotion, you know since they didn’t make the same facial expressions as a human, but that didn’t excuse the Primarch’s seemingly tossing aside his son to keep a secret he didn’t need to keep. 

“I understand your reservations before commander, but I hope you now understand the secrecy.” The Primarch stated.

Shepard gave him a dirty look. She was not about to let this go. “You kept this a secret and then put your son in charge? He couldn’t handle it.” 

“Yes, you’re right commander. It was a mistake not to trust you. I know that now.” Shepard shook her head as he was walking away. “My son,” The Primarch said turning around to face the commander once more, “He died with the respect of his men, and I thank you for that. His sacrifices will be recorded in the histories of the 9th Platoon. Something any father would be proud of.” It wasn’t until now that the Primarch’s grief began to show. The way he hung his head as he walked away was all Shepard needed before she felt bad.  
She let anger get the better of her disregarding his grief. She still had a lot to learn about the species of the Galaxy and she considered herself to know more than most. Most of the people she held close to her heart were from other species, but she still found herself expecting human responses from them. She kicked herself for that. 

“Look, I'm sorry for your loss." Shepard let her face deadpan as her calculated words gave him this warning. "Anything else like this, anymore unknowns like this and I will find somewhere else for you to work. The only person on this ship who puts my crew in danger is me. I make that calculated risk because I know what they can handle. All of this could have been avoided, and I don't give a damn what you think about me and my methods. If I didn't need the galaxy to work together you wouldn't even get this warning. Just so you are aware, I've put a bullet in people's head for less than the stunt you pulled today. Be ready for Tuchanka." 

Shepard left the war room taking deep breaths as she did. Now it was a waiting game. Mordin was going to let her know when the cure was ready. Until then, she locked herself away in her cabin replying to mail, reading correspondences Liara forwarded to her, and cleaning her equipment. She'd been working on her equipment for an hour when there was a knock at her door. 

"Come in." She called setting her pistol down on the coffee table along side her sniper rifle. 

"Hey Commander." Vega greeted. 

"What's up Lieutenant?" She asked. 

"I wanted to check in on you. Although the mission was a success, I know it came at a cost. I wanted to make sure you knew I thought you did everything you could." Vega offered. 

"I had no doubt in our abilities Vega. I'm pissed, because it was the Primarch's fault. He's the one who set his son up to the task. You heard what Garrus said. It was a promotion without merit. Frankly, he wasn't fit to lead, now he's dead. War makes examples out of bad leaders. He just got lucky he had an honorable death." Shepard shrugged. "So no, I'm not tore up about it. Pissed, but not torn up." 

"I heard you gave the Primarch an earful." Vega nodded. 

"You bet your ass I did. Nobody else gets to determine how my squad gets put in danger. He withheld information which put you, Garrus, and Liara in Danger. I'd like to think I don't send you guys on unreasonable assignments. I weigh all information when determining my team and my tactic. When someone willing holds back, it makes for a very unhappy Commander. Not to mention I can't tell you how much of a fuck up his kid is. Couldn't even pull his own squad into gear I basically had to spoon feed him the answer when I met up with him." Shepard sighed. 

"You'd expect more out of a turian. I mean, given their military prowess." Vega mildly commented. 

"Just because he's turian doesn't make him a good leader, Vega. The Primarch's okay for the most part. Cost his own son his life, but over all the mission was successful. I don't see him giving me hell for his son's death, so, clearly he also knows when to keep his mouth shut. His son... I don't care how much pressure he was facing, he fucked up and he had no leadership skills to speak of. If the Primarch had sent us instead of his son, we'd probably be singing a different tune right about now, but he wouldn't trust me. We will see what happens with him on Tuchanka. I'm holding judgement on him." Shepard explained. 

"We are lucky Wrex likes you." Vega pointed out. 

"Nah. Wrex is a smart person. He is just blowing hot air at everyone so they listen. So long as the genophage is cured, he's got our back a hundred percent. I also think the death of Victus's son put things into perspective for Wrex. You have to remember he's going to respect a sacrifice like that. To him a son is, well everything. Right now he can't have one. Victus gave his up to make sure Tuchanka was could have many offspring. So it wasn't all me. Although, I'd like to say I have just to charm to stop a all out brawl in the war room" Shepard leaned forward on her elbows. Her elbows dug into her knees once her head nestled into her hands. 

"I guess that's true." Vega admitted. 

"I do appreciate your concern Vega. You've been a good friend and a good soldier. Especially when you kept all those batarians at bay as my body guard." Shepard gave him a wink and he grinned. 

"You know Lola, it was hard work. I swear there were security break ins just to assassinate you at least four times a week." The joke was old and over used but it was something to keep them both smiling. The smile melted away as his face took on a serious tone. "So, you and Garrus huh?" 

"Mmm, we definitely are..." Shepard let the sentence hang as Vega took in her admittance.

"Just when I think I have you figured out, I learn something completely unexpected. I'm not sure I want to play poker with you." Vega teased. 

"Oh? Why's that?" Shepard asked. 

"Six months together and I never guessed. You didn't look like you were missing anyone like that." Vega admitted. 

"Mmm I'm just a private person. I talk about the light things. The things people want to talk about. Unless I have a reason for bringing anything else up." Shepard explained. "There's a lot of scars on this body Vega, most of them aren't visible. I'm just well adjusted." 

"I doubt that. Well adjusted doesn't leave you losing this much sleep." Vega countered. "If I wasn't your guard for six months though, I'd have no clue though. You put up a tough front. Most soldiers are intimidated by you. You probably notice that, when you walk into a room of new soldiers they get all quiet."

"You don't seem intimidated, in fact Vega, you could use a little more deference." Shepard crossed her arms giving him her best Commander face.

"Lola, I've fought with you, shared drinks with you. I may not know everything about you, hell I probably know the least about you when you compare me to some of your old crew, but I do know this: You are just a woman. A talented, stunning woman, but a human being tasked with an impossible mission. I don't mean anything by that Lola, before you accuse me of trying to steal you away from your turian lover." Vega shared a wink. 

"Uh huh." Shepard shook her head. 

"Well I mean, It was really cool. You know? We touched down on Menae and you took up your role. You took down a Brute with a pistol for Christs sake. I was intimidated at first. I was thinking about how I was sitting on this squad, with the woman who'd inspired me to be the best soldier I could be when I enlisted. I think that intimidation factor was shattered when you made a mistake. I remembered you were only human. Prone to fucking up just as much as the rest of us. You were trapped between a pile of moon and a brute and out of range for me or Garrus to do anything. If it weren't for the Primarch we probably wouldn't be having this conversation. Scars told me he's not seen anyone survive getting cornered like that. Once you're in their grasp they squeeze you until you're broken like a rag doll. By all rights you should be dead." Vega's look darkened. 

"Well, I'm here. By all rights I should have been dead two years ago, but you know that story. Someone always intervenes. Not that I want to be dead. It's more like, and the rest of my crew lives, I know there's people who will fight to the end. Sure I got lucky and what I did was reckless, and frankly it was a mistake. I slipped up. You are completely correct I hate that everyone seems to think I'm some hero who's all knowing. I'm really glad you feel the way you do. Makes me feel like if I do kick the bucket someone will be willing to take over herding all of these hooligans together. That's what it's going to take Vega. This war is bigger than any one of us. All of us even. I just hope we don't have people dying without reason." Shepard sighed. 

"Isn't that what this entire war is about? People dying without reason?" Vega responded. 

"Sure, but there's dying like Ash did, and biting it in the fist of a brute; not completing the mission." Shepard answered. Her eyes seemed to grow distant. The memory of that moment replaying in her mind. After about three recounts she snapped out of it and met Vega's gaze. "At least my mistake wasn't without reward. You learned a lesson I fear most have yet to learn. I don't know how many times I find myself reminding people that I'm not some goddamn hero. Got any Tequila? I can drink to that." Shepard gave a smile. 

"Uh not on me but if you meet me down a tthe bar I'm sure I can find some." Vega offered. 

"Deal. I'll finish cleaning my gun and I'll be down there shortly. We don't have anywhere to be since Mordin's not ready for the cure just yet." Shepard picked up her pistol and returned to her ministrations. 

"Should I call anyone else down there?" Vega asked before he opened the door to leave. 

"Anyone who wants to come. I'm sure they could use a moment to forget. Call it, unofficial leave for the next 24 hours while Mordin works on the cure." Shepard responded. 

"Aye, Commander." With that he left her alone in the room to contemplate.

...

"Okay so, human's who would find it offensive if you touched there hair... go." Vega challenged. 

They weren't playing a stupid drinking game, Shepard sitting on the floor with a bottle of tequila and a shot glass within reach. Her back held her up as she rested herself against the couch, sitting between Garrus's legs who was seated there. He had taken to playing with Shepard's hair since her head was between his knees. Vega wasn't the most creative with his challenges. 

"Major Alenko." Shepard responded quickly. "Have you seen his hair shit, how much product do you think he uses on that?" 

"Actually he said it was because of his implant." Vega teased. "I'm not sure I should count that one because I don't think Alenko would be happy if anyone touched him." 

"Mmmm, not true." Shepard returned. a sad look crossed her face and she stopped put her hand up. "Auto drink. In Ash's name before we get back to this game. Also, someone who he was very happy to have touch him, might I add." 

"Oh, Damn. I had no clue." Vega filled his own shot glass and tapped Shepards. "you want in on this one Garrus?" 

"Naw, Shepard's going to need someone to take her up to her room at this rate. It's my turn to look after her anyway." Garrus gave her a poke with his talon. 

Shepard quickly downed her shot and was surprised when the door opened revealing the Primarch. "I heard there was an invitation to share some alcohol?" 

"Mmm, You're a wee bit late the party started an hour ago. We've divulged to horrible drinking games and Vega's a bit of a light weight." Shepard teased. "Feel free to join in. Garrus is too chicken-shit to try to drink me under the table." 

Garrus chuckled "Not all of us are 30% cyborg." 

"Mmm start now, you owe Ash a drink. Match me shot for shot starting now, I'll still out drink you." Shepard challenged. 

"Ohh Garrus I think she may be miss judging her tolerance right about now this is an easy win for ya." Vega offered. "Although we could sweeten the deal and switch her to ryncol."

The Primarch found himself some turian brandy and grabbed a glass for himself and Garrus. He took a spot next to Garrus on the couch and handed him a glass. "At the very least, have a glass." 

"You're food may suck, but I had managed to buy some good alcohol for you guys, you know before I was incar-incart-incarsed Fuck it." Shepard gave up pouring her next shot. "Also, Alenko totally counts." 

"Aight, Lola, Hackett." Vega announced. 

"Liara." Shepard pointed in the direction of Liara's quarters.

"Shepard, Liara doesn't have hair. That's a drink." Vega crossed his arms. 

"Vega, Vega, Vega, Liara has a top of her head. don't get fucking technical with me. Besides, I happened to walk in on the most hilarious heated conversation with joker. She doesn't even like talking about whether or not they move let alone someone touching them. Although I have, shit... maybe she doesn't care. Time to settle this dispute. The old fashion way." Without warning Shepard stood up wobbling a bit and headed for the doorway. 

"Wait a second, Lola you can't just go ask someone if you can touch their uh... tentacles." Vega gave Garrus a worried look. 

"I'm not asking her if I can touch them I'm asking her if she'd freak out if joker, or hell, you touched them. I've already touched them, so the question coming from me isn't the same." Shepard raised and eyebrow. "I'll be right back with the answer."

"Her logic, it's... uh... interesting." Vega shook his head. "Poor Liara. I'm pretty sure that conversation was this morning. I could hear the shouting." 

"Does the Commander not have any personal boundaries?" The Primarch asked. 

"No" Both Garrus and Vega stated at the same time. 

"Not while she's drunk anyway. She's pretty blunt and straight forward sober, then all propriety goes out the window inebriated." Garrus explained. 

"Is that how... nevermind." Vega shook his head. "I don't want to know." 

"Vega, what kind of person do you think I am? I didn't get Shepard drunk." Garrus sighed. 

"Well, you guys are certainly entertaining. What are you guys doing?" The primarch asked. 

"Age old, challenge each other to name off lists of things. In this case it's supposed to be people who freak out if you touch their hair. Somehow we get to Liara, who doesn't even have hair. She's totally drinking when she gets back. I'm almost terrified of what her question's going to be. they've all been extremely tame so she's working up to something I can feel it in my bones." Vega chuckled. 

"Oh?" Garrus asked. 

"It was a long six months Garrus. Every Friday night I brought her Tequila. In exchange she told me stuff about her military career." Vega explained. "Was actually pretty enlightening." 

"Did she tell you about us?" Garrus asked. 

"Naw, didn't even know 'til today. In fact, she didn't tell me about Liara until an awkward conversation in the medbay gave it away." Vega chuckled. 

"Were you..." Garrus didn't even finish the question. Vega just looked at him. 

"Dios! What kind of person do you think I am? I was her prison guard, kind of weird if you think about it that way, and horrible, about as bad as teacher student relations. That my friend is taking advantage. Besides I learned military life and fraternization don't mix well." Vega sighed. 

"Oh yea?" Garrus gave a chuckle. "You humans are definitely funny." 

"You know, Shepard did tell me this hilarious story about her turian crew mate. Apparently turians are better at compartmentalizing their lives, not a human strength at all."

"I'm not sure it's that, more of a cultural difference. We don't hold sexual encounters as high as you humans do." The primarch corrected. 

"Shepard told you THAT story? Oh geeze." Garrus found himself scratching at the back of his neck. "It wasn't even that good of a story. Just a recon scout and I having it out in a fight, and holding a tie breaker in her quarters." 

"Apparently it impressed her." Vega raised his eye brows. 

"Naw, that was just my good looks and suave attitude." The primarch found himself laughing at that. 

"Is that what it was Vakarian?" Garrus felt the primarch's hand pat him on the back. "Please enlighten us." 

Garrus didn't get the opportunity to impress because Shepard stumbled into the room quickly shutting and locking the door behind her. She bent down and quickly took the shot. "You win this time Vega. Also you and Joker can thank me. You have permission to touch the tentacles. I however... may have pushed the envelope. Also, not allowed." the evil grin on her face was priceless. "Also EDI remind Liara what rule number one of this ship is please. I think she needs to hear it from someone other than me." 

"Okay Shepard. Although, your crew members would be more willing to follow the "don't shoot the Commander rule" if you didn't give them a reason to shoot you." EDI offered. 

"Noted. Wasn't for me anyway. Also Tell Joker he now can touch the Tentacles once." Shepard grinned. 

"What the Hell did you do Shepard?" Garrus asked looking at the woman who reclaimed her spot on the floor.

"It's all part of the plan Garrus. You know that. Everything I do is well thought out." She bent her head back looking up at Garrus. 

"Oh? What plan is that?" He asked giving her a stroke on her cheek. 

"We could all die tomorrow, Garrus. You know, when I take the kill shot on a Reaper and it explodes in the most beautiful, massive, explosion you've ever seen before. We might as well go out with a laugh." Shepard pressed her forehead to his knee. 

"What a, positively negative way to think about it." Vega chided. 

"Naw, everyone in this room will vouch that I took the kill shot." Garrus nodded to the two men. 

"No you Ksing fuck, I did all the work I get the credit."

"You say that every time. Shepard, but that doesn't change reality." Garrus teased. 

"If you manage to take out a reaper without ships I'd be impressed." Victus sighed. 

"I'm just glad the lady in charge of this shindig has so much confidence in our abilities." Vega knocked a drink back. "I mean, I did get an offering to touch one of liara's uh... tentacles. So I don't think I have much room to complain." 

"Alright Vega, it's my turn to Challenge." Shepard took a moment to think. "Thinking's hard right now though. uh... I challenge you to the game of fuck marry or kill." 

"Lola, that's not how the challenge works and you know it." 

Shepard put on the no nonsense face. "Just do it. That's an order. the other game was boring and I'm bad at it. So... fuck marry or kill... hmmm... Dr. Michel." 

"You do pick the hard ones. I don't know her well enough to say anything other than fuck." Vega responded. "She has that cute accent, but if she's the bitchy type there's nothing long term there." 

"She's uh... kind of a damsel, and uh... has an accent. Seems fitting." Shepard agreed. 

"Okay so... Traynor. Fuck marry or kill?" Vega asked. "You're definitely her type." 

"Meh, I'd fuck her, again accent." Shepard shrugged. 

"Wait Shepard, you wouldn't do that." Garrus asked cautiously. 

"Garrus this isn't for serious. This is a timeless human game where we gauge the likability and sex appeal of our coworkers. Don't you turians have any games like that?" Shepard asked the two turians sitting above her. 

Both turians shook their heads. 

"That's just bogus. You need to play." Shepard took a shot. "Hmmm, Well Garrus Ill ask you. Kelly Chambers, Fuck, Marry or kill." 

"Shepard, She's uh... creepy. Really, creepy." Garrus admitted. "But not worth death." 

"Well, so either you fuck her, marry her or kill her, you can't have a happy middle ground." Vega explained. 

"kill." Garrus answer rolling his eyes. 

"Ooooo heartless" Shepard hissed shaking her head. "Just remember, she has lips too." Garrus choked on the drink he was taking a drink of spraying Shepard with it. "That, Garrus, is what we humans call a party fowl. Now you need to drink all of your drink right now and refil. That's the punishment." 

"Damn Lola, laying down the law." 

"Also, you should ask the Primarch, he needs to play as well. Also I'm sure you both know some famous female turians, hell I've never seen one and he doesn't really know many people on this ship. So it's only fair you ask. Otherwise I'll ask and I'll make it awkward." Shepard gave an evil grin. 

"Shepard I'm sure you can ask, since you are so intent on playing the game." The primarch poured Garrus another glass from the bottle next to him. 

"You asked for it. The turian councilor, who I'm too drunk to remember his name." Shepard giggled. 

"Wow Shepard. Aren't you supposed to like defend his life?" Vega shook his head. "I'm looking at the worst spectre ever." 

"No, normally I know it, I just, its spar-spur-sper fuck its something." Shepard slumped her shoulders. "More liquid. That's the answer." 

"Well, I'd probably kill him, on account that he's a moron." Victus answered finally after several moments of thought. 

"Oh your councilor's a moron too?" Damn I thought us humans had it rough. "Wait I knew that, he backed Saren." 

"Alright Shepard, since this a moment into your mind. Fuck, marry or kill, Victus." Garrus quizzed. 

"That's easy Garrus, Marry, you marry status. You know since killing them is hard to cover-up and is frowned upon in most cultures." Shepard grinned. "Unless you turn out to be the turian Hitler, in that case murder your face in." Shepard Narrowed her eyes at him. 

"I'm not even sure what that means." Victus responded evenly. 

"Well since your pro-krogan cure, I'd say you're not Hitler. Genocidal maniac. 'nuf said on that. Vega, Fuck, Marry or Kill, Liara. Be careful how you answer this question." Shepard teased. 

"Clearly, I'd marry her. wouldn't want Commander Shepard coming after me if I broke her heart." Vega answered. 

"Good answer." Shepard grinned. "Garrus, your armor is fucking cold."

"Shepard, it's metal. You're also always cold." 

"Mmmm Not right now, although that's a legit complaint. you'd think with all the cyborg parts my circulation would be better. It's a sign Garrus." Shepard held up her hand grabbing at the air in front of her. 

"What's a sign Shepard?" Garrus asked. She didn't respond with anything that was audible, but instead responded by falling limp. 

"How the hell do you keep up with a woman who is like a quarter of your size and can take 36 Shots of tequila? I was impressed when she managed about 17 the first night." Vega raised his eye brows. "do you think we should take her to Chakwas?" 

Garrus shook his head. "I've watched her drink much worse stuff than that. She'll be fine. Bratty from being hung over, but fine. She's managed to drink stuff that was supposed to kill her and live."

"Why would she drink that?" Vega asked. 

"Ordered a drink at after life. She didn't know." Garrus looked down at Shepard as soft little snores came from her direction. 

"Oh hell, She'll never live that down." Vega laughed. 

"What?" Garrus asked.

"She snores. Don't say anything to her about it. Leave that to me. It's the first way to piss off human ladies." Vega took the bottle from Shepard's area and put what little was left of it away. 

"You want to piss off your commanding officer?" Victus asked. 

"Piss off, blackmail, it's Karma, she's had it comin'. You have no idea how much hell she gives us. All in fun of course." Vega gave the primarch a wink. The primarch just gave him a confused look. 

"It's time for you to walk the plank!" Shepard moaned groggily. 

"She talks in her sleep too! Oh my this is too perfect." Vega's grin was larger than anything Garrus had seen on the large man's face. "The talking in sleep is less fuel but tends to leave to hilarious conversations later." 

"I've got one bullet in this pistol. ghnnah." Shepard's hand was grabbing at the floor near Garrus's foot. 

"Oh wow. She watches too many old movies." 

"Why do you say that?" Garrus asked. 

"Have you seen any movies with her Garrus?" Vega asked. 

"Not very many." He admitted. 

"Mmm any about pirates?" He asked again. 

"Why's all the Rum gooooone?" Shepard whimpered. 

"Well, she'll be dreaming good tonight. That's a good old vid. Lots of action and hilarious one liners. Very cheesy." 

"Sounds like another humanism." Garrus remarked. "i highly doubt there was a lot of cheese in the vid."

"Oh, Garrus, so much Cheese, but yes. It was not the cheese which we eat, more like it was very dramatic, and stereotypical. Also I didn't peg Shepard as an old vid watcher." Vega commented. "anyway, this is probably the point where you get to do the honors of taking her to her cabin and make sure she doesn't spew everywhere. I'll get you a bucket." 

Garrus set down his glass after he emptied it and stood up. He gathered the human female in front of him and did exactly what Vega suggested. When Shepard would wake up later, she would be very thankful the for water, and the bucket, but also for the turian who was sleeping soundly beside her.


	30. Hungover and Students Need Saving.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard's hung over, but She learns she must save some students. Gun shots and hangover's don't mix.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I recently found a job, so my posts might be really randomly paced. I've got 4 more nights to follow the 6 I just worked. Hopefully I'll be able to post the next chapter Friday or Saturday on my days off, otherwise it'll be posted on one of the five mornings following when I get off work. Third shift blues T_T. On the other hand if my posts become too distant it's because I'm writing the story that is supposed to follow this one. I won't post that one until this one is complete so there's no confusion but I've got some grand ideas for where it's going. Think firefly influence, but different. So far I have the first new character Shepard will meet fleshed out. There will be a two year span while the relay's are fixed where Shepard will have to deal with the loss of Garrus. (Only fair since she was gone two years for him XD) Trust me though, she won't completely give up hope. (So yes you guys know she will live now.) As I may have mentioned before, I wanted to do an adventure based story post mass effect three because this Shepard is not the settling down type. I have the pleasure of making my very own crew because Shepard will have access to a new ship. Don't worry I won't kill off Garrus in a Garrus romance so he has plot armor sorry guys I love him too much! 
> 
> Anyway now on to the story. Here's Shepard in action hungover.

Shepard knocks back some Aspirin and follows it with water after she answered the comm from Traynor. Honestly she wanted to have a full 24 hours of time away from gun fire, but emergency calls are emergency calls for a reason. "Nice catch Traynor." She found herself patting the younger woman on the back. "Now give me twenty minutes for these pills to kick in and I'll be good to go. Joker, set course for those coords if it takes you longer than thirty minutes to get there I'm restricting you to decaf... again." Shepard gave Traynor a nod of approval and Traynor gave a smile before turning back to her work. Shepard opened the doors to the war room planning on informing the primarch and Wrex of their detour. The cure wasn't nearly finished enough to head to Tuchanka anyway. 

"Shepaaaaard!" Wrex greeted. "You look like you took on a thresher maw, and the thresher maw won." 

"Fuck you Wrex. I'm not speaking to anyone for another twenty minutes." Shepard groaned. 

"Isn't that what Vakarian is for?" Wrex cocked an eyebrow. 

"What is it, does your translator really not translate that correctly? In the language in which I'm speaking, English, there is an understood you in that statement. It is a command. You go fuck yourself is what it means." Shepard gave a small grin and leaned into the wall. "Anyway, I know I've been putting off meeting Aralakh company but I figure we can do that as soon as the genophage is cured what do you say?" 

"I can live with that." Wrex agreed. 

"I'm serious I mean we cure the genophage, and the day after we go sniff around the relay. Maybe you could join us, if you're not to busy being a dignitary and getting weak sitting on your throne." Shepard teased. 

"You know you are the only pyjak who gets away with those fighting words, Shepard." Wrex laughed. "That's what I've always liked about you. You've got a quad." 

"God I hope not. I mean, last I checked I didn't have anything dangling down there. Don't need a quad to be as exceptionally good at murdering the shit out of evil ass hats." Shepard passed Wrex a smirk before walking up to the center console to take a look at the readings Traynor sent her way. 

"Good to see you up and running, Commander," the primarch greeted. 

"Mmm, barely, although in about twenty minutes I'll be a lot better." Shepard raised her bottle of water to the turian on her right. "A little dehydration never put me out of commission long." Shepard closed out of the program and opened up her comm. "Traynor, Tell Cortez, Vekarian, and Vega to be ready at the shuttle. Just in case your were right about the faked code. Also, please do me a favor and send a copy of that signal to Primarch Victus, I'm sure he will want to see it. He can also Verify the validity of it. I'm going to the cockpit." 

" _Alright Commander, will do._ " Traynor confirmed. 

The primarch's console beeped as the transmission was sent his way and Shepard took a few steps in his direction. "You're comm specialist was correct. This is a fake transmission." Shepard let out a heavy sigh at his confirmation. 

"Only one group I know of that uses fake turian signals. Cerberus. Goddammit." Shepard ran her hand through her cropped hair and took a long drink from her bottled water. 

"I'm sure there's a story there." The primarch prodded. 

"Cerberus uh... led me to a trap about a year ago using a transmission like this. That was my first time aboard a collector ship. We made it out alright I suppose, but it pissed me off. Nothing like having a "derelict" collector ship come to life while your inside. There might be more to that story, but I don't have time to get into it. Thanks for the confirmation I need to get up to to cockpit." Shepard gave a nod of dismissal and took her leave. 

...

"And there's the folks who answered the distress call. Cerberus Cruiser and at least a dozen fighters on blockade duty. Too many for us in a straight up fight. They must want this place bad." Joker ticked away at the controls. 

"Fucking knew it." Shepard growled crossing her arms. "Think this armor will trick them into letting me in?" Shepard teased. 

"Doubtful Commander, but nice try." Joker gave a quick grin. 

"Hey I was able to trick them once." Shepard grinned remembering the plan that Kaiden had come up with on mars.

"I'm picking up a distress signal." EDI interrupted Joker's chance to respond. 

"Patch it through." Shepard felt uneasy waiting for the signal. 

" _SSV Normandy, this is Kaylee Sanders director of Grissom Achademy. We need immediate assistance. Cerberus is attacking the facility, they're after my students._ " Sanders's voice was forceful. 

"This is Commander Shepard. We're blocked on a direct approach."

" _I know Cerberus took control of our docking bay._ " Sanders' agreed. " _There's an auxiliary cargo port, I think I can open it._ " 

"Alright we'll come in by shuttle and get your students out of there." Shepard confirmed. She gave Joker a pat on the shoulder giving him a grin. "Joker, can you give me a diversion?" She knew the answer before he responded. 

Joker looked up at her with the biggest grin on his face. "Oh boy, can I!"

"Alright let me get to the shuttle and I'll comm you when I'm ready." Shepard turned opening the door and began running through the ship. She didn't slow down until her fist pounded on the elevator's button. Unfortunately even Cerberus hadn't improved the slow moving elevator that had haunted Shepard's ship. 

"You be careful out there, Commander." Traynor turned eyeing her up and down. 

"Uh, thanks." Shepard responded turning back to the elevator. The pounding in her head from the hangover had stopped but her stomach was still unhappy with her life choices from the night before. 

"You okay?" She gave a look of concern, but Shepard was saved by responded when the door to the ever slow elevator finally swished open. Shepard just jumped in turned to give a polite smile before hitting the Shuttle Bay level. 

As the elevator slowly moved Shepard found herself picking at her armor, her fingers digging into the groves of mettle where the skin tight suite settled against her skin. She wasn't nervous per-se, but she was frustrated with the amount of time being wasted by the lack of stairs. If this ship survives this war that's her first requisition. take out the elevator. What felt like a century went by before the door revealed the largest open space on the ship. the three men she'd requested were already settled into the shuttle just waiting for her. Shepard sprinted and jumped in not even confirming Cortez was ready before she sent Joker a hurried "Go!" 

Cortez watched the shuttle bay doors open and quickly drove out of the opening, following Shepard's directions to get to the place Sander's had opened.

"You okay Shepard?" Vega asked once the shuttle had touched down. 

"Sure. Peachy. These guys are kids, not soldiers and here I am hung over to save them. Guess that's what I get for not being ready. If they don't make it, it's on me." Shepard Readied her pistol listening for Sanders' to break the radio silence. 

...

"Well that's two students saved." Vega stated. 

"I didn't bring you here for your articulate skill set of pointing out the fucking obvious Vega, just hold your gun pull the trigger and keep your mouth closed." Shepard growled. 

"Damn, you really are bitchy the day after. Garrus did you know Shepard was this bitchy, I missed it." Vega teased. 

"Vega, I'm warning you. I will fucking sucker punch you the moment we are on the ship if you don't shut your trap." the warning must have fell on deaf ears because Vega continued with his snider comments until Shepard opened the door to see a student and a strangely clad woman facing down an Atlas. 

"Eat this!" The woman shouted. It was at this point that Shepard recognized jack, the insane biotic she'd recruited on her suicide mission. 

"Jack!?" Shepard Exclaimed. 

"Oh, spirits. Her again." Garrus was only heard by Vega as Shepard ran into the room. 

"Shepard." Jack acknowledged using a biotic barrier to protect a student from an Atlas rocket. "Everyone get down this things out of your league!" she called out to the younger biotics. "Shepard keep it off us!" 

"Alright." Shepard opened her omni-tool sending a sabotage hack at the gigantic mech. "Garrus overload it's shields. Vega just keep shooting, I'll keep it's eyes on me." Shepard rolled out of cover shooting at the mech that was having trouble moving. "Hey bastard! Over here! What? Can't move?" The Cerberus grunt inside the machine must've gained control back because it sent a missile her way. Shepard rolled to the side joining Vega and Garrus in a few shots. She could feel the heat from the launched missile that had barely missed her. "Fuck. Garrus can you send in another overload please? Those shields are a pain in my ass." 

Garrus complied sending in the next overload. the mech decided a different approach sending a missile at the students barrier. Vega decided it was time to get up close and personal with the mech. "Hey you! Ass!" He stood in front of it spraying it with a shit ton of bullets from his assault rifle. 

"Dammit Vega, wat-" Shepard was interrupted by the mech grabbing Vega. "Shit! Garrus Now!" She launched an incinerate and began unloading her clip into the mech. She heard the mech freeze up about to blow. Vega still held firmly in its grasps. Vega let out a holler when the explosion hit and hit body was thrown against one of the support beams. Shepard ran over to the dazed Lieutenant. "You know the phrase, don't try this at home? Get used to it Vega, because you need to not try getting grabbed by really big things. That's my job." 

"Just glad my shields held through that blast. I thought I was dead. Oh Hell, that hurt though." Vega took Shepard hand dusting himself off and began applying medigel where it was needed. 

Shepard crossed her arms. "Remember what I told you Vega, I need you alive, stop trying to get yourself killed please?"

"Sorry Shepard, i was worried about the kids." He sighed. 

"I know, me too." She gave him a pat on the back and turned towards the the ledge Jack and the students had taken cover.

"Kaylee said she was sending out an SOS. I had no idea the queen of the girl scouts would show up." Jack turned back to the students. "Alright, amp check. Prangly those fields were weak. Cerberus isn't gonna lie down out of pity like that girl you took to prom. Grab juice and an energy bar we move in five." Jack jumped down from the ledge. 

Shepard walked up about ready to say something when Jack launched a punch straight into her face. 

"Holy, did she just..." Vega gaped at the scene before him. 

"Dammit, how any times did I tell you not to trust Cerberus?" Jack had her face in Shepard's as she spoke. 

"Look, I just saved your ass. I never trusted Cerberus. I used them to take down the fucking Collectors, hell you were there. I destroyed that base because I didn't trust Cerberus with the information on it. So, Jack, touch me again and I'll remind you what happens when you cross me. Are we clear?" Shepard's hand was on her pistol ready to draw it. 

"Oh yea? I'm sure that's a lot of comfort for all the people Cerberus has killed." Jack backed up a little giving Shepard her space. 

"As charming as ever." Garrus sighed. 

"Bite me Garrus, better yet, bite her, probably how she likes it." Jack crossed her own arms and a smirk crossed her face. 

"Oh shit." Vega laughed. 

"You know what Jack, I'm getting sick of your mouth. You can't blame me for what Cerberus has done." Shepard walked passed Jack trying to open a signal to Sanders. 

"Okay, all I care about is getting my guys outta here." Jack stated evenly. 

Shepard looked up from her omni-tool meeting Jack's eyes. "You think I'm here for my health? I came here to get these kids to safety and that's what I plan to do. Are you going to sit there flap your jaw or are you gonna do something useful?" Shepard went back to her omni-tool. It took a minute but she managed to get her comm open. 

" _Cortez to extraction team. The Cerberus fighters are coming back. I can't hang out here much longer._ " 

"How long have we got?" Shepard asked her hand planted firmly on her hip. 

" _Two minutes top, Commander._ Cortez reported. " _After that there's no way we'll get past them._

Shepard paused allowing her options to sink in. She didn't want to risk everyone getting shot down on the escape. "Get back to the _Normandy_ , We'll find another way out." 

" _Roger that, Good luck, Commander._ " Cortez acknowledged. 

"Shepard to Sanders, the student's are safe but the shuttles a no go." 

" _Understood, I might know another way off this station, but I'll need visual access. Cerberus has that part of the station under lock and key and there's not a thing I can do about it from here. I've got a signal from the area you are located in that's blocking my access. If you can take down their signal we'll be good to go._ " Sanders explained. 

"On it. Shepard out." Shepard scanned the room with her eyes until she found a couple holo screens across the room. "Garrus, make sure Jack doesn't assault me again while I'm trying to do my thing. Vega watch the door. I don't want anymore surprises you hear?" Shepard suddenly had a rush of frustration as she remembered telling Traynor she'd sent an autistic guy here. She really hoped she didn't send him to his death. She knelt down to the holo screen sitting on a bench just waiting for her fingers. This was the comm sending out the signal; now to shut it down. 

She began opening programs hacking past their systems with her omni-tool program. If she could just... Done. She cut the signal booster and redirected the connection to Sanders so she could gain control of the video feeds. 

"Hope that's all you needed, we really need to get moving. We can't stay in one place too long or else we'll be over run. I'd really like to get these kids out in one piece." Shepard scanned the area as she spoke watching the doors making sure nothing was disturbed. 

" _I will need you to override the door lock manually. You'll have to fight your way through the next area and it's looking like... at least a platoon of them in the Atrium. After you shut down the lock you'll need to manually open the door. It's taken damage._ " Sander's reported. 

"Okay." Shepard ran up the stairs. She was greeted by the worried conversation of the students as she ran over the the doors control panel. _Just focus. It's only me here. We can do this. Get the kids out, number one priority. This wars going to mean shit if we can't save a few of the best humanity has to offer._ She finished inputting the command codes Sanders had sent to her omni tool and left the room without a word. Her mind focused on the mission. She couldn't waste time placating the minds of young students. They needed to be afraid. That fear is the only thing keeping them alive. 

Shepard rushed past Jack without a word headed over to the glitched out door. Once more she found herself thanking Cerberus for their muscle weave and she pushed the heavy mechanical doors open. Just as she turned to signal her team Cerberus launched their last plea with the students. 

"Oh for the love of all that is about to be blown the all hell and back. Why do they have access to your omni tools?" Shepard glanced over at the students. 

" _Students set your omni tools to privacy mode_ " The woman on the other end of the line ordered.

...

"Students cover your ears. Joker fuck yourself sideways with that cane you keep in that cockpit." Jack had taken enough of Joker's shit for the day. 

Shepard grinned down at the shuttle full of students and at David, who she'd been able to rescue as well. Shepard had seen the look of relief pass through jack and Sanders when she told the groaning students that their talents were needed in support roles. No use putting the students on the front line when they weren't skilled enough for that. They would be just fine in support and hey, if they survived this damnable war they were going to be use in the gene pool post war. 

When the shuttle, which was being driven by Vega landed on the _Normandy_ Jack pulled Shepard aside. "Thank you." 

"Uh, your welcome?" Shepard raised an eyebrow at her. "What for? Pulling your ass out of the fire yet again?" 

"No, for pushing them into support roles. They aren't ready for the front lines. I'd rather not look over their graves when the Reapers are defeated." Jack admitted. 

"When? I'm still looking at the possibility of them beating us honestly." Shepard admitted. 

"Nah, Shepard I may give you hell, but if you're at the head of this war, we can do this." Jack gave Shepard's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "I was surprised. I expected you to drag them to the front lines. You are known for dangling people in front of suicide missions."

"Not kids." Shepard sighed. "I don't know what to do with them honestly. They should not be on the front line though. I've been there. They've not been properly trained for that- Not that I don't believe in your leadership skills" Shepard quickly raised her hands in defense. "More like I remember being that age. I fought tooth and nail to live every day but that didn't mean I was prepared to fight a war. I don't know." Shepard shook her head. "Keep an eye on them. Part of this is a contingency plan for if we do defeat them. You might be leading our future if we do manage to pull our asses out of this."

"Will do. Anyone messes with my students, Will have a very fucking pissed off biotic to deal with." 

Shepard gave a quick nod before dismissing herself from the group. They were going to drop them off at the Citadel, where the Alliance would decide where to place them. Shepard left the shuttle bay before anyone else could stop her. 

...

"You know it was good to see Jack. I might've given her warnings about Cerberus more credit if her tattoos didn't give me a headache." Garrus gave Shepard a nudge with his crest. 

"Oh? Of all people I didn't expect them to bother you." Shepard gave him a grin. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Garrus asked. 

"Well I mean Turians everywhere tattoo their face. Ya know. I just find it amusing." Shepard teased. To emphasize her point she rolled over crawling on top of Garrus and traced his colony marking with light kisses. 

"Sure, but ours are one color, and a lot less distracting." Garrus chuckled. 

"I disagree. I find yours are way more distracting. Mostly because they are on you, but lets forget that small detail." Shepard rested her forehead on Garrus' crest. Garrus wrapped his arms around Shepard who was sporting sleep wear which consisted of shorts and a tank top she'd picked up when they were last on the Citadel. She'd taken to showering and changing in an attempt to reclaim what was left of their time waiting for the cure. 

Shepard rolled back over pulling Garrus with her so they lay on their sides facing each other. They were both too tired from the days events to do much else. Shepard enjoyed the feeling of him rubbing her side. He had finally gotten comfortable enough to come to bed without his gloves on so his blunted talons gently rubbed against Shepard's skin under her tank top giving her goose bumps. She took the time to examine his eyes closely the blues and yellows melded together in strands. However alien he may be, his eyes were probably the loveliest eyes Shepard had ever had the opportunity to look into. 

"You know, I kinda wish Turians had some school like Grissom Academy." Garrus broke the silence. 

"Oh really?" Shepard asked nuzzling him where their heads still met. 

"I always wanted to learn how to paint. But you know how life is, now I just paint the walls in Reaper blood." Garrus gave a cocky grin at his statement. 

"Are you just pulling my leg here Garrus; did you just make all of that up so you could say that? I swear to God instead of being all cute and romantic like a good boyfriend should, you spent our cuddling time thinking of clever little one liners like that don't you?" Shepard accused giving him a playful push on the shoulder. 

Garrus grabbed her hand in his and holding it before he spoke. "Well, no, it's true. I always found the art of other cultures fascinating. Turian art isn't exactly... uh... art. I don't know what it is, it's horrific really. I always saw it on the extra-net and secretly wish I knew how it was made. Art is only taught to those turians who show exemplary skill at a young age. I mean before we leave our first school. We have four segments of schooling our first ending when we are nine." Garrus began kneading Shepard'd hand. 

"Really? I didn't know." Shepard frowned slightly. "And here I thought I knew all there was to know about the turian bad boy. I didn't go through the usual formal education Earth offers. I've said that before. Art wasn't even a consideration for me when I was younger. I mean I saw it, but I never gave it much thought. I mean I loved music, and I loved reading, but looking at art wasn't something I spent a whole lot of time doing." Shepard admitted. 

"Well, what did you read about as a kid?" Garrus asked. 

"I read a lot of the Classics. Well, human classics. God that was, what, twenty years ago now? Sure human's were still getting acclimated to the idea that the final frontier had already been settled. We didn't have much information on alien cultures then. I Wasn't til I was 12 years old that I even found a book on aliens. It was some action novel that depicted you turians as the monsters hiding beyond our relay. Not the most notable read mind you. The ones that fascinated me the most were the ones that depicted different types of dystopian novels: 1984, Brave New World, The Giver, Tribal One, stuff like that. Then there were a lot of cool novels that delved into "human nature" or what at least what it was defined in by each century it was written. Then there were the novels written during or after the major wars of our planet. Those were pretty good too. They were available at the library. By the time I was 14 I started reading books and stories schools were forcing kids to read. It was one of the few ways to not become completely uneducated. Also, uh... Made for good discussions between Bean and I. He didn't seem as interested in the stories but he read them for my sake I think." Shepard gave sigh letter her thoughts pool in her younger days. 

Garrus was about to ask something and Shepard interrupted him with a kiss. Garrus greedily accepted pulling her closer so she was pressed against him. When she broke away she caught his gaze. "Look I don't wanna think about that right now. I just wanna enjoy your company while I can. Besides we've got more pressing matters to worry about than what happened in my life 15 or so years ago." Shepard pressed her forehead against his once more. She actually quite enjoyed this very turian gesture. 

"So by more pressing matters are we talking about finger painting in Reaper blood, or the illusive first date we've managed to skip over?" Garrus asked brushing a talon over Shepard's cheek. 

"What are you talking about Garrus?" Shepard looked slightly confused. "I'm pretty sure our first date happened when we shot some things, and exploded some other things, somewhere between our reach and flexibility conversation, and the myriad of times you tried to convince me this was a terrible idea." 

"Joker said you might think along those lines, but I was thinking something more... by the book." Garrus finally finished after giving it a lot of thought. 

"Garrus, since when do I do anything by the book?" Shepard pointed out.

"Since five minutes ago you accused me of being a bad boyfriend." Garrus ducked his head into the crook of her neck giving a testing nip. 

"Mmm, don't start something you can't finish, Vakarian." Shepard let a light groan escape. 

"Oh I can finish it." He purred in her ear. The sounds sent a jolt from her stomach to her core. 

"We'll talk about this first date thing later. We've got some more pressing matters to attend to." Shepard sat up pulling her shirt over her head and dropped it over the side of the bed. 

"I like it when you pull out the Commander voice just for me." Garrus had already been topless and was working on his pants.

"Is that so. I'll have to remember that." Shepard tugged at her own shorts unceremoniously tossing them with her undergarments to the side. "Lay down." Shepard ordered. 

She climbed back on top of him, pressing her body against him. Garrus grabbed her right wrist pulling it up to his mouth and began nipping on the tender side of her arm. He was careful not to break the skin and with each nip he gave a soothing graze of his rough tongue. Shepard put her weight on her left arm and lifted herself so she could start to take him in. She went slow so she could adjust to his girth, which stopped Garrus' movements in their tracks. She could feel the purr of satisfaction reverberating in his chest. Lost in the moment when Shepard was about midway she sat up, straight, allowing gravity to take him. She quickly realized this was a mistake when she felt him bump against her cervix. 

"Oh fuck!" Shepard immediately fell forward landing awkwardly on his chest as the pain reminded her, of his size difference. 

"Shepard, are you alright?" Garrus immediately responded to her actions by pulling out most of the way allowing her to regain her barring. 

"I fucked up. Give me a minute." Shepard was actually whimpering. "I've been really good about remembering to tilt my hips so that wouldn't happen. Oh, Christ, that hurt." 

"We can stop if you want." Garrus offered bringing his hands up to rub his leathery palms against her back soothingly. 

"No, no, I just need a few minutes to recover." Shepard insisted, determined not to ruin their time together. 

"Are you okay?" There was concern written subtlety in his face. 

"Yeah, yeah, I think I explained this before- actually I know I've explained this before lets not go there." Shepard let out a sigh. 

"Really it's okay, we can stop if you're in pain." Garrus pulled out the rest of the way. 

Shepard took another moment to re-evaluate herself before answering. Did she still hurt? Yes, the soreness radiated insider her. She didn't want to leave him hanging either. "I've got a better idea." Shepard quickly rolled off and sat up. "At the very least, let me give you a proper introduction to my mouth... If I have to I'll make that an order." Shepard gave him that smirk she knew got under his skin. "I know last time you didn't get to experience the full extent of it." 

Garrus shook his head. "Look, you don't have too-"

"Sit back Garrus, just enjoy it." Shepard scooted herself lower down the bed and straddled his legs. She took him into her mouth without preamble and began lightly sucking. She let her tongue focus on the bottle side giving him the full effect of the textures of her mouth, but carefully avoiding contact with her teeth. Garrus quivered below her. His own voice took a primal turn as his breath became ragged and labored. Shepard wrapped her right hand around the lower part of his shaft and tucked her left hand underneath his waste. She could feel the corded muscles jerk around her arms with each light suck she administered. 

"Spirits, Shepard." Garrus Groaned. "I'm not going to last long." 

At his admission Shepard spend up her pace. She worked through the soreness starting to formed around her lips. The grunts and purrs Garrus was expelling fueled her ambition. She felt Garrus' talons run through her hair. She didn't have to work much longer before Garrus began trying to push her off. 

"Shepard... youneedtostop." Shepard fought off the insistent nudges Garrus applied to her shoulders, head, whatever he could gain purchase on in that second. 

Not even twenty seconds later Garrus convulsed, his entire body quaking with his release, which Shepard took like a champ. She swallowed the spicy fluids and looked up at him. Garrus spent the next few minutes trying to regain his composure. 

"Not bad eh?" Shepard grinned. "I think you missed something in your research if you were surprised by that."

"I uh... didn't expect you to go that far on me." Garrus admitted. 

"That would be just absolutely rude if I didn't." Shepard teased. She crawled back up finding her comfortable spot next to him and gave a yawn. "I really am tired Garrus." 

"Why exactly would it be rude?" Garrus asked. 

"Well, I'm not allergic, and it's totally worth watching and feeling you come undone like that. You know us squishy creatures give the best head now. It would be rude to deny you that knowledge as well" Shepard sighed a lazy and happy wisp of air. "Totally worth it. Get some rest Garrus."

Shepard slung her arm over the turians waste and Garrus touched his crest to her forehead. Shepard let her eyes droop shut and let sleep take her.


	31. The Genophage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Curing the genophage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so bear in mind the first chapter of part two has taken place. The only other chapter that will overlap quite like this will be the the chapter covering Priority Earth. I will let you know chapter numbers for those who wish to ready everything in cannon order, but keep in mind the first half of part two in from another character's perspective who isn't running on the _Normandy_. That's why I set it up like I did. Also part two is only going to have a few chapters that take place during mass effect 3 anyway, mostly as a character introduction for the new character. 
> 
> So for those of you who care, just read chapter one of part two before reading this one. There will only be a few mentions of those events as this chapter is not about those events.

Shepard Looked up at the massive Reaper in front of her. _Damn_. "We made it through the Omega-4 Relay, what's a giant ass Reaper going to do to stop us?" Shepard gave a look back at the group behind her.

"That's the spirit Shepard." Wrex gave her a slap on the back. "But hey, just remember, you've been a sister to me and Clan Urdnot. When this day is over, the name Shepard will mean hero." 

Shepard shrugged it off and pulled out the rifle. "I didn't realize you krogan had such a soft spot." 

They heard the sound of the Rachni and Wrex loaded his shot gun. "I'll take care of these bastards, you get the cure Shepard." Shepard activated her tactical cloak and ran to cover. she had made up excuses to avoid telling Wrex about the sabotage. The less he knew the better. There was no question about it, if she had to choose between the krogan and teh salarians she'd side with the krogans every time. Frankly she needed the front line fighters more than the brains. Without the Krogan support she knew she'd lose the turians no matter how much Garrus vouched for her plans. 

She use the debris in front of her to line up her shot and began taking out the reaper slaves one at a time. "You know, Lola, I don't remember making it through any Omega-4 relay." Vega shouted over the gunfire and howls of their opponents. 

"I did, and Vakarian did that's what matters. We're talking about beating odds, here." Shepard responded back quickly. 

"You know I don't have the best track record here with odds right Lola?" Vega countered. 

"Well, think of it this way, you're with me. My odds are better." Shepard took that moment to reactivate the cloak and sprint towards the stairs. She needed to get to higher ground so they could get the advantage. 

"You should listen to her Vega, Shepard pulls off some crazy stunts." Garrus laughed. He and Vega took off after Shepard together. 

"What like getting hulk smashed by brutes?" Vega quipped. 

"Don't make me bench you next mission Vega." Shepard growled. 

"There's the angry voice. You better watch yourself marine." Garrus followed the heat sensors showing him where Shepard had gone. She was crossing the bridge, in plain view of the giant ass Reaper. She made it halfway when her cloak ran out of time and the Reaper was alerted to her presence. Vega quickly ran out but the Reaper shot it's lazor crashing the bridge. 

"You two okay down there?" Garrus asked as he slowly climbed down. 

"I just got shot by a Reaper!" Vega shouted. 

"Considered that practice! you're gonna get shot a hell of a lot more before this war is over." Shepard called back.

"If we survive this! Are you really not even fazed by that?" Vega asked. 

"I can think of worse ways to die so not really." Shepard called back. 

"Touche." Vega sighed. 

"Just stick to cover and follow me." Shepard calmly responded. "I won't use my cloak since you don't have the nice heat censors Vakarian does on his Visor." 

Just as they made it across the large platform and up against a fallen support beam, Shepard heard the whirring of fights flying over head. "Well I'll be damned, Victus pulled through." Shepard's grin could be heard in her words. 

"Now that's some cojones!" Vega shouted. 

"Alright guys, the hammers are just up ahead. We can do this." Shepard jumped down from the ledge just as a brute crashed into the ground. "Fuck! That's going to complicate things.

Shepard activated her cloak and ran past the brute. Just then another one crashed. down next to her causing her to lose balance. Shepard caught herself on the wall thankful the impact didn't damage her cloak. Her eyes locked on the hammer and she sprinted forward towards the pedestal slamming her land down to activate it. _One down, one to go_. 

She heard the familiar crackle of her cloak discharging. She scanned the platform and saw there were now four brutes and the two that weren't trying to take down Vega and Garrus were looking at her. _Fuck fuck fuck this is bad._ She pulled out her predator and started firing shots into the closest brute. It didn't seemed to mind the bullets that cut through it's armor. She let out and incinerate as it began charging in her direction. Shepard tumbled to the right causing the brute to tumble into the pedestal that held the first hammer. Shepard dodged the second brute charge by jumping and falling down the stairs. She saw the Reaper raise it's leg above her. _Oh shit._

She scrambled to her feet trying to get out of the way of the large metal leg that was about to crush her. She activated her cloak as soon as the leg crashed down and she knew she was safe for the time being. She let out a few bullets in the Brute facing down Vega, then she turned to run towards the next hammer. Just as she was about to hurl herself at the second hammer she heard Vega cry out. As her hands slammed down on the Hammer she listened for the chimes which were supposed to call Kalros. 

*Ding* *ding*. 

She took out her sniper rifle and began unloading clips into the large creatures that toward over her comrades. She took down two of them with shots through the neck, which with the power she was packing in her new Black Widow was enough to decapitate them. "Are you okay Vega?" Shepard asked lining up the next shot for the brute that was chasing down Garrus. 

" _No. Oh God, If we don't get out of here soon I'm going to bleed out. I'm out of medigel_." Vega grunted over the comm. 

Shepard sniped down the brute taking the kill on Garrus' target and noticed that all the brute were down. "Garrus get Vega the hell out of here, I'll take care of the cure." 

Shepard heard the roar of Kalros as the thresher maw took down the Reaper. She felt the ground shifting below her and realized she had to move immediately. Her feet were moving before she had a change to think. She needed to warn Mordin about the cure. 

...

"How's Eve?" Shepard asked breathlessly. 

"Synthesizing the cure was traumatic for Eve but not fatal. She is back with Wrex." Mordin said quickly imputing codes in the console. "There's a malfunction." His eyes quickly darted over the console as he considered his options. 

"It's not a malfunction. It's sabotage. The salarians did it.." Shepard sighed. 

"You knew. Why Shepard?" The salarian honestly looked hurt. 

"Look Mordin it's not like that. I wanted to warn you so you could fix it. I didn't want anymore animosity between the krogan and turians. We need them to work together. If keeping information like this under-wraps is what it takes than goddammit that's exactly what I'll do. Besides I trust you, you can fix it I know you can." Shepard gave a sigh. She looked up at the tower realizing what was going to happen. 

"Thank you Shepard." Mordin walked over to the elevator. "It had to be me. Someone else might've gotten it wrong." 

"Godspeed Mordin." Shepard looked up at the tower watching as debris threatened to topple it any moment. _Come on_. Shepard thought and let out a sigh as the elevator came to a stop at the top. "Cortez, Mordin is going to need a pick up ASAP. Top of the tower."

Shepard waiting and felt a smile form when the cure spewed out the top. _Thank God Mordin, now please get the hell out of there._ She waited. 

" _On it Commander I just need-_ " Shepard couldn't hear the voice any longer as the top of the tower exploded. Her gut wrenched and she began scrambling to jump down from the platform. 

Shepard shook her head. "Never mind." 

...

Shepard didn't say a word to anyone as she exited the shuttle. She was angry. Pissed. How many more people were the Reapers going to take from her before this war ended? 

"I'm sorry." Cortez offered when she sat down at the procurement console. 

"Not your fault." Shepard stepped away from the requisitions console. "I'm going to go check on Vega and see if Hackett is available for vid comm."

"Before you go, I heard what you did for joker." Cortez interrupted. 

"Ahh, exactly what did I do for Joker?" Shepard asked. 

"You convinced that girl he knew to join up. Well, join the Alliance. I see a distinct lack of her presence on this ship." Cortez's comment was true in fact. Shepard had asked a girl to leave behind her job at the Purgatory and get involved in the war. After seeing her scores she was surprised the Alliance hadn't been breathing down her neck sooner. Something about that girl had rubbed her the wrong way though. She couldn't put her finger on it. So she gave her the pamphlet and told her to call the hotline. Frankly she didn't want the girl on her ship. She didn't really need another engineer, especially since the second she hears where Tali is her ass will be on the _Normandy_ if she has to slaughter an entire brigade of Reapers to get here there. 

"We didn't have any need for her. I already had this discussion with Joker." Shepard replied. "Besides, I don't think that girl wants to be on this ship." 

"From what I heard if she saw this ship she'd probably steal it from Joker." Cortez offered. 

"Maybe, maybe not. I'll see you later." Shepard gave him a nod and entered the elevator that Garrus had so kindly held for her. 

Shepard enjoyed that about Garrus, where other members of the squad would talk to her regardless, he knew she needed some time in her head. He let her stew in her silence, with nothing more than a squeeze to her armored shoulder. She returned the favor with a soft smile then let her eyes drop to the floor. She wasn't really seeing anything at this point, her thoughts were deep enough to take her awareness away. In fact Garrus had to nudge her out of the elevator towards the medbay and even then Shepard slowly moved, allowing her thoughts to drill her. This wasn't like Torfan. Torfan was a war of attrition in which she was winning. This was a brutal battle and the numbers were not in their favor. 

Suddenly she was realized she was still standing in front of the door to the med bay. Garrus had taken the liberty of punching the holo button commanding the door to open for her. She gave a quick shake of her head to bring her back to herself and stepped into the room. 

"How's Vega?" She asked looking over to the bed Vega lay on. 

"He'll live. I patched him up just fine and luckily the claw of that brute didn't hit any arteries. it was close though." Dr. Michel informed. 

"How long is he out?" Shepard asked. 

"I'd say at least a week given the amount of blood he lost." Dr. Michel gave a quick glance over to Garrus. "You made it out alright? Or do you have things I need to patch up?" 

"I'm fine." He responded. 

"Alright dismissed." Shepard walked out of the med bay and back to the elevator. 

Dr. Michel gave Garrus a comforting smile. "You sure you didn't come here for medical attention?" 

"No, I came here with Shepard, in fact I'm going to head over and share a few words with the primarch before Shepard holds the debrief." Garrus went to leave but was caught by Dr. Michel. 

"Wait, I uh... I saw this on the Citadel and thought of you. I know the dextro food here is a bit bland and I was hoping you might enjoy some of this." She handed him a little box of dextro chocolates. "It's the least I can do for my favorite turian." The smile on her face was 

"Um. Thanks. That's very kind of you." Garrus gave a quick awkward nod of the head and left for the war room. 

...

"I'm surprised." Victus' sub-harmonics confirmed his statement. 

"I told you she'd do it." Garrus felt pride for his mate as he said it. 

"I was actually expecting none of you to make it. Guess I was wrong." Victus admitted. 

"Well we almost lost the other human. Shepard did what she does though, she got the job done."

Both turians turned their head when they heard the Commander walk into the "Ahh, Commander. Guess she felt her fringe tingling eh Garrus?"

"Uh, what?" Shepard raised her eyebrows. 

"It's an old turian belief. We were just talking about you." Garrus explained. 

"Ahh, we have a few of those. I think the most interesting one I've heard of involves sneezing and the alphabet. I don't know the specifics but it was an old Bulgarian one. So what have we got primarch?" Both of the turians could see the exhaustion on the commander. 

She'd barely gotten an hour worth of sleep last night before the nightmares had woken her up. Garrus had tried every trick in the book he knew to get her to sleep and none had taken. 

"Well, you upheld your end of the bargain and now I'll hold mine. I've put Garrus in charge of several dry dog ships which are ready to help build the crucible." 

"Yes sir." Garrus nodded. 

"And when the time comes to deploy it, the full measure of our Fleet will be there for Earth," the primarch continued. "May the spirits watch over us all." He gave a nod and ducked out of the room leaving Garrus and Shepard alone around the war terminal. 

"I'll start managing turian support right away Shepard. You must be exhausted. Mordin dying, it can't be easy..." Garrus started rubbing her back his claws catching on her uniform occasionally. 

"I'll sleep when I dead." Shepard's voice had a defiant ring to it. 

"We both know you need a clear head to win a war Shepard. There's no room for mistakes here. You should catch some shut eye. I know where you sleep. If anything happens I'll get you." Garrus pulled Shepard into a hug. She wrapped her arms around his waste so her body pressed against his. 

"I'll see what I can do Garrus, no promises." Shepard had no intention of sleeping. 

In fact when she tore herself away and made her way up to her cabin the first thing she did was start reading reports, crunching numbers to see if there was anyway to turn this thing around. She sat herself down on her couch and plopped her boots up on the coffee table where her weapons and a few mods she was tinkering with a few days back were laying. It was then the box of turian chocolates on the coffee table caught her eye. Then she felt silly for not having thought of that. She could have picked some up for Garrus, but now he had some. She was hoping he'd eat them fast so she could buy him another box now. She wrote down the brand and saved it in a file on her omni-tool. Its the little things that were going to get them through this, if they survived anyway. 

It wasn't long until exhaustion took over and Shepard fell asleep sitting on the couch with her feet up.


	32. Can't we be done with three headed dogs yet?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dealing with Kaiden during the Cerberus invasion. Talking to people afterwards and Picking up Tali, and Geth dreadnoughts.
> 
> Also, there's a bit of blood involved in some sexy times. It'll be the last part I'll put a warning for you guys.

Shepard looked back at Garrus before jumping onto the elevator. She landed and even a full chance to gain her balance Gun shots started bursting through the top. _Shit snacks_ she rolled dodging. Kaiden and the council didn't realize she was the one on the elevator. Her conversation with him when he was recovering had gone less than spectacular. She'd ended up leaving without really resolving much when he starting making comments about her current relationship status. It wasn't in the way a jealous x would, they'd never been together, in fact they both knew there wasn't any chemistry early on. She was too carefree and he was too uptight. At least socially, outside of military chain of command. She was known for being a hard-ass when it counted, but outside the ship on shore leave, she'd be friendly with most. What mostly frustrated her though was they were friends. She'd been there for him when Ash died, talked about so much with him between missions, and hell she knew he didn't appreciate her extra-curricular activities but it had felt like he'd decided to tear apart everything she did since Cerberus. The last words they shared between this moment were:

" _I'm sorry Shepard, I know I'm right about Cerberus, and I may have been wrong about you, but if the only thing we can do to get past all this Cerberus nonsense and Horizon are to just pretend they didn't happen? Do you really think things will be better?_ " Kaiden was right. Sure he was the one causing all of this bull shit but if he couldn't get past her story and learn to truly trust her then they really didn't have much of a friendship nor a very good business relationship. She hadn't even told Garrus she went to see him when he woke up. Mostly because she didn't want to burden him with it after she'd seen him in the docking bay, surrounded by many of his people hurt and helpless. 

All she knew was, this situation was not good. She had to rely on him to trust her, and he basically told her point blank he couldn't. She kicked down the maintenance hole and dropped down. Garrus and Vega did the same and she walked out of the elevator, gun drawn, and she realized the last message she'd received from him. this is the first time she'd look at him as an equal. She no longer had her Spectre rank over him because now he was also a Spectre. Her eyes narrowed as she stared down the barrel of her pistol at her old comrade. 

"Shepard, what's going on?" He asked. 

"Shepard's blocking our escape she's with Cerberus." Udina's accusation caused Shepard to chuckle morbidly. 

"You heard him Shepard, Weapon's on the floor." The male Spectre demanded. His gun pointed right at her head. She could feel her heart beat all over her body. One wrong move and either of them could end up dead. 

"Kaiden you better listen. Stand. Down." Each word emphasized her anger. Udina not only was forcing her hand against an old friend, but is indirectly the result of another old crew member laying wait with a bullet hold in his stomach. 

"Can't do that Shepard." He responded evenly. 

Shepard looked back at Garrus signaling him with her eyes. If this didn't work out he was to act no matter what. Shepard stepped forward lowering her gun. Trying to give the illusion that she was not acting out. Not only for Kaiden but for the other two councilors. "Would I do this if I weren't dead certain, Kaidan? Would I? You saw me sacrifice a good chunk of the first fleet to save these two councilors before. Udina's behind this attack. The salarian Councilor confirmed it." 

"Please, you have no proof. You never do." Udina denied. That argument may have worked before, and in fact has been used by the three other council members on several occasions, hopefully Kaiden would see the facts. 

"There are Cerberus soldiers in the right behind us in the elevator shaft if you open that door they'll kill you all." Shepard hoped her warning would drive fear into the remaining council members. 

"We have mistrusted Shepard before..." Councilor Tevos admitted. 

"We don't have time for this, if we stick around here we're dead. I'm overriding the lock." Udina pressed stepping up to the console. 

Shepard raised her gun once more thankful Kaiden hadn't pulled the trigger yet. Maybe there was hope. "Shepard look at us." He let out a nervous breath. "This can't end well. Just put. It. Down."

"Ball's in your court. Open that door and the council's dead. I might regret gunning you down for the rest of my life but I will do it." Shepard kept her voice even, She could feel her eyes beginning to water but she wouldn't back down. If she had to shoot she was ready, and she was letting him know it was up to him. 

Kaiden must've noticed. His face softened and his gun lowered. "I better not regret this." The warning was clear. He raised his own weapon once more and pointed it at Udina. "Udina, step away from the console." 

"To hell with this!" Udina's hands began inputting codes into the holo screen. 

Time began to slow. Shepard blinked back the water that had formed in her eyes and she looked back at the lock that was being overridden on the door. She raised her gun once more but the asari councilor now stood between her and her mark. _Damnit Tevos!_ She cursed inwardly. Luckily for her the councilor reached out and Udina responded by pushing her down. Now she had a clear shot. Without hesitation her finger twitched against the trigger and Udina fell to the ground. The gun Udina had grabbed now lay beside his body. Shepard began walking forward the command's she gave were quick and concise. 

"Get the council back and cover that door!" She heard Garrus and Vega turn towards the door as she spoke. 

Shepard felt her back stiffen as she heard the familiar sound of metal being cut away from behind her. "The door!" Councilor Sparatus shouted. 

She whipped around gun pointed at the door ready to shoot the second she saw the Cerberus she was so familiar with. The second never came. Instead the blonde man sporting C-sec colors was at the head of the pack. Shepard's knees almost gave out from under her when she recognized Commander Bailey with a couple C-sec officers in tow. 

"I thought you said Cerberus was in the Elevator Shaft." Tevos demanded. 

"I see you cleaned this mess up here." Bailey gave a wry smile. "I hate to say it, but Shepard just saved the lot of you." 

the councilors gave their thanks and Shepard stood quietly. She let them throw the questions she couldn't answer around. Why? Now that she had time to question it herself, she really needed to find out. What was so important here that Cerberus had to muck shit up here too? She felt the familiar squeeze of three talons against her skin tight armor. She gave a nod of dismissal at her crew allowing them to escort the council to safety and she followed Commander Bailey. 

...

Shepard was glad she got a few last words with Thane, glad she was able to tell him their efforts had not been in vain. That their mission was a success. she knew that was no condolence for the sun who read the prayer book. He gave her the opportunity to pray with him but she opted out. She didn't think she could speak right now anyway, and Kolyat was more important in this moment than herself anyway.

 _You won't be alone long._ She'd said to him as he died in that hospital bed. she didn't really believe in any afterlife but there was a small part of her that hoped, just for the people she'd served with, that Ash was right. These people who'd fought along side with her and died because of this war, they deserved some type of life beyond this galaxy. 

She opened the door that led her to the docking bay and was surprised to see Kaiden standing there. "Shepard." He greeted. 

"Kaiden." She returned the one word greeting. 

"I think that's how we get over Horizon." Kaiden looked a little distraught by the realization. 

Shepard felt herself let out a nervous laugh. "How do you figure?" She asked. 

"Well, when it came down to it, I swallowed my pride and allowed myself to realize that maybe you were right. Not about Cerberus of course, but I did a real shit job of trusting you. After everything we'd been through. I didn't want to be on the other side of the fence becoming one of those people who caused problems because I didn't listen. I think that helped. You really would have shot me?" Kaiden asked. 

"Sorry to burst your bubble, but you know what I do to people who point their guns at me." Shepard sighed. 

"Well at least this time you made an exception." Kaiden was rubbing the back of his neck. Suddenly he stopped and held it out. "You think we're good now?" He asked. 

"We may but heads sometimes Kaiden, but yea we're good. let's just keep the friendly fire to a minimum alright?" Shepard reached out giving him a firm shake. 

"Good. Now, to apologize profusely for my idiotic nature wasn't my only reason for meeting you here on this fine dock." Kaiden gave a soft smile. "Hackett offered me a position, but I'd turn him down if there was any chance I could find my place back on the _Normandy_ ; back under your command." 

"Of course Kaiden. so long as you keep your thoughts about my private life, private." Shepard teased. 

"Ah, Sorry about that too. Garrus is a good guy. You deserve some form of happiness, however strange it is." Kaiden agreed. 

"Drinks on me next shore leave. You better not try to duck out like you did after the battle of the Citadel." Shepard gave him a teasing nudge in the side with her elbow before leading him onto the docks. 

"You bet Shepard. It's good to be home." 

...

Shepard stood in front of her door collecting herself. She knew Garrus was on the other side. She'd asked EDI before she came up. She input the code to allow her access to her cabin and stepped through the door. She found Garrus sitting on the couch cleaning her guns. His guns were already polished and packed away. _uh... well then._ She let out a nervous laugh at that thought and sat down next to the Turian. 

"Shepard, hell of a day. Udina loses his mind, the citadel almost falls... and you almost had to put down a friend." Garrus set down her pistol on the coffee table and started rubbing her leg when she sat down. 

"Got a little tense there." Shepard made it sound funnier than it actually was. 

"If it had come down to it, could you have pulled the trigger?" Garrus asked.

"If he hadn't back down, yes. I wasn't lying about what I said. I would have regretted it the rest of my life, but I have to remember, this war is bigger than any one person." Shepard felt the conversation get heavy. 

"I'll remember that next time we have an argument." Just like Garrus to turn a serious conversation into a joke. Shepard felt a smile form on her face. "Still, I'm glad Kaiden didn't have to join Ash. Losing one was enough."

"Yea. He apologized for being a little bitch on Horizon too." Shepard laughed. "Nothing like holding a gun to your Commander to put life into perspective for ya huh." 

"You do remember I've shot you before... I guess life may have also gone into perspective for me." He leaned down and nuzzled her forehead. 

"Guess I can't say you're the only person who's held a gun to me and gotten away with it before. I can however say you're the only one who's pulled the trigger and gotten away with it." Shepard gave him a punch in the arm. 

"Concussive rounds only Shepard. And besides you did that weird human thing. It was insulting." Garrus feigned offense. 

"Oh flipped you off? I guess I did do that. But that was after you shot me. That was why I flipped you off. Wasn't even an offer at the time but look at us now. Ohh, we're on our way to get Tali, in case you weren't aware." Shepard was bouncing with excitement. "I missed my engineer. I knew I could steal her for one more round on the _Normandy_. I wonder if she kept her name... hmm." 

"Yea she did. At least, last I heard. I talked to her a bit while you were incarcerated." Garrus answered. 

"You're only telling me this now? Dick." Shepard hopped up and jumped into her bed. "You could've told me at anytime you've heard from one of my best friends in the entire Galaxy. But Noooo you had to keep it all to yourself." 

"Shepard I didn't know you cared." Garrus teased. "Also, what is it with you humans and deciding that genitals are an insult?" Shepard just rolled her eyes at the second question, not giving him an answer.

"Just clean my gun and we'll call it even." Shepard chuckled. He was already back to cleaning her gun anyway. "I might actually sleep well tonight. Here's hoping." 

She pulled the covers over her and without even getting out of her uniform she rolled onto her side facing where Garrus would soon lay and closed her eyes. 

...

"Come on Wake up Garrus it's time to steal Tali!!" Shepard whined shaking Garrus' shoulder. "Gaaaaaaarrusss I'll give all of the dextro food to Tali so there's none left for you if you don't get out of bed and put your armor on like the good turian you are." 

Garrus gave a grunt. 

"Oh come on. Normally you're up before me staring creepily at me while I sleep." Shepard jumped on him causing his eyes to flash open. "I didn't think it was uh... turianly possible for the wind to be knocked out of you. I apologize for my rudeness but wake the fuck up." 

"Huh?"

"It's time to get Tali, it's like Christmas but better!" Shepard kissed his crest, her legs were straddling his waste. 

"What's Christmas?" Garrus asked. 

"Wake up and I'll tell you later, you have to put yourself together." Shepard kissed his nose plate. 

"I think I enjoyed brooding Shepard better than morning person Shepard." Garrus teased. 

"Just get the fuck up or I'll dump water on you. Then I'll be pissed because I'll have to sleep in a wet bed tonight." Shepard pulled at his cowl forcing Garrus to sit up. She jumped off of the bed and started throwing pieces or Armor at him. 

He caught them with ease and formed a pile of his war gear next to him until he had every piece, including his gloves. 

"Don't worry Garrus, I'll go back to brooding Shepard as soon as I remember having Tali on my ship means having another life I'm personally responsible for getting killed if things go south. Just get dressed and meet me in the war room." Shepard ran her hand through the wet hair she'd yet to dry from her shower. "Oh and Garrus?" 

"Yeah?" He was pulling pieces of his armor on as he waited for her response. 

"I think you've earned the right thrice over to just call me Ann. I mean we are a thing and all..." He noticed the redness creeping into her cheeks as she said that. 

"You're blushing, Ann." Garrus informed. 

"Okay you, shut up. See you down in the war room." She quickly left the room before he could give her more hell about the stupid blood that was rushing to her cheeks. She felt insanely giddy right now. Given the events of the past few days it was strange but welcome. 

She entered the war room glancing around at the four admirals that were standing around the terminal. "Commander Shepard a pleasure to see you, though I wish it were under better circumstance." Admiral Raan's voice held that tone that said, oh hey Shepard can you help us? _Fuck_. Her ecstatic mood quickly diminished. 

"I'd hope for your support for the fight against the Reapers... What's going on?" She asked suspicion dripping from her words. She heard the door to the war room open and Garrus walked in taking a place against the wall and leaning against it. 

"17 days ago with precision strikes against four geth systems the quarians initiated the war to retake our home world." Admiral Garrel explained. 

"Which was a clear violation of our agreement with the council to avoid provoking the geth." Admiral Koris interrupted. 

"A treaty violation is nothing compared to reclaiming our home world and advance AI technology." Admiral Xen countered. 

"That was a mistake." Shepard sighed resting her head in her hand. 

"We may have destroyed our people for good." Koris agreed. 

"We'd driven the Geth back to the home system, when this signal began broadcasting to all Geth ships." Garrel continued to keep this meeting under control. 

"The Reapers." Shepard sighed. 

"Under Reaper control the Geth are significantly more effective. Our fleet is pinned in the home system." Shepard watched the holo on the terminal. "If we're going to win we-"

"Wait! you insisted on involving the civilian ships Admiral Garrel. We need to retreat or we'll lose the life ships." Shepard thought for a moment. If she could get them to retreat they could use their fleet to fight the Reapers, maybe she could promise taking back their home world after the Reapers were destroyed. 

"Where's the signal coming from?" Shepard tried to keep the conversation going without letting on to her train of thought. Not yet anyway. 

"Here, a Geth Dreadnought It can outgun anything we've got an it's heavily defended." Garrel answered. 

"The _Normandy's_ Stealth drive can get us in undetected. I could board then disable the reaper command signal." Her offer seemed to cause the board to consider it. 

Xen was the first to speak. "Yes, cutting off the signal would throw the Geth into complete disarray." 

"And while their confused you get to a mass Relay and retreat." Shepard decided. "I mean, it's either that or I could take the _Normandy_ and leave you to fight your own battle, because I definitely have mine to deal with." 

"Good. The Civilian ships have seen too much fighting already." Koris agreed once more. "Are you certain you can disable to signal?" 

"We'll get you out of there safely admiral." Shepard promised. Maybe it was premature but she did anyway. 

"Our newest admiral has also volunteered to help with her technical expertise." Raan look as Tali entered the room. 

"Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy Reporting for duty." Tali stopped short of joining the other admirals. 

"Glad you could make it Tali." Shepard felt a grin threatening to spread on her face but she kept it in check. The other admirals needed to know she meant business. "Admirals, I'll ready a team to hit that dreadnought."

"Thank you, Commander." Shepard couldn't read the emotions that were emitting from her voice.

"I'll let you guys know when I'm ready to hit the dreadnought. Tali, may I have some time to catch up?" Shepard asked. 

"Of course." Shepard pulled the quarian through the door and led her into the room she'd held the summit in. She crossed her arms over her chest leaned back against the wall. She felt herself let out an audible sigh. 

"Tell me you didn't want to do this." Shepard's voice was small. 

"I didn't, only Zaal'Koris agreed with me Shepard. I had to be careful about it, I couldn't cause anymore trouble than there already was, but at least I can push back against the worst ideas." Tali put her hand on her helmet. 

Garrus brushed past Shepard and put his hands on the old comm table. "Well, that went... not as good as We'd hoped. Shepard was practically pulling my plates off trying to wake me up so we could have our best engineer back." 

"I don't know how long I can stay here Shepard. My people need me. If I'm not there to stop the admirals from doing something completely idiotic I'm going to lose them all." Tali's firsts were shaking as she started wringing them. 

Shepard pushed herself off the wall and grabbed Tali by the shoulders. "Look normally I'd just fly my ship off and tell them to fuck off. I need the fleet, and I need you in one piece. So here's what we're going to do. I'm going to go win this war for your people, and you are going to get them to fight with us against the Reapers, minus the life ships. We need some contingency plan in case this all goes sideways." 

"Well if we win the war, we should be able to use the life ships. At least the ones combat ready." Tali added with a soft sigh. 

"Tali, on a side note, are you okay?" Shepard let go of her Arms and stepped back.

"No, I'm really not." Tali shook her head. 

"Just hang in there, if anyone can whip these ass hats into shape it's you. I mean hell you're an admiral now." Shepard gave her a reassuring smile. 

"Barely, but I'll see what I can do."

"Okay. Let me tell joker to head in and Garrus and I will suit up and take care of this little problem, you make sure these guys stay out of trouble."

...

"Care to explain that joke Shepard? Why would we sing the Russian national anthem?" Garrus asked as they stood at the in the air lock. 

"It's just an old movie reference." Shepard replied. 

"You ready for this Tali?" Shepard asked. 

"Yea, and It's nice to see the crew again." Tali sighed. 

"Well, Tali, you are our Geth expert, so you get to handle hacking and security. You know, the usual." Shepard gave her a wink. 

"It is good to have you back Tali." Garrus gave her his turian smile. "Maybe with another dextro on board they'll get better turian food." Garrus shot a look at Shepard. 

"As long as it's sterilized." Tali sounded doubtful. 

"Dr. Michel did give me some dextro amino chocolate. You're welcome to it once we're back." Garrus offered. 

"She gave you chocolate?" Tali passed a look at Shepard who looked Surprised. 

"She said she saw it and thought of me, why?" Garrus asked puzzled. 

"Oh..." Tali couldn't see Shepard's face but she knew the silence thus far meant something. Whether it was shock or anger they would soon find out. "You might want to restrain Shepard once we are back. I think you missed something in your eh-hem... research. Shepard, you'd better watch out." 

"Oh hell, if she weren't all the way down in the med bay I could take Javik's approach. He seems to enjoy throwing things out of the airlock. I'm starting to see why." Shepard Started walking towards the door. She was muttering some very angry sounding words but most of it was lost in translation. 

"Shepard-" Garrus was interrupted by the AI. 

"The docking tube is damaged, I advise that the shore party go in one at a time."

"With Pleasure." Shepard activated her mag boots and went left the two dextro's behind. 

"What did I miss Tali, also, how do you know?" Garrus seemed genuinely confused. 

"Next time you try to woo an Alien, you should at least look up their holiday traditions." Tali chuckled. "There's a day dedicated people giving their significant other's chocolate. She might see Dr. Michel as moving on on her territory so to speak." 

"She's not threatening to throw you out the airlock and I offered you some in front of her." Garrus was even more confused. "Oh crap. I really messed up." 

"Nah, she knew that wasn't your intention. Dr. Michel on the other hand... Garrus you are really bad at noticing when people like you." Tali was full on laughing at this point. 

" _Tali, you're going to like the view._ " Shepard's voice came over the com. 

"Better than the vids?" Tali responded no longer laughing. 

" _Much_." Shepard agreed. 

"So how are you liking the zero gravity?" Tali asked. 

" _I'm making due with my grav boots, but I wont lie, it's a little disorienting._ " Shepard admitted casually. " _I'm ready to shoot some geth._ " 

"Well, don't worry there will be some gravity in the dreadnought. just keep going." Tali offered.

" _Riiiggght._ "

Garrus looked over at Tali. "Why did you know this information? About what humans like?" 

"Uh, no reason." Tali's voice wasn't very convincing. "I was just curious about the human's is all. Shepard spent so much time learning about all of our different cultures on the first _Normandy_ that I figured maybe I should do the same. I also happen to know Shepard's birthday is coming up. Were you aware of this Garrus?" 

"Yea, um... It's... uh... Tali do humans really celebrate the day they were born? Or are you just pulling my spurs?" He asked. 

"Oh God Garrus, you should be lucky Shepard's not the crazy fuss over every little thing type. I read about some of the things people do to each other for forgetting a simple day." Tali was glad to turn the focus away from herself. To be quite frank, ever since her time with Shepard on the SR-2 Tali had started to feel some strange feelings towards Shepard. She'd kept them to herself and wondered if she could find a human to fill the spot. Although after the many times she'd watch fleet and flotilla maybe she could match herself up with a turian. At least they could eat each other's food, even if Tali had to decontaminate it before she ate it. 

"Maybe she is and I missed that too?" 

"Naw, Shepard's not. Although, it would be good to note that Her birthday is in a week. It's April 11th." Tali confirmed. "My advice, get her a present."

"Alright Tali, I'll take your advice you don't have to ask me twice. Maybe I could get her chocolate?" Garrus offered. "Since it clearly means so much to her." 

"Maybe, or you could get her a gift that's funny. I almost think she would appreciate it more." Tali answered. "She's always responded well to my gifts like that." 

"what kind of gag gifts do you give her?" Garrus asked.

"I found an engineering for dummies book one time. Another time I gave her a broken piece of my suite and told her to cherish it forever. Good times Garrus, and you missed it because you didn't pay attention." Tali giggling was she remembered the times she gave Shepard strange gifts. 

" _Oh Fuck!_ " They both snapped their head towards the closed door waiting to find out what Shepard was cursing about.

" _You alright Shepard?_ " They heard Joker ask. 

" _Well other than almost reliving the most terrifying moment of my life, er, death? Yea I'm okay. They won't be using this docking tube. It disconnected_." Shepard gave a sigh. 

" _I'm correct to assume you don't want to solo the dreadnought?_ " Joker teased Shepard. 

" _Not if I can help it. Although damn that could be hella fun. You know getting trapped because hacking an AI's system is a Waaay beyond my skill set._ " Shepard was entering the ship and talking. " _Although it would be cute because we all know Garrus would come after me. He'd save my life and Dr. Michel-_ "

" _Am I sensing some resentment Shepard?_ " joker was chuckling. " _Just get your ass in their and open another docking tube up for the rest of the boarding party._ "

" _Decaf coffee for a week._ " Shepard ordered. 

" _Aww Don't be like that_ " Joker's whining could be heard all the way in the CIC. 

" _Tali, can you walk me through this?_ " Shepard requested. 

"You know I can." Tali was shaking her head and started feeding the Commander with instructions. 

...

"Shepard, please don't murder any of the admirals. Keelah, they messed up, but if you shoot anyone of them this little deal we're making will be off." Tali warned. 

"At this point they are lucky I'm specifically walking in there with no guns. This has been one hell of a lucky day huh." Shepard growled.

"Shepard the mission parameter's changed. You're military you understand that..." His statement sounded more like a question. 

"I understand that you wasted your chance to withdraw safely. The mission parameters didn't change in my book. AS far as I'm concerned you failed this mission." Shepard was as close to admiral Garrel as she could be. 

"The dreadnought was a perfect target." He countered. 

Shepard stepped down balled up her fist and sent it right in to Admiral Han'Garrel's gut. "Admiral you jeopardized YOUR mission and MY people. Just remember, next time I'm in charge of my people and the next time you think a little friendly fire is acceptable I'll give joker the go ahead to fire. The people who shoot at my crew don't live to tell about it. Not without my permission. Get the hell off my ship." 

"Shepard I understand you're angry-" 

"Yes I'm angry. He had one job. Get the hell out of here. I need your fleet to take out the Reapers, then we can talk about the Geth, not before." Shepard was glaring at Raan. 

"Without a planet to put our civilians on we're risking extinction." Raan was clearly not buying Shepard's opinion. 

"You won't have a fucking planet once the Reapers are through with us anyway. You want to start a war in the middle of an invasion? I'm not saying the Geth are without fault here. In fact I'm equally as pissed off at them for turning for help from the Reapers. Both parties here are doing some fucked up shit here and it's wont amount to anything if the Reapers win. Is that what you want? The entire Galaxy to become extinct because you decide now would be a good time to try and grab your planet? We might've been able to work with them long enough to take out the Reapers. I'm not saying there would have been peace love and unicorns between you two, but I would have gladly chosen to allow you to fight among each other AFTER the Reapers were eradicated. Just remember who your dealing with Admirals." Shepard looked over at Xen as well. 

"He nearly got us killed raan." Tali finished for Shepard. 

"You must understand, the Geth inflicted heavy casualties before you disabled the Reaper signal." Raan's attempts to make an excuse fell on deaf ears. 

"I understand you had a ship crash on Rannoch? The _Normandy_ can assist with the rescue. I hope my still working with you will convince you to cooperate with the plans we come up with in this room. Not work against me." Shepard crossed her arms as she spoke. 

"Shepard Commander, we are here to offer assistance." Legion walked into the room. 

"What the hell is this?" It was Raan's turn to be pissed off. 

"Wait, wait. Everybody calm down. It's name is legion. He helped me destroy the Collectors. The Reapers were using Legion like a signal booster to broadcast commands from the Dreadnought. We freed him." Shepard explained. 

"It. We freed it." Tali's interjection was expected. 

"This is a fascinating prototype. With some study I may be able to use it to find a weakness in the geth consensus." Shepard rolled her eyes and turned to the speaker. 

"Legion said he could help us. For now, lets hear what it has to say." That seemed to appease the admiral. 

"Understood, Commander." 

Legion explained their false assumption about the Reaper code. They learned there was a base on Ronnach that would need disabling as well. Fantastic. All the more reason to be pissed of at Garrel. 

...

So Javik wants me to throw Legion out the airlock, no surprise." Shepard threw her helmet on the couch and started stripping out of her armor. "Honestly, I'm starting to wonder if this is more trouble than it's worth. If this turns out like Tuchanka, well the quarian fleet will have taken plenty of casualties. Are they worth this effort anymore? In all this though, I feel horrible for Tali." 

"Just remember Shepard, you didn't shoot him." Garrus gave her a small turian grin. 

"Funny." She dropped herself into the bed next to him. "I'm just glad we were able to save Koris. If we have any chance of getting them out without them ripping each other to shreds and dropping their numbers he's going to be it." 

"Well, what exactly is your goal here?" Garrus asked. 

"My goal, is to get as many quarian ships as I can into the fight. They have the biggest fleet, not necessarily the strongest that goes to you, but if Numbers are how we have to play this, then that's the goal. I honestly don't give a flying fuck what they do after the Reapers are dead. So long as they help protect the Galaxy. This shortsightedness everyone seems to share is driving me nuts. Sure it's not their planet yet, but it is their galaxy and it will be their planet if they don't wise up. Here's hoping."

Shepard stretched and curled up next to the turian. "Maybe a good night's sleep will put me in the mood to deal with those fucks tomorrow. Otherwise I may lose my temper again. Hopefully we can get this all sorted out by next week because the ships scheduled for dry dock. Then I have to go make a stop at Doctor Bryson's office and have a chat with him. On top of everything Else, the asari who haven't wanted to help finally through in some man power for the crucible project and now they want me to check out one of their places. Seems like everyone wants a piece of me." 

"I can see why they would." Garrus lifted a talon to stroke her soft cheek. 

"I might've gone a little bit over board, but I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you or Tali." Shepard sighed. "I need to make sure my mate is only risking his life on my terms." Shepard felt Garrus tense at her spoken words. Her word choice was testing the waters with him. She really didn't know where they stood and they'd been out gallivanting the galaxy and they still danced around it. "what?" 

"Shepard, I uh... You realize mate holds a lot more weight than boyfriend..." Garrus's expression was unreadable. At first he seemed nervous but now she didn't know exactly what it was. 

"Garrus i did my research. I hope I didn't offend." She felt her own stomach lurch at the thought. Maybe he really didn't think of them that way. 

"No, no, it's fine with me. Are you ready to be a one turian kind of woman?" He asked. 

Shepard felt her cheeks heating up. "Garrus, this is what I want. I'm exactly where I want to be. I love you Garrus Vakarian..." 

Garrus looked at her a little surprised. "Wow, uh, the vids joker gave me never really touched on this topic. There was the sleeping together part but-"

Shepard burst out laughing. "Wow, wow, wow, Garrus, smooth... besides who needs a vid when you've got me?" Shepard grabbed him by the back of his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. She sent a trail over the fading scars on his face and she could fell his exhales against her neck. His hand slipped under her tank top as he began kneading her skin the moment her lips touched his neck. She began nipping, grazing her blunt teeth over the area's she learned he reacted to. He pulled and tugged until her body was displayed before him nude and waiting. 

She felt his rough tongue lap and lick all around her neck and he penetrated her. She felt his dominant head cup the bad of her head, the begin kneading her short hair. The sounds he was making were a bit rougher than he normally made. She groaned when his teeth hovered over the bend in her neck and he seemed to be waiting. The pressure in her groin was building and they moved. Her moans were trapped in her throat as she anticipated his next move. Just as she felt her body felt and contract his teeth pierced her skin and she cried out. The pain only intensifying her release. He kept moving against her but his mouth was latched onto her holding her down as she jerked below him with each spasm. By the time she'd calmed down he began and she felt his guttural growl vibrate through his torso and head. His hold on her unwavering. She found the same spot on him and bit down as hard as she could, breaking his tough leathery skin, the metallic taste of his blood met her mouth. She felt him swell inside her but he finally let go of her neck. He lapped up the blood that had pooled at the puncture sites. Her right shoulder was raw where he'd bitten down. She released him and pressed her forehead against his crest. 

"Isn't this the part where you flay me?" He teased.

"God, no. Unless that's what I have to do to get more of that. That was probably the hottest thing you've done yet." Shepard murmured. 

"That's how turians make it official." he said evenly. 

"I know." Shepard chuckled. "Mmmm, makes me want to murder the doctor less. So there's that."

"I didn't realize humans were so... possessive." Garrus gave a nip at her ear lobe in the pause. 

"Not all of us. This human is. I've never had a reason to be before. Not like this anyway." Shepard let out a sighed and looked her turian lover in the eyes. The dilation of his pupils was starting the recede. The blue and yellow rings were growing once more. 

"Mmm. Just don't go killing people and I promise you won't have any issues." Garrus nuzzled her forehead again. They lay together like that for almost a half hour when he finally was able to pull out and roll onto his side of the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to change the focus of the conversation with Kaiden before Shepard enter's the Normandy. Since they didn't resolve their issues when she did visit him in the hospital, I wanted it to be on their trust instead of his doubts. I think Kaiden might talk about that later, he's still in shock and wants to let everything sink in. What did you guys think about that impromptu change? Also Shepard deserved the apology. I think the apology makes Kaiden a more likable character instead of a complete and utter douch. :p So that's my head cannon. Kaiden respects Shepard enough to actually apologize for Horizon, the right way. Whether or not they were ever an item. Especially if they were an item.
> 
> Ps. If you're thinking, I don't remember Shepard visiting Kaiden, that's right because I didn't write it.


	33. Double Trouble.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Rannoch and the Citadel DLC mission.

"I really never get tired of you yelling at the admiralty board." Tali sighed as she leaned against the drive core's console. 

"I do my best. How does it feel to have a home world again?" Shepard asked leaning against the console next to her quarian friend. 

"There really aren't any words. I'm still in shock that the geth and my people are working together." Tali looked over at Shepard and awkwardly opened her arms and gave the commander a hug. "Thank you so much. I don't think anybody else could have talked Han'Garrel down." 

"I may have struck fear into his mind a little bit." Shepard smirked.

"Honestly, I was terrified. I thought for a moment he was going to be empty headed enough to ignore your threat. Keelah I thought..." Tali just shook her head. "But you did it Shepard. It feels amazing."

"Let that fuel you to survive this Tali. If anyone deserves to survive this it's you. I need to head up and have a chitchat with Garrus. If I don't see you before you catch some shut eye, goodnight." Shepard gave Tali one final squeeze before stepping away and taking her leave. 

Shepard felt pretty good. She let the quarians decide their fate, granted she gave them a but of a push. They chose wisely. Now they were sending in support on all fronts of the war effort. When the elevator finally opened Shepard took a right headed towards the bar she'd gotten trashed in only a few weeks ago. How long had it been? It felt like centuries since Earth was attack but in all reality it was just a matter of a few months. She popped open the door giving a nod to Alenko and Vega who were taking time out to enjoy their down time with a hardy game of skillian five. Shepard opened up the cabinets seeking out some white rum and turian brandy for Garrus, she grabbed the two bottles and gave the two men and their game some privacy. She could hear the groans from the losing Kaiden even after the door had shut and latched. 

Shepard crossed the mess hall making a b-line for the main battery. She held the two bottles in one hand, the necks clamped between her fingers and her right hand opened up the main battery door. Garrus of course was in front of the console puttering away at the Thanix not a care in the world. Shepard slowly stepped forward trying to sneak up behind him but just as she was about to surprise him, or so she thought, Garrus chuckled. 

"I'm not deaf Shepard I heard the door open." 

"Ass." Shepard held up the bottle meant for him and leaned against the console. "I brought a present. I always thought it was strange theres nothing her labled 'human... yada yada yada'. But there's turian brandy so hum. Must be for you. Since you know, you're the only turian on my ship." 

"Must be." Garrus agreed. "You know Shepard, can it wait I'm-" 

"Garrus no it can't wait. Shore leave starts in twelve hours and we get a full week off. Stop calibrating that damn weapon and let me distract you." Shepard crossed her arms a bottle in each of her hands for balance. 

"Honestly Shepard I was just teasing you." Garrus stepped away from the console and took the bottle from Shepard. 

"Hey, didn't I tell you something a few nights ago?" Shepard asked pouting. 

"Uh... You tell me a lot of things, Shepard." Garrus gave a smile. 

"Yea, I think a specific something was drop the Shepard when we're alone. I can't remember the last time someone called me by my real name. Well I mean besides you, once." Shepard pulled the cork out of her bottle and took a swig. "Also, fair warning I spent about 80% of shore leave drunk if I can manage it. I think this is the first time you'll have spent a full shore leave with me. One where we don't have any responsibilities, no Reaper's to defeat. So what, Vakarian would you like to do on our first shore leave together with absolutely zero responsibilities. I have to meet joker in purgatory at some point. Check on how he's doing with EDI Give him hell like per usual. Maybe get a Tattoo before I die since all my old ones are gone. But, for the most part my schedule is open and clean." 

"Well _Ann_ , I can think of a few things but I'll have to check my calendar to see when I'm free." Garrus wrapped his arm around her nuzzling her forehead. 

"Was that so hard?" Shepard raised an eyebrow. 

"Old habits die hard." 

"I've got an apartment to baby sit for Anderson, so I'll be checking that out then I'll let you know how full my Calendar gets. Then we shall see where our free time lines up. for now, we have drinks to drink and laughs to share because it has been one stressful day." Shepard let out a sigh then took another swig of her rum from the bottle. 

"Peace between the quarians and the geth." Garrus mused. 

"Not how I imagined that turning out honestly." 

"Next you'll be telling me the krogan and the turians are cooperating... Oh right. You managed that one, too. you're a peace maker Shepard. A rare thing these days. Now if you can pacify the Reapers, we'll make you a saint." Shepard rolled her eyes. 

"Garrus I basically told the quarians I wasn't going to fight their fight. I was going to let the geth slaughter them without a second thought. That hardly screams peacemaker or saint, you know. In fact most would argue quite the opposite. Ask the batarians, they'll tell you." Shepard sat down in front of the workbench his sniper rifle was sitting on. she was surprised it was down here, he'd taken it up to her room more often then not. Guess he finished it's cleaning down here while she was debriefing. She took another drink. 

"Well I better get you up to your room before I have to carry you." Garrus held out his hand to helped her up. 

"I've barely even started." Shepard laughed. 

"Yea but I know where this leads. Lets take you upstairs." 

"Fine. You better stay though or I'll hide the brandy so you can't ever drink it." Shepard tried to make her tone convincing. 

Garrus lead her to the elevator and they went up to drink their alcohol and plan for the weeks events. 

...

Shepard was sitting on the couch in the apartment. She was supposed to meet joker soon at the sushi place down the street. It was weird Anderson just giving her this apartment. Well, hopefully when this war is over she can tell him to shove it and take it because she'd rather live on a ship anyway. She had taken a few of the recordings left behind though and scanned them into her omni tool; mostly because she didn't want anyone else to happen across them. Especially the one about her. 

She chugged the last of her beer and decided to call her cab. She'd expected to be meeting joker in the bar so when he messaged her about meeting at the sushi place she was shocked. Whatever it worked for her. She happened to enjoy sushi, a roommate in basic had made her try it. 

She tucked in her shirt, which was a grey tank top, and pulled on a zip up hoodie. She shoved her feet into her boots tucking the bottom of her jeans into the so they didn't aggravate her. she didn't care how high class this sushi place was, she was wearing what she wanted to wear and they could shove it. 

Once outside she noted the neon lights that lit up the street. She hadn't bothered unpacking her armory she'd brought with her, mostly out of laziness, so her weapon of choice for tonight was her omni-tool. In all honestly that was all she needed. She walked between the people of all shapes, sizes, and species to make it to the other side of the platform where the skycar taxi would show. Once she made her way to the platform she clicked open her omni-tool and prepped a message for Garrus. 

_Scoped out the place, it's pretty nice. I'm up for anything if you have any plans today that involve me. Well, anything fun. If it's boring you're on your own. I'm not going to stand there and help you calibrate half the Citadel just to sooth your spirit. I'll let you know when I'm available. Meeting joker for sushi._

_-CO Shepo_

Shepard didn't receive a response so she was glad when the taxi showed up. Last thing she needed was to sit there waiting for someone to try to assassinate her. It had already happened... twice? Since she made it out of house arrest. There was the batarian who tried to kill her, and the Cerberus agent who Conrad Verner had gotten mixed up with. Needless to say, she was at least prepared. 

It wasn't until the Taxi let her out that her omni tool beeped. 

_CO Shepo? is that supposed to mean something I'm not catching? Hum, I'm thinking you should meet me by the docking bay when you are finished with dinner. I may have some plans that involve you. So hurry up and eat!_

_Vakarian_

She gave a grin before typing a quick dry response about seeing him when she's damn well ready before descending the steps into the sushi place. 

...

 _Well, that definitely hurt._ Shepard realized on her way out she'd forgotten to grab medigel. Well, not she was armed to the teeth compared to how she walked into the restaurant. Although, the rib pain she was having might make effectively using her omni-blade difficult. Shepard was thankful for the silencer as she took out two of the unmarked mercs walking along the ground below her. She then activated the cloak before tumbling off of the room of the building. She moved slowly allowing her cloak let her blend in as she ducked behind crates. 

The sound of the girls voice was getting very irritation. Shepard has already forgotten the name of the dark skinned woman who said she was from Alliance intelligence. She was an idiot that's all Shepard needed to know. The next voice to break the radio silence was a voice she was oh so thankful to hear. "Shepard, can you hear me? You okay?" Shepard had just shot another merc with her new toy. Before she could respond she felt her shields drop and a barrage of bullets fly at her from down the street.

"Fuck!" She ducked behind cover. "Yea, I'm okay. Just hurts a lot. You know the use, people trying to kill you bullets flying, nothing I can't handle. I sure am glad to hear you though." 

"Lucky for you your boyfriend's Archangel." Garrus teased. Shepard just stuck her head out and started picking off the three mercs in front of her. She saw the laser sights just in time to dodge. She grit her teeth and the bullet grazed her shoulder. "Joker filled me in. I'm on foot, be there as fast as I can." 

"Good." Shepard keep her voice even even though the pain from the second bullet wound she noticed had become intense. It felt like the bullet was trapped somewhere between her ribs and her techno lung. Thank god that lung was the synthetic one. 

"Excuse me! Who is this? You're on an unsecured channel and you're putting Commander Shepard in danger!" The shrill voice declared with certainty. 

"I'm doing what? Who is this!" Garrus asked almost angry. 

"Hang on, That's Staff Analyst Brookes joker mentioned her right? That's her, just ignore her." Shepard Commanded.

"What?" The woman was pissed. "look I'm here to save you and you're just going to ignore me?" 

"That's the plan. Vakarian, stay on the line." Shepard heard the arrival of a few more mercs just as she was ready to bolt down the alleyway. "Shit." 

"You okay, Shepard?" Shepard gave a grunt of affirmation between shots. 

Shepard could taste the metallic twinge of blood in her mouth. _Oh that's not good. Okay stay calm and cool and just get out of here._ She founder herself in front of a locked door. Her hoodie and tank top were ruined by a large stain of blood that was forming. She could feel the medigel working it's magic finally as the numbing agent finally kicked in. _There we go._ she felt her smile crack on her face. Good thing for these Cerberus upgrades, unfortunately the internal medigel wasn't as fast acting as the external stuff she could normally apply to shots. 

"Seems the door is locked." Shepard stated into the comm. 

"Try your spectre access code the area is on locked down but you should able to get through. Unless you want to ignore that as well." The girl stated. 

"Naw I'll listen this time. I just like to piss people off. It's a hobby of mine." Shepard entered her codes and the door opened immediately. "Cha-ching I'm through- Oh shit. That's a lot of mercs. Hold on Garrus I'll eventually run into you!" Shepard jammed her cloak and sprinted. She made it about half way before having to duck into one of the stores and taking her place behind a register. She used that place to pick off anything that got into her sights until her cloak came up. It came up just in time because her pistol gave a lousy click instead of shooting the merc who saw her. She jammed her cloak up again and took off running past mercs on her way to the next door. She punched her way through and saw the car lot she'd been looking for. 

Garrus was on the other side of the glass and easily took our two mercs with his own pistol. She opened the door and Garrus gave a cocky grin. "So, having a bad day Shepard?"

"You could say that." Shepard walked past him looking for a way out. 

"That landing pad you're looking for is just over there, but it's behind a locked gate." Garrus confirmed her suspicions. 

"Let's look for a control panel." Shepard ordered continuing on. 

"Uh Shepard, You're bleeding. A lot." Garrus pointed the the would just where her rib cage ended. 

"Control Panel." Shepard ordered. "Implants are already taking care of it. Can't feel a thing." 

"Okay, control panel." Garrus scanned the lot and followed her. "Heard you feel through a fish tank." 

"We'll talk about it later." Shepard sighed. 

"What a shame. I really enjoyed that sushi place." 

"We'll talk about it later." Shepard repeated. "Over here." 

She walked up the the red door and raised her gun. Of course, Garrus decided to take charge and asked the volus on the other side to let them through. 

"I could've done that..." Shepard 

"But you weren't going to." Garrus quipped.

"Hello? Can't you just get to the landing pad yet? C-sec should be there any minute now!" The woman's voice broke the radio silence. Shepard rolled her eyes and started headed towards the now open side of the lot. 

"Garrus, I swear if she wasn't at least trying to help I think I'd've throttled her right here and right now." Shepard stepped forward just in time to the the C-sec sky car fly up. "Finally." 

The doors opened and to Shepard frustration she found herself looking at five very hostile mercs pointing their fire arms in her direction. "Oh fuck!" She pushed Garrus behind the sign and jumped down. The next thing she heard was the roar of a krogan and Vega's voice from just above her. She watched as Wrex jumped down on the C-sec car and started pounding their faces in before one by one dropping them out of the vehicle. The skycar crash landed on the landing pad and Shepard watched as Vega jumped down from his perch. 

"I apologize profusely Lola, Seems I was slacking on my body guard duties." Vega held out his hands to help Garrus and Shepard up. 

"I thought those ended on Earth, Vega." Shepard took the spitfire Wrex suddenly appeared with. 

"Naw, not after I saw how much trouble you get into." Vega pushed Shepard into cover as mercs started dropping from the tops of the buildings. 

"Shepard, you gotta a way out of here?" Wrex asked as he began punching on of the mercs with the butt of his rifle. She heard the snap of the mercs neck and a chuckle from Wrex. 

"Wrex, I'm a professional." Shepard responded evenly using the pulse fire to weed out the guys getting to close. Sure she couldn't feel her injury from the analgesic in the medigel, but she certainly didn't want to have to explain to Dr. Michel how she let her wound get so bad. Questions, for another time. 

"That's not a yes..." Wrex's voice held a doubtful hint to it. 

"That's not a no." Shepard quipped back switching back to the pistol as Garrus through her some spare heat syncs. 

"So Lola, I noticed you've gotten yourself hurt again. I thought you were better than that?" Vega teased. 

"Vega, Why don't you fall over ten stories and tell me how well you fight after words. Besides it's just a flesh wound. Speaking of-" Shepard opened her comm after she shot down about three more mercs. "Joker come in!" 

"Aye, commander I'm comin' I'm comin'. I've got your best friend as well." Shepard gave a sighed and squeezed her trigger a few more times before ducking back into cover. 

"Radio the _Normandy_ and find out where Dr. Michel is. Get her the address of my apartment and tell her to bring equipment for minor surgery. If She asks just tell her there's bullet lodged between my techno lung and my ribs. I'd rather not go to Huerta for something she can do in her sleep please and thank you. At least not until we figure out what the hell is going on." 

"Wait, Commander how are you even- why aren't you writhing in pain on the ground?!" Brooks sounded exasperated. 

Shepard ignored the comment as Joker confirmed her request. Shepard felt the but of a gun press up against her head. On instinct she turned disarming the cocky SOB who had sneaked up on her and rammed her omni-blade into his torso. "Should've pulled the trigger." Shepard said as she pulled it back out. The merc groaned as he fell to the ground and Shepard gave a quick double tap to his head with the pistol. 

The fighting went on for a while with the occasional interjection from the skycar which seemed to be traveling at the speed of pond water. Joker mentioned something about the scenic route before he was finally able to get confirmation through the Dr. Michel was on her way. Shepard had begun to feel weak and light headed from the constant stream of medigel her body's cybernetics were releasing into her systems by the time she saw the Shuttle come into view. 

"Shuttles here GO GO!" Shepard yelled giving cover fire with the remaining charges on the spitfire as her squad mates jumped into the Shuttle. Shepard Grabbed the three talon hand which extended to help her into the shuttle. The door slammed shut and they were away at last. Joker was sitting in the cockpit with Brooks in the seat next to him. 

Garrus kneeled down in front of her looking over her injuries. She bruising from the several story fall had already turned a sickening yellow and the cuts on her hands were numb. They'd be completely gone in a couple hours. "Shepard are you alright?" Garrus's voice took on a worries tone. "That really is a lot of blood..."

"Eh, I've gotten worse remember? This beats getting spaced for sure." Shepard tried to keep the mood light but she noticed the pain was starting to settle back in as her adrenaline levels declined. She was almost struggling to keep her eyes open, but she did it for the sake of Garrus. He'd probably freak out if she tried to take a nap right now, but truth be told she was a little tired. She raised her shirt to show where the wound was and she slurred something about it being okay. 

"Uh, Shepard..." She suddenly felt Garrus pull the shirt back down as he pressed the material back into her skin. There was a bite of pain as he did it and Shepard raised her eye brow at him. 

"Freak out less it'll be fine." Shepard giggled. 

"I think Shepard has had too much medigel as well. Oh God, this can't end well." Joker's voice was breaking through the edges of her awareness. 

"I thought she didn't have any?" Brooks asked. "She told me over the comm she was out." 

"Ahh, she gets some from her implants. I've never seen her get loopy before though. Must be from the loss of blood. Thank goodness we're almost there. I think Dr. Michel is going to need to give her an IV of orange juice." Joker announced. 

"Joker, shut the fuck up." Shepard giggled again. 

"This is weird. She's trying to angry face at me, but it's like she can't. Better not poke the bear." 

"Damn right." Shepard wrapped her arms around Garrus's neck and nestled her head in the crook of his neck. "I think it's nap time." She'd lost all inhibition to stay awake at this point. 

"Shepard, stay awake." Garrus gave her a shake and Shepard just cuddled in closer. 

"You're not very pillow like Garrus stay still. Pillows don't move." Shepard ordered. 

"You heard the commander, don't move Garrus." Vega gave Garrus a wink and the Shuttle began it's descent. "It'll be fine we're right here." 

When the shuttle came to a complete stop Garrus pulled Shepard out of the seat and did his best to allow her to lean her body weight on him. She stumbled over her feet like she did when she was drunk. They made it into the towers and saw Dr. Michel, Cortez, and Liara patiently waiting in front of Shepard's apartment door. Right they couldn't get in without Shepard letting them in. Shepard unlocked the door and walked over the the first couch she saw and lay down. 

"Just give me ten minutes of rest, then we can discuss why these cock suckers shot at me." Shepard's usually angry and intimidating voice had a sleep deprived quality to it as she murmured her threats instead of shouting them. 

Dr. Michel pulled up Shepard's shirt to examine the entry wound. She spread some local around the skin in paste form and gave Shepard a sedative so she wouldn't thrash around before she set to work on the wound. 

...

"Well Shepard, Guess you should stop drinking on shore leave huh." Joker teased.

"What? Stop drinking on shore leave are you nuts?" That comment snapped Shepard up in a heart beat. "how long was I out?" Shepard asked when she realized she was laying on her couch next to the pilot. Garrus was sitting on the other couch watching her. 

"Just an hour. Apparently you'd had a couple beers before eating sushi. Alcohol thinned out your blood making even your stupid duper krogan healing powers less spectacular. Don't worry, Dr. Michel flushed your system when she realized what the problem was. Oh and I saved the bullet for you. It's in a jar on top of your dresser upstairs." Joker seemed pleased with himself as he told her. 

"Uh, thanks?" Shepard sat up noticing her entire crew was in the apartment, well her ground team plus a few. "Yeah, and I was on my fourth one when I got the message about Sushi, how could I turn it down?" Shepard asked grinning. "I mean hell, not like I expected to be in a gun fight for my life, well, technically that's a lie I always expect to be in a gunfight for my life. That's besides the point. At any rate, it's sounding like shore leave is quasi cancelled until we figure out whats going on. I think I'm going to send a call to Commander Bailey and see what he can figure out."

"Wait, Commander isn't that a bad idea? I mean if you contact him you could be putting his life in danger." Shepard raised an eyebrow. This was by far the first actually well thought out thing the girl had offered. 

"You're right. We'll handle this alone. Liara, have you found anything out about these mercs?" Shepard looked over at the Asari who gave a coy smile. 

"They look to be Cat6, a private military organization made up of Alliance rejects, hence the name. The individuals within the group seem to have a very colorful history some of the worst military criminals humanity has to offer. Unfortunately I couldn't track down who hired them, but I did gain access to this call while you were down for the count." Liara started rooting through her omni-tool to play back the call she found. 

"Commander, I can't believe you shot through at least a hundred of those mercs with just a pistol." Brooks chimed in. 

Shepard just shrugged. "Just part of the job description I guess." She kept her eyes on Liara waiting patiently for the call to start playing. 

"They seemed really tough. I was scared for our lives." She spoke so quickly. 

"What can you tell me about the theft of my identity before Liara plays this call back since you seem so talkative at the moment." Shepard turned her attention to the dark skinned girl. Brooks started a very quick and jittery Spiel about her VI and said a lot of things without actually saying anything relevant so Shepard became very impatient. "Look just get to the point and calm down." Shepard ordered. The girl visually jolted before veering back on topic. 

Shepard managed to sort the important bits out of her rambling. Someone was stealing her codes and identity. For what purpose? She could only guess the Spectre codes were more than valuable. She shared a look with the group before asking Liara to play the call. The man's voice was angry, but there was anxiety written in it as he told the other person their partnership was over. The voice that responded had some sort of voice synthesizer that masked it. Well there was only one way they were going to get a lead on who the perp was. 

"We need to contact this man. He's already scared, we can use that as leverage." Shepard announced. She cracked her knuckles and looked around the room. 

"We'll have to be careful about it. Elija Kahn has a panic room set up in the middle of his Casino. Likely that's where he's held up and if we make a wrong move that could be the end of him." Liara stated rather dramatically. Then the plan unfolded. 

...

"What was it ten minutes before people were shooting at you?" Garrus nudged Shepard with his elbow. 

"Ahh, Garrus I'm still tender!" Shepard responded. "And I think it was more like fifteen if you count the drive there." 

"Hum, I don't think we can count that." Garrus answered quickly. "You weren't there and we are talking how long you can be in public without someone shooting at you." 

"You know, it you didn't look so damned hot right now I think I might've just taken someone else on this trip. Maybe someone who'd tease me less on my misfortune." Shepard shook her head. "I mean it's not my fault that galaxy just wants me dead." 

"Uh guys, I'm getting really nervous about this. You realize that bomb was filled with shaving cream?" Brooks chimed in. 

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "You'll do fine besides worse case scenario we'll cover you. Now chill out." 

Shepard began tugging at the leather dress she'd been forced into once again. She was getting really annoyed with these situations. She'd be thankful when she didn't have to attend anything "black tie required" again; or maybe next time she'd just use her spectre status to side step attire requirements. _Now that's an idea._ She didn't even want to think about standing in these shoes. Who even wears these things? 

The taxi let them out and Shepard wired the creds via her omni tool. she slipper her arm in Garrus's and they began their walk into the Silver Coast Casino. 

"Well, You're looking good Shepard." Garrus gave a barely audible purr as he spoke. 

"I did the best I could without a carapace or a crest." Shepard grinned. 

"Your best has my mandible on the ground. Damn." Garrus seemed thrilled as his eyes watched her.

"Have you been practicing that since the taxi?" Shepard giggled. 

"Maybe." Garrus admitted. 

"Guys, I shaved my legs for this, and I even put concealer on my gunshot wound." Brooks whispered awkwardly. 

"Congrats." Shepard responded mildly. "Well Garrus, looks like it's time to meet the riffraff." Shepard stated as the passed through the doors.

...

"I need some time to process this. Go have fun, enjoy shore leave, maybe if I'm feeling up for it we can do something later but right now... Right now I just want to be left alone." Shepard felt her chest heave the air out of it betraying her emotions. 

"Are you sure about this, Ann?" Garrus asked. 

Shepard reached into the fridge and grabbed herself a beer then sat down at the island. "Yea, I need this. Some time of self reflection." Her voice was even but distant as she spoke. Her mind already a thousand kilometers away from the turian in the room. 

"How about this, give me three hours, and meet me at the bar and we'll get away from from all of this." Garrus offered. 

"Sure." Shepard caved. She thought she saw some strange look of satisfaction cross the turian's features. 

"We'll call it our first official date or something." Garrus said before he ducked out of the apartment. Joker had also asked that Shepard meet him at the bar tomorrow of course that was after he decided to invite half the ship to a party Shepard hadn't even agreed to having yet. 

A clone. That's what truly bothered her. She put up a hard front for everyone, making jokes along with them mostly dodging their jokes though. She'd even made a smart ass comment about killing herself when she'd truly been pissed off. Hell she talked some big game against her clone disregarding the clones abilities, which to be fair were alright for six months of training. Honestly the girl didn't know how to utilize her tactical cloak against someone who knew how to spot it. She'd been unbalanced and ill prepared for a fight against an N7 soldier. Even as Shepard told the clone she'd earned her scars in all the places she'd been the only one's she'd been completely certain were the ones from the collector base on. Seeing the clone almost cemented the doubt that had been grating at the back of her mind since she woke up that fateful day in a Cerberus lab. Since she told herself she couldn't doubt herself or others would and the mission would fail. For the first time her usual tactics of compartmentalizing her mind until all that was left at the forefront was what she needed to succeed in the mission was faltering.

Her omni-tool gave a ping and Shepard looked down to see a new message had arrived from the Queen Bee of Omega. Ahh great. Instead of enjoying a week off she'd have to go get ready to take care of this situation while the Normandy received it's dry dock care. The message was a simple meet in 24 hours. It's time to discuss taking back Omega. She gave both of her eyes a good rub before standing up to find some normal clothes. She happily pulled on some blue jeans and a black tanktop, enjoying some civilian clothes for a short time. Her boots sat on the coffee table and she sat back on the couch pulling out a book she'd picked up from the Citadel. She eventually wiggled so she was laying down on the couch in her newly claimed apartment, her head resting on the armrest and her legs were curled against her even with the space restriction. She'd made it two chapters into the book before her heavy eyelids had betrayed her and sleep consumed her. 

*bleep bleep* Shepard jolted awake to the sound of her omni-tool beeping. She tapped it and gave a gruff, half-awake answer to the caller. "Hello?" 

"Ann, are you ready to go?" Garrus' voice buzzed through the comm. She was always sad it didn't sound quite the same as in person. She also recently found out he didn't like the sound of his voice over comms either. "Ann?" 

"Oh, uh, sorry, I'm just waking up. I fell asleep reading." Shepard answered truthfully. 

"Better not have been reports, you're on shore leave." Garrus warned. 

"Naw, just a book I picked up. Where were you wanting to meet again?"

"How about the bar on your block since you're so groggy sounding. The less time you spend on the street, the less likely I'll have to come save your ass the next time you make enemies by existing." The teasing tone pulled a smile on her face and she quickly agreed telling him she'd see him in ten minutes. She ran a brush through her hair, smoothed out her clothes and left her apartment with a spring in her step. She would totally drink that turian ass under the table whether he liked it or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was extremely tired when I edited this I'll probably have to come back and edit it again before I post another chapter. forgive me. 


	34. The Tango

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus point of view. :o Been a minute since I focused on his thoughts for a while. Hope you guys like!
> 
> Also, I was a little bit inspired by RENT and thought it would be hilarious if Shepard actually had been taught to tango before, because how the hell else would she be able to dance such a complex dance?

Garrus was excited when Vega agreed to teach him the human dance. He warned Garrus that Shepard likely didn't know the steps but encouraged him to learn anyway. This dance was meant to woo her pants off, and Vega said and Garrus was excited to do exactly that.

"Scars, don't be shy, it may feel like I'm trying to woo you by teaching you this dance but I promise you this is completely platonic." He gave a laugh before correcting Garrus' posture.

"I'm sorry, You're just a little bit closer to me than I feel comfortable with." Garrus sighed stepping back. 

Vega grabbed Garrus' right wrist and placed it on his waste, taking his other hand in his and grinned. "Look scars, it's not as bad as you think. Just remember, as the male partner in this dance it's your job to lead her and from what I've heard about Lola's dancing she'd going to need it. Cortex would you mind being in charge of the tunes por favor?" 

"Sure, this will be good." Cortez smiled and stepped around the procurement terminal with his omni-tool open. 

"Hey, you pipe down I'm a good teacher... I hope. Otherwise Lola will probably beat the shit out of me again for suggesting this." Vega gave a chuckle. 

"Again?" Garrus asked raising an eyebrow.

"She gave me one of her 'pep talks' after I crashed the Kodiac making sure that body EDI took over didn't get away with the intel about the crucible. I'm surprised she didn't tell you about it." Vega replied mildly. 

"Shep's good about not sharing everyone's embarrassing secret." Garrus answered. 

"To be fair I asked for it. I expected it to go a little less one sided but she's fast. At any rate lets get to the basics; less talk about my inability to beat my Commander in hand to hand. Alright for this dance it's all about timing your slow and quick steps. Cortez start the music." As soon as it started Vega began leading Garrus clumsily through the 8 step beat. "one...three...Five Six... eight." 

"Wait, wait, wait." Garrus haulted. Cortez cut the music in response. "Do you really think it's a good idea for Shepard to be going backwards if she can't dance at all?"

"You'll be there to catch her like the gentleturian you are." Vega quipped. "Also try not to step on her feet you need to start with your left foot. If you start with your right foot I promise you'll step on her feet. Although you might still because she probable hasn't danced a tango before. Actually, no I think She'll instinctively start with her right foot." 

"How do you know that?" Garrus asked wondering if there was some human thing he was missing.

"I was her body guard man. When she would run during her exercise hour she'd start with her right foot. If you don't believe me give her a push when she's least expecting it. She's right dominant, so her brain won't feel comfortable starting with her left foot." Vega explained. "Just like you are right dominant and you instinctively started with your right foot." 

"You know Vega, I was convinced you weren't very smart, now I think you play down your intelligence because that's surprisingly observant." Garrus remarked. 

"Thanks? I think?" Vega responded. "Played a lot of sports growing up and they teach you that sort of thing." 

"Ah, well, heh. I guess that makes sense. Shall we try again?" Garrus asked. 

Vega nodded at Cortez to start the music once more and began leading Garrus once more through the beat. The practiced the simple beat several times until Garrus could do the pattern without hesitation. Vega gave Garrus a proud smile after several tries. "Well look at that, you don't have two left feet after all." 

"Uh, what?" Garrus asked. 

"Human saying. It's what you say when you have no rhythm. Example, Shepard." Vega grinned. "Alright, now we need to get your footwork down. Right now you're just stepping, theres an important thing to note when dancing a tango. You want to woo Shepard right? Then you must get your footwork down. You want to step out, land on your heal and place your foot. Now, You'll want to pick your foot up off the floor like you're peeling it away. You don't want to shuffle your feet it's not sexy. Remember Garrus, you are in charge of this dance." Vega gave him a wink and a smile. 

"Don't do that again." Garrus deadpanned. 

"Oh come on, you came to me for help now you get to deal with me." Vega stepped back. "Watch my feet." He proceeded to pick up his foot and place it heal first on the ground. He waved for Garrus to follow coping his movements until they had forward stepped all the way across the shuttle bay. "Now, Garrus, I'm sorry to tell you but not every step is going to be that simple. Remember the sideways step I was doing? You don't want to step down on your heel on that one. It will be the ball of your foot, otherwise you won't look very good."

Garrus tried the side step out imitating the movements Vega made. "This seems like a lot for Shepard to just instinctively pick up." Garrus pointed out. 

"Shepard doesn't have to impress, Garrus. Everyone already likes her all she has to do is be there, you on the other hand are the one wishing to impress right? If a mistake happens on your part, it looks bad. Cortez start the music we are going to practice this bit and see how much of it stuck." Vega took his position and as soon as the music started they began to move once more. Garrus felt a surge of confidence as the steps seemed to naturally fall into place. Who knew a human dance translated so well for his anatomy; even the leg structure didn't get in the way too much. 

"Congrats, you can do a basic step, now you have to learn how to do everything backwards." Vega teased. 

What had he gotten himself into? Of course he should have known from some of the vids he'd seen this wouldn't be an easy thing to learn. Vega promised him the early morning practices for the next week before shore leave. Cortez promised to keep his mouth shut only if he could watch the lessons and tease both of them as much as he wanted. 

...

Garrus had practiced many different moves with Vega. Things as simple as the Barrida to combo moves like the Sanguchito y Gancho. Vega gave him an equivalent word in the language he spoke in most commonly, but it honestly didn't matter because Garrus had no idea what a sandwich was. 

"Hey Vega, I didn't know you liked your men plated." Cortez teased as he walked out of the elevator. 

"Cortez, do you know how to tango?" Vega asked. 

"Why I never thought you'd offer, Vega, but no I do not." 

"Perfect, Garrus I want you to lead Cortez through the different moves I've taught you. Since he doesn't know how to dance a Tango I'm sure it will be just like dancing with Shepard, well minus the part where he isn't Shepard." Vega teased. 

"Alright Vega, I'll make sure only to order the good quality tequila for Shepard and myself. Only shitty quality for you." Cortez's threat fell on def ears as Vega pushed the large turian in the direction of the other male. 

"I'm serious. Come on get your ass over here so I can test too see if Garrus knows the moves well enough to lead. He's got to be a dancing machine." Cortez walked over and Garrus eyed the human curiously. 

"Alright Garrus Vakarian, take me away." The human gave a dramatic sigh as he raised his hand.

Garrus did exactly as he was asked and he lead Cortez through each step as Vega called them out. Cortez fumbled but did his best to follow the turian and by the time they'd review all of the steps Vega had a smile on his lips. "I think we are ready to teach you a number to music. Now lets all pray Shepard doesn't flay us alive." 

...

"Where'd you learn to tango?" Garrus asked Shepard as they sat back down at the bar. Their dance had gone fairly well considering Garrus had expect Shepard to have little to no experience with a dance like that. 

"With The Captain's daughter in the Ville, and you?" Shepard asked eyeing him carefully. 

"Vega." Garrus answered simply. 

A grin cracked across her face and a few giggles squeaked out of her vocal chords. "Damn, at least my lessons ended with a happy ending if you know what I mean." 

"I'd be lying if I didn't hope my performance didn't inspire a certain, mood." Garrus purred into Shepard's ear knowing the effect it had on her. He felt her shiver against him before her eyes met his and the look on her face was worth every second he spent humiliating himself in front of the two men in the shuttle bay. 

He could smell her arousal and decided now would be a good time to get her out of this bar. The female turian who'd watched their dance closely, with minor irritation on her face kept throwing glances their way. "Let's drink a few drinks before we go, but damn Vakarian, I'm inspired." He was surprised to see a look of confusion cross her face. Her eyes fell on the drink she'd ordered and a red hue colored her face.

"What is it?" He asked lifting her chin up with a single talon. 

"You. You went to all this trouble, just to learn a single dance. When you did it, I have no idea but what I find interesting is that you thought you had to." Shepard met his eyes met his the excitement from before slowly drifting away form her face. "I thought I had made it clear how I felt." Her hand toyed with the marks he'd made on her shoulder. "Don't misinterpret me, I absolutely love that you did this, you're still going to pay for this later I assure you, but I couldn't help but wonder if I wasn't clear enough." 

"No, Shepard, you were very clear. I... hum... I wanted to do something unexpected." He watched her sip from her drink pensively before he continued. He'd expected her to say something but she didn't just watched him curiously. "Look, Shepard, we both know that was lots of fun. Don't think too hard about my motives. I just like seeing you smile and doing these things for you makes you do that."

Garrus was awarded with a grin as she finished off her first drink of the evening. "Did you just ask me not to think too hard?" She scooted forward so their knees were touching and she grabbed his hand with her. "I'm pretty sure I think about as much as you calibrate, if not more in light of recent events." Shepard was giving him that tell tale smirk when her mind had reached devious depths. 

"Are you saying I'm slacking at my job?" Garrus feigned hurt with a gasp. 

"Of course not. I'm saying you've found other things to calibrate than that gun." Shepard stood up, her eyes telling him she wanted to get out of here and into her apartment. "Let's get out of here before I cause a scene. Besides I've got plenty to drink back at the apartment and suddenly I'd like to do something other than consume copious amounts of alcohol right now." 

As they turned to leave he noted the wink Vega passed him. Well, the treacherous tutoring sessions had paid off and Shepard was impressed with him. The walk back to the apartment was quick as Shepard pulled him along the walkways diving in and out of the myriad of people loitering on the pathways. She quickly used her code on the door which gave them access to Tiberius Towers, and soon they were entering her apartment. He didn't even get the opportunity to check and make sure no one had entered while they were away because Shepard pulled him over to the couches and pushed him down on one. She pulled the tank top over her head throwing it on the floor. Garrus reached up to grab her by the waste but was met with Shepard's hands pushing his away. 

"I told you, you are in trouble, Vakarian." Shepard's voice held a teasing hum to it as she began working on the fasteners of his clothing. "Don't touch anything." 

Garrus swallowed watching Shepard move out of the fabrics that separated the air from his plates. His hand were making fists at his side trying to obey Ann's orders, but all he wanted to do was touch. He raised his arms as his tunic was removed and raised his hips once his pants followed until he was naked on her couch. It was almost as if She knew telling him he couldn't touch would be the most treacherous thing she could think of. His plates had shifted long before the clothing had been removed but Shepard didn't touch him where he needed it either. She straddled him then made a face, one of frustration.

"What?" Garrus asked. 

"Damn I had this whole thing planned out, minus the fact that I just realized this position isn't going to work. I'd kill my back in thirty seconds." Shepard let out a puff of air in frustration.

Garrus immediately scooted his lower body forward shifting his weight and letting out rumble of need. Shepard leaned forward kissing along his colony markings brushing her torso against his cowl as she moved. Garrus couldn't obey any longer and his hands found Shepard's waste. He began kneading, but his success was short lived as Shepard's hands snaked down to capture his wrists. 

"I know how you are with orders so I'll tell you this once." Shepard's voice took on a low heavy tone as she spoke directly into his ear canal. "The more you disobey, the longer the punishment." 

"Shall I add vindictive to my list of traits I heard about you?" Garrus asked, his subvocals were radiating primal need with each word. 

"If you like." Shepard whispered letting go of his arms and bringing her hands to play under his mandibles. 

Garrus hissed in response as his talons dug into the fabric of the couch. He felt Shepard's lips giving extra care to the scars on his face and without even thinking Garrus barred his throat submissively, not in to usual bite me please barring, this was different. His head was tilted as far as his neck would let him reach, the scarred side of his throat exposed to the woman above him. Once he realized what he'd done his eyes found Shepard's and she seemed to have caught on to the gesture. Her eyes narrowed for a moment as her fingers left his mandibles. He noted the red hue of embarrassment cross her cheeks as she thought for what to say or do. 

He was still looking at her frozen in the submissive stance waiting for her to respond. Her right hand pushed his head back up and she looked him in the eyes. "Garrus, I, uh... Not like that."

Garrus watched her carefully gauging her reaction as best he could. Had he offended her? Isn't that what she wanted? "What's wrong?" He asked slowly. 

"That was not the reaction I was expecting." Shepard answered evenly crawling off of him and sitting down next to him. Garrus leaned over and turned her face towards his. 

"What were you expecting?" Garrus asked truly confused. 

"I don't know... just... not that. I told you before we are equals in this relationship. I didn't realize my goofing off would elicit such a strong response." Her eyes fell down to the patterns on the couch. The geometric shapes held her attention as this new information sunk in. 

"It's not a big deal, Ann," Garrus' voice held a soothing tone as he reach to pull her close. 

"Yes it is." Her eyes snapped up to meet him. "I was playing. I wanted to pleasure you, keep the heat up as long as I could, not force you into submission to me. I know what that means and I'm not comfortable with that." 

"It was just a reaction it doesn't have to mean anything like that." Garrus felt his stomach drop in fear. "Look, ehem," Garrus cleared his throat nervously. "Power play is common for turians during sex, but it doesn't mean as much as you think it does. Just because someone submits during sex one time doesn't mean the rolls won't switch another time or even in the same interaction." Garrus was proud when he didn't fumble over his words. "It's not a permanent thing, it's more like filling a role." 

"So like roll play. Like what we were just doing at the bar not even an hours ago." Shepard visibly relaxed a looked back up at him her cheeks even more pink. "Now I feel stupid."

"Don't." Garrus answer quickly. "We'll probably be having awkward inter-species realizations years from now. We shouldn't dwell on it." Garrus stated matter of factually before giving her shoulder a lick. Garrus felt Shepard lean into him, her forehead resting on his shoulder. 

"Okay." She answered nuzzling him. "Oh, before you get all happy and want to continue I should probably let you know I'm going to have to run a mission solo again." 

Garrus pulled her close protectively. "Why." He hands began kneading her back trying to make up for the time he couldn't touch her. 

"Aria." She stated simply. "Doesn't like the company I keep." 

"Well tell her to fuck off." Garrus answered licking at her collar bone. He felt Shepard hitch her breath in response to his touch. 

"It's not that simple. I need to do this." Shepard answered quietly. 

"Just so you know, if you don't come back I will hunt her down." Garrus answered pushing her down into a laying position and crawling on top of her. Besides I love..." Garrus felt his nerves take over and he turned the serious statement into a joke. "Your hair, and if aria takes your hair away from me, what is a turian to do?" 

He felt Shepard chuckle below him. "Okay deal. When I get back we can have our party before the _Normandy_ is finished with her upgrades."

Shepard wrapped her legs around his waste catching her feet on his spurs. Garrus took the invitation and buried himself into her tilted hips rocking with her until they both came undone.


	35. One day left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post Omega DLC. The citadel date with Shep (the shootout) because I honestly liked that date better than the bar scene. Sure the bar scene was nice, but this one felt like it had more meaning to it.

Shepard spent most of the ride back listening to bray talk about the plans for Omega. She couldn't help the maniacal grin that was plastered on her face as she remembered her last conversation with Aria. She'd never seen the asari more frustrated and confused as when she didn't stop the woman from killing the man. There was a small part of her that wanted him dead after what happened to the woman who sacrificed herself out there. Shepard had nothing but respect for the turian, even if she was a little idealistic. In fact up until she got herself blown up protecting those civilians she'd made it really easy to play with Aria. One minute siding with Aria, the next praising something Nyreen said or did. 

Nyreen. The biotic was stoically beautiful, and very much a product of her upbringing. It had been an honor to fight along side her, if it had only been so brief. Nyreen had noticed immediately Shepard had been involved with Garrus. Shepard had noticed the way Nyreen kept watching her after their first encounter in the tunnels. When they finally got a moment to talk Shepard learned quite a bit about the woman, and she was thankful she had talked to her when she did knowing she wouldn't get that chance again. Shepard lost herself in the memory. 

_As Shepard turned to leave, she felt the three fingered had grasp her upper arm. She looked back at the woman who's eyes were searching her face curiously._

_"I find this interesting, I apologize but I feel you owe me for prying into my life. I smell another turian all over you." She let the comment hang in the air for Shepard to pick up._

_"You do." Shepard answered simply._

_"He's in over his head." She crossed her arms and spread her mandibles in a small smile._

_"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Shepard asked feeling her defenses rise._

_"Nothing bad if you are planning on making this a permanent thing." Her subvocals oozing amusement. Shepard just raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. "Just be careful, there's nothing worse than a turian with a broken heart." She made an effort to keep a neutral face as her mind pulled her away from the Commander and into memories._

Shepard gave a sigh. She already knew there was some truth to that statement, otherwise she wouldn't have found the poor x-C-sec officer on Omega. Shepard was thankful when the transport finally landed on the Citadel and she could get out and stretch her legs. She knew what would make things better. She promised Garrus she'd let him know the second she was back on the Citadel. She sent him a quick message and then proceeded to send out her invitations for the party tonight. It was to be their last night of shore leave, and although Shepard missed a lot of it being preoccupied with taking Omega back, at least she could enjoy her last night by getting shitfaced.

Her omni-tool pinged as soon as her invitations were sent out and she looked down to see a message from Garrus. 

_Meet me at the docs, I want to have one more date before we have to leave and tomorrow we'll be too hung over to properly enjoy ourselves. I'm glad you're back._

_GV_

Shepard grinned and replied responding with a time to meet. She needed to shower and put on something that didn't smell like she'd just left the bowels of omega. 

...

She stepped out of the skycar and saw Garrus standing with a mischievous look about him. "So Garrus, you wanted to have some alone time?" Shepard asked crossing her arms. "What'd you have in mind?"

"Something that doesn't involve fighting reapers, or maniacal clones." He answered seriously. 

Shepard stifled a chuckle before offering up a suggestion. "I don't think they've conquered the bar yet." 

"I already scoped it out. But, then I thought if this was my last day alive, I'd actually like to have memories of it with you." Garrus responded before gesturing to the skycar. 

"So?" Shepard asked fishing for his plans. 

"So, I had an idea." With that he reopened the door gesturing for Shepard to take the passenger seat. Shepard grinned at the turian before settling into the seat and watching him take the drivers seat. 

They drove and Shepard looked around unsure of the destination. "Where are we going?" 

"Somewhere we're not supposed to." Garrus responded with a happy rumble. 

"Some things never change do they."Shepard smiled.

"Ever have that one thing you always wanted to do before you died Shepard?" Garrus asked. 

"Heh, I've woken up with a turian next to me, I can say my life is plenty fulfilled. What's yours?" Shepard raised an eyebrow questioningly. He explained about his desire to visit the top o the presidium and Shepard felt herself chuckle. "Of course. I should have known, you aren't exactly the Paladin of the turians." 

"What?" He asked looking over at Shepard. 

"A warrior class in a lot of human fantasy games. He or she is supposed to be the charismatic "knight-in-shining-armor" type, but a lot of people find the character to be... idealistic and awful. He's bound by law because of the deity he serves and actually now that I think about it, Samara would be a pretty close example of one. If you consider her code to be law. Most humans regard the class as Lawful stupid." Shepard explained. "Based on the look your giving me I'll have to show you sometime because I just realized how much that explanation assumes you have a thorough knowledge of human sub-cultures, as EDI would say. At any rate, you're more of a batman, take out the evil guy before he commits the crime, vigilante type. Which is a lot easier to work with, given my choices in life." 

"In any case, I figured it's time we do something stupid, might be the last chance we ever get." Garrus gave a nod to Shepard and he set the skycar down on a platform and stepped out. "It's a little busier than I imagined." He responded. 

"How about a dive in the pool?" Shepard suggested looking down into the water. 

"You obviously haven't seen turians swim, it's a lot of flailing and splashing interrupted by occasional bouts of drowning." Garrus sighed looking down at the water. 

"Yeah, you're right, I'd just have to save your ass again." Shepard teased. 

"It'd make up for all the times I pulled your ass out of the fire, Noveria, Feros, Ilos, We've had a hell of a ride Shepard." 

Shepard wrapped her arms around his neck and pulling herself close to him. "I think that rides been rough on you, Garrus, You gain a new scar every time I see you. Losing a step in your old age Vakarian?" Shepard teased before burring her face into the scarred side of his neck. 

"Naw, just trying to impress my krogan girlfriend. You know how she likes those scars. On the other hand, raise your hand if you haven't been killed before." He slowly pulled her away so she could see the taloned fingers above her head. 

"Oh Touche` Garrus." Shepard purred pulling his hand back down. 

"Besides Shepard last I checked you're older than me so..." 

"Hey, now, that's offensive in human culture to call a lady old. Once she hits thirty, she's always thirty." Shepard quipped. "That's not even touching the two years I didn't live of my life. So realistically I'm younger than you." Shepard quickly did the math to make sure she was correct. 

"Alright, if you're going to use your twisted logic on me Ann, then let's settle one thing once and for all. Not saying you don't know how to handle a gun, just saying some of us know how to make it dance. So lets find out who's really the best shot." He tossed a mantis from the equipment he'd brought with him.

"Hold up Garrus, are you sure you want to make this wager? There are a few people in the galaxy who's seen me in action, they seemed impressed." Shepard gave him that cocky grin.

"But Ann, I've actually seen you dance when you didn't have this sleek turian there to lead you. No comment." Shepard could tell the challenge was real. 

"Alright Vakarian, low blow. You're going down." Shepard primed the mantis and pulled it up to her eyes. 

"And don't worry, I've loaded it with practice slugs for when you miss." She noted the taunted and raised it with a crack of the bottle he tossed into the air. She watched as the pieces of bottle fell down to the water below them. "That was an easy one to let you build up your confidence. Long range I wrote the book, Nobody alive can do this not even Commander Shepard. Give me a tough one." Garrus tossed her the next bottle and readied the gun. 

Shepard rolled her shoulders a bit before throwing a fair amount of power into the bottle toss. Garrus masterly shot the bottle out of the sky before giving her a sly turian-esque grin. "huh, I said a tough one." 

"Step aside." Shepard ordered raising the sights to her face. She felt the breeze of the skycars driving above them when a thought crossed her mind. In all reality they could sit here shooting bottles until they ran out, she knew neither would miss this was too easy, or she could miss now and have her way with him before the party. The realization was met with a serious look as she signaled her readiness with a confident "do it."

As the bottle left his hand she actually had to physically adjust to miss the target. Just as she was about to lower the gun Garrus's voice interrupted her excuse she was about to make. "I'm Garrus Vakarian and this is now my favorite spot on the Citadel."

"It's windy up here." She feigned defeat. 

"I think I'm going to erect a monument right here, bronze this gun so the whole galaxy knows." Garrus was getting more into this win that Shepard originally thought he would. Garrus paused for a moment noting Shepard hadn't responded to the banter the way he thought she would. "If you're upset about it I can assure you," his arm slipped around her shoulders and he pulled her close. "There are other things you're good at."

"Oh no, Garrus, I was just thinking about all the things I could erect," Her hands found the sensitive spot under his mandibles and she felt the lude purr erupt from Garrus. 

"So me beating you in this competition also turns you on. Good to know." Garrus responded pulling Shepard into a kiss. 

When they broke off Shepard groaned ready to take him here and now. She'd been gone a couple days and she had a build up of stress to release. "In a sense. I enjoyed our little competition... I enjoy you... Hell you could take me anywhere and I'd probably enjoy it because I was doing it with you."

It was at that moment her omni-tool pinged and she backed away answering with a video call. "Shepard! Hey! I'm at your apartment ready for the party and you aren't here? What's up with that _Commander_ "

"First you start inviting people without my permission and then you show up several hours before the call time? Who do you think I am Joker your personal amusement box?" Shepard answered with amusement licking at each word. 

"Of course, Commander, but Garrus would be insulted if I used you for _my_ personal amusement." Joker teased.

"Funny Joker, I'll be there shortly, but i'll have you know, you've interrupted my plans for the day and that makes for a very annoyed, and frustrated Commander who is supposed to be your host tonight. Not the best start to you evening." Shepard sighed into the comm. Garrus gave a notable thrum of amusement and Shepard cast him a glare. 

"Aye Commander, but you know you love me too much to hate me for long." Joker grinned pulling EDI into the picture. "Besides, look who I brought." 

"Hello Shepard." EDI greeted. 

"Hi EDI. I'm closing the comm line now, I'll see you in about ten to fifteen minutes." Shepard announced before closing the line and looking Garrus up and down clearly debating a few things in her mind. "Might have to erect it here if you keep looking that handsome." Shepard's tone was seductive enough to pull another lude rumble from the turian. 

"Ah, but Shepard, isn't the wait going to be worth it tonight when we can roll around Naked on that bed you haven't been sleeping in?" Garrus raised an eyebrow. 

"Fine." Shepard heaved a heavy sigh before stepping into the skycar. "Lets go big guy. Can't disappoint our unannounced guests can we?"

The ride back to the apartment felt like an eternity for Shepard as she tried to ignore the excitement that had been building between her legs. She found her mind wondering back to the adjutants she'd met on Omega, and just like that her entire day was brought back into perspective. Here she was complaining to herself that she was missing out on some tail with Garrus when planets were being ripped apart by the Bastard Reapers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't actually remember if I gave an age for Garrus but I'll assume he's technically only a year younger than Shepard so he was thirty when she recruited him.
> 
> Also to emphasize choices made on Omega that kind of mattered, Shepard, being the intelligent being she is stole the engineer line and saved the people in record time. :) Also, she had the neutral ending that pisses aria off because that is my favorite ending. I like the idea of Shepard dangling Aria by the balls almost scared of who Shepard really is.


End file.
